Forsaken Trails

by Bonnie R. Paulson

  He had to have faith that she was the woman he was falling for.

  Chapter 15

  Ruby

  Ruby’s plan to go and check out Cameron in his home couldn’t take place until everyone else had gone to bed that night.

  She’d been unable to contain her excitement when she’d discovered the address was actually in Missoula. The address was about twenty minutes away; according to her phone maps app. With her El Camino in the parking lot, she just needed to come up with a plan.

  After breakfast, she ditched the standing meeting with Jessica Bland.

  Ruby went to her room and lay on the bed. She pulled the picture from her pocket and stared, taking in every feature from the school picture. Hopefully by the next day she would be able to talk to him, see him.

  Obviously, she couldn’t just take him, but she could introduce herself. She would get the ball rolling so she could have him soon. They would go off and make their life together. She could tell him their auburn hair came from their Irish ancestors who had settled part of Clearwater County. She had so much to tell him and so much to find out.

  She needed him to know that she was there. She needed him to know that she did not want to give him up. Ruby loved her son and she needed him to be aware of her love for him.

  She had a distinct feeling he didn’t know he was adopted. She would attribute that to her mother’s instinct. He didn’t know he was supposed to be looking for her in the women he passed on the street.

  Even though she searched the boys’ she passed. But now, she had a picture to study, to memorize, to reference.

  Her mother’s instincts had prompted her to keep hope inside her heart that he hadn’t died. She was connected to Camden in more ways than one.

  ~~~

  Ruby tightened her ponytail and leaned her car seat back a little bit further.

  She’d parked across the street from the address in the file, the folder laid open on the seat beside her. She didn’t need binoculars or anything, since she was on a normal residential street.

  A neighbor had planted rhododendrons and lilacs like they were trying to out-pollen everyone in the neighborhood. The scent wafted through the small slit in the windows Ruby had opted to leave slightly open to help with the fog. She didn’t want to run the car all the time, but she wanted to see the house clearly.

  His address took her to a split-level, green with white trimmed home with a well-manicured lawn that showed signs of life with toys and a dog run along the side and a fence.

  Lights flipped on and off all through the evening. Ruby had planted herself there about eight-thirty. The house showed life until about 10 o’clock when they all went off except for the porch lantern.

  All of the house windows were protected with curtains and Ruby couldn’t see anything inside. She was glad he was safe from prying eyes. At the same time, she wanted to sneak closer to the house and peek into any of the windows with a small split in their curtains or blinds.

  That’s okay. She was within one-hundred yards of her son. She could wait a few more hours. Ruby had already waited ten years. She was close. So close. She could almost feel him.

  She wrapped her arms around her chest and rolled the windows up to stave off the spring evening chill. She just wanted to see Camden – no, Cameron. That would take a little getting used to.

  Ugh, she wanted to be able to talk to him. What would he say? What was his favorite meal? Did he like donuts? What about bagels? Or milkshakes? Maybe she’d take him for a cheeseburger after she got him. Would she get to take him tomorrow?

  The next day was a Saturday, and he wouldn’t have school but they might still go somewhere. She’d rather not go up to their door like a common salesperson.

  Moonlight glinted off the hood of the car, the brown dark and silky like Sloan’s hair. Would he notice that she was gone? He hadn’t been in his office when she’d left. She was glad he hadn’t seen her with her luggage as she’d tried sneaking out to her car.

  She hadn’t been so lucky with Catherine. The woman had spied her from the cafeteria and rushed out to stop Ruby. She’d shaken all over, anger strong as she’d gritted her teeth. “You going to get your boy?” Her whisper had quivered and she’d stared at Ruby like her answer would change the world.

  When Ruby nodded, Catherine seemed to relax. She nodded. “That’s good. That’s good. I’m getting out of here. I can’t take this either. You get your boy and get out of here.” She’d slipped out the security gate without looking back.

  Ruby hadn’t been so lucky. She couldn’t stop looking back, hoping to catch a glimpse of Sloan, flooded with guilt how she was leaving.

  She didn’t want to admit that she was starting to care for him something fierce. She scared going to Camden and she wanted to rely on Sloan. She wanted to talk to him, get his advice.

  But he’d given her his advice. He’d suggested that she not go after her son.

  That wasn’t going to work for her.

  She shifted on the seat in her car, the chill setting in. She drifted off to sleep with visions of Sloan’s eyes staring her with accusations swimming in their depths.

  The sun dawned bright and it would be a beautiful spring day. Rays burst through her windshield, waking her from her restless night. She’d pulled her coat and some other clothes over her from her luggage like multiple blankets.

  As the car warmed up, she shed those articles of clothing and tossed them into the backseat. Ruby yawned and watched the house, wishing for a restroom and a cup of coffee or maybe a breakfast sandwich.

  Boredom set in, but she kept herself occupied with plans of what to do later that day when she collected her son.

  Sometime around nine-thirty, the front door to the house opened. Ruby jerked upright, adjusting her sunglasses. A woman in jeans and a T-shirt had a leash wrapped around her wrist. She poked her head back inside the doorway and said something then ran back outside to the car.

  Pulling something from the backseat, the woman waited, a yapping anxious dog wiggling all around her, his golden curls and tailless rear so common for cocker spaniels moving every which way.

  Ruby waited with her, breathless, staring at the door like something monumental would happen. After a moment, suddenly, there was Ruby’s son. He waved at the woman and closed the door behind him.

  He was lanky and wore jeans shorts and a sweatshirt. He’d pulled his socks up to his calves and the sunlight hit the curls in his hair and it looked like flames burning on his head.

  Did she get out of the car right then? Did she run over and hug him like she wanted to? He was her son. She could see it in the way he held himself and the way he tilted his head.

  Ruby rolled her window out to try to catch just a syllable of his voice.

  She lucked out when he called out to the dog that’d gotten free from her leash. “Sparkles, come here!”

  Clutching her heart, Ruby pressed her other fist to her mouth and whimpered. He sounded like a younger Kyle with a clear soprano that would deepen as he got older. If she got out then, she would collapse to the ground on weak legs. She wouldn’t do that. Not the best first impression.

  The woman said something, laughing and Camden, no, Cameron turned, giggling. His happiness lit up his face and Ruby paused.

  He was happy.

  She shook her head. He couldn’t be that happy. He didn’t know the truth. She had to tell him so he could make that decision for himself. She was going to give him the chance to choose.

  The trio headed off in the direction Ruby’s car was pointed. She waited until they were a block ahead before starting her car and following them. She crept along, trying not to be obvious but following close enough not to lose them.

  Mrs. Davis and Cameron left the sidewalk to walk across the grass of a park with a parking lot.

  Ruby pulled in and parked the Chevy. She sat in the car, just watching them. The boy had a ball he threw for the dog to retrieve. He called out to the woman every few minutes as he ran around wit
h Sparkles.

  The mom claimed a spot on a bench surrounded by other benches and pulled out a magazine which she flipped through, glancing up at Cameron every few minutes and laughing.

  Ruby ignored her stomach growling and burning in her eyes from fatigue. The distance between her and her son was measurable. She was so close. She couldn’t touch him or call out to him and the truth stung like a rattlesnake bite.

  Unable to stay away any longer, she climbed from the car. Walking to the park like she was going to take the trails, Ruby stopped when Sparkles approached her. Her heartbeat raced. She knelt down and scratched the dog’s ears. “Aren’t you a good doggy?” Ruby wanted to hug him as a substitute for her son.

  The ball sat on the ground beside Sparkles, whose tongue dangled from her happily open mouth, bobbing with each pant. Cameron came closer and closer and closer, a hesitant smile on his young face.

  Ruby’s heart tripped faster and faster. What would he think? Would he think she was too young? Would he believe her? A smudge of dirt on his knee drew her attention.

  Cameron stopped in front of her, twisting his foot on the grass. “Her name is Sparkles. She likes you. Do you want to play?” He picked up the ball and smiled revealing new adult teeth coming in. He was well-groomed and more than friendly.

  What if he recognized her? Would he be able to sense that she was his mother? They had identical eyes.

  Ruby didn’t reach out and touch him, like she longed to do. She didn’t want to scare him.

  She cleared her throat. “Sparkles, huh? What a great name. I’ll throw a couple for her. She seems like a great dog.” Ruby held out her hand and Cameron dropped the dog-saliva-damp ball into her palm.

  Holding back tears, she grinned and rolled the ball on the ground. Sparkles ran after the bright green ball tripping over her feet, the grass, and her ears. She was a mess and Ruby loved her immediately. “She’s pretty energetic.”

  Cameron laughed and put a little distance between them. Every step he took hurt Ruby, like he was disappearing for good from her life again.

  Her son turned, throwing the ball he’d retrieved from Sparkles to Ruby. His throw was firm and straight.

  Ruby laughed in response. “Great throw, Cameron. I bet you’ll get her nice and tired before you go back home.” The dog dodged between them, chasing the ball and then a butterfly. After a momentary distraction, Sparkles attacked Cameron’s legs and they went down in a tangled pile of laughter and barks.

  Watching, Ruby covered her mouth with her hands. She couldn’t believe how happy she was. A flash of her future cross her mind and she could see every day thereafter filled with happy laughter and mother-son time.

  Sloan and Jessica hadn’t known what they were talking about. Nothing but good things could come from Ruby knowing her son.

  A moment later, the woman Cameron had come with stood beside Ruby. She had rolled up the magazine and held it under her arm with her arms crossed at waist level. She smiled cautiously. “How did you know his name?”

  Ruby grabbed the ball Cameron threw toward her from his spot on the ground and glanced at the woman worriedly. “I’m sorry?” She’d messed up. She hadn’t meant to, but she’d longed to say his name so bad. He hadn’t picked up on her mistake, but the woman had. She was on the ball and protective. At least Ruby liked that about her.

  “His name. I heard you talking and he didn’t tell you his name.” She stepped in front of Ruby, studying her face and then glancing at Cameron who was busy again with Sparkles. The woman looked back at Ruby and horror covered her face, she clutched the end of the rolled magazine, her knuckles whitening as she whispered, “Are you her? Are you his... Are you here to ruin this for me? For us?”

  Sudden anger at the entire situation raged through Ruby and she stood, throwing her shoulders back. “Did you know he was stolen from me? Did you know that they told me he was dead only minutes after he was born?” Ruby blinked back her tears at the injustice. How dare this woman act like she’d been wronged? She’d enjoyed ten stolen years of Ruby’s life. Ruby refused to let the woman see the vulnerabilities no one needed to see. “Have you known all this time that he wasn’t yours?”

  The horror on the woman’s face morphed into sorrow. Tears streamed unchecked down her cheeks. She sniffed and shook her head desperately. “No.” She whispered. “It’s terrible. I don’t... I’m not sure what to do. I can’t lose him. I’m Maggie.” She held out her hand and Ruby stared at her fingers. They weren’t manicured or prissy or even soft. They were the hands of a woman who worked.

  Ruby took Maggie’s fingers in her own. She stepped closer to keep the conversation between them. “Maggie, I’m Ruby. Is Cameron happy?”

  They both turned to study the boy who laughed so hard he couldn’t breathe as Sparkles attacked a bee buzzing by, snapping and then jerking back when she caught its yellow body in her mouth.

  “I think so. He’s healthy. My husband died last year. His nightmares have stopped over that. He was so upset for the longest time. They were very close. I try. I work from home so I’m available all the time.” She looked resolved, as if she had somehow knew this is going to happen. “I love him. So much.”

  Ruby didn’t have an answer for Maggie’s revelations. She wanted to hide in a corner of emotions and ignore anyone else’s needs. Her heart broke for Cameron’s loss. Losing a family member was hard, especially when you were young and extremely close.

  “Are you sure you didn’t know?” Ruby glanced at Cameron as his dog chased him. He looked happy and healthy and loved. A small part of her wanted him to look miserable and forsaken, like no one loved him, so then she would be able to swoop in and rescue him. The emotion was fleeting and filled with regret the moment she’d acknowledged its presence deep in her heart.

  Maggie shook her head, studying Ruby. “You look so much alike. I’ll never have that. I wanted a child for so long. My empty home was a constant reminder of our pain. There is nothing on this earth that would make me relegate a parent to any kind of pain regarding their children. I would never take a child from a parent who wanted it.”

  She sniffed again as she wiped at the tears rolling down her face. “We were told an under-aged mother didn’t want anything to do with her child. They promised me that the information wouldn’t get out, but that if the mother were ever interested, they would make sure to be available. When the company closed down due to bankruptcy, I was relieved... I’m ashamed to admit it.” Maggie lifted her chin, her lip trembling. “When are you going to take him?”

  The woman’s story cracked the resolve around her heart. Ruby studied Cameron and the light in his eyes. He wasn’t neglected or abused. He was healthy and fed and well-loved. The woman was the type of mother Ruby would have wanted. “What would you do, if in the future he didn’t want anything to do with you? What if he found out about me, and he hated you for you the lies?” Ruby wanted to discredit Maggie, anything, make her trip up, do whatever it took to save her chance with her son.

  “I love him. If he’s mad at me, I understand. He needs to know that I love him and no matter what, I wanted him more than anything else.” Maggie smiled through her tears. “You’re his mother. You have every right to him. I’m not saying I wouldn’t fight for him... I’m just saying, I appreciate what you’ve gone through and I don’t envy you.” She glanced at Cameron. “Right now? I have to say, I’ve never been so jealous at how much you look alike. I’ll never have that with him.” Her smile faded wistfully.

  Ruby didn’t bristle at the mention of a fight. She respected Maggie’s candor and the love she had for Cameron. “You know, I named him Camden. I loved finding out how closely we’d named him.”

  Maggie shot a disbelieving look at Ruby. “But what are you going to do? Are you going to come after him? I’d like to tell him myself, if I can. I don’t want him to hate me.” Her half-plea ended on a sob and she turned her face to the side, covering her mouth with the back of her hand.

  Unable to maintain a
chilly exterior any longer, Ruby softly shook her head, wincing as her own heart began to break all over again. “No... He’s obviously happy. That’s really all I want for him. I just want him to be happy.” Why did it have to hurt so much? She just wanted to be his mom. Take her rightful place in his life.

  Ruby’s words broke and she swallowed to get control over them. “I love him so much. Thank you... for letting me talk to him. I’m so sorry to ruin your morning. I just wanted to see my son, I mean, your son. I mean...” She blinked hard, stepping back and covering her mouth with both of her hands.

  She had to get out of there before she gave into her selfishness and ran to Cameron. She’d tell him the truth, all of it, and they’d run away together. He’d be blissfully happy and she would feel whole.

  But that was a lie she couldn’t keep telling herself. He’d already lost his father. Cameron didn’t need any more loss in his life.

  Maggie stepped forward and grabbed Ruby’s hand before she could flee. She squeezed her fingers and nodded fiercely. “No. You’re his mom, too. We’re just different parts of his life. You have my information. I want you in his life. He needs you – he just doesn’t know it.” She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Ruby’s shoulders. “I need you.”

  Ruby shut her eyes tight and couldn’t help thinking for a moment that Maggie’s arms had consoled both Cameron and his mother.

  “We can write and introduce you into his life slowly. There’s no reason for him not to have two moms.” Maggie pulled back and inspected Ruby’s face with a hand on each shoulder. “I can’t believe you’re letting me keep him.”

  Before Ruby had a chance to run and lick her wounds, Maggie pulled her back into her arms for another huge hug. Ruby allowed herself to soak up the knowledge that her son was not inaccessible to her.

  After a drawn out moment, Ruby finally nodded tightly and drew away. She offered a wet smile and glanced once more at Cameron before stumbling toward the car.