Wood, Stone and Bone

by Ian Rodgers

  (I want more apples! And maybe a pear!)

  (You can have one or the other, not both,” I scolded. “Don’t want you becoming rounder than your gem, now do we?”

  She bopped me on the head playfully in response to the teasing.

  I decided to try some roasted vegetable skewers for lunch. One of the stalls had been emitting a tantalizing aroma for a while now and my gelatinous body had started to grumble with hunger. With care I made sure to eat only the veggies, not the wood. Be hard to explain why I had eaten the stick along with the rest of the meal.

  Rosa enjoyed one as well, taking the stick once she was done with the food on it and began to play fight with it, using the wooden skewer as a pretend rapier. It was longer than she was tall though so she looked like a pole vaulter trying to do tricks.

  After another hour browsing the street vendors I headed back to the gate house, intent on getting an interview with the captain.

  “Is he in?” I asked the guard from last time. He nodded.

  “Just arrived now. Give him another few minutes to get his armor on before you ask to speak with him, though. He’s a hard stickler for rules, too, so try not to do anything that might make him want to arrest you while you’re around him.”

  I thanked the crossbowman for the advice and stepped inside. The front room was empty except for a desk next to another door. A guard was going over ledgers and shipping manifests, no doubt keeping an eye out for smugglers trying to sneak something past through their paper work.

  He glanced up and waved me past, so I slipped deeper into the building.

  Here was a resting area for the guards who were coming off duty with a few wooden benches and a shelf with cubbyholes dedicated to individual guardsmen.

  A handful of men were lazing around when I entered. They gave me an odd look but let me through when I explained what I wanted.

  “If he’s not in his office, the captain’ll be on the walls patrolling,” one of them said.

  “You’re all very relaxed around someone who just sort of waltzed in,” I mentioned, and one of the guards snorted.

  “We know who you are. Words get around quickly about a mage whose Familiar came riding into Tywood on a Dire Moose.”

  Rosa puffed out her chest proudly at the attention.

  “You’ve been behaving so far, as has your fairy, and that makes you alright in our books. Plus, Fred told us you’d be stopping by.”

  “The guard with the crossbow?” I asked, and got a round of nods in confirmation.

  “Well, thank you for the vote of confidence,” I said, touched. I then headed deeper into the building in search of the captain’s quarters.

  When I found the man I stifled a groan. Tara giggled at my reaction. Thanks to my enhanced senses, I saw the world differently than humans. One of my unique senses was the ability to ‘see’ magic. I could tell people apart based on their mana, and based on energy signature coming from behind the door to the office the captain was the grizzled veteran from yesterday.

  ‘Let’s hope he doesn’t hold grudges,’ I thought to my companions.

  (Why would he do that?) Rosa asked, tilting her head. (If anything, I was the one who made the scene so I’d be in trouble, not you.)

  ~Jelly, relax,~ Tara said soothingly. ~Don’t get worked up. You’re just a mage interested in Oozes. You’ve done nothing wrong. Maybe there was a bit of a disturbance but nothing else.~

  When I remained uncertain and nervous the Spirit of Knowledge who lived in my mind sighed and I felt the sensation of a hug envelop me from out of nowhere.

  ~Not everyone will react like what happened in Norhelm, Jelly. And we’ll be with you all the way.~

  I let out a breath and felt a tiny bit of tension bleed away.

  ‘Thanks, Tara. And is that a new trick? I was able to actually feel you that time!’

  ~Yup! Been working on it with Rosa. We can talk about the theory behind it after your meeting with Mr. Grumpy Captain.~

  ‘Alright, I’ll hold you to that,’ I said with a mental chuckle before hardening my ‘fist’ and rapping on the door.

  The sound was rather dull and muted since I lacked the skin, muscles, and bones in a real hand to pull off a proper knocking sound.

  ‘Note to self, investigating a spell that lets me pull off a knocking sound,’ I thought, before a gruff voice called out for me to open the door.

  I swallowed down my nerves and entered. I made sure to close the door behind me when I did and stood at attention in front of the captain’s desk.

  The veteran raised an eyebrow at my stiffness but decided to get to the point.

  “Well, if it isn’t the moose rider and her owner,” the guard captain said with a raised eyebrow. I wilted slightly as he stared at my wrists, no doubt imagining them fitted into handcuffs. “I heard you want to know more about the man who was raving about talking slimes. Explain to me why that is.”

  “I’m a student from the Royal Varian Mage’s Academy, and I am helping a friend of mine with their research, which happens to involve Oozes,” I said. “I heard a rumor about a bunch which could talk, supposedly, but that’s the extent. I was hoping you might know more.”

  The man shrugged. “Eh, it’s not really a secret or anything. Listen carefully though, ‘cause I won’t repeat myself.”

  I nodded eagerly and manifested some paper and a sliver of charcoal from my Dimensional Pocket to take notes with. The grizzled man blinked in surprise at seeing them appear from nowhere but shrugged it off as ‘magic.’ Which it was.

  “The man’s name was Raldo. He’d come into town early spring this year as part of a merchant caravan. He was a guard. Not an adventurer, just some hired muscle,” the captain revealed. I jotted the name down for future reference. As I wrote the man removed a file from his desk and was looking it over. A quick glance with some magic told me it was the arrest report for the drunk.

  “Raldo was drinking in the Watery Bear tavern after arriving with his group, and was fairly inebriated by nine in the evening. Couldn’t hold his alcohol, it seemed. He started to talk about things he’d seen on the road. Apparently, he saw some humans made of slime down near Arv Prith. When asked to clarify or support his claim, he said something about ‘those slippery freaks stole my favorite pair of trousers.’”

  I looked up from my notes and morphed my illusion mask into an incredulous expression.

  “He was blaming humanoid Oozes for stealing his pants?” I asked in disbelief. Rosa giggled.

  “Yup. Continued to rant about how they were invading from the depths of the forests and would replace people with jiggly fakes. No one appeared to be taking him seriously,” the captain explained. “Then he got rowdy. He was a feisty drunk, and tried to pick fights with some of the people who loudly claimed they did not believe him. He threw the first punch and got a good old fashioned bar brawl going. I and a team of guards were sent in to settle it down.”

  “And then he tried to strangle you with his pants,” I finished for him. A scowl split his face, doing interesting things to his scars and wrinkles.

  “Heard about that, did you? Damn embarrassing story is what it is. Hardly one of my finer moments. Only reason he got the drop on me was because we were all stunned senseless to see a man charging at us without trousers.” The scowl morphed into a smirk and I shivered in fear. “It felt good slapping those handcuffs on him.”

  “So what happened afterwards?” I asked.

  “He spent the next week in the jailhouse and then had to pay a fine for disturbing the peace,” the captain said. “Afterwards he left, shamed and embarrassed. Don’t know where he went afterwards. Sure hasn’t shown his face around here since.”

  “Huh. I was hoping for something more substantial,” I muttered, mostly to myself.

  A feeling of failure settled on my core and I resisted the urge to sigh. I felt like I had been close to an answer! Was it really so much to ask the Divine Family to have things go my way for once?

  A cough b
rought my attention back to the guard captain.

  “Quit your whining, bratty mage. Just because you didn’t hear what you wanted doesn’t mean you can’t find it elsewhere.”

  I thought over his words before lighting up with joy. “Arv Prith! I just have to look around there for more clues!”

  The captain nodded. “Glad to see you can think after being told how to. Your teachers at the Academy must have loved you.”

  “Well, thanks for the help,” I said, bowing politely before making my way to exit. As I placed a hand on the doorknob the captain called out to me.

  “Oh, before I forget, I just wanted to warn you that if you cause any trouble, I will enjoy slapping you in irons. And don’t think your flimsy illusions can hide you from me.”

  I went stock still, fear rooting me to the floor. I shook my head violently though and proceeded to leave despite the terror coursing through me.

  ~He only knew you were disguising yourself. No need to worry so much,~ Tara assured me as we left the gate house.

  ‘It’s just been a while since a non-mage has seen through it,’ I replied sullenly. ‘Honestly, I expected one of the sharper eyed merchants to pierce the veil of my illusions.’

  (I think Mr. Grumpy saw through you because you had something to hide, and he’s supposed to find people like that.)

  I paused for a moment, stunned and impressed by Rosa’s thoughtful insight. I sometimes forgot that, for all her playfulness and childish antics, she was a Carbuncle, and thus a being who was about as intelligent as a human all things considered.

  She just rarely displayed anything other than the ‘playful fairy’ side of herself.

  ~I think you might be right about that, Rosa. Excellent deduction,~ Tara praised.

  I reached up and rubbed her head fondly. “I think you’re correct as well. He’s supposed to hunt ne’er do wells and people with things to hide. It makes sense he would feel something was off about me.”

  I looked around and headed back towards the market place. The potions I had been brewing inside my Dimensional Pocket were done, and it was time to hand them over to complete the request.

  After that, I decided to continue looking around the stores for more information on the rumors. I wasn’t entirely satisfied with what the guard captain had had to say. Maybe I could find someone who’d been at the tavern when the drunk guy was there?

  Chapter 7: Ranking up

  “You’ve improved. You’re able to cast most of your Level Three spells and below chantlessly.”

  “Thank you, headmaster,” I panted.

  Evening had arrived, and with it my scheduled appointment with Arnolt Cantos. Since I was no longer on the campus of the Academy my lessons with him were more sporadic.

  That he still wished to train me despite my desire for ‘long distance learning’ touched my core.

  Of course, most goodwill and thanks dried up after I was exhausted after another round of his ruthless teaching methods.

  Arnolt Cantos, Headmaster of the Royal Varian Mage’s Academy and one of the few X-ranked individuals on the planet, was a harsh task master when it came to learning magic. His methods were cruel and very unusual, but they got results. One plus side to being an Ooze was lacking any of the muscles of organs that would be heaving in pain right now.

  “Oh, get over it, you blubbery baby,” Arnolt snorted. “All I did was force you to cast spells over and over.”

  “You made me cast spells constantly without giving me a moment to rest or recover while you shot your own spells at me!” I retorted, my body jiggling as I rolled over to rest a corner of the training hall.

  The headmaster shrugged and looked over the area. Littered with blast marks and elemental damage, it was more like a battlefield than a place for students to train. He began to chant and wave his staff, and started to repair most of the damage.

  “Using magic is harder to do in this copy of myself,” I complained. A bottle of glowing blue liquid was plopped down next to me and I eagerly took it and chugged the contents.

  I sighed in contented relief as I felt mana flood my form once more.

  “I keep telling you that this is only a spare body! I can only do so much without it rupturing. And then I’d lose my only immediate link to Liliana and the Academy,” I reminded the white bearded sorcerer. He merely rolled his eyes as he downed a Mana Replenishing Potion of his own.

  “Yes, yes, I know. But if you can cast spells using your cloned body, then anything you do in your real one will be vastly improved,” Arnolt retorted. “Think of it like training with a handicap. I find that depriving oneself of a main advantage and working to rise above it does wonders.”

  “Just out of morbid curiosity, how would you have trained me if I had been a human?” I asked, dreading the answer.

  “Blindfolded and with one hand tied behind your back,” the Archsage revealed.

  I had no words. I was suddenly very glad to be an Ooze at the moment.

  “So, Jelly, I’ve heard about the ‘Talking Ooze’ rumors. How goes the search?” the headmaster asked as we returned to his office. I was being carried in his arms since I was too small to walk and keep up with his pace.

  “All evidence points to Arv Prith, or the area thereabouts,” I said, relaying what I had found over the course of the day. “I’ll be heading out there in a week or so.”

  “Interesting. Arv Prith, or ‘Water Gate’ as it would be translated from dwarfish, is one of three Clanholds in Orria. It’s also one of only two ports that the dwarves control. If you do go there, you might want to brush up on dwarven customs and language. They are big on honor and respect, and showing you know their culture is one of the best ways to do so,” Arnolt stated.

  “I see. Certainly makes sense. I met a dwarf merchant on the way to Tywood and we had some enlightening conversations on various subjects,” I said.

  “Oh, and while you’re at it, why not look into advancing your adventuring rank?” Arnolt suggested. “You are currently D-rank, and getting to C-rank would give you better access to goods and services, as well as more difficult missions. All of which you’ll need if you want to get stronger.”

  “Haven’t thought about that much, but you make a compelling argument,” I said as I was dropped onto the headmaster’s desk. I rolled a bit before coming to a stop next to a stack of paperwork.

  “Most guilds in towns and minor cities have one or two Promotion Quests available at any time. I bet Tywood is no different.”

  “Got it. And speaking of ‘wood,’ have you found out what sort of magic my stalker is using?” I asked, curious.

  “I have an idea,” Arnolt revealed hesitantly. “But if I’m right – which I pray to the Divine Family is not the case – then I’ll need to do some digging into old records about dark magic that has not seen the light of day in four centuries or so.”

  I winced at that. Now I knew why Tara didn’t have any information on the kind of magic used on me. If it really was as forbidden as it sounded, then any knowledge of this brand of spells would be locked up in the Academy’s Vault, a crypt used to contain dangerous and experimental magic and artifacts. Akasha’s Brain, which my resident Spirit of Knowledge had been born from, had no access to the contents of the Vault and thus could not relay their information to me.

  “Will you even tell me about it then? If it is so secret…” I trailed off as Arnolt pet me on the top of my rotund body.

  “Like it or not, you’re now part of something bigger than nations or organizations. You’ve been chosen to be a vital part in a prophecy that will determine the fate of Erafore. I think I can afford to give you as much information as you require in order for you to succeed,” the headmaster said kindly, going from a stern instructor to a grandfatherly mentor. I let my worries leave as I enjoyed the petting.

  “Of course, some secrets are not mine to tell. But rest assured I will let you know when and if you need it,” he assured me.

  “Thank you,” I said happily. He picked m
e up and plopped me down in my glass tank, which was next to his desk.

  “Before you go, Jelly, I wanted to ask you to think about what you’ll do if there are sapient Oozes like yourself,” Arnolt said. “I understand you’ve been having doubts, and are concerned about being alone and not understood by people, but you’ll always have a home to come to here at the Academy.”

  “Thank you,” I repeated, this time with a hint of remorse in my tone. I closed off my senses and willed myself to return to my original body.

  With a whooshing, sucking sensation I fell back into my mindscape.

  ~How were the lessons, Jelly?~ Tara asked as I appeared in the mental bedroom.

  “Difficult as usual,” I said softly. She caught on to my mood and decided I needed a hug. I was grateful for the contact and the thoughtfulness of her actions and let my worries flee for the moment.

  .

  “…and that’s how I solved the mystery of Tagonfield Manor!”

  “Wow. I mean, you hear about Apostate Towers capable of changing form, but it’s not every day you have to fight a demonically possessed building while you’re trapped inside!” I exclaimed, clapping. Rosa joined in too, her enthusiasm more than making up for the volume. A tall, ruggedly handsome man took a bow at the praise before quaffing a pint of ale.

  It was the evening of my third day in Tywood. After my lessons with Headmaster Arnolt I’d enquired about Promotion Quests. There indeed had been one on offer: escort a merchant caravan to Arv Prith. It seemed like fortune favored me that week, as the request took care of my need to travel to the dwarven port city, and my advancement to C-rank within the Guild.

  Of course, before I could sign up for the quest the Guild needed to double check their records. So, while I waited for the receptionist at Tywood’s Guild branch to get the confirmation to give me the quest, I was spending time with a senior adventurer who’d likely be joining me on my mission.

  “So, Sir Yorrik, was that the most dangerous mission you’ve ever had?”

  “Haven’t been knighted, so calling me ‘sir’ feels weird. And yes. So far it was one of the worst missions I’ve had the displeasure of working on. Most of my team made it out alive, but sadly not everyone survived.” A moment of respectful silence passed as we honored the dead, and I took a peek at the man across the table from me.