Wood, Stone and Bone

by Ian Rodgers

“Rosa, why did you bring a Dire Moose out of the Dullwilds?” I asked slowly. At the edges of my senses I could tell guards had started to pour out of Tywood, while the adventurers scattered around were tensing up and reaching for weapons.

  (Because he looked lonely!) she replied, throwing her arms into the air as if it was obvious.

  I cast a critical gaze over the Dire Moose and could detect only muted annoyance coming from the beast.

  “He looks like he’s contemplating the best way to gore his way out of here,” the merchant retorted dryly, a few people nearby nodding in agreement.

  Traffic had ground to a halt thanks to the unexpected appearance. People were gawking like there was a circus attraction. Though to be fair, this was probably the most excitement they’d experienced in a long time. Or the first time many ordinary people had seen an actual Dire breed that wasn’t trying to kill them.

  At last though a small group of guards from Tywood pushed their way through the crowd and confronted us.

  “Alright, who is to blame for all of this?” the leader of the patrolmen demanded as he waved his hand at the traffic jam and enormous black moose with very large and sharp antlers. He was the oldest of the group and had the look of a veteran, yet retired, soldier.

  Rosa raised her hand into the air. The guards shared a look. The leader let out a deep sigh.

  “Well. That usually doesn’t work,” he admitted. He glanced down at his waist where a pair of handcuffs were, then back up at the diminutive form of the Feykin, then back at his restraints which were sized for humans.

  “Anyone of you brats have a sack or something?” he asked his fellow guards. Before one of them could answer I spoke up.

  “Excuse me, but I’d prefer it if you didn’t stuff my Familiar into a sack,” I spoke up, which drew their attention to me.

  “So, she’s yours, then?” The lead guard asked. From the way he was smiling when he looked from his handcuffs to my wrists I had a feeling I knew what he was so happy about.

  “We signed a Contract, yes. She’s my responsibility, so I apologize for any problems she’s caused,” I replied, trying not to be unnerved.

  “The little fairy hasn’t done anything wrong, sirs. Made a commotion of course, but it didn’t hurt anything. If perhaps she returned the beast to the forest we can put this all behind us?” the dwarf merchant spoke up from where he sat next to me on the wagon.

  The guards shared a look with their superior who had a look of disappointment flicker briefly across his face. I held back a whimper as he stared longingly at my unadorned wrists.

  Finally he relented and nodded. “As long it doesn’t rampage or anything. Fine. Send it back.”

  I nodded and turned to Rosa.

  “Time for your friend to go home, Rosa.”

  (But he just got here!) she cried. She flittered down and began squishing the Dire Moose’s cheeks. (Look! He’s so sad! He needs friends!)

  “Rosa, no,” I said shortly, crossing my ‘arms.’ “Send him back.”

  (You could ride him! He could be our valiant steed!) she whimpered. She gave me sad puppy eyes. I resisted by turning off my sight. If I couldn’t see, I couldn’t fall for what I was certain was a kind of hypnosis ability.

  “He is a Dire Moose. They don’t let people ride them.” The Carbuncle responded by flying onto his back and posing.

  “Fine, he lets you ride him. But that’s you, and not me.”

  (Please! I’ll brush him and feed him and love him!)

  “No! You cannot have him as a pet!” I said firmly. I then pointed off towards the Dullwilds. “It’s time for him to leave.”

  She whimpered softly but finally relented and flew in front of the Dire Moose.

  (I’m sorry, Mr. Sullivan, but you have to go home now. It was fun while it lasted, but our time is at an end!) she cried, hugging its face.

  The Dire Moose snorted, the gust of breath sending Rosa tumbling. It turned around and lumbered off, and I sensed a hint of relief from the ungulate as it wandered back to its habitat.

  (Bye-bye, Mr. Sullivan! I will never forget you!) she cried while waving her arms in farewell.

  Once the Dire Moose had left the road everyone let out a sigh of relief. A few even began to chuckle, amused at the antics my Familiar had gotten up to.

  “Well, that’s something you don’t see every day,” the merchant muttered to himself. I nodded absently, focusing instead on patting my Familiar comfortingly as she returned to her seat on my ‘shoulder.’

  “There, there. I’m sure you’ll have a chance to make new friends in Tywood,” I assured her. She perked up at that, and her smile returned immediately.

  “As long as she doesn’t befriend a dragon or something,” the dwarf said.

  “Don’t worry, there aren’t any of those around,” I replied, forestalling Rosa’s excitement.

  (Awww…) I ignored her disappointment and prepped myself for entering the walls. A bud of excitement started to grow within me as I thought about finding more on the rumors of talking Oozes.

  Maybe I wouldn’t have to be alone anymore.

  That was a nice thought, and I made my face wear a wide grin as the wagon rolled in past the gates. A strong scent of sawdust and wood varnish assaulted me, and I couldn’t help but wiggle in excitement.

  Time for some research!

  Chapter 6: Investigating rumors

  “Ah-hahahaha! Seriously?! She did that?!”

  “It’s not that funny, is it?”

  In response to my question Liliana let out another peal of laughter, toppling back onto the bed and flailing her legs as she roared with humor.

  I glanced over at Kine who was busy choking trying to contain her own mirth. I reached out with a tendril and patted her on the back to help clear her airways.

  The only one in the bedroom not laughing was surprisingly Verde. The Emerald Carbuncle did look inordinately proud of his daughter though. I suppose goofing off and playing tricks are inherent to Feykin.

  I had retreated up to my room after dinner with the dwarf merchant. A nice, tiny rented closet of a space was all I’d been able to rent at short notice, but it was roomy enough once I returned to my true form. I was glad the Adventurer’s Guild even offered rooms for rent. It made sense, since it was easier for adventurers to drop off requests and then rest if the mission had been particularly draining.

  Once safely secured in my closet, I put Rosa and Tara on guard duty and swiftly entered my mindscape. I then popped over to my clone in the Academy.

  I found Liliana and Kine working on homework in the princess’ room, and immediately joined them. Afterwards I spoke to them about what had happened in the days since we’d met.

  Rosa’s exploits always made for a good chuckle, but her antics earlier in the day made them all cry with mirth.

  “You need to get a leash or something for her,” Liliana gasped out as her laughter died out.

  “Agreed. At this rate she might actually find a dragon or something to play with,” Kine said, wiping tears from her eyes. They widened a second later and she rapidly knocked on the desk three times.

  A superstition to ward off tempting fate the act might have been, but after hearing about how I had to deal with insanity on a near daily basis, it was a nice decision not to give whatever deity that governed my fate any ideas.

  “Hey, Verde, any words of wisdom for your daughter?” I asked. He tilted his head and thought for a moment, but shrugged. He flittered down to the floor and drew a stick of chalk from a tiny satchel he wore and scribbled some words down.

  “‘Don’t eat anything bigger than your head?’ Odd fatherly advice, but I’ll pass it on,” I said after reading it. A moment later the chalk dust shifted and formed new words.

  “Oh, and she should practice her Earth magic? Understood. We both need to work on it. I’m getting better, and she’s helping with my training, but we’ve got a long way to go before we’re any good in a fight with it.”

  Verde nodded and wip
ed the chalk writing clear of the floor with a wave of his hand. I made a mental note to find a way for Rosa to learn how to write. It would be for the best if she could communicate with others without relying on me as an intermediary.

  I hopped into Liliana’s lap and she began to reflexively stroke my head.

  “Any word from the headmaster on that matter I asked him to look into?” I inquired after enjoying the petting for a moment.

  “Still nothing,” she said with a shake of her head. Since I had seen her last my owner had put her hair into a ponytail. I reached out with a tendril and fiddled with it, intrigued.

  “What do you think? Does it look good?” She asked curiously.

  “Not bad. Certainly keeps your hair out of the way when you do lab work,” I mused.

  “She overheard Markus and Crosus discussing their preferred hairstyles,” the Qwanese half-elf explained, and my owner’s face turned scarlet.

  “Kine!” she hissed.

  “Oh, really? Which one liked ponytails? Markus is your age, but Crosus does have the ‘handsome older student’ thing going on,” I said slyly.

  “It doesn’t matter!” Liliana shouted, face red enough to resemble a tomato. “Besides, I’m not the one who’s been hanging around Clarabel more often these days!”

  “She wanted help with some Rune work! Nothing more!” Now it was Kine’s turn to look like a boiled lobster.

  The two young woman began talking rapidly, denying each other’s accusations in a flurry of words. I shared a look with Verde who shrugged.

  ‘Women,’ he wrote on the floor before hastily wiping it away.

  I bobbed up and down in agreement. Women!

  I glanced out the window and saw the moon’s position was a bit higher in the starry sky.

  “I believe I shall take my leave now,” I announced. It went unnoticed by the pair of arguing ladies.

  “Can you remind Liliana that I have an appointment with the headmaster tomorrow evening?”

  ‘I’ll make sure your tank is near his office by six pm,’ the Carbuncle promised.

  “Thanks, Verde. You’re so much more helpful than Rosa.” The emerald bearing Feykin shrugged and floated over to watch the unfolding drama between his Contractor and her friend.

  I hopped up onto the desk and slipped into the glass tank that served as my clone’s bed. I let myself detach from the body double and returned my consciousness back to my own body for a good night’s rest.

  .

  Morning came to Tywood far too soon for my tastes, but I felt a nervous energy in my core as I woke. It was time to explore the city and find any scraps of information I could on the rumored Oozes.

  First things first, though, I browsed the jobs on Tywood Adventurer’s Guild quest board. A few caught my ‘eye,’ and I registered for a request to brew a dozen Minor Healing Potions. Easy enough to do. I could have those ready before lunch!

  The pay was decent as well. And with Rosa bouncing around on the brim of my hat eagerly looking at everything, I knew I would be paying for her in one way or another.

  “Now Rosa, try to be patient today,” I begged her as we stepped out of the Guild building. “Don’t touch anything that isn’t yours, and please don’t break anything. Our funds can’t take much more of your playing.”

  She put on a stern expression and snapped a salute before devolving in giggles that tipped her over. I sighed, but knew that that was the best I’d get out of her for now.

  The first stop on my rumor hunting rounds was the gate house. Local law enforcement often had an ear to the ground when it came to information, if only to keep abreast of criminal activities, and I felt they might have had something to share.

  The gate house which housed the guards was a medium sized two-story building built directly into the wall next to the entrance to Tywood. A soldier could man the walls, operate the gate, or observe foot traffic all from a single location.

  As I got closer I was halted by a man with a crossbow.

  “Can I help you?” he asked, looking me over.

  Ignoring the piercing stare, I made my ‘head’ nod.

  “I was hoping to ask a few questions for an investigation I’m conducting,” I explained, holding my hands out in front of me in a placating gesture. He gave a ‘humph’ but allowed me to approach.

  “What are you looking into?”

  “I’m a student from the Royal Varian Mages Academy,” I began. “My patron and I are currently researching Oozes.”

  “And what does that have to do with us guards?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

  “I’ve heard rumors about Oozes capable of human speech. I was curious, and in the area.”

  The guard sighed. “Ah. I’ve heard of those, but don’t know anything about it. The captain might have, though. He arrested the man who was spouting those rumors, so if anyone knows about them, it would be him.”

  “Why was the rumormonger arrested?” I asked in concern. The guard alleviated my worries with a laugh.

  “The way I heard it, the guy who was talking about slimes was stone cold drunk one night, and ranting and raving about it. He got into a scuffle and was thrown in jail for indecent exposure and drunken rowdiness.”

  “Indecent exposure?”

  “Man took off his trousers and tried to strangle the guard captain with them when he came to arrest him,” the guard said in a deadpan. I coughed as an incredulous gasp and a chuckle happened at the same time. Rosa had no difficulties though, her bell-like voice chiming sweetly with her mirth.

  “So, is it possible to set up a meeting with the captain?” I inquired. The guard shrugged.

  “He’s on duty noon to evenings except on Nuldays. Come back after lunch and he might see you.”

  I nodded my head slightly in thanks and walked off, pleased that I had a lead to follow so soon.

  ~Where are you going to delve for information next?~ Tara asked politely from over the mind link.

  ‘The stores along the main road. Those tend to get plenty of foot traffic in and out of Tywood based on how the city is set up. If anyone’s heard anything of any kind, odds are it was heard there at some point,’ I thought back.

  “Also, Rosa, if you go more than three feet from me I will stuff you into one of my pockets and keep you there for the rest of the day,” I warned. She pouted but I refused to bend.

  “It’s that or I get you a leash like Liliana suggested.” At her horrified expression I quickly amended the threat. “But only in settlements, or places with lots of people! Not when we’re traveling alone!”

  She grudgingly acquiesced to my request, but continued to show her disapproval by folding her arms and huffing.

  ~Excellent work,~ Tara informed me privately. I thanked her before making my way into the market place.

  Stalls and street vendors often had a better grasp of fresh local gossip, but store owners tended to have a stronger connection to the wider world, not just local. I vacillated between the two options before deciding on checking with the street vendors first. They had more irregular operating hours than stores so information might dry up if I waited too long.

  “What’s fresh?” I asked a vegetable seller. The woman running the stand gestured to everything.

  “Grown locally and without any magic,” she said proudly. I picked up a carrot and examined it before buying it and a few others. I passed her the coins and slipped them into a pocket on my robes. She raised an eyebrow at that before shrugging. I was a mage, after all, and dressed the part. We were generally seen as eccentric.

  “Have you heard anything interesting about Oozes recently?” I asked.

  “No. A few crawl out of the Dullwilds every so often, but they’re easily repelled,” the shopkeeper said.

  “Not all Oozes are bad. Green Oozes in particular can help plants grow,” I said as I looked over the turnips. The woman scoffed.

  “Our farm doesn’t use magic to grow anything we sell. Been that way for generations. We don’t need a crutch.”r />
  I nodded silently before buying an apple and moving on to another stall. I passed the ripe red apple up to Rosa who took the snack eagerly. The fruit was as big as she was, but she put her back into eating it.

  It took a while going from stall to stall before I finally got anything substantial.

  “Talking slimes? Yeah, I heard something like that,” a rope merchant said as he measured out the length I had requested.

  “Really?” I asked eagerly, leaning in slightly.

  “Just that someone claimed that a group of something were spotted near Arv Prith late last summer. Said they looked human, but at the same time, like they were made from slimy mucus.”

  “Hold on, human shaped talking Oozes?” I gasped. The merchant shrugged.

  “S’what they said. Me, I’ve never seen a slime bigger than my foot, so unless they were like that little lady on your shoulder and super tiny humans, I doubt they were really made of goo,” he said, snipping off the segment and passing it to me.

  “Five coppers, please. Anyways, I bet that person just saw a bunch of dripping wet people. Arv Prith is a port, after all. Maybe some folks went swimming or something.”

  He shrugged as I slipped the material into my pockets. “Guess it doesn’t really matter. The guy who was talking about talking slimes was a crazy drunk. Tried to strangle the guard captain with his trousers, ya know?”

  Again, I couldn’t help a snort of laughter escaping me. Rosa and the rope seller had no compunctions about cracking up over it and shared a hearty chortle.

  “See ya around kid. And keep an eye on your fairy friend there. We’ve all heard about what she came riding in on yesterday. Sure was funny though, seeing all the guards in a tizzy.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind, mister,” I said politely and walked off.

  (I liked him,) Rosa said happily. (He appreciated my genius!)

  “I think he was just impressed someone broke up the monotony of the week with that stunt,” I said in a whisper back to her.

  I glanced at the sun and shadows, and deduced it was close to noon. My suspicions were confirmed when the bell tower tolled the hour.

  “Lunch and then the guard captain?” I offered and my Familiar beamed.