Us Again

by Jennah Thornhill

  I hate it when he’s right, he’s always been the more sensible one out of the two of us and logic thinker. Me… I act first, then either ask the questions later, or get Dean to clean my mess up.

  “What you need to do, is go about this in an unlike Nate fashion, don’t go in all guns blazing, because that isn’t going to help anyone. You need to go back to your therapy sessions with her. Work your shit out so you can get cleared to play again. Then maybe, just maybe you can try being her friend again, because I saw the state she was in, when you had the plane crash. It wasn’t good dude, she still has some feelings for you as well, I just don’t know how deep they run, she talks to Sammi more than me. Either way, what happened between you two is in the past. So, it either stays there or you sort your shit out together and move forward.”

  Satisfied with his pep talk, he picks up his beer again and drains the lot, giving me time to take a hefty mouthful of Jack.

  Screwing the cap back on to the bottle, I place it back on the table. We both just sit and take in the L.A. view, as the sun sets. That is until Dean decides to open his trap again.

  “You know what though, bro? In all the years I’ve known Eliza, I’ve never not once heard her sound so pissed off as she was at you down the phone earlier. She’s grown man and, in more ways, than one.”

  I look at him and I don’t know if it’s shock or anger that he would even look at her like that, but who am I to stop him really? When he sees my expression, he busts a gut laughing.

  “Oh come on, I’m a crazy asshole half the time, but I’m not blind. That woman is even more gorgeous now, than she was at eighteen and you know it. You saw her today, are you telling me that you didn’t notice the rack she’s the proud owner of these days?”

  I really don’t know if I want to laugh at him or punch him… again, because once again the fucker is right. In a rage at her office, I still stole a glance at her cleavage and by god it was a beautiful sight.

  “I may have noticed… slightly, but are we forgetting the issue here dumb ass? She left me, she broke my heart, not once but twice and with no decent reason. I have every right to feel the way I have done today. How the hell am I supposed to go in there and tell her how I’m not sleeping at night. How I spend my nights lost in a sea of faceless women, because my dreams only consist of her. Or my dead Coaches voice telling me to get help before him. How the guilt eats away at me every day that I survived and he didn’t. Yeah, I somehow think all that wouldn’t go down well with my ex-girlfriend. Do you?”

  He doesn’t answer me, instead he hands me my Jack back and tells me to drink up, because I’m clearly fucked up and need it.

  “This doesn’t mean you’re getting out of going. Just so you know, I’ll be dragging your ass back there if I have to and sit with you and play bodyguard. Are we clear?”

  “Fucking crystal.”

  Waking up the next morning, I squint my eyes and throw my arm over my pounding head to protect from the bright sunlight that’s pouring in from the windows.

  “Someone please shoot me, put me out of my goddamn misery.” I tell myself.

  “Argh, morning princess. Looks like Jack doesn’t agree with you anymore, you’re getting too old for this drinking balls.”

  Fucking fabulous.

  Just what I need first thing in the morning, when I’ve got the hangover from hell.

  Dean and his sarcastic whit.

  “Don’t you have a job go to dickhead, instead of ragging my head.”

  The smell of coffee entices me to open my eyes that little bit more. I see the man, who is supposed to be my best friend, standing at the bottom of my bed, with a cup in his hand and a cocky smirk on his face.

  “You’re right, I do have a job to go to, but you see the thing is, my main client is wallowing in self-pity right now. So to be honest, I need to kick his ass back into gear, before I go back into the office. I have to tell the senior partners that you’re not dead from alcohol poisoning. Now get your smelly butt out of bed, you have an appointment in an hour. This time you’re gonna see it through until the end.”

  Handing me the cup he’s holding; he then strolls out of my bedroom like he owns the fucking place.

  What appointment is he talking about? I don’t have any appointments today. It’s when I take sip of my hot coffee that it registers what he said…

  “This time you’re gonna see it through until the end.”

  Oh hell, fucking, no.

  “Dean… Dean… get your ass back in here now.”

  When he doesn’t come back, I lift the sheet up slightly that’s covering my waist, just to make sure that I have my boxers on. When I notice that I do, I shuffle my body to the edge of my bed, placing the cup on the floor, I stand up and start to hop out into the main living room.

  Fuck knows where my crutches are right now.

  “If you think I’m going back there today, then you can think again, I can’t deal with that today.”

  I lean on the wall that separates my bedroom from the rest of my open plan penthouse, and cross my arms over my chest. As I give him my best stubborn glare over to where he’s sitting at my kitchen island.

  “You can look at me like that, all you want, Michaels, but you are going. It’s time to rip off the band aid and face your past, present and very possibly your future. Now get ready. She’s expecting you.”

  I would love nothing more than to tackle him to the ground and throw a childish tantrum in protest, but he’s right. It’s time I manned the fuck up and got my shit together. This is going to be the only way I’m ever going to get back on the field anyway. So if I have to fake my way through it, I will. Nothing and no-one is going to keep Nate Michaels off the playing field. Especially when my career has already cost me so much.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Eliza

  Getting woken up by my phone chirping at me in the middle of the night, is not my idea of fun at all. Yet when I noticed it was Dean calling me, I answered it immediately.

  “I need you to fit Nate in with you first thing please, El. I know he’s not your favorite person right now, but he needs this. He needs us to help him, even if he is being a stubborn asshole and won’t let us. We have to at least try. Please tell me you can see him?”

  Taken aback by the desperation in his voice and so that I can try and go back to sleep, I agree to shuffle some things around and that he is to bring Nate in at eight-thirty.

  After spending the rest of the night tossing and turning in bed, I get up at five-thirty am and decide to go for a run to clear my head. I need to mentally prepared myself for round three with Nate. After my rant down the phone last night, I never expected to see or hear him again. When Dean got the text from him, asking him if he fancied a beer. That he was sorry about breaking his nose, I think we were all surprised. It was decided there and then, that if Nate didn’t want my help professionally, then he at least needed his best friend at his side.

  Pulling my Nikes on, I grab a bottle of water out of the fridge as I head for the apartment door. I plug my ears with my earphones and press play on my running playlist. With Meatloaf's, Paradise By The Dashboard blaring in my ears, I take off in the direction of Echo Park Lake.

  As I run along, I take in the peace and quiet at this time of the morning. It’s like the calm before the storm. The streets are practically empty, apart from delivery drivers and street vendors setting up for the day. When I reach the entrance to the park, I do four laps around the main lake. Before stopping because my lungs start to burn in protest. Bending at my waist and with my hands on my thighs, I try to catch my breath back. It’s then, when I’ve stopped running, that I realize that the song playing is now Alicia Keys Empire State Of Mind. That’s when the tears start to flow down my cheeks. I had forgotten that I still had this song on my Spotify. I haven’t listened to this track since the day I left Nate that day at college. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it, there was too much history behind the song.<
br />
  “We’ll always be New Yorkers, won’t we, El?”

  I look at him as if he’s grown two heads all of a sudden. We’re lying on his bed. Both of us naked as the day we were born and with his Bluetooth speaker playing random songs.

  “What makes you ask me that? Of course we will. You’ll play for the Yankees and I will follow you wherever you go, that’s always been our plan.”

  It was a plan I was adamant I was sticking to; I would do anything and go anywhere this boy asked me to. He was it for me. We’re us and no matter what path his career took him on, we would always remain New Yorkers and together. Empire State Of Mind by Alicia Keys, plays softly through the speaker. Making it more cemented between the two of us as to why we will always stay in New York… together. Without giving it another thought, I climb on top of him and instead of telling him with words that I love him. I show him with my body, mind and soul.

  Quickly skipping the track, unable to listen to it anymore without more memories flooding me. I drink my water and run back my apartment to get ready for work. Let’s hope today is a better day than yesterday was.

  Just as I’m finishing curling my hair, I hear a whistle come from my bedroom doorway.

  “Well aren’t we looking mighty fine today… Is this your, I don’t need you, but I secretly still want to fuck your brains out look?” Sammi points out.

  I scoff at her suggestion, but on the inside, I hate the fact that she’s seen straight through my carefully thought out outfit for work today. Pretending I don’t have a clue what she’s talking about, I carry on messing with my curls and apply a coat of lip gloss to my already sticky lips.

  “You can pretend all you want with me young lady, but you forget that I know you. I’ve seen you get ready for work for the past four years and you’ve never put this much effort into it. I’m guessing the text Dean sent me about Nate coming to see you this morning, is the reason behind your sudden work makeover?”

  She now stands behind me with her arms crossed against her chest and with an eyebrow raised, while staring at me through my mirror. The look on her face is daring me to tell her she’s got it all wrong, but what be the point in lying to her? She knows me better than I know myself most of the time. Instead of denying the accusation she’s thrown at me, I turn to her and smooth down my red, pencil skirt and straighten my blouse, that frills out around my boobs. Giving them an excellent cleavage, even if I do say so myself.

  “Too much?” I ask cautiously.

  “Hell to the fucking no, if he doesn’t man up and fuck you over your desk, then I will. Even though the thought of eating your vagina grosses me out.”

  Laughing at her crass words, I manage get out, “Jeez, thanks… I think.”

  “Oh girlfriend, you know I would eat you out in a heartbeat, if we were both dying and desperate, but therefore we aren’t dying. You have a hunk of a man coming in to your office today, so why not enjoy it?”

  “Whatever, you’re crazy you know, that right? Me and Nate haven’t seen each other in eight years and the first time we do, he trashes my office in temper. So, forgive me if I think he might just hate me a little. That he wants nothing more than a doctor and patient relationship with me.”

  Slowly walking her ass to my door to leave, she turns back to me and says seriously for a change, “You can keep telling yourself that bullshit all you like, but in the end, there’s only one way this is all going to end up. That's with him between your thighs and having you scream his name at the top of your lungs. I’m out, I’ll see you tonight. Have fun with Nate.”

  She throws me a wave over her shoulder and leaves my room, moments later our apartment door slams shut.

  Damn that fucking woman to hell.

  Why do I have a strong feeling that she’s right, even though I do and don’t want her to be.

  Jesus, I’m making no sense already today.

  In less than twenty-four hours, Nate Michaels already has a lot to answer for, because seeing him again, has well and truly screwed with my head and my heart. I can’t place blame all on him though, I did agree to counsel him and his team. I brought this whole fucked-up mess on myself.

  What the hell was I thinking? Oh that’s right I wasn’t.

  I could never see straight when it came to that man.

  Arriving at my office building, I’m still internally preparing myself for my second session with Nate, when I’m stopped short at the main door.

  “Eliza?”

  I turn to see that Nate is propped up against the brick wall, with his crutches under his arms. He has a baseball cap on and sunglasses, but I would recognize his deep, husky voice anywhere.

  “Nate, you okay? Do you need help getting inside or anything?”

  I sound like a dumb shit asking him those questions. Of course, he’s not okay, his leg is in plaster and he survived a plane crash, while his Coach died.

  Eliza, you stupid woman.

  “I’m okay, I was just wondering if we have to do this here? Can we not take it somewhere else? This place isn’t really for me. I don’t really want people seeing me coming and going from a therapist's office. If I have to do this, then I want to be at least slightly comfortable while I do it.”

  In this moment he isn’t Nate my ex or Nate Michaels the all-star baseball captain of the Dodgers. Right now, he looks frightened, scared even. I can’t see his eyes because they are hidden behind his sunglasses. If I had to take a guess, I would say his pupils are dilated and he’s scanning up and down the street, paranoid someone is going to see him. It’s then I know the perfect place to take him.

  “Come on, I’m taking you somewhere, even though you hate me.”

  Heading back in the direction I just come from, to go back to my car, I don’t let him respond to my demand. I just hope he follows me and does as I say. Luckily for me, I don’t get an argument or any protesting. I notice out the corner of my eye, that he’s following me on his crutches.

  “Where are you taking me? I don’t think this is a good idea, Eliza.”

  I ignore him and carry on walking to my car.

  “Eliza… Eliza? Are you listening to me?”

  He’s still following me, so I know he’s not that much against my plan.

  That is until he says, “Bambi, will you just slow…”

  He stops himself short, realizing what he’s just said. I turn so fast on my heels, that I nearly live up to the nickname I haven’t heard in forever.

  “W… W… What did you just call me?”

  My throats gone dry and talking is now becoming difficult.

  “I didn’t mean too, I’m sorry okay? I’m just frustrated with everything and trying to keep up with you on these fucking things, isn’t helping, it just slipped out.”

  It’s half eight in the morning and to passerby's, we must look like a right pair having a standoff in the middle of the street. I don’t care, because he’s just opened wounds that have taken me a very long time to stitch up.

  “Nate, I look ridiculous, I can’t even walk properly in these damn shoes.”

  We both look down at my feet, he then comes over to me and places his hands on my cheeks.

  “You look gorgeous and if you fall, then I will catch you, it’s what I’m here for.”

  Placing his lips on mine, I get lost in his kiss and all thoughts of falling flat on my face go out of my head.

  “Now come on, we have a birthday to celebrate.”

  Tonight is Sammi’s birthday party. I promised I would let her loose on my outfit, hair and makeup. It was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. I look like an overly made up Barbie doll right now. I haven’t even had these skyscraper shoes on for ten minutes and my feet are already screaming at me. Leaving his room, we both head for Sammi’s party, hand in hand. That is until we get outside and I have to walk on gravel. I start to wobble all over the place and staying upright is becoming an issue.

  “Oh my god, this is priceless. You’re
like Bambi on ice, you really can’t walk in them, can you?”

  Nate tries to hide his laughter, but fails miserably.

  “Don’t you dare laugh at me Nate Michaels, this shit ain’t funny.”

  I take a few more tentative steps, but it’s useless, I’m getting nowhere fast and I let out a frustrated growl.

  “Oh come here Bambi, let me carry you.”

  Before I know it, I’m scooped up in Nate’s arms and I’m being carried across the gravel driveway.

  After that night I was his Bambi on ice and he would never let anyone else in on the joke. Or why he called it me to save me from embarrassment.

  Shaking yet another memory away from my already fried brain, I pass it off as just a slip of the tongue, because that’s all I can do right now. I indicate that he should keep following me. To which he does.

  “Are you going to tell me where we are going? I’m pretty sure this constitutes as kidnapping if you aren’t telling me where you’re taking me.”

  “Just get in the car, Nate. I am not kidnapping you; you’re coming with me, because you want to get back on that field. Without my help you won’t be going anywhere near it anytime soon, so stop your whining and do as your told for once in your life.”

  Surprisingly, he does as he’s told but doesn’t say another word to me.

  Good.

  I might actually get through this with my head and heart still intact.

  Yeah okay, who am I trying to kid?

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Nate

  I want to be angry with her and myself I really do, but when she's willing to bend to my request to leave her office. When she has every right to tell me to fuck off after the way I behaved yesterday. Then I soften slightly towards her, but it doesn’t mean for one second, that I forgive her for what she did to me.