Love Me or Leave Me

by Gwynne Forster

  Her mind at peace, she got busy and by midnight had developed some ideas that she could, with confidence, present to Raynor. With that behind her, she took a fast shower, dried off and dived into bed. If Drake slept nude, she’d have to learn to do the same, and she might as well start practicing.

  The following afternoon at four, Drake saw Bond approaching him. “If you want me to go home with you, could I have half an hour to drop by my house and change?” Bond asked.

  “Sure. Suppose you drive the van, and I won’t have to bring you back home tonight. I’ll tail you there right now. Your license up to date?”

  Bond nodded, then stared at him for a minute before turning his back. He saw the man’s lips quivering and realized that, for Bond, it was a very emotional moment. “Here’re the keys,” Drake said. “I don’t doubt that you’re a careful driver.”

  The quality of the man’s driving was not the point, and Drake knew Bond was aware of that. It was a matter of trust, and by showing it, he’d overwhelmed the man. “You may drive it into work tomorrow morning,” Drake said. “And if you don’t mind, while you’re dressing, I’ll talk with Pete.”

  Bond turned and faced him. “Mind? You’re kidding. Pete practically worships you. I’m glad you haven’t forgotten about him.”

  They walked to the truck together. “I have a soft spot for Pete. If I ever have a son, I’ll be grateful if he’s as fine a boy as Pete is.”

  Bond put his hands on the door handle of the van and looked at Drake. “It doesn’t happen automatically. Your children have to come first, and you invest all of yourself in teaching them the right way. You have to instill in them some values starting when they cry for what they want. And they need a good, loving mother.” He opened the door, hopped in and ignited the engine.

  Drake got into his Jaguar, started the motor and followed Bond, although he knew the way. The man intrigued him. Whoever used poverty as an indication of lower social class may have done the poor a disservice. At the Jergenses’ home, he checked Pete’s arithmetic homework while waiting for Bond.

  “My dad usually does this, but he’s going with you, and my mom can’t do it tonight because she has to make phone calls for the PTA. How’d I do?”

  “Your work’s fine, but you could be a little neater.”

  “Thanks, sir. I’ll copy it over.”

  Bond walked into the room wearing slacks, a tweed jacket, a collared shirt and a tie.

  “Ready when you are, Drake. How’d Pete do?”

  “As soon as he copies it nice and neatly so his teacher can read it, it will be perfect.” He patted Pete’s shoulder. “Good job.”

  “I think you’ve found a good man,” Telford said to Drake after Bond left them that night. “I think he’s solid.”

  “So do I,” Russ said, “and I hope that stint in the clinker taught him to control his temper.”

  “That doesn’t bother me,” Drake said. “I’ll bet anything that if a man called him that name tomorrow, his reaction would be the same. He’s a big guy, and only a foolish person would take him on. What do you think?”

  Telford braced his hands on his knees. “I think we should groom him for foreman. He’s capable and he’s honest.”

  “Right,” Russ said. “Good manner, too. We wouldn’t have to worry about his behavior around our families.”

  Drake leaned back and studied Russ, wondering when he began to think like a married man. “Pamela will be visiting me here this weekend,” he announced. “I’d better remember to tell Alexis and Henry.”

  “Glad to hear it,” Russ said. “I’ll look forward to seeing her.”

  Telford stepped over to the bar, opened a bottle of beer and went back to his seat. “So will I. I was getting concerned that you might have overlooked her fine qualities.”

  Russ laughed, and Drake still couldn’t get used to the change in his brother, and especially not to his laughing. “Come off it, Telford,” Russ said. “If he hadn’t calculated all of her assets correctly, he wouldn’t have been trying so hard to escape.” He looked at Drake. “I told you to stop wasting your energy and give in to it, but you had to learn the hard way. Even so, I’m proud of you, man. I like her.”

  Telford slapped Drake on the back. “So do I. You two can sing duets together, and your kids will probably all wind up singing at the Metropolitan Opera House in New York City.”

  “You’re getting too fanciful for me, brother. I’m turning in. Good night.”

  “Good night,” Russ said. “By the way, the only reason I didn’t worry about you and Pamela is because Henry kept telling me you weren’t stupid enough to let her get away. And Henry is a genius at recognizing who is and who is not stupid.”

  “Being in love is making you slaphappy, brother. See you both in the morning.” He headed up to his room. All of a sudden, he could hardly wait for the weekend.

  Pamela strolled into her office and dropped herself into her desk chair, dumbfounded. Raynor had actually approved her plan for the jazz program and intended to sell it to the network. She could barely contain herself. In addition to musicians in Baltimore, she could interview jazz performers who made Washington, D.C., New York City, New Orleans and Chicago their home. He not only approved it but was enthusiastic about it. She couldn’t wait to tell Drake when she saw him that evening.

  Her doorbell rang that evening at a quarter of seven. When she opened the door, he spread his arms and folded her to his body, and without so much as the beginning of a smile on his face, he scooped her up and walked into her apartment.

  “Hi. You ready?” he asked her.

  She could feel her eyes blinking in rapid succession. “Uh…yes. But I was expecting a kiss.”

  He took her hand as if to leave. “We could do that, sweetheart, but the way I’m feeling right now, the chance of our getting a real dinner would be nil.”

  She reached up and kissed his cheek. “What happened to all that famous self-control of yours?”

  His grin flashed and he held out his right hand for her door key. After locking the door, he said, “That control works when I want it to work.”

  “Where’re we going?”

  “Want to go to the Inner Harbor and check out Mo’s? I’ve got a taste for lobster.”

  “Great. You know I love seafood.”

  “Later, we can go over to the Eubie Blake Institute and take in some jazz. You could even take notes if you want to.”

  How many ways could he find to endear himself to her and to let her know that he supported her? She couldn’t find words to tell him how she felt, so she squeezed his fingers and stood closer to him as they waited for the elevator. When she looked up at him, the passion in his eyes stunned her, and, as shivers raced through her body, she huddled as close to him as she could. His arm went around her in a gentle squeeze as the bell rang signaling the arrival of the elevator.

  “Now do you understand the meaning of the expression ‘saved by the bell’?” he whispered.

  She let herself smile, but the thought that the two women on the elevator might have seen them in a tight lovers’ clinch didn’t amuse her. Her parents had crammed her head with the importance of proper behavior. Still, she doubted she would have been ashamed because to her mind, those two women could only have envied her.

  “Have you ever been caught making out?” she asked him as they headed for downtown Baltimore.

  “Sure,” he said. “If by making out you mean petting. But not by anybody whose opinion mattered. Anything else should be done in privacy.”

  At Mo’s, she nibbled on fried calamari while they waited for the main course and tried to figure out how to ensure that their evening would be a happy one. She still had concerns about Lawrence’s telephone call and thought she should tell Drake about her feelings.

  “The strangest thing was his failure to identify himself. I have stopped trying to figure out how he got my phone number.”

  A silence hung over them, and she wondered if she should have mentioned
it again. However, after a minute or so, he said, “You may save yourself some trouble if you get an order of restraint against him that protects you from harassment. It probably won’t help much, because he’s clearly a sick man.”

  “He’s been diagnosed as a psychopath, but the station doesn’t want any publicity about it, which is why he hasn’t been indicted.”

  He leaned back in his chair and looked hard at her. “If he ever approaches you again in any way, the station be damned. Have him arrested. Your safety is more important.”

  “I will. Raynor ought to know that Honolulu is only eight hours away, and Lawrence has weekends off.”

  “I intend to make sure that on weekends, you’re with me. When that’s not possible, we’ll make other arrangements. All right?”

  Her mother had often told her that if you want to discuss a problem, go to your girlfriends. If you tell a man about a problem, he thinks you want him to solve it, and that’s what he does.

  “Yes. I’ll keep you posted.”

  The waiter brought their main course, and Drake attacked the lobster with such relish that she was glad they had already discussed her bad news and he could enjoy her good news along with his lobster.

  “My boss bought your idea for my program. In fact, he is enthusiastic about it and seems sure that our national office will buy it for the network. I’m indebted to you. That’s going to be the first big thing I’ve done for the network.”

  She hadn’t associated an attitude of diffidence with him, but his slight shrug and half smile suggested precisely that. “I’m glad for you. You couldn’t have given me better news. This makes going to Eubie’s the right thing to do.” He poured a glass of water and raised it to her. “I’m with you all the way. Congratulations.”

  She wondered at that, but she didn’t doubt his sincerity. His next words confirmed her thoughts. “I think Harrington, Inc. ought to place an ad on your evening news show. We’ve never advertised, because we get all the work we want without it, but it wouldn’t hurt us to broaden our base. I’ll speak to my brothers about it.”

  “You’d do that? Drake, I’m… I don’t know what to say.”

  His grin showed her a perfect set of sparkling white teeth. “I’ve always thought it prudent to say nothing when I don’t know what to say. Let’s see what we’ll have for dessert.”

  They left Mo’s and walked to his car behind a rowdy crowd of young people, all of whom sang out the virtues of cold beer. “I’m thinking of driving out Pratt Street to Howard Avenue and going north till we reach Eubie’s,” Drake said. “Do you know a shorter route?”

  She didn’t even know that one and said as much. “I live here, but I rarely drive to this part of the city.” She marveled at how comfortable she was with him, how easy he was to talk with. Lord, I hope we make it. Please don’t let me lose this happiness.

  The band at the museum that night played both modern and classical jazz, and its members ranged in age from about thirty to at least seventy. When she mentioned those disparities to Drake, he agreed and added, “Jazz and blues seem to be the most binding forces in this country. Neither race, age, religion, nor gender seems to matter to jazz and blues musicians. They only care about the quality of the music. Classical musicians could take a leaf from their book.”

  They stayed through two sets, and at the end of the second one, Pamela went up to the leader, gave him her press card and asked for an interview at a later date.

  “He’s going to do it,” she told Drake later. “As soon as I get the green light from my boss, I can start interviewing. They’ll give me a cameraman. Oh, Drake, I’m so excited.”

  He opened the front passenger door for her, helped her in and fastened her seat belt. I hope he knows I can do this, she said to herself and immediately began to wonder how they would end their evening.

  “Want some coffee?” she asked when they reached the building in which she lived.

  “I’d rather have a kiss,” he said, shooting straight, as usual. “Woman, I’m starved for you.”

  She leaned forward and stroked the side of his face. “You couldn’t be that hungry. I—”

  “Don’t go there. I’m in the mood to be totally frank. If coffee’s what you’re offering, I’ll take coffee.”

  It occurred to her that he was really adept at keeping both his thoughts and motives to himself, so she was going to make him put his cards on the table. “I didn’t say coffee was all I’d offer.”

  He got out of the car, walked around and would have opened her door if she hadn’t been standing beside it. “Next time, sit there till I open the door. It gives me pleasure to do it.”

  She put her right hand to her forehead in a salute. “I stand corrected.”

  They entered her apartment just as thunder began to roll and streaks of lightning lit up her living room. He rushed to the window, closed it and turned to face her. “I don’t want any coffee, sweetheart. I need you.”

  She walked with him into the living room and sat beside him on the sofa. He slumped down and leaned his head on her shoulder. “This is new to me, Pamela. After what I experienced with you Sunday night… Well, I’ve always been secure in my feelings about myself as a man, but Sunday night…what we had together was as new to me as life is to a newborn babe.”

  He couldn’t possibly know how much happiness those words gave her, words that she would tuck away in her heart. “I’m not an expert on this, as you know,” she said, “but I imagine that sharing your body with the person you love and who loves you is a different experience from…well, meeting your needs.”

  “Tell me about it! You know, the reaction of my family when I told them you’d be visiting me next weekend surprised me. You’d have thought I’d just made it through an era of pure stupidity. They all welcomed me into the world of common sense.”

  “Did that annoy you?”

  “Of course not. They want the best for me.”

  Hmm. And they think I’m it. To him she said, “I’ll be happy to see them again.” She let her hand smooth his hair and then stroke the side of his face. “Do you still want a kiss?”

  “As badly as I want air to breathe.”

  She leaned over him, tipped up his chin and flicked his lips with her tongue. With lightninglike speed his arms went around her and his tongue found its home inside her mouth. The flashes of lightning and the sound of thunder excited her and gave her a sense of danger as heat roared through her body. She kicked off her shoes and straddled him, but he signaled that he needed more, lifted her from his lap and took her to her bedroom.

  “Is this right for you? Do you really want me or are you—”

  She put her hand over his mouth. “If you have any doubts, try walking out of here and see what happens.”

  She hated reminding him that she wasn’t taking the Pill and hated the fact that he had to wear a condom. Why couldn’t they… She pushed the thought from her mind, opened her arms and took him into her body. And then he started loving her, and she thought only of him and of the feeling she had that she was leaving this world until he brought her to a shattering climax. He followed her release with a shout of affirmation before collapsing in her arms.

  Later, when he slept with his head on her breasts, she remembered Velma’s question. Yes, he needed her body, but did he need her love, her warmth, companionship, approval? She thought he did. She prayed that he did. Time passed, and she woke him up.

  “It’s raining hard. Are you going to Eagle Park tonight?”

  “I had planned to.” His kiss was long, deep and drugging. “Let me get my cell phone and call Russ.” He got up, found his trousers, unhooked his cell phone from the belt and called his brother. “Hi. This is Drake, and I’m in town. Do you have company tonight?” He listened for a minute. “Great. I’ll be over eventually, and I have my key so go back to sleep… No? What were you doing? Great. All right. See you later.”

  To Pamela, he said, “He’s working on that Accra shopping mall, and he’s not in su
ch a good mood. Said he’d much rather be with Velma than trying to design something for a spot he’s never seen—although he has a portfolio of pictures of it.” He leaned over and kissed her. “And I suspect he was a little bit jealous of me.”

  “Don’t be naughty. Besides, you didn’t tell him where you were.”

  “I didn’t have to. My brothers and I can practically read each other’s minds. Get used to it.”

  “I know you are very close and that you have a strong love for each other. Being with the three of you was like having a wall of love and warmth between me and the rest of the world. I’ve never forgotten that Christmas Eve.”

  She forced herself to ask him why he chose not to remain with her for the rest of the night. “I don’t want to get used to it, and I am aware that you don’t want us to get that cozy right now. Am I right?” She nodded. “But when I hurt, I’m gonna holler.”

  He grabbed his shirt from her boudoir chair and was in the process of putting his right arm in the sleeve when he stopped and knelt beside the bed. “I never dreamed I could feel for anyone what I feel for you.”

  She gazed into his beloved face, into eyes brilliant and revealing. She wanted to share with him the joy she felt as contentment flowed through her, but no words came. Instead, tears pooled in her eyes and soon trickled down her cheeks. He threw off the shirt, climbed into the bed and wrapped her in his arms.

  He held her until she slept. He didn’t know why, but what they had shared during the past hour transcended the bonding that lovemaking brings. They hadn’t talked, only held each other, but he had never felt so close to her. Watching her peaceful and even breathing, he realized with a start that he wanted to take care of her, to protect her and make her happy.

  But will I want that five, ten, or fifteen years from now? The rest of my life?

  Suddenly, he sat up and sniffed several times. “Wake up, Pamela. Now. Get your clothes on. I smell smoke.” He bounded out of the bed, threw on his clothes, found the clothes Pamela wore earlier and gave them to her. “Get dressed, baby. There’s a fire somewhere.” He dashed to the bathroom, put two towels in the tub and ran water on them, wrung them out, got his briefcase and Pamela’s pocketbook and raced back to the bedroom. She met him at the door.