Love Me or Leave Me

by Gwynne Forster

  “Do you have a flashlight?” She got one from the closet in the foyer and gave it to him. “We’ll have to use the stairs. If the smoke gets thick, put this wet towel over your face. Thank God you’re only on the eleventh floor. Where’s your key?”

  They encountered smoke in the hallway, and as they reached the stairs, a bell sounded. He tightened his grip on her hand. “Don’t drop my hand no matter what,” he said.

  They reached street level and met a haze of smoke and half a dozen firemen who seemed headed for the stairs. “Put that towel over your face and hold on to me,” he said to her as his eyes began to smart and he could barely keep them open. At last he got to the door, and when several people tried to get through it at once, he shoved a man aside and said, “Let the women get through.”

  When he thought he would suffocate from the smoke, he finally got outside. Realizing that Pamela still held his hand, he said, “I thought you were outside.”

  Her arms went around him. “I wouldn’t have left you for anything.”

  “What do you say, buddy, we have a drink? May as well enjoy ourselves. I was watching TV, ’cause I couldn’t sleep, and having a little nip. I brought my bottle and a glass.”

  Drake was about to say no thanks until he saw that the man held a bottle of fine, vintage wine. “Do you want some?” he asked Pamela. “A few sips might steady your nerves.” She nodded, and the man handed Drake the bottle.

  “I’m Mark Hopewell,” the man said, “and the reason I couldn’t sleep is because I’m facing the hatchet from my shareholders.”

  “What’s the problem?” Drake asked him.

  “I invested a few million dollars in a chain of condominiums, and two of them have structural damages. I can sue the builder, but that won’t save my hide.”

  “If you’re desperate,” Drake said, “put together a plan to correct the problem before you have a stockholders’ meeting.” He took a business card from his wallet. “Give me a call, and we can discuss it.”

  The man looked skeptical until Pamela said, “This is Drake Harrington. He’s an architectural engineer.”

  The man grabbed Drake’s hand and pumped it. “I hope nobody got hurt in this fire, but I sure am grateful that I brought this wine down here. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  A few drops of rain reminded them of the storm earlier that night, but their attention was on the person who was brought out on a gurney. “Is he going to be all right?” Pamela asked a policeman who had just joined them.

  “He’ll be fine,” the officer said, “but he was overcome by the smoke and couldn’t get out of his apartment. He’ll have some burns on his arm and shoulder to remind him not to smoke in bed. His bedroom is still smoldering.”

  Drake’s arms went around Pamela almost automatically, shielding her from a nonexistent threat. “He endangered a lot of people.”

  “Yeah, and he may get some time for that. Hang in there.” The officer walked toward the building’s front door and left them to await the signal to return to their apartments.

  “Would you prefer to stay in a hotel tonight? There may be smoke in your apartment.”

  “I’d rather stay at home if I can.” Suddenly, she took a small pad from her pocketbook and began to write. “I’m a reporter, for Pete’s sake, and I had forgotten that fact.”

  After an hour, they received permission to return to her apartment, although several people who lived on the fifth floor were less fortunate. He went with her to her apartment, closed the windows and turned on the air-conditioner exhausts.

  “I think you’ll be fine. I’ll call you tomorrow.” He fought back the urge to take her and love her until he spent every ounce of his energy. “Dream about me.”

  Her eyebrows shot up, and she put her arms around him and parted her lips for his kiss. Heat plowed through him, but he braced himself against it and gave her what she wanted. “You’re one sweet woman,” he said, kissed the tip of her nose and left.

  At the elevator, he checked the time. Twenty minutes past one. It had been a long day and a revealing one. “Well,” he said to himself, “every day, I learn more about myself and what I learn brings me closer to losing my bachelorhood.” He shrugged, admitting that the thought didn’t bother him nearly as much as it once had.

  Chapter 10

  Pamela walked up the steps at 10 John Brown Drive wondering what role Harrington House would play in her future. She thought it odd that Drake didn’t use his door key but rang the bell instead. When the door opened, he had his arm around her waist, smiled at Henry and said, “You remember Pamela, don’t you?”

  Stepping away from Drake, she said, “I’m so glad to see you again, Henry,” leaned forward and kissed his cheek.

  “And I’m glad to see you. I’d started to think this man here was off his rocker.” He lifted her overnight bag from where Drake had placed it on the floor. “You’re just in time for supper, so wash your hands and we’ll eat. Come with me.”

  She looked back at Drake, who stood in the doorway running his fingers through the hair at the right side of his head. “You coming?”

  “Who, me? I’m odd man out. Henry’s taken my girl.”

  “You can go wash your hands, too,” Henry threw at Drake over his shoulder. “I’m taking Pamela to the guest room.”

  “We’re all glad to see you,” Henry told her. “And I was tickled to death when Velma told me you’d be one of her bridesmaids.” He opened the door of the guest room and placed her overnight bag on the floor beside the door. “You got about twelve minutes. Alexis gets indigestion if anybody shows up late for dinner. Danged if she didn’t make civilized men outta the boys, especially Russ.”

  “Where’s the rest of the family?”

  “Upstairs getting their act together. Till a few minutes ago, they were out back in the pool.” He turned to leave.

  “Thanks for the warm welcome, Henry. I…uh…needed it.”

  “That’s all you’ll get in this house. We’d just about given up on seeing you here. Hurry along, now.”

  While trying to decide what to put on, she remembered Velma’s tale about her caftans and why she no longer wore them. My burnt-orange jumpsuit will do just fine. I like it, so I’ll wear it. She opened her suitcase, took out the garment and shook it. Sleeveless with a jewel neckline and wide, almost flared legs. Perfect, she said to herself, refreshed her makeup, combed out her hair, and slipped into the figure-flattering jumpsuit.

  “Yes?” she said in response to a knock on her door. “In a minute.” She didn’t want Drake in that room, at least not right then, because if he touched her, everybody in the house, including Tara, would be able to read the signs in her whole demeanor. She opened the door and her pulse rate quickly decelerated.

  “Alexis! It’s so good to see you.”

  “And you. We’ve done everything but hold a prayer vigil for you and Drake. Of course, we didn’t speak to him directly, only through the man upstairs. I’m so happy that you’ve come. Are things good between you and Drake?”

  She grasped Alexis’s hand. “Yes. Yes. I’m afraid to wake up. We’re not there yet, but we’re not standing still, either.”

  Alexis’s arms went around her. “I’m so happy for both of you.”

  Pamela stepped back and stared at Alexis. “You’re… Are you—”

  Alexis’s smile was answer enough, but she said, “You guessed right.”

  Pamela thought her heart turned over. “Oh, how wonderful! Bless you.”

  They walked to the dining room arm in arm. She’d always thought it self-centered to be envious of another, and she fought it hard as they entered the dining room. A chorus of welcome greeted her.

  “Hi, everybody. I’m so glad to see all of you.” She looked around at Tara, Russ and Telford, who she hadn’t seen since entering the house. “It’s good to be here.”

  “If I wasn’t looking at Henry, I would have thought you went off somewhere with him,” Drake said. “That was a long twelve minutes.” Was h
e complaining? He stood, looked at her and grinned, banishing that thought from her mind. “Twelve minutes, huh? It was definitely worth the wait.”

  “You can take care of that, later,” Henry said. “I’m ready to eat. Who’s going to say the grace?”

  “I will,” Russ said. “If I don’t, my niece will treat us to a half-hour soliloquy.”

  After dinner, she expected to sit in the den and enjoy aperitifs and family camaraderie as they did on her previous visit, but Drake ended that idea when he said, “If you all will excuse us, we’re going for a walk.”

  Tara jumped up from the table and ran to him. “But Uncle Drake, won’t Miss Pamela be tired? I wanted her to hear me play.”

  He hunkered down and hugged her. “Pamela isn’t tired, and you may play for her tomorrow. All right?”

  Tara clapped her hands. “She’s going to stay tonight, Mommy, and I can play for her tomorrow.”

  Pamela longed to hug the precious little girl, to hold a child in her arms. “I can’t wait to hear you play,” she said to Tara. “Can we make a date for right after lunch tomorrow?”

  Tara ran to her and hugged her. “Okay.” Then she said, “Uncle Drake says I’m his best girl.”

  Pamela restrained a laugh. It seemed that one learned jealousy early in life. “And I can see why. You are a darling child.” Tara’s kiss on her cheek was the most endearing gift the child could have given her. She looked up to see Drake’s gaze fastened on her and knew instinctively that the other adults watched them. It was a moment in which she cursed her fair complexion, for she could feel the heat in her face.

  With his hand holding hers, Drake said, “Come on. This is the second-best part of the day.”

  “And the best part?”

  “Early morning at sunrise when the world is coming alive. See you all later.”

  As they walked along the road leading to the Harrington warehouse, the cool evening breeze brushed her hair from her face, everywhere fireflies danced and already, between the setting of the sun and moonrise, the night creatures had begun their discordant symphony. Slowly, their shadows emerged, long, El Greco–esque figures strolling ahead of them. Drake pointed to a wooded area on a slight hill half a mile from Harrington House.

  “One of these days, I hope to build a home up there,” he said. “It’s near enough that I would be on my own and still be close to my brothers, their families and Henry. I thought of building behind Henry’s cottage, but I want to be closer to the river. Everything you see around here belongs to us.” He pointed to the warehouse and the wooded areas beyond it. “The next settled area is Landstown. And after that, there’s Beaver Ridge, about twelve miles away, where our friends the Roundtree family live.”

  “It’s a wonderful place for a child,” she said, “but who does Tara play with?”

  “She has her schoolmates, but she and Grant Roundtree are great friends, and that suits both families.”

  She didn’t want to suggest to him that his family lived in its own world, needing only each other. But wasn’t that true? “Where are Russ and Velma planning to live?”

  “Russ is building farther up the hill. He and I want Telford to have the family home. He was only seventeen when our father died, but he took care of us, Pamela. Telford and Henry kept us together. Russ and I went to college because Telford worked to supplement our scholarships and to send himself to school. We’ve been successful because we’ve stuck together and because Henry has always been there for us. A woman who is a part of my life has to accept them as a part of hers.”

  She stopped walking and faced him. “I admire everybody in that house back there, and I marvel that three teenage orphans could make of themselves what the three of you have become.” Once more he was suggesting that he wanted her to be a part of his life while avoiding saying anything that would confirm it, and every day, she was getting that much closer to a childless life.

  “I never thought of us as orphans, because we had Henry.” He slipped an arm around her waist and turned back. “We’ve walked over a mile. I hope you aren’t tired.”

  “Not one bit. Has it occurred to you that we seem to communicate well when we’re surrounded by nature?”

  A raccoon and two little ones strolled across their path, and he stopped so as not to frighten them. “Maybe it’s because we both love the outdoors. I’m having my horse brought over tomorrow morning around seven and a mare for you, so I hope you brought at least a pair of jeans.”

  “You warned me, so I came prepared to ride and to swim.” As they neared the house, she looked up at the bright moonlight and the moon shining through the trees and didn’t try to control the gasp that escaped her. “No wonder you love it here. It’s idyllic. So beautiful!”

  “So are you.” He looked down at her, smiled and his voice, dark and mellifluous, sent frissons of heat scooting down her spine.

  His aura enveloped her, battling the moonlight, the scent of roses and her memories of his loving for possession of her senses. Her lips quivered and her breathing shortened, and she reached out to him.

  “Baby!” With one hand beneath her buttocks and the other one at the back of her head, he lifted her to fit him. She parted her lips and he plunged into her, flicking his tongue, dueling with hers and then showing her what he needed from her. Exasperated at being denied the thrusts of his body inside of her, she sucked his tongue into her mouth and when his hand went to her breast, her hips began to undulate against him. She couldn’t help it, and she didn’t care if he knew it.

  “Drake. Honey, please. I…”

  He set her away from him. “They’ll still be in the den when we get back, and they’ll be looking for signs of my frustration.” He laughed. “Don’t look horrified. I’ve done the same to them. And since I’m sleeping alone tonight, I’d better not make it any worse for myself.”

  Laughter poured out of her. “I suppose you think I’ll hop into bed like a little bunny and fall fast asleep, eh?” She joined in his laughter, but in the back of her mind, she knew that if she made herself too available, he might never want a different arrangement.

  “It’s really nice out,” Drake said to no one in particular when they entered the den. He pointed to a big, overstuffed leather chair. “Have a seat over there. What would you like to drink?”

  “Do you have any ginger ale?”

  “Absolutely.” He put cracked ice in a tall glass, filled the glass with ginger ale and brought it to her.

  “Thanks. What are you having?”

  “Since I don’t have to drive, I’m going to enjoy a vodka and tonic.” He got the drink, kicked the ottoman till it rested beside her chair and sat down with his shoulder against her leg.

  “Pamela and I are going riding tomorrow morning.” He looked at Alexis. “If I got a pony for Tara, would you let me teach her to ride? It’s best she learn while she’s young. I can keep the pony the same place where I board Donny Brook.”

  It was Telford who answered him. “She’d love it, but not unless Grant could ride with her.”

  “Good. Then convince Adam to buy his son a pony. My niece deserves one.”

  Pamela tuned out the conversation, unable to take her eyes from Alexis. The woman sat regally, leaning back in her chair with her knees crossed and her hands folded across her belly, protecting the fetus inside of her.

  I am not going to cry, she said to herself. I’m going to smile if it kills me, and Monday when I get to work, I’m going to check on that agency. Maybe Drake will make us a family, but maybe not till it’s too late. Every month my chance of getting pregnant and producing a normal, healthy child diminishes. I don’t hold it against him. Every person has a right to pursue his or her dream. I love him, but I’m going after my dream. He knows how I long for a child, and I am not going to mention it to him again. If he wants us to be together, he knows what to do.

  Suddenly, she felt the pressure of his head against her thigh and wondered if he knew what a possessive gesture he’d made in the presence of
his family. She rested her hand on his shoulder and, to her surprise, he covered it with his own.

  “Tara don’t need to wait for Adam to buy Grant a pony,” she heard Henry say. “If Alexis and Tel don’t mind her having one, buy her the pony. She’ll love it just like she loves that little dog.”

  “Of course, she will,” Telford said. “Let her mother and me think about it.”

  “Think about what?” Russ asked, his tone signaling that he was about to disagree with someone or something. “She lives out here in the suburbs, practically in the country, and her closest playmate is twelve miles. Let her have the pony, for heaven’s sake.”

  “Seems to me like you oughta build a stable. Yer paying a fortune to board yer stallion, and yer gonna pay even more to board a pony, ’cause it takes a lot of care.”

  “I’ve been thinking about that,” Drake said, “though I haven’t lost any sleep over it.”

  “I think I’ll turn in,” Pamela said. “We’re riding early in the morning.”

  He stood immediately and announced, “Be back shortly,” took her hand and walked with her down the hall toward the guest room.

  “I’ll be down for breakfast at six-thirty. Can you make it then?”

  “Sure, but what about Henry? Isn’t that too early for him to get breakfast?”

  “No. He gets up at daylight.” They reached her door. “Kiss me good-night, and please don’t tempt me.” When she reached up and pressed a quick kiss on his lips, he stared down at her. “I didn’t mean a brotherly kiss, I meant a kiss.”

  She brushed the side of his face with the back of her hand. “When it comes to you, honey, there’s only one kind of kiss. What’ll it be?”

  A grin formed around his lips, and then his face creased in a wide smile. “You know how to get what you want, don’t you?” She parted her lips and took him in. “Whoa there. I’ll see you at breakfast in the morning.” He opened the door, pushed her inside and left.