Us Again

by Jennah Thornhill

Giving him a barely there smile I tell him, “I’ll try my best, Darryl, but I can’t promise anything. Patients like that have to want to fix themselves, as well as receiving help from me. I can’t make him do something he doesn’t want too.”

  “I get that, doc. I just hope you can try and bring him back to us; he is the Dodgers; without him we don’t stand a chance.”

  Giving him a stern nod in understanding, I say goodbye to him and he leaves my office, closing the door softly behind him as he goes.

  Falling back into my chair, I take a deep breath in and out.

  “Four down, one more to go.” I say out loud.

  The phone on my desk buzzes and Tracy’s voice comes through the speaker.

  “Your last one of the day, Nate Michaels has just arrived El. Do you want me to send him in?”

  I don’t answer her straight away, I can’t. My hands start to shake and sweat starts to form on my brows.

  “El? Are you there?” Tracy’s voice sounds concerned, so I know I have to answer her.

  “Yeah, Trace I’m here. Send him in.”

  This is it, eight years of surviving on just memories of him are going to come to an end.

  Moments later there’s a knock on the door, before it swings open. There standing on a set of crutches is none other than the man himself.

  The minute our eyes meet, the wind gets knocked out of me. I can see the same thing happens to him, when he barely gets out my name.

  “Eliza?”

  “Nate.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Nate

  This has to be some kind of sick joke, or it’s some fucked up dream that I’m having?

  “Eliza?”

  “Nate.”

  Nope. Definitely not dreaming. The sound of her silky voice confirms it for me.

  “Please come in and take a seat.”

  She points to the seats in front of the desk she’s standing behind, before sitting down herself.

  It’s been eight years since I’ve laid eyes on her, and this is not how I ever planned on seeing her again. If ever. I’m rooted to the spot in the doorway, I couldn’t move if I wanted too. My crutches taking all my weight, as my body sags against them.

  “Nate, please come in and take a seat.” She tells me again, making this all that more real when she speaks again. Only this time I can hear the nerves in her voice. She’s real and she’s standing in front of me, waiting for me to make a choice… A choice of whether I’m gonna stay or bolt.

  “Are you just gonna stand there staring, or are you going to come in so we can start what you actually came here for?”

  I see her raise her eyebrows, daring me to make the wrong decision. If I leave, not only will I get my ass kicked by Paul back at the Dodgers HQ. I will also be showing her that she can still affect me, even after all this time. That is not something that I’m willing to do. She left me, it’s time to show her that I’m different now, that I’ve moved on and my life is just a bed of fucking roses.

  Just remember, you’re here to get cleared to play again that is all. I tell myself, as I hobble in on my crutches. If she wants to play doctor and patient, then I can play her game too.

  Taking the seat she’s offered me twice, I sit down, placing my crutches next to me, on the chair beside me. The entire time, I can feel her eyes burning holes into me. Her breathing is no longer under control, I won’t let myself look at her, not yet anyway. I can’t. I’m still having a hard time believing that for the first time in eight years, we’re in the same room as one another.

  With my eyes closed, I listen for any movement in the room. When I don’t think there's not gonna be any, the wheels on her chair squeak, telling me that she’s also now sitting.

  “Nate? Please look at me? I know this is a shock…”

  That’s where I stop her and my eyes fly open and I stare hard at her.

  “A shock? A fucking shock? Are you kidding me right fucking now, El?” A shock would be an electric shock from changing a lightbulb. Or finding out that Dean had a steady relationship and had managed keep his dick in his pants for once. So no, El. This isn’t a shock, this downright one big, mindfuck.”

  She sucks in a breath through her teeth at my outburst, clearly not expecting my rage. In all honesty, what did she expect? Me to be all, ‘Hi El, fancy seeing you here. How have you been after you stamped all over my heart and walked away… twice?’

  Yeah, that wasn’t going to happen. In fact, if I had known she was gonna be my therapist, I wouldn’t have even come or I would’ve demanded someone else.

  I’ve had dreams over the years, dreams that we saw each other again and it would be back in New York where we began. Not here in L.A., which is clearly where she lives. It hits me then like a bulldozer. She lives in L.A. What the fuck?

  How did I not know any of this?

  The questions I have now, are rolling around in my head and are dying to come out. Without asking her, I can guarantee that if Sammi has been here the last god knows how many years, then I would bet my left nut that El came with her. Those two are like Siamese twins, they don’t go anywhere without each other. Which means Dean, also knew she was here and that bastard never said a single fucking word to me. Now I’m pissed off, even more than before. My best friend kept something this big from me. Knowing full well what a mess I was, when she ripped out my heart and stomped all over it.

  “How long?” I seethe. Already knowing I’m gonna hate her answer.

  “Nate… please don’t do this. This isn’t why you’re here.” She pleads. She also knows what I’m asking her and is avoiding the question. Well I’m not gonna let her.

  “I said how fucking long, El? Don’t make me ask again.”

  “I came with Sammi, when she opened up the store.” Her voice is a whisper as she tells me and she looks down at the papers on her desk. All to avoid looking at me. Now it’s her turn to be put on the spot.

  “Four years? Four fucking years you’ve been here and no-one told me? Why?”

  If I thought I felt rage before, then right now I’m feeling fucking murderous. My blood is boiling and the way I’m feeling, Dean is going to need a damn good plastic surgeon to fix his nose. I’m going to break it when I get out of here.

  “Please, Nate? Now is not the time for this. We only have an hour and I have to write a report on how I think your mental state is. If you ever want to play again, then you will let me do my job and put our personal issues to one side for now.”

  “Personal issues? You’re having a laugh, aren’t you?”

  Pulling myself up from the chair, I drag myself over to her desk and plant my hands firmly on the wood. Lowering my head I get right up in her face.

  “We stopped being personal with each other a very long time ago, El. You made damn sure of that.” I grate out. “You have no right to tell me to put what you did to me to one side. Just so you can sit there and tell me I’m not fit to play the game I love; my career has been the only thing that hasn’t let me down in the last eight years.”

  When I’ve finished speaking, my anger gets the best of me and I swipe everything off her desk with my arm. This causes the lamp she had on there, to come crashing to the floor and smash to pieces, along with her phone and other crap I don’t give two fucks about. I’m now the one out of control and once again, it’s all because of her. I’m not gonna let her do this to me, not again. I can tell she has tears in her eyes and is trying the damned hardest not let them fall. I’ve scared her, but I don’t care. That may make me a bastard, but I’ve had to get over losing her twice, she has no fucking clue how I’ve suffered because of her.

  Both of us are breathing hard in each other’s faces, neither one of us backing down from the other. In the end I cave first, I have to leave. I have to get out of here and sort this mess out in my head, before I go any further and end up doing something I regret. My first port of call before I calm down is Dean. That dickhead is getting a piece of my
mind.

  Turning the best I can on one foot, I grab my crutches and head for the door. Just as I open it, she stops me.

  “Nate… I am sorry.”

  Opening the door, I step over the threshold before saying, “Yeah, El. So am I, I’m sorry I ever met you.”

  With that I leave. I can’t be near her any longer.

  When I’ve managed get myself away from her and I’m in the reception area of the building, I shoot a text to Dean…

  I’m ready jerk off.

  Just plain and simple, I’m not gonna let on how pissed I am until I see him. He’s going to deal with my wrath face to face. He’s been my best friend since we could talk. I can’t believe he didn’t tell me. Breaking me out of my thoughts my phone vibrates in my hand…

  On my way, be there in 10.

  That means ten more minutes for my anger to reach nuclear level. I don’t know who I’m more pissed with though and that just makes me worse. She broke my heart, but he knew what mess I was in when she did it. So why not tell me? At least prepare me for if and when, I saw her again.

  Fiddling with my phone to pass the time until he comes and gets me, I scroll through Facebook and see if I can find El. Curiosity getting the better of me. When I can’t find her, I go to Sammi’s page. Again there’s nothing on hers to indicate that Eliza has been here with her. They’ve all been extremely careful not to giveaway that she’s been in L.A. for the past four fucking years.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Eliza

  Well, that could have gone a lot better or worse, depends on how you look at it really.

  Sagging in my chair, I take in the destruction of my office that Nate caused. The mess doesn’t bother me, it’s the fact that he lost it this bad, just because he saw me again. The thought of him finding out the real reason why I left him, now terrifies me even more. To the point where it doesn’t even bear thinking about.

  He knows I'm in L.A. now and with his reaction to seeing me again, even as his doctor, I'm thinking are slim to none, so I have nothing to worry about in that department. He clearly hates me; I should be happy that he does after all, it’s what I wanted. I wanted him to hate me, to think that I left him because I didn't love him anymore. I'm not gonna deny that seeing him again was bittersweet, because my god he's hotter than he's ever been. Seeing him on the TV doesn't do him any justice at all. He's grown, in more ways than one. He's taller, if that's at all possible, but he's also wider. Oh my god the muscles he now, has as me thinking of all the ways he could throw me around and not flinch at my weight. I didn't get any real time to check him out properly like I secretly wanted to. Everything happened so fast and gawking at him didn't seem like the right thing to do. I had to be professional, even if I wanted to be anything but.

  With Nate cutting his appointment short and him being my last one of the day, I decide to go home early and see if I can soak my shitty day away in the bathtub.

  Telling Tracy she can take off early, I go to the store on my way home to pick up some wine and bath salts. When I arrive home, I’m greeted with an upset looking Sammi sitting at our table and Dean, who looks like Mike Tyson has got his hands on him. His nose is clearly broken with strips of gauze across it, his cheeks and eyes are starting to turn a lovely shade of purple.

  “What the hell happened?” I gasp in shock as I drop my bags and take a seat at the table with them both.

  They both look at each other, both unsure if they should tell me. Sammi gives Dean a subtle nod of the head, giving him permission to tell me.

  “Nate happened or should I say this is what happens when he finds out that I've kept a secret from him.”

  Just like that, I can't breathe, my breath starts to come in short and quick pants. At the same time, my vision blurs and my chest starts to go tight.

  “Shit, she's having a panic attack. Get me a paper bag from the drawer, quick Dean. Now.”

  Sammi rushes to my side and starts to rub my back, just as Dean hands her what she asked for.

  “Breathe into this slowly, El. You need to calm down, everything is gonna be okay.”

  Taking deep breaths in and out into the bag, I count to ten in my head and eventually, I start to come back down to earth.

  Once my breathing is finally back under control, I pull the bag away from my mouth and look over my shoulder to Dean.

  “P... p… please tell me he didn’t do that to you after he saw me this afternoon?”

  Dean just nods his head, as a way of answering me.

  “Nate’s not stupid, El. He figured it out himself. He knew that we’ve always been joined at the hip and if I knew you were here, then of course Dean would as well. They’ve been best friends forever, just like us. So Nate feels like Dean betrayed him by not telling him that you’ve been living in L.A. for the past four years.”

  Guilt tears at my gut when I think that Dean is in his current state because of me and my secrets. He didn’t deserve what Nate did to him, not by a long shot. This is all my fault. Snatching up Dean’s phone that is lying on the table in front of me, I hastily run to my bedroom and lock the door behind me. So that the brother and sister duo can’t stop me from what I’m about to do.

  Dean has never been very inventive when it comes to passwords and shit, so unlocking his phone is easy… It’s his birthday. Going into his contacts, I find Nate’s name and press dial. The entire time, my bedroom door is banged on something fierce from the other side and shouts of protest come from them both. When I don’t think he’s to going answer the damn phone, I hear…

  “I’m not speaking to you, didn’t the broken nose I gave you, clue you into that fact?”

  His voice is angry still, just like earlier in my office, but it doesn’t stop me from going full pelt on his ass.

  “Look you fucking dumbass, Dean isn’t the one in the wrong here. I am. So, what you did to him was bang out of fucking order, he’s your best friend. Yes, he kept something from you, but that was my fault, not his. Now you need grow the fuck up and apologize to him. This is between me and you, in a way we can say they were protecting us both. Now I suggest you fix this shit. When you think you can stand to be in the same room as me again, then we still have your sessions to do. Or else I’m not clearing you to play. Goodbye Nate.”

  I disconnect the call when I’ve finished my rant, I don’t even let him say another word to me. I don’t want to hear his shitty, piss poor excuse as to why he thinks he was right. If he wants to talk to me from now on, he knows where to find me.

  Going over to my bedroom door, I unlock it, before I swing it open to two worried looking individuals, waiting for me and hand Dean his phone back.

  “I would expect a call or visit from him soon if I was you. If you don’t, you just let me know and I will happily give him another round of verbal. Now let’s drink, I brought wine home.”

  I saunter back down the hall and into the kitchen, where I crack open the wine and pour us all a glass. In all honesty, I think all three of us need it. Dean for a form of pain relief, Sammi because, well she’s Sammi. She would drink cat piss if it got her drunk and me because after the day I’ve had today. I fucking well deserve it. Men are bastards… end of.

  Chapter Twenty

  Nate

  Okay, so maybe breaking Dean’s nose wasn’t my brightest idea, but I was so furious with him and I let my anger get the better of me. So, the minute he stepped out of his car and met me, after I had just come from seeing someone, I thought had just become a figment of my imagination, I lost it.

  Instead of letting him speak, I just let rip and punched him twice right between the eyes. Before hopping away on my crutches and hailing a cab to take me home instead, leaving him on the sidewalk with one word said from me.

  “Eliza.”

  He knew what I meant when I said it, because, before I left him there, the look of regret on his face told me everything. He knew there and then, that I knew she was L.A. That she was the therapis
t, I was being forced to see. What I didn’t expect was the phone call I’ve just received. Sitting on my balcony that overlooks L.A., with my good friend Jack, I answered my phone thinking that Dean was calling me. Still angry with him, I do what I do best. I put my mouth in gear before my brain. The voice I get thrown back at me down the line, stunned me to silence. It was El. I've never heard her talk to someone the way she's just spoken to me. Her anger aimed at me for hurting Dean, is clear as the nose on my face. For as much as it pains me to admit it, he was torn between telling me and ruining his relationship with his sister. That the real problem here is between me and her, not Dean and Sammi. Even in my current drunken state, I can see that now, Dean was just protecting us all. Knowing I need to make it up to him, I flip him a text…

  Sorry about the nose, fancy a beer?

  Thinking I'm going to get a massive fuck you from him, I'm surprised when he texts me back saying he'll be over in ten. The last thing I want right now is my best friend pissed with me. If anything, I'm going to need his help with getting my head around the fact that Eliza is only minutes away from me now. Not thousands of miles like I originally thought she was.

  Like he said in his text, Dean turns up at my place ten minutes later, letting himself in with the key I gave him after the plane crash.

  “Yo, cocksucker, you owe me a new nose.” He greets me as I hear him rummaging around in the fridge for a beer.

  “Yeah… about that, I'm sorry dude. I was just so angry and shocked at seeing El again. I just thought you were all on her side, I guess.”

  “Can you hear yourself right now?” he asks as he pulls up a chair and sits opposite me. “I saw first-hand what you went through when she left both times. Do you really think I was going let you fuck your head up even more than it already was at the time? You weren't over her then and you certainly are not over her now. You can tell me you are until you're blue in the face, but I won't believe you. Do you want to know how I know that?” he stops his rant to take a mouthful of his beer before he continues. “I know because if you were, then you wouldn't have acted the way you have today. Shocked or not.”