The Rest of My Life

by Sheryl Browne

  Pregnant? Sienna balked. With Adam’s baby?

  ‘That’s when Adam went on his first bender. Couldn’t blame him for that one, though, I suppose,’ Nathaniel went on, his gaze on his beer can. ‘He was gutted, like a madman. Drunk himself into a semi-permanent stupor. She was his first love, you see. He was bowled over by her the first time he saw her, totally in love with her. And Adam in love is a very different man.’ Nathaniel paused, shaking his head sadly.

  ‘What happened?’ Sienna’s voice came out a croak.

  ‘They split up, no surprise there. Adam wouldn’t have anything to do with her. His brother either.’

  ‘But … why would he do it? To his own brother?’ Sienna asked, incredulous.

  ‘Who knows?’ Nathaniel shrugged. ‘Darren and Adam had always been competitive. Truth was, it didn’t sit well with Darren that his little brother might be better than him at anything. He was jealous, I think. Adam was the better sportsman, communicator, better-looking. His mother seemed to favour Adam over both Darren and his dad, basically because he wasn’t like them. Adam was more like her, caring of people’s feelings. At least, he was then. Darren ribbed him about it, mercilessly sometimes, calling him – forgive the expression – a “soft twat”. Adam tried to shrug it off most of the time. Finding his brother in bed with his fiancée wasn’t going to be so easy to shrug off, though, was it?’ Nathaniel stopped angrily.

  ‘Oh God …’ Sienna’s stomach knotted inside her. ‘He must have been so devastated.’

  ‘Devastated doesn’t even come close.’ Nathaniel took another drink and then went on. ‘Adam and Emily had been at some family do, drink flowing, you know. They’d been having a few problems, quite a few actually. Adam didn’t want his old life, you see. He wanted to get as far away from it as possible, once they were married. Unfortunately, he didn’t communicate that very well. They argued, a real humdinger of an argument. I’m guessing, because Adam’s not inclined to talk about it, that Emily thought he wanted to call the wedding off. Obviously she was pretty upset and pretty drunk, and, from what I gathered, Darren took his chance. He’d always been a womaniser, following in their father’s footsteps. Their dad was just the same, cheating on their mother and not even behind her back half the time. Can you believe the man actually told Adam he should just forget about it, that blood was thicker than water and he should put it behind him and move on?’ Nathaniel laughed wryly. ‘That’s exactly what Adam did in the end. Walked away: from his fiancée, his family, the family fortune. Bought his boat, and moved on.’

  ‘And the baby?’ Sienna hardly dared ask.

  ‘She had it. Adam heard about the birth. Emily’s sister messaged him. And then, well, Adam surprised me, to be honest. He didn’t even know the baby was his, but he said he wanted to see her, Emily, too, try to sort things out in some way.’

  ‘And?’ Sienna swallowed back a hard lump in her throat.

  ‘Are you sure you want to hear all this, Sienna? It’s not pretty.’

  Sienna nodded. Part of her didn’t want to hear it; it was too painful. Her heart physically ached for Adam, whose heart must have been shattered into a million pieces. She needed to know though, absolutely. It might not change anything. He was what he was, but at least she’d know some of why.

  ‘Emily had taken off, it seemed. Taken the baby and left her flat. No one had any idea where she’d gone. Her sister was frantic. Turned out Emily was suffering from post-natal depression.’

  ‘Oh, no.’ Sienna closed her eyes, her heart plummeting, for Adam and Emily both. ‘What did he do?’

  ‘He went to see his brother, hoping he might have some idea where she was. Darren, half-pissed in the pub, apparently didn’t know and didn’t care. Long story short, they fought. Things got ugly. Darren picked up a bottle.’

  ‘His scars?’ Sienna had assumed they were the result of some street fight. Labelled bad, she’d assumed he … She’d judged him, just like everyone else seemed to.

  Nathaniel nodded. ‘Adam came out on top eventually. He was fitter, stronger. Broke his brother’s jaw, actually, serve the bastard right. Pity he didn’t do the same to his loving father. Uncaring bastard, he really dug the knife in.’

  Nathaniel paused, crushing his beer can in his hand. ‘I still can’t get my head around it,’ he went on, with a disbelieving laugh, ‘that a man would tell his own son that if he’d been more of a man, she wouldn’t have looked elsewhere.’

  ‘Dear God!’ Sienna wiped away tears she hadn’t realised she was crying. Tears for Adam.

  ‘There’s more, I’m afraid. Something Adam will blame himself for for the rest of his life. He needs help, Sienna, but I’m not sure he can be fixed.’

  ‘What?’ What more could there possibly be? Sienna caught a breath in her throat – then squeezed her eyes shut as Nathaniel’s gaze flew to the door.

  ‘Not interrupting anything, am I?’ Adam said behind her.

  ‘No! Nothing.’ Sienna jumped to her feet, glancing uncertainly towards him. ‘Thanks, Nate,’ she said. ‘I’ll settle the plumber’s bill as soon as—’

  ‘Don’t go on my account.’ Adam smiled shortly. ‘I only needed a quick word.’ He raked his hand through his hair, looking from Nathaniel to her questioningly. ‘About my boat.’

  He took another step in and seemed to sway on his feet.

  At which Nathaniel looked him over suspiciously. ‘Are you driving?’

  ‘I’m a bastard, Nate, not an idiot,’ Adam told him, and then furrowed his brow. ‘On second thoughts …’ He glanced at Sienna.

  Sienna dropped her gaze. ‘I really should go,’ she mumbled, moving towards the door.

  ‘Can I leave it here,’ Adam asked Nathaniel, ‘my boat? I don’t have anywhere else.’ He shrugged and waited – and swayed.

  Sienna glanced at Nathaniel. He looked doubtful.

  ‘I’ll pay the fee. In fact,’ Adam fumbled in his jeans pockets and pulled out some notes, ‘here,’ he said, focussing his gaze to walk unsteadily to Nathaniel’s desk. ‘It’s not all I owe you, but you’ll get the rest as soon—’

  ‘Adam, for—’

  ‘Just until I get her seaworthy,’ Adam cut in. ‘I won’t stay overnight, so you won’t have to worry about …’ He shot Sienna an awkward glance this time. ‘I’ll work on her during the day. Just me.’

  Nathaniel glanced at Sienna. Please say yes, she willed him.

  ‘No exshtra … extra curricul …’ Adam stopped, furrowed his brow and tried again. ‘No women,’ he finished.

  ‘Well done, Adam.’ Nathaniel shook his head despairingly, as Sienna looked hurriedly down again. ‘Okay. Okay, whatever. Just go, Adam.’ Nathaniel got to his feet, coming around his desk to steer Adam in the right direction. ‘Get some sleep.’

  ‘Right, yep. Will do. Exactly what I’m intending to do.’ Adam took a step, and then hesitated. ‘By the way,’ he said, looking again at Sienna. ‘I just wanted to, er … You know, say thanks.’

  ‘Idiot.’ Nathaniel rolled his eyes, as Adam walked through the door – and then promptly disappeared.

  ‘Oh, my God! Adam!’ Sienna flew after him.

  ‘Here we go.’ Nathaniel sighed, heading swiftly out behind her.

  ‘Shit. Somebody moved the steps,’ Adam said, from where he sat outside the office, scratching his head, looking very puzzled, and definitely the worse for wear.

  ‘Adam …’ Sienna moved towards him. ‘Are you hurt?’

  ‘No.’ Adam held up a hand, clearly not requiring her assistance. ‘I’m fine,’ he said, and shook his head, probably free of stars.

  ‘Come on.’ Nathaniel eyed the skies as he walked past Sienna to hook one of Adam’s arms over his shoulders. ‘You need to sober up, mate. Permanently, might be a good idea.’

  ‘I’m fine,’ Adam insisted, as Nathaniel heaved him to his feet. ‘Just a bit …’

  ‘Drunk?’ Nathaniel finished. ‘How many, Adam?’

  ‘Two.’ Adam held up three fingers.

 
‘At least six then.’ Nathaniel shook his head. ‘Come on, let’s get you to bed.’

  ‘That’s what all the girls say.’ Adam smiled wryly, as Nathaniel steered him around towards his boat.

  ‘Just for tonight, Adam. I meant what I said.’

  Watching their precarious progress, Sienna chewed worriedly on her lower lip. She hated seeing him like this, so dejected, so down, so drunk. If she had made a mistake sleeping with him, it was clear Adam considered he’d made a bigger one. All he’d already been through, and now he was about to become homeless, which was obviously why he’d felt inclined to impart his soul-crushing thanks. Served her right, she supposed. She wished he hadn’t though. The way he’d looked at her, half-looked at her, it had felt like a blow to her heart.

  He couldn’t remember how many he’d had. Adam closed an eye, and then … ouch! He winced as he nicked himself shaving. Too many. Nate was right, again. He needed to cut back. Stemming the blood flow with a wad of tissue, he supposed he should collect some stuff while he was here. He’d stay at the cottage, assuming Sherry wouldn’t mind. Short-term, though. He really did need to sort himself out, formulate some plan of action. At least he had access to the marina now. Nate had texted him, probably because he’d rather avoid seeing him. He’d made it pretty clear that what he’d said still stood. Adam could come and go, but only to work on his boat. Other than that, he obviously wasn’t welcome. Time to move on, Adam guessed. The sooner the better. Nicole still hadn’t contacted him and Sienna would be glad to see the back of him, after what she no doubt considered to be the biggest embarrassment of her life. And it was pretty obvious Nate had a soft spot for her, so … All in all, he’d be doing everyone a favour if he left, which was what he’d intended to do anyway. Wide open spaces and a girl in every port would suit him just fine.

  Swilling his face, he grabbed a towel and tried very hard to stop thinking about making love to Sienna. The taste of her, the look in her eyes, one of such sweet ecstasy, his heart had kicked back in surprise. Strange, how he’d felt more of a man at that moment than he ever had when any other woman had huskily assured him how amazing he was.

  He’d made love, for the first time in a very long time, and it had been pretty damn incredible. Adam smiled wistfully, wrapping the towel around his midriff and heading out of the bathroom for a second strong cup of coffee.

  He didn’t notice the envelope until after he was dressed and was tying his laces – a white envelope poking through a slat in one of the air vents on the door. Standing, he finished the dregs of his coffee and went to retrieve it. No stamp, he noticed. His name on the front in elegant handwriting. A woman’s handwriting, he guessed. Curiously he opened the envelope and peered inside. Then, puzzled, he pulled out the twenty pound notes – five of them – and the notepaper tucked in there with them.

  Yep, definitely a woman’s handwriting: Sienna’s. Adam looked at the signature first, then read the message, and felt his heart kickback in an entirely different way. Not sure if this is enough, he read. Let me know if I owe you anything. Oh, and thanks to you, too.

  My pleasure. Adam swallowed back a tight knot in his chest. Not such sweet ecstasy, after all then. He glanced at the ceiling and squeezed his eyes shut tight.

  He really was a prat, wasn’t he? Swallowing again, trying very hard to stay calm, Adam yanked the cushions from the seating area, dug his holdall out from underneath it, stuffed whatever came to hand in it, not much caring what it was, and then headed out of the door, fast, before he was tempted to give in to the almost overwhelming urge to put his fist through it.

  ‘I suppose you think I’m being hard on him,’ Nathaniel commented as he and Sienna watched through the chandlery window: Adam throwing his bag onto the bank, then leaping the handrail after it.

  Sienna watched him storm off, his hand going through his hair, his expression as thunderous as she’d seen once before, at the cottage, before he’d made love to her so exquisitely. A tremor rippled through her tummy muscles as she thought about the things he’d done to her. She couldn’t believe it was no more than casual sex for him.

  She wasn’t sure what she thought about his having to leave permanently. Adam certainly seemed to be living up to his bad news image. Making sure she knew he considered himself an idiot having anything to do with her, then offering her a casual ‘thanks’, as if she’d given him a not very inspiring sandwich, rather than her virginity. She really should hate him. After what Nathaniel had told her, though, all she could do was feel wretched for him. She liked him. Despite everything, his reputation, his self-confessed abysmal behaviour, she absolutely knew there was another side to him, a gentle, caring side. Underneath, he was hurting. That was plain to see, to her at least, and she just wanted to hold him, which did make her completely insane, she supposed.

  ‘I probably am a bit,’ Nathaniel went on when she didn’t answer. ‘But he really needs to think about where he’s going, Sienna. My seeming to condone what he’s doing, being matey with him, well, it’s just sending him wrong signals, isn’t it?’

  Sienna nodded slowly. Her dad would certainly agree. Enabling, he’d call it. Maybe she should ask him about Adam’s problems. Yes, marvellous idea. There’s this man I know, he drinks too much and he’s a sex addict. Any ideas how we can help him? Oh, and I slept with him – and would again at the drop of a hat, if he asked me. But Adam wouldn’t, would he? Would never have entertained the idea in the first place if she hadn’t done the asking. Hiring, she corrected herself and made excuses to go inside. Tears over Adam were tears wasted, but if nothing else, they might be therapeutic.

  Chapter Seven

  Adam threw his holdall on the sofa, pulling out the bottle of Merlot he’d found tucked behind the lifebelt on his deck, just where she’d said she’d left it. ‘Cheers, Sienna.’ He smiled cynically and headed for the kitchen to uncork it.

  Dispensing with the glass, the bottle was poised at his mouth when his eye snagged on the wall clock. Ten-thirty. It was half past ten in the morning and he was about to go on a bender? Why? So he could lie about half-soaked, feeling sorry for himself? Which, it occurred to him, was his usual excuse for doing nothing about anything. It even had him seeing things that weren’t there. Trying hard to convince himself, once again, that it was all in his alcohol addled mind, he turned away from the ethereal form that seemed to pop up more and more often, insistent on doggedly haunting him.

  Was he really going to get his boat up and running if he spent most of his day three sheets to the wind? Make plans and carry them out for once, he chastised himself. Do something about who he was, instead of not liking who he was and making damn sure everyone else did, too. You know what, sunshine, he addressed himself soberly, if I was Sienna, I wouldn’t have come near you with a barge pole.

  To top it all off, it looked like Nicole wasn’t about to let Lily-Grace anywhere near him either, if the lack of messages over the last couple of weeks was anything to go by. Adam couldn’t say he blamed her. Was it likely she’d want a man who odd-jobbed for an income and had no assets to his name anywhere near Lily-Grace? Someone who spent what spare cash he did have on booze and his spare time flitting from woman to woman?

  Dammit, he really did need to sort himself out, starting now. He re-corked the bottle. He’d have a beer maybe, later, but not wine, not at breakfast time. He had no breakfast, of course. Sherry had stocked up with every conceivable item that would keep a man happy, apart from food. But then, he was only supposed to be here on a come and go basis, wasn’t he? Sighing, Adam headed back for the front door, mentally calculating how much money he had actually got. Money of his own, that was. He’d rather starve than use the payment for services rendered from Sienna. So, did he have enough for a supermarket shop? Probably not.

  Oh, no. He groaned inside, noting a car approaching as he walked to his own. Sherry. He hoped she hadn’t come with anything more than conversation in mind. After seeing Sienna’s not so cryptic note, as much as part of him wanted to say st
uff it and carry on the way he had been, there was another part of him that just didn’t have the heart.

  Fancying it might be a bit bad-mannered if he just climbed in his car and drove off, Adam waited. He kept his hand on his car door, though, hoping Sherry wouldn’t hang about.

  ‘Adam, hi!’ she said, through her open window. ‘I didn’t expect to find you here. I brought some things. Some food,’ she said, climbing out and retrieving carrier bags from the boot. ‘Just a few bits and bobs: bread for the freezer, bacon and eggs for the fridge. I thought you might need your energy levels topping up.’ She gave him one of her lingering looks, her eyes coming to rest belt-level. ‘Especially as you’re going to be here at odd times.’

  ‘Ah, about that, Sherry …’ Adam followed her to the front door.

  Sherry looked at him expectantly, once inside.

  ‘I wondered if you would mind if I spent a bit more time here.’ Adam shrugged hopefully.

  Sherry now gave him a quizzical look.

  ‘Just a few days.’ Adam took the bags from her and headed for the kitchen.

  ‘How so?’ Sherry followed him.

  ‘Nate, he’s, er … Well, he’s a bit prickly at the moment.’

  ‘Nathaniel, prickly?’ Sherry gawked, astonished. ‘With you? I don’t believe it.’ She set to stowing the shopping. ‘What did you do this time, Adam? It must have been something bad to rile Nathaniel. He’s generally so even-tempered.’

  ‘Erm, I think it was more a case of what we did,’ Adam supplied, a bit unfairly. Sherry was one of several women he’d entertained on the boat, but he hoped that might help persuade her to let him stay until he could sort somewhere else out. ‘The, er, noise we made attracted a little too much attention,’ he elaborated, as she glanced at him, still looking puzzled.

  ‘Oh,’ she said, smiling coquettishly as the penny obviously dropped. ‘We did a bit, didn’t we?’

  ‘A lot,’ Adam assured her. ‘I thought I might have to gag you at one point.’

  ‘Now, there’s an idea.’ Sherry took a step towards him, trailing a long fingernail across his chest. Adam eased back an inch. Sex really wasn’t on his mind right then, particularly the sort that resulted in physical injury.