Somebody to Love

by Danielle Burton

  “Yeah…” I tugged on the sleeve of my shirt. “But not that, not him. I’m not ready yet.” Chewing my lip, I watched him discreetly.

  He leaned against a table with a couple girls, flashing them that smile that made me melt. They were beautiful, curvy, perfect. Even if I did somehow conquer my fear and talk to him, I’d never measure up to them.

  ~ ♥ ~

  I lay across Esme’s bed, a medley of emotions flowing through me.

  I’d made it through the day unscathed;

  Happy.

  I had to do it again tomorrow;

  Nervous.

  My crush went to my school;

  Excited.

  I had zero chances with him;

  Utter sadness.

  Esme plopped down beside me, sending her long black hair flying up like a fan, and rested her head on my stomach. “Why the long face, Kirbsta?”

  Guess the sadness reflected the most. “Just keep thinking what if I’m like this forever. I’m sick of being scared of everything.”

  “Then stop.”

  I kissed my teeth. “It’s not that easy.”

  “Says who? Fear is an illusion. It has a way of tricking you into believing you can’t do things. It’s a liar. Stop believing it.”

  I sighed. She didn’t get it. She tried to, I’d give her that, but in the end, no one fully understood. I felt trapped within myself, like I was being held captive, and I hated it.

  “Let’s go out!” She hopped up and looked down at me.

  “Go where?”

  “A club, a party, something.”

  I sat up slowly and scooted back. “I don’t know…”

  “Come on, Kirby,” she whined. “I want to hang with my bestie outside of her treehouse for once. Please?” She laced her fingers under her chin and poked out her bottom lip.

  Giggling, I rolled my eyes at her. “I…I guess we could. Just, nowhere too crowded, kay?”

  She hopped up and down clapping her hands and I just shook my head. “Don’t worry I have the perfect place.”

  Next thing I knew I was being dragged toward the closet.

  “Let’s find you a sexy dress!”

  ~ ♥ ~

  My heart thumped louder than the music blasting from the speakers and my feet refused to move. I gaped at Esme as she danced in her spot. Her blue dress accentuated her curvy body. I’m sure mine made me look like straight line. Es was a Dominican beauty with deep cocoa skin and long, silky straight black hair.

  “Es, I said no crowds. I-I can’t do this.”

  Finally, my feet unglued themselves, only they went backwards.

  Esme grabbed my hand. “Relax, Kirb.” She laced her fingers through mine and squeezed my hand tight. “I won’t let go.”

  “Promise?

  “I swear on all the puppies and kittens in the world, I will not let your hand go. I got you. Always.”

  I gave her hand a squeeze back and smiled as we stepped deeper inside. Prepare to be conquered, Fear!

  Chapter Five

  ~ Haikeem ~

  My mom was mad at me again. When she’d discovered I was back to hanging out with Baz, she’d gone from nurturing to nightmare in an instant.

  Anger was a rare emotion for my mom, but I knew it had everything to do with my behavior as of late. What could I do though, turn back the hands of time? If only.

  The woman who’d given me life was so pissed at me in fact, that she’d barely uttered a goodbye to me when I’d left for campus. I’d be only a half hour from home, and would visit often like every year, but still, it kinda hurt.

  Savannah though, my Banana, had hugged me as if she’d never see me again. A piece of me died knowing were she to ever find out what type of man her big bro really was, her hero, she’d never look at me the same again.

  I had to put that aside for now though with class back in session. My personal life was one thing, but what I wouldn’t do was fuck up in school. My parents worked their asses off to get me here and I wasn’t about to make that all for nothing.

  The first day had been hectic, and judging by the syllabi from all my classes, the semester would entail more of the same.

  But tonight...tonight we partied!

  Up in the club with fifty-leven girls, and of course my crew at my side. You’d think with it being the first week of school, more folks would be hitting the books. But judging by the capacity at Werk, they had the same idea we did; Party and Bullshit.

  No luck with empty tables this time, standing room only. Sweaty bodies gyrating, drinks spilling, girls hollering when their favorite songs played, and guys spitting game. Welcome to RCU, or at least where the students seemed to congregate.

  We shoved our way to the bar where we had to wait almost twenty minutes to get our orders taken. As I sipped my Lemon Grotto, Nico yelled over the music, “It’s too fucking crowded in here. We should’ve hit up a house party or something.”

  Baz responded, “Bigger the crowd more pussy to go around. Ain’t that right, Keem?”

  I gave a small shrug which caused him to frown. “Man, what’s up with you lately?”

  “Nothing,” I yelled to be heard. “Just been in a rut.”

  “Well, the quickest way to get you out of it is to get you into some new pussy. Pussy is the cure for everything.”

  T cracked up at his words as always. “The man doesn’t lie.”

  I shrugged. “Maybe.”

  We stood in silence for a while, leaning against the empty area of the bar, sipping our drinks and bobbing to the music. I looked to my left and my heart shot right into my throat.

  Beauty was her name.

  Even in the horrible lighting of the club, that couldn’t be denied. She may as well had been a beacon because I couldn’t take my eyes off her. There was something familiar...

  “What you got your eye on, man?”

  I forced my gaze away to look at Baz. “What?”

  “See something you like?”

  I nodded in her direction. “Yellow dress.”

  He scoped her out a minute then returned his attention to me. “She’s...cute. Too skinny though. I say pass.”

  Something about his words caused my eye to twitch. I brushed them off and looked over at her again. She wasn’t that skinny. Slender, but not bony. What she didn’t have in body though, she made up for in…everything else.

  She sat with her back ruler straight and her hands tucked in her lap.

  The bartender had just delivered her drink when the seat beside her emptied.

  I pounced.

  I slid onto the stool and cleared my throat. “Excuse me.”

  When she faced me, my heart hit my rib cage. Her beauty was one thing from afar, but up close…damn.

  Large doe eyes were framed in the thickest lashes I’d ever seen. Her cute button nose fit her slender face and led down to full pouty lips that I couldn’t help but ponder the taste of. And her skin...damn, her skin. Tawny brown, smooth, and blemish free offset the pale yellow of her dress. She was damn near perfection.

  Apparently, I wasn’t the only party shocked. Her eyes went wide at the same time a gasp escaped her lips.

  “I’m sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you.” I took a moment to wet my lips, putting on my best LL Cool J moves, before flashing a smile and extending my hand. “I’m Haikeem.”

  Her mouth closed only to open again a second later in a strangled whimper. Moisture welled in her eyes and she clamped her hand over her mouth. She hopped off her stool, grabbed the hand of the girl beside her, and together they forced their way through the crowd until they were out of sight.

  “What the…”

  A second later the spots beside me were filled and laughter filtered through the music. “Daaaaamn.” My crew said in unison.

  Nico slapped my shoulder. “Bruuuuh, I ain’t never seen a curve that damn hard. Is you okay? Need a hug?”

  I shrugged him off and continued watching the crowd though she was long gone. I was tempted to follow, curiou
s to see if she’d make her escape in a pumpkin carriage.

  Sighing, I faced the bar and signaled the bartender for a refill.

  Apparently, The Three Stooges hadn’t had their fill of laughter. T added in his two cents. “Yo, I think he gon’ cry.”

  When my drink arrived, I turned and glared at them. “Fuck ya’ll.”

  They laughed again.

  Chapter Six

  ~ Kirby ~

  Sobs came so hard that I shook the entire bed. After my humiliation at the club, I’d made Esme drive me straight home. Didn’t feel like slumbering anymore. How could I when I pretty much wanted to die?

  “What happened?” Raina asked Es over my cries.

  “We were at this club, and–”

  “You took her to a club?” Raina screeched.

  Es was probably rolling her eyes. “She’s eighteen. Let her grow up already!”

  I faded into my own world as an argument ensued. My sisters had never been too fond of Esme, but she was my only friend, so they’d never take her away.

  Sometime later, someone touched my shoulder. I shrugged them off and scooted out of reach.

  “Kirb...”

  “I don’t want to talk to you, Esmeralda.”

  “Why? What’d I do?”

  I turned and glared at her through my tears. “You took me there. If we’d stayed in like I wanted this would’ve never happened.”

  She sighed and reached for my hand. I moved it away.

  “Okay, no touching. But Kirby, think about this logically. There is no way possible that I knew he would be there. How could I?”

  Dropping my gaze, I mulled over her words a couple times before concluding that she was right. I looked at her but didn’t speak through my fresh round of tears.

  “Besides, you’re missing the most important detail.”

  I sniffed, wiping at my eyes. “What’s that?”

  “He came over to talk to you, meaning he noticed you all on his own. You caught your crush’s eye, girl. How many can say that?”

  A small smile started to form on my lips but quickly died when another sob hit me, then a dozen more. “Yeah, but–” I fought to speak through the sobs. “Now he...probably thinks I...I’m a freak or retarded.” More sobs caved my chest in as I barreled into Esme’s arms. “I can never get anything right.”

  ~ ♥ ~

  “You really don’t have to walk me, Saige. I have a map of the campus and I remember where it is from the tour.”

  “I know.” She smiled, matching my stride despite me trying my best to outpace her. “I just wanted to make sure you made it okay.”

  I hid an eye roll by pretending to look over my shoulder.

  “So... how are you feeling about everything? College life. Pretty different than high school, huh?”

  “I guess. It’s only been a week. Still taking it all in.”

  “Right.” She nodded. “Of course. I’m so proud of you for taking this step. This is going to be an incredible experience for you and I know you’ll do great.” She beamed over at me. “You’re going to make an amazing teacher.”

  I returned her smile then faced forward. “Can’t wait.”

  Finally, we arrived at our destination and I looked at Saige. “Thanks for walking with me. See you at dinner.” I turned, jogged up the steps, and hurried in before she could reply.

  Inside the cool building, I heaved a sigh of relief to finally be alone. Pesky older sisters.

  Squaring my shoulders, I stepped deeper inside and smiled to myself. I liked libraries. Silence was mandatory, and for reasons I would never understand, they were usually empty. Like my tree house, they were a safe zone. Within the walls, surrounded by shelves and the tantalizing scent of books, new and old, my worries and fears washed away.

  I found a table and set my things down then was off to wander the aisles of River Crest University Campus Library.

  With a book tucked in my arms like my most prized possession, I glanced at the clock while heading back to my table. Esme was supposed to be meeting me here for a study session. We didn’t share any classes, but it was still nice to share each other’s company.

  I stepped out of the aisle, rounded the corner, and froze. Not only that, but my heart dropped right down into the pit of my stomach.

  How? Why?

  My brain couldn’t comprehend, but there he was. His tall frame leaned over the desk as he spoke to the librarian. Caramel skin glowing under the summer rays shining through the window. Can men be beautiful? Because he was. Even his profile.

  His hair was much longer than in the last photo he’d posted, and his beard, trimmed so neat. I bet he’d look good with locs.

  I traced my gaze down the rest of him. Flexed biceps hugged by a sky-blue tee. Faded jeans that fit just right. White sneakers that looked to have never been introduced to dirt.

  Slowly I moved back up, taking him in all over again. Blue was definitely his color.

  When I reached his face, my heart exploded right out of my chest. Those eyes, ones I’d spent hours staring at, were on me.

  My brain screamed retreat, but my feet would not budge. And my eyes, they wouldn’t look away from his.

  A smile crossed his lips then he pushed away from the desk. Next thing I knew he was moving toward me in lazy strides.

  Retreat! Retreat! Retreat!

  Finally, the cement around my feet crumbled away and I back peddled until I was tucked safely behind the shelf again.

  What now? I couldn’t spend the rest of my college life running and hiding from him. And how would I escape now? I couldn’t go back the way I came, I’d have to walk right past him.

  How could this be happening? This was supposed to be my safe place. How could–

  My air way constricted when a shadow loomed right outside of my hiding place. He didn’t turn the corner though. Just stood there.

  His voice caused a shot straight to my heart. “I’m gonna be honest here. I’m a little scared to ‘round this corner, because you might not be there. If you aren’t, I think I’d be sad about that.”

  I listened as he took a deep breath, then his face came into view.

  The frown etched in his features melted when his gaze landed on me and a smile took its place. “There she is.” He brought the rest of his body around, then leaned against the shelf in front of me. “You’re not gonna bolt on me again, are you?”

  My head moved slowly side to side. I didn’t even attempt to speak; the words would never make it past my throat.

  “Good.” He was still smiling. A lopsided kind of smile that had chills chasing each other down my back. “Now I can finally ask the question that’s been gnawing at me for a week.” He leaned just a bit closer. “What’s your name?”

  Gulp.

  He looked down at me expectantly, that smile still there.

  What world was this where my crush was smiling at me, and talking to me, wanting my name, knowing I exist?

  This was too much.

  Breathe girl. Talking isn’t hard, just...do it.

  I opened then closed my mouth and cleared my throat, but my voice still came out in a small squeak. “Kirby.”

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t get that.” He leaned down, placing his ear very close to my lips. So close I could nibble on it. And gosh he smelled good. Like fresh laundry.

  “K-Kirby,” I said in an almost whisper.

  He leaned back again, and that darn smile had my knees weak. “Kirby...I like that.” He stuck out his hand for me to shake. “I’m Haikeem, but all my friends call me Keem. You can, too.” He winked, and I was a goner.

  My knees gave and then I was on my butt.

  Haikeem...Keem dropped down in front of me. “Are you okay?” He touched the back of his hand to my forehead and frowned. “You’re hot.”

  He didn’t know the half of it.

  He looked me over, brows knitted together. His frown was just as lopsided as his smile. Just as sexy. “Can you stand?”

  “Um...”r />
  He stood and scooped me up in his arms.

  Ohmigod!

  He took me to the nearest table and sat me on top of it.

  Ohmigod!

  A fantasy formed in my mind.

  Him lifting me onto the table.

  Kissing me deeply.

  Touching me.

  Skin on my skin.

  I shook my head, trying to make the thoughts go away. Esme said I was the horniest virgin she’d ever met. We kept no secrets, so she knew all about my make-believe escapades with the boy with the lopsided smile and hazel eyes.

  Eyes that were on me now, looking me over with caution as he took my book and placed it beside me. “You’re shaking. Are you sick? Or Hypoglycemic?”

  “Um...”

  He took off his back pack and dug into the side pocket, producing a candy bar. “Here.” He tore open the Kit Kat and placed it in my trembling hands.

  I lifted it to my lips and took a small bite while staring at his belt buckle. It was designed after an old Nintendo controller.

  I peeked up and found him watching me intently. It seemed he’d do so until I finished the chocolate. So, what did I do? Nibbled it slowly. I think Esme would be proud.

  He picked up the book beside me and examined it. “Animation?”

  I nodded.

  “Is that your major?”

  I shook my head.

  More watching.

  More nibbling.

  Then he smiled.

  Swoon.

  “Shy, huh?”

  My cheeks heated up as I nodded.

  “Been there.”

  Now that was hard to believe, he seemed so confident, so debonair.

  Another thing I couldn’t believe was that this was happening. I was talking to my crush! Well...sort of.

  “Am I interrupting something?”

  We both turned toward the voice that infiltrated our bubble.

  “Hi, Esme.”

  She acknowledged me with a lifted brow and a smirk, then looked between Haikeem and I expectantly.

  “Esme,” I said softly. “This is Haikeem. Haikeem,” I said even softer. “This is my best friend, Esme.”

  That lopsided smile rose to the surface, those hazel eyes trained on mine. “She speaks.”