Here and Now (Forever and Always #13)

by E. L. Todd

  “Wow. That’s so nice of you.”

  “You’re my friend,” Monnique said. “I’ll always be nice to you—for the most part.”

  I chuckled. “Thanks, Monnique.”

  “You two have a good time.” She leaned close to me. “I like him. Keep him around.”

  Flynn smirked, seeming like he caught wind of her words.

  “I will.”

  “Good.”

  I grabbed my purse and we walked out the door.

  Flynn pushed me against the wall and gave me a hot kiss. It was so unexpected, I almost fell over. He devoured me for a moment, his hand gripping the back of my neck. “I like that dress on you.”

  “I picked up on that…” My words came out breathless.

  He grabbed my hand and led me out of the building. “Why don’t you just tell her the truth?”

  “I don’t want anyone to feel bad for me.”

  “If you need help, ask for it.”

  “I can survive without fancy clothes,” I shot back. “That’s not something worth complaining about.”

  He eyed me for a moment. “You have health insurance, right?”

  “Obamacare.”

  “Okay.”

  We arrived at the restaurant and were led to a table immediately. There was a line outside but Flynn must have made reservations. As soon as we sat down, I realized just how fancy this place was. And one look at the menu told me this would cost a fortune.

  “Relax,” Flynn said without looking at me. “Red or white wine?”

  “Either.”

  “Okay.”

  The waiter arrived and took our drink order.

  “We’ll have a bottle of your finest wine.”

  “Very well, sir.”

  I didn’t know much about wine, but I knew it could be ridiculously expensive. “Are you rich?” I blurted. After I said it, it was too late to take it back. I was screwed.

  He smirked. “Define rich.”

  “Like, you have lots of money?”

  “Then, yes. I’m rich.”

  “How…? I mean, I didn’t think an assistant director made much.”

  He shrugged. “I’ve worked on other things, more well known things. I have a considerable income, and a lot of it comes from investments and high dividend bonds.”

  “Well, you shouldn’t spend it frivolously.”

  For the first time, Flynn didn’t take the insult lightly. His mouth formed in a frown, and his eyes burned. I knew I crossed a line. “I like that you’re so down-to-earth and you don’t need money to be happy.” His voice was controlled, like he wanted to snap. “But the way I spend my money is none of your concern. Mind your own business.”

  Damn, he put me in my place. He gave me a long glare before he shifted his gaze to the people of the restaurant. It was awkward, like, really awkward. I didn’t know what to do. My hands were sweaty and I felt my heart race. He didn’t raise his voice, but I still felt like he shouted at me. It was a stupid thing to say and I regretted it, but I didn’t like his reaction either.

  Everything started to cave in on me. The classy restaurant was full of people wearing suits and gowns. Plates of caviar passed me. The wine flowed like a waterfall. Flynn’s aggression and anger radiated from his body and soaked into me. It was too much. I just wanted to get out of here. I drove Kyle away because I was too clingy and ugly. And now I was doing the same thing to Flynn. I was letting my own insecurities get in the way of a healthy relationship. I hated myself.

  I looked at the couples sitting at their tables, trying to calm down by watching others. When I recognized a face, my heart stopped. His brown hair was a little longer than I last remembered. His blue eyes were still artic and bright. They shined while he looked at the woman across from him. A smile was on his lips, and it was on hers as well. She wore a backless gown, and her hair was pushed over on one shoulder. Her features were perfect, even from this distance. And the rock on her fingers cast rainbows directly into my eye. She was beautiful, perfect.

  My heart lurched painfully when I saw them together. We’d been broken up for a year, but the abandonment still burned like it just happened. He was already engaged to her. That was too fast. He never smiled at me like that. He never looked at me like I was his entire world.

  My chest started to tighten and my tear ducts burned. The room started to spin while I watched them together, happy in their bliss. Weren’t we happy? Why was she better than me? What did I do wrong?

  I can’t do this. I need to get out of here. I didn’t want Kyle to see me. He would see the depression in my eyes and know I was still miserable, even after all this time. I would never recover from the way he hurt me. I would always be broken, shattered.

  The tears couldn’t be held back, and a few escaped.

  “Hazel, what’s wrong?”

  Flynn didn’t exist. I completely forgot about him. I pushed my chair out then moved across the restaurant without looking back. I looked for the exit, needing to get the hell out of here as fast as my feet would carry me. I bumped into a waiter and he almost dropped his tray. When I finally made it to the street, I breathed deeply, the pain burning my throat and lungs with every breath. I wiped my tears away, willing myself to calm down. I couldn’t do this right now. Why did I have to break down every time? Why couldn’t I be strong? Why couldn’t I look at him and just be happy for him? Why did I have to react like this?

  “Hazel, what the hell?” Flynn caught up to me and caught me by the arm. “I’m sorry I snapped at you, okay? I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

  I yanked out of his grasp. “Don’t touch me.”

  His eyes widened. “Look, I’m sorry. I apologized.”

  “It’s not you.” I turned away so he couldn’t see my face. “Just leave me alone.”

  “If it’s not me, why are you so upset?”

  “I…I need to leave.” I stepped away.

  He grabbed my arm and pulled me to his chest. He grabbed my chin and focused my look on him. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

  I breathed heavily, feeling the warm tears fall down my cheeks.

  He kissed them, making my breath hitch in my throat. “Hazel, come on.”

  “He’s…in there…with her.”

  “Who?”

  “Kyle.”

  He read my eyes for a moment. “Your ex?”

  I nodded. “And he’s engaged…already. I didn’t mean to overreact but I can’t stand to see him. He looks so damn happy. He never looked at me like that—ever.” More tears fell and I wiped them away. “God, I’m pathetic.”

  Flynn’s eyes softened. “No, you aren’t. He hurt you. And it’s okay to be sad.”

  “We’ve been broken up for a year. Why can’t I just get over it?”

  “Do you still miss him?”

  “No…”

  “Then it’s not the relationship you can’t get over. It’s the way he left you so easily.”

  Flynn understood me pretty well. I didn’t need to explain it to him. “It’s okay to be sad. But you won’t always feel this way. I promise.”

  “I can’t wait for that day to happen.” My tears disappeared as I calmed down. “I’m sorry I made a scene.”

  “Me too.”

  “What? You didn’t make one.”

  “I’m about to.” He left me then walked back in the restaurant.

  My heart rate jumped exponentially. My eyes widened and I couldn’t react. What did he just say? I moved to the window and watched Flynn head to their table. They were the only young couple in the restaurant, so it had to be them. I covered my face as I waited for Flynn to cause a scene.

  Flynn placed his hand on the table and leaned close to Kyle. When Kyle’s face crinkled in worry, I knew Flynn said something pretty threatening. Flynn spoke for a minute, getting in his face. Kyle’s fiancé leaned back in fear. Flynn said a few more words before he left their table. Kyle and his fiancé didn’t speak, just staring at each other blankly.

  Flynn came out of the r
estaurant then grabbed my hand. “Now let’s get something to eat.”

  “What? What did you say?”

  “Doesn’t matter.” He pulled me down the sidewalk.

  “Yes, it does matter.”

  “Hazel!”

  I turned at the sound of my name. Kyle gave me a sad look as he headed toward me.

  “I’m sorry.” He seemed sincere.

  Flynn dropped my hand then walked to him, a look of murder on his face. “I told you to leave her alone.”

  “I just want to apologize.”

  Flynn punched him in the jaw quicker than I could react. People nearby gasped and stepped away. “Bother her again and I’ll fucking kill you. Don’t text her, don’t seek her out. Leave her the hell alone.” He punched him in the stomach then pushed him to the ground. “She’s in much better hands now.” He adjusted his shirt then came back to me.

  I was frozen to the spot, unable to believe that just happened.

  “Let’s go.” Flynn yanked me with him.

  He guided me down the sidewalk. I was in a daze, unsure what just happened. We somehow ended up back at my apartment even though I wasn’t sure how we got there.

  Flynn picked up his phone and ordered a pizza then took off his jacket.

  I sat on the couch then stared at my hands in my lap.

  He sat beside me and didn’t touch me. “You okay?”

  “Why did you punch him?”

  “Because he spoke to you. I told him if he ever runs into you again or sees you, I’ll beat the shit out of him. And I’m a man of my word. He obviously thought I was bluffing.”

  “You didn’t have to do that…”

  “No one hurts my girl and gets away with it.”

  I looked at him, seeing him in a new way. “What did you say to him?”

  “That he made the biggest mistake of his life, but that’s okay because I get to reap all the benefits. I’m a better man for you anyway.” He leaned back and placed his ankle on his knee.

  “I can’t believe you did that.”

  “I’d do anything for you.” He rubbed his chin. “You didn’t see your face from across the table. I did. I watched the whole thing. Every emotion flooded through your body in waves. I watched the pain, the betrayal. I watched your entire relationship flash across your eyes. More importantly, I saw all the doubt and despair. I saw your self-confidence disappear. I saw your ability to trust shatter. Those are things he should pay for.”

  I knew Flynn was special after I got to know him, but I never expected him to be such a wonderful person. He was so sweet to me, always putting me first even when I didn’t deserve it. I thought he was just a playboy that wanted to get his kicks, but he turned out to be one of the most wonderful men I’ve ever known. He’d been patient with me from the beginning. “You’re…amazing.”

  He turned to me. “That’s not the word I’d use.”

  I moved into his lap and hugged him. “It’s the perfect word.” I closed my eyes and concentrated on the feel of his strong chest.

  His hand moved through my hair and he held me close. He kissed my forehead, making my skin burn. “I’m not like that to everyone. You’re very special to me. I’ve been looking for you for a long time.”

  I pulled my face away from his chest and met his look. “You have?”

  “And I know you’ve been looking for me for a long time too.”

  He rubbed his nose against mine then clutched my waist. He touched me like he loved me, adored me with his look like I was the only thing that mattered. I recognized that look, but not because I’d been the recipient before, or been the recipient from anyone. It was the way Kyle looked at his fiancé. And for the first time, someone looked at me that way.

  8

  Ryan

  Janice was pissed. I was pissed. It was a bad combination.

  “Go shove your head up your ass and don’t pull it out until you stop being a damn asshole.” Janice marched to the bedroom, her usual asylum when we fought.

  “No need. I’m leaving.” I grabbed my keys and my wallet. “I can’t even talk to you right now. You’re totally off your rocker.”

  “Don’t you dare leave.”

  “Unless you can compromise and see reason, I can’t even look at you right now.”

  She ran to the door then threw her body in front of it. “No.”

  It took all my strength not to grab her and throw her across the room. That’s how pissed I was. “Get the hell out of my way.”

  “No.” She crossed her arms over her chest and met my look, no fear in her eyes.

  “You should be scared of me, Janice. I’m about to snap.”

  She didn’t budge. “I’m not scared of anyone.”

  “Then you’re a fucking idiot.” I came closer to her, threatening her with my body.

  “We don’t leave when we’re fighting. We made that promise.”

  “Then don’t piss me off! It’s not that hard.” I looked at the list again. “Why the fuck do we need a band and a DJ? That just….makes no damn sense.”

  “Because a band can’t play every single song in the history of music, and a DJ can’t replicate live music.”

  “Are you a princess or something? Because you’re acting like a spoiled brat.”

  “And you’re being a douchebag. Ryan, this is my one special day. Let me have what I want.”

  “No.” My hands were shaking. “My limit is thirty thousand.”

  “You didn’t even buy a ring for me, so that saved you ten grand right there.”

  That was a slap in the face. “You think I gave you a tattoo to save money?” I couldn’t hold back the anger. “After I’ve given you the world, you think I would skimp out on that? That moment meant more to me than you’ll ever know. Money has nothing to do with it.”

  “I’m just saying we already saved money there.”

  “You’re a bitch, you know that?”

  “And you’re a fucking jackass.”

  I gripped my skull. “Move. Now.”

  “No.”

  I seriously considered jumping out the window and taking the fire escape.

  “We don’t leave until we are finished.”

  My resistant was waning. “This is how it’s going to be. Bring the wedding down to thirty thousand dollars, or there’s no wedding. Period.”

  Her eyes widened. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

  “It means exactly what I said it means. Have a cheaper wedding or don’t have a wedding altogether. It’s your call.”

  “So, it’s this or we’re done?”

  “No,” I said quickly. “It’s this or we get married at fucking city hall. You pick.” Even though I wanted to rip her head off, I couldn’t live without her. Breaking up was not an option.

  “City hall? Am I a knocked up homeless person?”

  I glared at her. “So, the thirty thousand dollar wedding it is.”

  “Ryan, it’s not about the money. I asked for your input this entire time and you didn’t pay attention to a damn thing I said. The price tag was sitting directly on everything. All you had to do was look. But instead of caring about the most important day of our lives, all you cared about was the Knicks. The fucking Knicks.”

  “The most important day of my life was when I met you. Everything changed. Spending thirty grand on a party isn’t going to solidify my love for you any more than it already is. Janice, this is ridiculous. Why can’t we just compromise here?”

  “Because you weren’t there for me when I asked you to be. If you wanted a wedding that was thirty grand, you should have told me. When I asked what you wanted, you said you didn’t give a shit. You told me I had the reins for this one and I could have whatever the hell I wanted, so that’s your fault, Ryan.”

  I was going to slap her. “Again, I meant under reasonable circumstances. Not fifty thousand dollars.”

  She gave me a look of menace. “How was I supposed to know that unless you communicated with me? The biggest expense is th
e Plaza, and that’s not something I’m willing to compromise on.”

  “How much is it?”

  Her eyes darted to the list in my hand then back to me.

  I held it to my eyes. “Fifteen thousand? Are you renting out the whole damn hotel?”

  “Just one of the conference rooms.”

  “Okay…that’s insane. You realize that’s how much people make a year, right?”

  Janice wasn’t budging. “So, you’re saying we should get married at city hall instead? That’s how we should spend our magical day?”

  “Or we could do something cheaper. Seriously, are we speaking the same language here? Because I feel like you aren’t understanding a damn word I’m saying.”

  Janice walked back to her room. “If you leave, I’m coming after you and dragging you by the hair.”

  “Wait. What happened to no one leaves until we figure this out?”

  “I’m not leaving,” she snapped. “I’m going in my room.”

  “That still constitutes as leaving.” I pointed a finger at her. “If I don’t get to walk out, neither do you.”

  “Not the same thing.”

  “Yes, it is.”

  I tossed my keys aside then moved to the couch. “So? What now?”

  “You tell me,” she said with an attitude.

  “Let me know when you pull your head out of your ass.”

  Her eyes flashed in anger. “Fine. If you want to have a cheaper wedding, you do it on your own.”

  I had no interest in doing that. Just listening to Janice talk about it with her friends put me to sleep.

  “That’s what I thought.”

  “How about we do it together?”

  “Like I originally asked?”

  I was getting sick of that bitchy attitude. “Can you calm the hell down and talk to me like a normal person?”

  “I will if you stop being a jerk off.”

  This needed to end now. I marched to her across the room, my arms swinging by my sides. Janice eyed my hands and stepped back for a second, the fear flashing across her face. Then she regained her courage and stood her ground. I shoved her into the door then pressed my body against hers. “Two can play this game.” I gripped her hair then kissed her hard on the mouth. She tried to fight me for a moment but I overpowered her with my strength and weight.