Unexpected Dreams: Dream Series, Book 4

by Isabelle Peterson

  My finger had reached that puckered hole just as Tanner mentioned it, and I lost it. I knew I screamed my release. The first spurt of cum shot hard and it only vaguely registered in my mind that it landed in my hair. Several more spurts landing from low on my belly to high on my chest.

  We sat on the line for a few moments, me collecting my breath, him—I didn’t know, but I was just happy knowing he was ‘there.’

  “Thursday cannot come soon enough,” he said.

  CHAPTER 25

  Tuesday was my first day back in the office since I’d gone to Chicago and I welcomed the routine. I asked Morgan to make travel plans for me to be in New York for next week on Monday the ninth for Phoebe’s birthday, and she jumped right on it. Then I locked myself in my office, asking Morgan to hold my calls because having had taken two days off last week there was lots to catch up on, stay on top of things. But working was difficult. For starters, there was the way I smelled. I used the new shower gel. Tanner’s brand of shower gel. Every time I breathed in, I was reminded of him. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea buying the same one. I’d had a semi ever since I showered this morning.

  The second thing that made focusing on work difficult was that I was nervous about seeing Aaron. We’d known each other for eighteen years. Would he see a change in me? I knew I had to talk to him. I had no idea how to go about that. I still hadn’t figured out when to have that particular conversation.

  I didn’t have long to wait. I wasn’t in my office for ten minutes before there was his rhythmic knock. “C’mon in, Aaron.”

  “How was the conference?” he asked a little more excitedly than someone should be asking about a bunch of boring math types getting together to learn about tax law changes, and financial strategies.

  “Long,” I smiled. “But I enjoyed getting away. Thanks. Oh! I have something for you.” I grabbed the bag with the signed Smokes’ jersey and handed it to Aaron.

  He pulled out the jersey and marveled. “Wow, when you get a kid a jersey, you get a kid a jersey! This is incredible!” He turned the shirt over. “How many signatures did you get?”

  “All the first string, most of the second. Coaches are on there, too.”

  “Well, you just secured ‘Best Uncle’ status. Jeremy. Is. Going. To. Go. Nuts! I told him you were going to the game, and he sat riveted to the TV watching it. He’s so stoked about Tanner moving this way for the Conquistadors.” Aaron slipped the shirt back into the bag and looked at me with a sly grin. “Soooo. Did you meet anyone?”

  I stopped and eyed him carefully.

  “Jeanette…” he repeated, but this time cupping his hands in front of his chest to show a big pair of boobs. “Blonde. Sexy as hell…”

  “Oh, Jeanette,” I replied, nodding, “Yup…met Jeanette.”

  “Is she as crazy in bed as they say she is? Man if I weren’t married and so in love with Nic…Spill. I heard she shaves it clean and has piercings,” he said pointing to his lower half.

  “I wouldn’t know,” I said, shaking my head.

  “What? Come on! Seriously? She’s fuckin’ hot! And—sorry—easy! And you, well…chicks just flock to you.”

  “Let’s just say you and I have different ideas of what ‘sexy as hell’ and ‘hot’ are.” I felt myself flush with memories of Tanner, so instead of letting Aaron notice, I got up and busied myself with the Keurig. “Coffee?” I offered.

  “Oh, no you don’t!” he said, standing and walking over so he faced me. “You got busy with someone. Who? Ellen? Don’t tell me Ellen. She looks too much like Elizabeth. Man, you need something different than Elizabeth.”

  Oh if you only knew, I thought loudly in my head.

  “Oh wait! Did you go and snag Kasumi? I hear she’s like a Japanese contortionist!”

  I stopped what I was doing and stared at him. “One, I don’t kiss and tell. And two…what the fuck? Are all these conferences sex-fests?”

  “I’ve, sadly, never been a lucky participant, but… yeah. Fine. You don’t kiss and tell…Which means…you got some!”

  “You’re an ass. Don’t you have files or clients?”

  “You did get laid! Yes!” He punched the air. “Now you can move on. Start dating again. Forget about the ones Nicole set you up with earlier this summer. She has this friend. She’s also recently divorced. She has one kid still at home, but—”

  I had to cut him off. This was absurd. “Not interested…but thanks.”

  “You cannot stay in your little closed-off life. You need to get out. Have fun. Companionship. I will not have a business partner who is blind with a hairy palm.”

  “Out,” I said pointing at my office door before I busted out laughing. If he only knew.

  “Fine,” he said sulking. He turned back and looked at me. “Just tell me what you’re looking for in a girl so Nic can find the right one. No kids…fine. Tall? Short? Curvy or thin? Exotic looks? Or something more American?”

  How about a dick? And an athlete’s body that could stop traffic? And a stubbly jaw? Maybe a couple of tattoos on his chest? But that wouldn’t do. I didn’t want just any guy. I wanted Tanner. Only Tanner.

  “Out,” I told him again. “The Reverend is coming in at ten-thirty. Oh, wait. Real quick. Phoebe wants me to come to New York for her birthday, so I’m going to take some personal days next week.

  “Right. Phoebe’s birthday. September ninth. That’s Monday, right? And, of course, you can take personal days. It’s what I’ve been trying to get you to do. As for the Reverend? You get bonus points for working with that blow-hard. Sorry, I know he’s a ‘man of the cloth’ and all, but the man he has some arcane ideas.” I looked at him questioningly. “Yeah,” he continued. “Nicole and I went to a wedding at his church in early August. He actually said something like, ‘It’s wonderful to see a healthy, heterosexual couple be bound in holy matrimony.’ I mean, yeah, it was the weekend after Prop Eight was overturned and the ban on same-sex marriage was lifted. But seriously to bring it up at a wedding? I know you were opposed to Eight, but personally, I never had a problem with it. Well, good luck with the Reverend.”

  He closed the door and it sounded like a jail cell door closing. I was going to be locked in this room soon with a man who hated me…or the man I had recently become. Wait…had Aaron just revealed that he’s okay with homosexuals?

  Wow, for some reason that word—homosexual. The word hit me so differently now. I’d always said it with such distain, but now I was one. Right?

  But… Aaron. He would be okay? No, I’m probably reading into it. He may not have a problem with others… but me?

  And the Reverend… The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. We’d met since Proposition 8 was overturned in late June. He’d never once brought up the topic in our meetings, but there’s always a first, right? Would I let him talk badly? Would I agree with any hate that came out of his mouth? I suddenly felt like putting the coffee aside and grabbing the gin.

  I made it through the meeting with the Reverend unscathed. I made sure to keep things professional, and strictly about finances, like I always had. At one point, it seemed he was about to say something, “The way the world is changing, son…It’s a cryin’ shame. Disregardin’ the word of the Lord. Sins bein’ made legal and…” Fortunately, at that moment, Morgan buzzed in to ask if a client could move her appointment from tomorrow to today, which gave me an easy excuse to halt the conversation. It was odd. It was like God intervening to shut the loudmouthed man up.

  CHAPTER 26

  By the end of the day, Morgan had my travel arrangements made for Sunday night and my trip to New York for Phoebe’s birthday. Tanner was busy at a banquet for the youth soccer organization, so I wouldn’t be on the phone with him tonight. Jim called and wanted to get together to watch the Giants game. Jessica was having the girls over for some home ‘Passion Party’ (whatever that meant), but the bottom line was that Jim had been kicked out of his place. I thought about having him over to my place to watch the game but afte
r having done what I did ‘with’ Tanner last night on the sofa, I felt odd having Jim over. So I told Jim the place was a mess and suggested we head out to a bar or something. He chose The Den. I hadn’t been there since meeting Tanner, and I quickly took Jim up on the offer.

  A few plates of wings and gravy fries, a couple pitchers of beer, and seven innings later, the Giants were losing to the Padres.

  “At least someone’s gonna go home a winner tonight,” Jim said winking at me.

  “Huh?”

  “That chick sitting at the bar talking to Jennifer. She’s been eyeing you all night.”

  I looked over at the bar and saw a woman talking to my favorite bartender. Jim was right; she was checking me out, if her response to my looking her way was any indication. She was okay looking, but she wasn’t Tanner.

  I shrugged and went back to my beer. Maybe I should just tell him, I thought.

  “Seriously dude? I don’t understand you. Girls have always wanted you. For as long as I can remember you always had the chicks lined up. Until Elizabeth, but even then they were always gawking at you. And they still do. At forty-fucking-five, you’re still a chick magnet. In college, you were The Man. Find that guy. Get over Elizabeth and get out there. She,” he said pointing at the brunette, “is willing. She’s stacked—shit, check out that rack! And she likes baseball for cryin’ out loud! Go. I’m going to the little boy’s room. You ask her out. If you’re not here when I get back, I’m totally in your corner. If you are here, I’m disappointed.” He got up and went down the hall to the men’s room. No, Jim would never understand.

  Jennifer came by the table. “He doesn’t get it does he?”

  “Oh hi, Jennifer. Get what?” I asked. For a second I was terrified that she had some crazy bartender psychic ability and that she knew I wasn’t into the girl at the bar…that there was a guy on my mind. That was absurd.

  She smiled and winked at me while collecting the dirty plates. “So, have you started dating that guy that almost got his ass kicked in here last month? He was cute.”

  I stopped cold. She was absolutely talking about Tanner. However, how…?

  “What was his name again? Tim, Tucker… No…”

  “Tanner?” I inserted, but as a question. “Well, he’s a client of mine, moving to Napa, wanted to set up retirement funds now that he’s retiring from playing soccer. He’s going to be coaching the Sonoma County Conquistadors next season. But he’s just a client.”

  “Hmm. I’m usually pretty good at that. Sorry,” she said and started to walk away.

  Was she serious? Was I now wearing some ‘I’m gay’ sign now? “Hey, Jennifer?”

  “Yeah?”

  “What made you think we were…dating?” I held my breath waiting for her answer.

  “The two of you, the way you sat for those couple of hours, talking and laughing. It wasn’t like buddies. It was…special. A ‘je ne sais quoi,’ you know? Maybe I’m losing my touch. Sorry. I didn’t mean anything by it.”

  “I—I dunno…” I trailed off. Maybe I could talk to her. Talking to a bartender was as good as talking to clergy, right?

  “I didn’t mean the bartender,” Jim said, walking up to the table and effectively ending the conversation. “Sorry, Jen, but I meant Greg was supposed to be talking to her.” Jim thumbed over his shoulder at the brunette.

  Jennifer glanced at me. “I’m not sure she’s quite right for Greg.”

  “You’re losing your touch, hon. She’s perfect for him.” Jim said to Jennifer before taking his seat. “Hey, can you bring the check when you get a sec?”

  “Sure thing,” Jennifer said, giving me a quick wink before heading back behind the bar.

  “You know, you better start dating someone soon or people will talk,” Jim said taking a swig of his beer.

  “What are they gonna say?” I asked.

  “That you’ve started playing for the other team now that Prop Eight has been overturned.” He burst out laughing and snorting, leaning back so far he almost flipped the chair.

  I wished he would have.

  At home, I couldn’t find sleep. My mind was flipping and turning with all the comments from Jim and Jennifer. As well as Aaron and the Reverend. Who else in my circle would not support what I’ve recently learned about myself?

  Was I even really committed to Tanner? Chicago was an experiment. Just because I did what I did with Tanner didn’t mean I was gay. Maybe I needed to back pedal. Maybe I needed a couple good dates with women and I’d be back to ‘Good ‘ole Greg’—right?

  I ignored the ache in my chest when I made that decision. Tanner was coming to Napa on Thursday. What was he expecting? I knew what I had hoped for when I got home from Chicago, and what was stashed in my side table, but now?

  I needed to back away from this. From Tanner. Nothing good would come of it. My whole life would implode. I’d been straight my whole life. I could go back to that. I had to go back to that.

  Wednesday sucked. I was exhausted and conflicted. My few clients were, thankfully, mindless exercises in placating the customer. Nothing challenging, nothing complicated. I spent the day in a fog, but I knew that the decision I had made was the right one. If I were moving to Chicago, not Tanner moving to Napa, things might be different—no, I knew they would be different.

  Around four o’clock, I got punched in the stomach when my phone beeped signaling a text message. I ignored it for as long as I could. Curiosity got the better of me after only ten minutes and I read the text.

  3:56pm

  How’s your day been?

  I’ve had a HARD time

  concentrating >;) (that’s

  supposed to be a smiley

  winking devil)

  Chat tonight? Maybe

  Skype?

  His innuendo didn’t go unnoticed and reading it made a certain part of me perk up. However, I had to stop this. I was going back to straight. I also didn’t want to lose Tanner as a client. Yeah, I was being a douche, but fear does crazy things to people, and I was scared shitless.

  I couldn’t let his text go ignored, so I shot back with a simple.

  4:16pm

  Been a tough day, too.

  Lots of catching up.

  Super busy, incredibly

  tired. It’ll be an early

  night for me. See you

  tomorrow.

  There. That will do it. Remove the possibility for a phone call, especially a video call. I felt like a major heel. I wasn’t being honest…Not to Tanner, not to myself. Self-preservation was important, right? I was protecting myself.

  Instead of sitting at home and wallowing in self-pity, I decided to head to the gym. At the very least, my decision about Tanner could lead to a more physically fit Greg. I worked out good and long, striving to exhaust myself so I wouldn’t be up all night thinking about what I was about to do to Tanner. I didn’t know why I was so concerned. He was probably just having fun with a previously-straight-turned-bi-curious guy. Note: bi-curious, not gay. I wasn’t gay. I had just been curious. I was going back to women. At the gym, I ran five miles, then lifted weights. I stayed away from the free-weights after my last experience over there, and stuck to the Nautilus with the women and older guys. I didn’t pay any of them much mind. I worked my upper body to fatigue: pecs, shoulders, biceps, triceps, and back.

  Thursday morning came too soon. I hadn’t slept at all. Tanner was arriving, and I was totally conflicted about seeing him. I really wanted to see him…way more than I wanted to admit to myself. I knew what I had to do. I ached all over—inside and out. Last night’s self-punishing workout really left a lasting impression.

  I thought about heading into work, but the thought didn’t sit well. I called in sick; something I hadn’t done in over twenty years. I’d always gone in, even when I was sick.

  I spent the day moping about, popping ibuprofen for my sore muscles and didn’t even shower. Slouched on the sofa, watching ESPN, hoping (and fearing) they’d run soccer segments. I con
sidered getting new furniture as the sofa brought about memories. I was such a loser. My phone pinged and I picked it up, knowing what was coming.

  4:42pm

  Home inspection is

  done. Some problems.

  I’ll explain at dinner.

  I’ll swing by the office

  and pick you up?

  Want to grab a burger

  at Fat Joey’s?

  I debated with myself while I came up with a reply. I was going to blow him off (no pun intended) and tell him I was sick—which I sorta was…in the head and heart. But seeing his text, I suddenly had to see him. He was here. In town. Nearby. I hastily messaged back:

  4:43pm

  I’m kinda beat today.

  Already at home.

  How about we order in?

  My place?

  Before I could change my mind, I hit send. His reply was immediate.

  4:43pm

  Oh. I guess that

  would be fine. Want

  me to pick up Fat Joey’s,

  same as you got last

  time? You had the Blue

  Ribbon with onions,

  and regular fries,

  right? Or do you want some

  thing else? Or we could

  decide when I get there.

  I stared at the screen amazed that he’d remembered what I’d ordered when we went a few weeks ago. Then again, I remembered the burger he’d ordered. The Bacon Cheeseburger with extra bacon, and sweet potato fries.

  4:45pm

  Blue Ribbon sounds

  perfect. Thanks. See

  you soon.

  I jumped off the sofa, shoved a couple of beer mugs in the freezer, and then ran to take a shower. I had no idea why I was torturing myself. This couldn’t continue. But one more visit.

  CHAPTER 27

  I didn’t know what to expect when I answered the door for Tanner. Actually, that’s a lie. I knew how I would feel. I knew it when I showered, using the shower gel that smelled like him. I knew it when I didn’t shave, hearing Tanner’s voice growling, ‘I like this,’ as he ran his fingers along my stubbly jaw on game day. I knew it when I chose the clothes for tonight, a black polo shirt that was snug fitting to show off my physique. I knew it when I kept checking my watch for time, and phone for a text.