The Invisible Papers

by Agostino Scafidi

  Just don’t lie and all will be fine!

  “What is this?” “Why doesn’t it work?” Why does he or she always have problems with those contraptions?

  Can’t anyone see the pain one goes through? Some people cling to their illusion of happiness so strongly that they wouldn’t step toward a man in misery because they fear contagion, as if they were standing tiptoe upon a precipice and only with one slip and tumble would they lose their peace of mind. These types of people have the least peace of all.

  So whatever opinion or preference you express with a big enough smile is supposed to apply to everyone? Are they really expected to follow your tastes and expectations? Why would you assume they would or better yet dare to think they should? We can hardly believe how arrogant and self-absorbed you are to go so far with these elaborate and specific criteria set up with the hope that its end result is projection onto others. Leave them be “will ya"?

  One already has time breathing down their neck therefore he or she doesn’t need you too. Are they supposed to feel ashamed? Guilty? Guilty for living the way he or she wants to live? Guilty for living differently than you do? No thanks! One is just fine where they are and they’ve no need or desire to be anything like you. If you can’t handle what comes out of their mouth then get out of the way!

  So basically when you close your eyes it’s all the same and there is no difference in how things feel. The thing is, it would be nice to have something pleasant to look at. How does one get that “something pleasant to look at”? Should one put in the time or is time not enough and is there a higher price that must be paid? Maybe he or she doesn’t have the energy or the patience to do any more than what they’re already doing. Does that mean they’re destined to be with nothing more than what they’re currently getting? It all sounds pretty hopeless, so much so that one ponders rising out of the rut, clear of the groove but at the same time it seems futile and pointless. Out of one’s league. One thing’s for sure is he or she doesn’t want to give up more than they’re comfortable with in order to fulfill a new fantasy!

  All right now one is going to lay a few more thoughts out on the table and risk sounding overly repetitive. Even if he or she had "carte blanche” with somebody ultimately it would be preferable to be looking at a remarkable form. One can get along with a barnyard animal if necessary! They don't need a rocket scientist, just a remarkable body. All this being said, the thing one hates most is a prude.

  Chapter 7

  Everybody knows it eh? Well if everybody knew it then they wouldn’t be discussing it now would they? Excuse him or her for not knowing what everybody knows! One isn’t everybody and you should be well aware of that fact! They make it really easy for someone to suggest they go lose themselves in the woods somewhere. Excuse him or her for not knowing about a matter as simple as that, one must be an idiot!

  Hurt and torture them, it doesn’t matter, they can take it. One is here to serve as your aggression dissipator or your whipping boy. Proverbially and figuratively. Why not? One can take it! Take advantage! Don’t you worry about him or her because they’re worthless and undeserving of any concern. Yeah it’s true, truer words have never been spoken.

  When you put it that way one can’t help but question and doubt its validity. The more you proclaim something to be true the more he or she believes it should be questioned! Why do you need to reinforce things that much? If it really is truth then it’ll stand the test of time.

  One hates going to the dentist! It’s such a burden and a horrible prospect of an experience. It drives a wedge of discomfort deep into his or her soul. This is likely an incredible overreaction depending whom you ask.

  One worries that he or she is too fat or too lazy, no matter what one does he or she feels like it’s not enough or not good enough. As for feeling fat well one may not actually be fat however one may not be skinny either. He or she eventually forgets this train of thought and pretty much becomes indifferent to the whole subject but if someone reminds them of his or her wonderfully admirable physique then that’s what makes them feel inadequate yet again.

  Words, words and more words. Quickly! Write some more before they start thinking you’re lazy! Hurry up before time passes and then in retrospect it’s judged as irresponsibly wasted! An irresponsible waste of time, life, everything!

  Wishful thinking, wishful thinking, incessant blinking. How can they be so insensitive and so unaware? One looks upon the simplest things as the largest burdens! Even absolute necessities come down upon him or her like pilgrimages through forests of stinging nettles, thorns and predatory animals! Why does one have to have decaying parts and pieces of him or her that require such continuous maintenance? One would rather sometimes die or just simply lose all of his or her teeth.

  There is much silliness here, absurdity now and wickedness too perhaps! There isn’t any more room to grow, no more room to run. There is no knob to turn so they can only slam doors shut and pray that their thoughts subside instead of resolving them by bringing their focus inside his or her own body. It’s funny because living amongst them all not to mention being at their whim is the default, the standard, the norm, home.

  Go ahead and ignore him or her because they will do the same to you. Take that high brow of yours and elevate it higher. Raise it to the highest level then tip over and die with a big splat and thud. What a mess you’ll leave and no one will clean it up! One person even ducked and ran as you were falling down!

  One doesn’t need to feel unwelcomeness, it brings no pleasure at all. He or she is no masochist despite what their life experiences may bring you to believe.

  Does he or she swear too much for them? Maybe they should go back in time to whiteout any or all potentially offensive slurs. He or she thinks it wouldn't be worth risking it because going backwards isn’t appealing at all. One would rather alienate oneself and remain honest and raw than be lauded for playing the game and not making waves. After all, forget a little bitty regular wave and give them tidal waves! Hurricanes! Typhoons!

  He or she would rather play along and politely nod and wait for the jokes to subside because they would rather save themselves the embarrassment of admitting their ignorance and lack of understanding.

  Where does one sign up to join your club so he or she can know exactly where to avoid going? Give him or her one chance, even just one hair of a chance and they’ll bring you down if they can regardless of great personal risk and loss. One doesn’t care anymore, you are the enemy.

  Nausea and relief simultaneously, he or she would rather trade one for the other but they haven’t yet been presented with such an opportunity. They’re just glad they got to the bottom of what worried them. It really was silly however that’s usually the case with exaggerations of this nature.

  Sometimes he or she can’t stand some people’s joie-de-vivre. Not that being joyful about living is a bad thing but when you make it seem as if it’s a competition and you’re winning it or something of the sort, it just makes one want to vomit.

  How much can a person take? How many lies must one endure? How much secondhand knowledge must they accept as first hand truth? Of course nobody likes to be questioned, this is too challenging for the ego! No, no, no, no, no! Right, he or she will have to take your word for it then.

  There are so many things swimming around in anyone’s head at all hours of the day that when they finally wish to turn them off and actually do, what comes to him or her is a euphoria like they just ingested something psychotropic. Maybe they’re exaggerating about all hours of the day but it could easily escalate to that point if it’s allowed. Rather, if one resists it. Only in resisting does torment persist. Allow it to be and it will see you as the bullied little boy or girl disbelieving their empty threats for the first time. The bully will be dumbfounded and might try a little harder but still to no avail, soon you will be left alone in favour of someone else who insists on fighting back. Fighting is useful and necessary at times of course, don’t misunderstand! Someti
mes fighting is fruitless and one will not venture to delineate here and now when those times are and if you begin to ponder those times for yourself you may be in fact wasting your own time!

  Worthless words filling pages and pages and pages. At least they are not physical pages so one is only perhaps wasting electricity. Once you do begin thinking about what he or she is actually wasting though, the spiral can continue on indefinitely. Here’s an example; one is sitting there typing at a computer. One could say he or she is wasting physical energy by typing their words. One is also wasting mental energy by coming up with their words. However where those words are really coming from is up for debate. They are coming from somewhere beyond oneself really. All right, moving onward. One is wasting his or her eyesight making sure they’re typing letters in the right order as well as by looking at the screen to which they’re typing. One is also wasting more and more space on his or her computer’s hard drive with each character key that’s pressed. Not much space one admits, but memory is being used up nonetheless.

  So many people see him or her as dependent and unable to stand on their own two feet when hearing the details of a life situation. The funny thing is (to him or her anyway) that one knows they are a fiercely independent and fearless person. They know what they’re capable of and do celebrate all things discovered within themselves which previously were thought to be impossible!

  Lots of things bother him or her but at the same time it inspires one to share and infect others with it. Nah, they’re just kidding. But are they? Is any of this making sense? He or she guesses it can be construed in a multitude of ways but ultimately they are who they are and one is who one is. He or she refuses to pander to their meaningless criteria. One is not your slave!

  Chapter 8

  Please excuse him or her but do you live there? Do you live there in that house with them? Oh you don’t? So then what makes you think you have the right to knock on their door and tell him or her what they should be doing and when? What gives you the right to tell them to maintain their homestead according to your preferences? You’d best step off his or her stoop at once before things gets ugly comrade!

  He or she thinks they are fed up with all the games the opposite sex pulls. One is tired of trying to act in a way which will, in a sense, better compute with their I/O ports and he or she isn’t referring to physical parts! One guesses they are having so much difficulty because they are so far away from the norm or they have just been barking up the wrong tree. He or she should try a different tree or just set up camp and give up altogether!

  He or she doesn’t care whether you understand why or why not! You don’t need to understand anyway. Don’t act like you’ve got the Holy Grail and don’t laugh at him or her because they are refusing your offer! Who do you think you are?

  Do you expect him or her to eat and drink what you eat and drink? Are they supposed to do what you do? Follow the same regimens as you do? They don’t think so buddy. Do you think one gives a whit about your thoughts concerning his or her attitude? Are they supposed to be interested in your opinions over their style and dress? Is this some sort of standard you are trying to uphold for an image you are trying to impose? It is isn’t it? You are trying to control not only your own appearance but the appearance of others around you as if it is your responsibility. Do they reflect badly upon you? Is he or she your child? Is he or she acting like a child by confronting you now with this issue? Would a child tell you to duel or desist? Is one acting appropriately now? Find yourself a new slave because he or she would much rather cut your head off then live according to your guidelines.

  To convince someone that he or she is worthy of breathing. One has no idea how to secure this approval. Any method is only short lived at best. Is he or she doomed to constantly defend themselves up to and including the day they die? It seems like they have no other course of action besides tolerating disapproval. It’s not like disapproval would kill anyone would it? He or she also wonders if you could possibly overdose on approval.

  What you’re telling us is lies! We don’t believe in your mumbo jumbo. How can you tell us with a straight face that we can’t possibly know our own bodies? That it’s impossible for us to feel even on the deepest levels what’s inside of us? Are we just supposed to rely on an external voice or an external source? Outsiders? We are not dismissing them entirely but what if their sole purpose is to act only as our interim examiners until we are able, on our own, to connect to the most hidden places inside our bodies and see for ourselves, diagnose ourselves and heal ourselves?

  If you come near him or her with that thing again they’ll break it over your stubborn head! What? Don’t believe it? Just give it a try! Give one an excuse to bring you misery, come on!

  It’s funny how when you’re seeking with a strong and focused enough inner energy things just materialize where you least expect it. Opportunities can reveal themselves in the strangest places and out of things that are within arms reach!

  Time to worry or time to play? Let’s wait and see what we’re told to do because it’s a lot safer that way. The eye is always watching us so we must keep busy and if we don’t obey we’ll be riddled with guilt whether we like it or not! It’s a blessing and a curse, inspiration that is. The flow of it from its source, when one has developed their own direct line to the universe in regards to creative expression, it becomes something one cannot turn off like you would a water faucet or a light switch.

  Oh don’t you know that if you make the right kind of enemy you’ll never be able to go and escape no matter what you do? Actually there is a way out, there always is a loophole somewhere to be found somehow but loopholes still are never pleasant. Anything you’ve got to work hard to escape from always comes with a price. You’ll never know what that is exactly until after you’ve signed it all away and by that point you’ve paid everything there is to pay!

  How far would you go for a scheme, a plan or a trick? Mind you it could be profitable and it’s funny because there are no limits to such things. As a matter of fact time is probably the greatest weapon or tool at your disposal! If you stick to something long enough you’ll win it by attrition!

  Don’t ever let up! Guilt, guilt, guilt! Here’s some more so lay it on thick! Take the whole jar or box or whatever it comes in.

  So many little things to do and they’re all frivolous, unnecessary and meaningless. To whom though? You might agree and they might disagree. Who’s to say what it really is? By the time you finished arguing about it all, time will have passed and it’ll have summed up to irrelevance! Don’t waste the time that is wasting away around us, waste your time on whatever you like! Don’t let others tell you what to waste it on because that would truly be a waste!

  Thinking and thinking, counting and recounting. Tallyho! Running down lists until they’re done and satisfied with themselves. Energy spent feels great but idleness is always so difficult!

  When one thought gets going and reminds them of a feeling it then begins to build and turn into a train that departs from its station without a braking system! Basically all that’s available in terms of options is to stay on the train and hope he or she gets to the next station in one piece! Whatever one does he or she should not jump!

  Acting serious, so serious it’s misleading. Then slam down the good news with the same conviction you’d use when slamming down an axe.

  Forbidden things, secrets, lies and taboos. Wondering why they even exist, rats creep up in the most inopportune places. Termites eat your dusty closet from the outside in until all of your skeletons crumble into ash on themselves. Reaching deep down to dig out something that’s there but vague and undefined except by being somewhat defined by spirit and attitude.

  More, more and more. There is no end, you can lie or you can confess but neither will be your salvation if you hide behind a scheme. The light will always peek through the jagged bloody cracks.

  How much more buried treasure’s hidden in there? Crack open that chest, dig out all the e
ntrails and empty out all that blood! It’s in there somewhere! A wish or two or three when in need can go a long way!

  Turn the mirror around and show it to the demon. Let him or her (or it) get scared for a change!

  Wondering if one should stop or keep going but sometimes he or she really doesn’t know. It’s mainly based on the worry that when the time comes to shine they’ll be standing there like a fool holding an empty bag which should have been holding all of his or her tricks! Worry, worry, worry!

  How else can they manage such a feat? Lie, cheat and steal! Why do they make so much noise late at night? Is it some sort of competition they’re having with themselves? Let’s wake the dead! Louder and louder every single day until Satan himself is knocking down the door pleading for some silence!

  What kind of lazy good for nothings are they to let something repeatedly call for attention for hours and hours on end with no response at all on their part? One refuses to tend to their own affairs therefore he or she will sit back, listen, watch and wait for others to tend to it for them. This probably makes those doing the enabling just as guilty however they aren’t even fazed by it at all! Are they stupid? Are they ignorant? Does he or she need to be scolded, alarmed and pushed into action for his or her own sake? It’s all just a big show to us so we’ll sit back, relax and watch the ignorance unfold. We’ll let it pass right through us as if we were made of netting or as if our skin were cheese cloth!

  How else can they be tolerated but by blindness? Self-imposed, forced, jammed down one’s own throat blindness! One guesses he or she must simply be biding their time and waiting for the parade of ships to pass. Grit one’s teeth and bear the noise, such disturbances don’t go over lightly nor do they subside quickly. They stagnate and proceed as slow as a turtle and it’s just not fair. One never asked for any of this! Why is he or she always delivered unto that which is the opposite of what has been asked and desired?