Hopeful

by Shelley Shepard Gray

  But instead of gritting her teeth and making the best of an awkward situation, Mary Kate had taken off without even saying good-bye and had really embarrassed Miriam.

  Though she’d tried to temper her hurt and anger, instead of easing as her Sunday passed, they only got worse. Mary Kate had told Junior that she would stop by Miriam’s home later that day and explain herself.

  So Miriam had spent the day avoiding conversations about Junior with her mother, biding her time until Mary Kate came over and they could discuss everything.

  But Mary Kate never came.

  That was when Miriam knew she was going to have to find an opportunity talk to Mary Kate herself. She kept half waiting for Junior to show up unexpectedly, wanting a report on what Mary Kate had said.

  She quickly walked over to the schoolhouse after work. But when she got there, the building was all locked up. One of the men in their church group was pulling some of the weeds in the pretty flower beds around the front walkway.

  “Miss Mary Kate took off as soon as the last child left here,” he said. “Scurried out of here like her feet were on fire, she did.”

  Miriam thanked him for the report, then turned around and walked all the way down the other side of Main Street. She was determined to put things to right with her girlfriend, no matter what.

  She’d just passed the Grabers’ store when she spied the man who’d been sitting alone in the restaurant the other day. He was walking toward her, and once again his gaze was piercing. He also looked mildly irritated.

  She ducked her head as they got closer, hoping he wouldn’t recognize her. But instead, he stopped and signaled to her.

  “You’re the woman from the Sugarcreek Inn, aren’t you? You were my server.”

  “Jah.”

  “Miriam.”

  “You remembered my name.” She tried to sound happy about that, but in truth it made her feel a little uneasy.

  “I never forget faces or names.”

  For some reason, she wasn’t comforted by that statement. “That’s quite a talent,” she said lightly, hoping to merely share greetings then move on.

  “I was just out for a walk this afternoon. Would you care to walk with me for a little bit?”

  His invitation was too forward. And made her feel even more apprehensive to be around him. “I’m, ah, sorry, but I’m on my way to see a friend.”

  “Are you meeting your boyfriend?”

  “Nee, it’s a girlfriend.” Then of course she wished she hadn’t said anything. It was none of his business. And she was getting the feeling that the less he knew about her the better.

  “So you don’t have a boyfriend?”

  His probing questions were starting to make her naerfich. “I must go.”

  “Of course. Don’t worry, we’ll see each other again soon.” She swallowed hard and started walking. His confidence unsettled her. She’d never met a man who’d been so forward. She didn’t know what to think about him. She breathed a sigh of relief when she was sure he hadn’t followed her.

  Her heart beating a bit too fast, she stopped at the empty hardware store, raced upstairs to Mary Kate’s apartment, then pounded on her door. When she heard nothing, she knocked even harder. “Mary Kate?” she called out. “Mary Kate, are you here?”

  With a click of a deadbolt, Mary Kate opened up her door. “Whatever is wrong? You knocked so hard you could have woken the dead.”

  “Nothing’s wrong, I simply wanted to see you. May I come in?”

  Mary Kate stepped back to allow her in. The moment Miriam walked inside, Mary Kate shut the door behind her and clicked back the deadbolt.

  Miriam looked at the thick lock on the door in surprise. “Why are you locking the door?”

  “I always do. Now, why are you looking so flustered and out of breath?”

  For a moment, Miriam was tempted to tell her about her encounter with the man from the restaurant and his personal questions. But on second thought, she pushed it back. Mary Kate was obviously feeling a little worried, and the last thing she needed to hear about was Miriam’s suspicions about an unfamiliar man. Talk about letting her imagination get the best of her!

  “I’ve been chasing you down all afternoon, since you didn’t stop by my house yesterday.”

  Mary Kate’s expression turned mulish. “Is that right? What do you need to talk about?”

  “Yesterday’s lunch, of course. I can’t believe you left like you did.”

  Mary Kate crossed her arms in front of her chest. “So you came over to yell at me?”

  “I came over to get a reason, since you didn’t feel like telling anyone why you were so anxious to leave. And, for your information, I am not yelling.”

  “I had told you that I didn’t want to eat with the Beilers.”

  “I know you said you weren’t interested in Junior, but if you just got to know him . . .”

  “I have nothing against Junior, Miriam.”

  “Well, you had to have known the way you left would make things awkward for me. Junior was pretty upset.”

  Mary Kate stared at her for long moment, then unfolded her arms and turned away to the window. “Miriam, I told you about what happened between me and Will. And I’ve told you about how I felt about my job at the school.”

  “And . . .”

  “And, those two things seem like pretty good reasons not to want to sit with a man who wants to date me and just happens to have a sister who is struggling in my classroom.” She turned back to Miriam, her look vaguely accusing. “And, if you want to know the whole truth, I was irritated with you. You set up a date with me and Junior without even asking how I felt about it.”

  “It was hardly a date.”

  With obvious impatience, Mary Kate shrugged. “I’m sorry if I was rude, but all of it could have been avoided if you simply asked me if I wanted to sit with them instead of telling me.”

  “I told you, he really likes you. And he’s such a gut man. You should give him a chance.”

  Mary Kate winced. “I can’t. I simply cannot.”

  Miriam practically gaped at her. “I know you don’t want to enter another bad relationship, but you have to realize . . . Junior Beiler, well, he’s the most eligible bachelor in town! So many have wondered why he hasn’t married yet, and here he finally takes an interest in you . . . ”

  “Miriam, I don’t know how many ways I can tell you this. I am not interested in Junior. For your sake, I wish I was. But I’m not. At all.”

  Relief warred with frustration. Miriam hated to think of Mary Kate and Junior being together. But she also hated the idea of Junior pining for Mary Kate and continually using Miriam to get Mary Kate’s attention.

  “Is there something else going on?” Mary Kate’s tone was softer now. “Do you like him?”

  “It doesn’t matter if I did.”

  “Sure it does. We’re friends.”

  “Mary Kate, Junior Beiler doesn’t think of me in a romantic way.” As much as it pained her to say the words, they did feel cleansing. Sometimes confronting the cold, hard truth made a person feel better. Kind of.

  “Maybe he will one day.” Her voice gentled. “He’d be a fool not to come to his senses and see that you’re super.”

  “I doubt that.”

  “Miriam, as soon as the school year ends, I’m going to tell the school board that I don’t want to return. I don’t want to be a teacher anymore. I’m not good at it, and it’s not fair that the children have to have someone like me as their teacher.”

  “I’m sure you’re a better teacher than you think.”

  “Even if I am, I know I don’t want to stay in Sugarcreek.”

  Just the thought of losing her best friend so suddenly made her feel sick. “There are lots of other things you can do here. Why, you can work at the Sugarcreek Inn with me.”

  “Nee. I want to leave. I need to leave. I really am hoping to move to Florida.” Looking at her somewhat ramshackle apartment, she said, “I had hoped I wou
ld be happy here. Maybe even start over. But every night when I go to sleep my heart beats loudly. I get scared. It’s not far enough away, Miriam.”

  “Why are you so scared? Have you heard from Will?”

  “Nee. I mean, not exactly. There’s just something inside me that feels a little strange. Every once in a while I feel a prickling at the back of my neck, like he’s nearby.” She shook her head, like she was clearing her head. “I’m sure it’s just my imagination, though.”

  Mary Kate sounded so firm, so final, Miriam knew she wasn’t going to change her mind.

  And that made her more depressed than ever. At the end of the school year Mary Kate would be leaving. And Miriam would be remaining in Sugarcreek, doing the same job that she was tired of, living with her parents who wished she was living in another house as someone’s wife.

  Only now, it would be worse. Because her parents would think that Miriam had messed up her chances with Junior. And she would have no other single girl who was so like her to confide in and joke with.

  She’d be more alone than ever.

  That lump that had formed in her throat got a little bigger. It seemed she had misjudged a lot of things lately. She’d been so sure that one day Junior Beiler was going to look at her and suddenly return her affections.

  She’d been so certain that she and Mary Kate were as close as sisters, that they’d built a strong friendship with each other, and it would always be that way.

  Now it felt as if everything was spiraling even further out of control. No matter how hard she was attempting to hold on to her dreams, it was obvious that it was time to let them go.

  Mary Kate sighed. “Miriam, please don’t look so bedrohwa, so sad! I promise, none of this is your fault. If anything, you should be pleased about everything I’ve been saying. Obviously, I’m a mess! I’ve got a lot of problems right now. At the moment I’m not being a very good friend or teacher. And I’m certainly in no condition to be a good girlfriend.”

  “I hate to hear you say things like that.”

  “Sometimes the truth hurts, but it needs to be said. But I’m okay with that, too. I promise, Miriam, there’s really nothing to be so upset about.”

  Miriam tried to push the thoughts of her friend leaving out of mind. For now, she had to deal with the issue at hand. “I wonder what I should say to Junior the next time we meet.” Trying to lighten the tension and make a joke about her situation, Miriam looked at Mary Kate hopefully. “Any ideas?”

  “I don’t think it’s your job to tell him anything,” she said gently. “He shouldn’t ask so much of you. And don’t worry, if he asks me to go out with him next time I see him, I’ll tell him how I feel.”

  “Don’t do that!”

  “Miriam, I don’t like him. He seems like a perfectly nice person, but he’s not the man for me. No man is right for me right now.”

  “I’ll have to tell him something else.”

  “Miriam, he shouldn’t have gotten you involved in the first place. We’re not silly teenagers. If he wanted to get to know me, all he had to do was talk to me at school. You shouldn’t feel so responsible.”

  “Easy for you to say.”

  With a sigh, Mary Kate crossed her arms over her chest. “Miriam, I think the real question is, what do you want to do about Junior Beiler?”

  Ruthlessly, she pushed any and all visions of Junior gazing at her with affection away. Instead, she lifted her chin. “This conversation is not about me.”

  “But maybe it should be. Don’tcha think? And for the record, though he seems like a nice man, he doesn’t seem all that special. If he doesn’t already see what a good person you are, then you shouldn’t waste another minute of your time on him. You deserve someone better.”

  Miriam supposed Mary Kate had a point. But that was because Mary Kate didn’t know Junior like she did. “Let me tell you a story about Junior. When his daed died, he was barely twenty years old. Just a kid, really, just coming off his rumspringa. He loved sports, loved to hang out with his friends. He . . . He was just an average man, you know?”

  “What happened when his daed died?”

  “Just a few weeks after, a couple of their relatives who had stayed after the funeral made some offers. They wanted to break up his family. All the aunts and uncles were each going to take a couple of the siblings and raise them. They were very kind about it, of course. They wanted to help care for their nieces and nephews. But Junior refused to let any of them leave.”

  Mary Kate blinked. “Even Kaylene? She must have been very small then.”

  “She was only four. He was especially protective of Kaylene, and she was the one his relatives wanted to take most of all. One day I was working at the Sugarcreek Inn and I heard him arguing with some cousins from Pennsylvania. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but their voices got loud. Anyway, I heard him say that he loved his sister, loved his family more than anything in the world. And that he would do anything he could to keep them all together. Even give up all his dreams.”

  Miriam sighed, getting slightly choked up at the memory. “That was when I knew he was a really special person, Mary Kate. I understand why you’re not excited about being courted. But I will tell you that if you ever do change your mind, he would be worth it.”

  “I’ll remember that, Miriam. Thank you. So, are we done arguing yet?”

  “I’d like to be.”

  “Me, too.” Gesturing toward her couch, Mary Kate asked, “Want to sit down and tell me about your day?”

  “Only if you tell me about your day at school.”

  Mary Kate chuckled. “Something did happen today that was kind of cute. Little Sammy Yoder brought in a pig’s tail today. And his pet lizard. Of course both got lost in the classroom.” She rolled her eyes. “That lizard created quite a ruckus, I’ll tell you that!”

  Settling into the soft cushions of the couch, Miriam said, “That sounds a lot more fun than making five chicken potpies and waiting on a table of six who didn’t believe in tipping. Although . . . Mrs. Kent has an admirer.”

  “Who?”

  “The new manager of the English grocery store! He came over to the restaurant just to see her.”

  And just like that, they were chatting like they used to. Sharing stories and commiserating about the life of being working girls.

  After another hour, Miriam went home feeling a hundred percent better.

  She’d needed that girl time.

  In fact, she was feeling so good about things, she hardly minded her mother grilling her about her day, and whether she had any plans with Junior.

  She was just about to admit the whole ugly truth about Junior and his infatuation with the uninterested Mary Kate when her father opened the front door and called for her.

  Concerned, Miriam rushed from the kitchen to see what he needed. “Yes, Daed?”

  “Looks like your young man has returned, Miriam.”

  While she could practically feel her mother beaming behind her, she said, “Daed, what are you talking about?”

  “Junior Beiler is at the end of the street, walking toward here with a spring in his step. Looks like you’ve got a caller tonight, dear.”

  Her mother clasped her hands together in what looked like a combination of excitement and prayer. “Oh, my goodness.” Then she looked at Miriam and frowned. “Miriam, go freshen up!”

  At the moment Miriam didn’t care whether she looked fresh or not. But she definitely did need a moment to gather her thoughts, so she rushed to her room and washed her face.

  And took the time to pray. Lord, I don’t know what you have in mind for me tonight, but please stay with me, would you? I think I’m going to really need you more than ever.

  Almost as soon as she finished her brief, somewhat frantic prayer, her mother called out for her.

  “Miriam, do you want to serve cheese and crackers or yesterday’s brownies?”

  If Miriam had been the type of woman to stomp her foot in frustration, she definitely would hav
e. For the first time in her life, she was dreading a chance to chat with Junior Beiler.

  “Neither,” she grumbled as she walked down the stairs.

  chapter twelve

  The moment Miriam left, Mary Kate turned both locks on her door, then pulled out the letter she’d been reading when Miriam showed up unannounced. Though she’d meant to keep her whereabouts a secret, she’d given into loneliness and had reached out to her parents.

  Slowly she sat down on the couch, carefully unfolded her mother’s letter and steeled herself to read it yet again.

  However, it didn’t matter how much she tried to remain calm. Within seconds, her pulse began to race and her hands began to shake as she forced herself to read the words for a third time.

  Last night, we had dinner with the Lotts and just happened to see that nice Will. He’s gotten so handsome, Mary Kate! And he’s so considerate, too. He sat down with us, asked about my sprained wrist (more about that later!), and then said he couldn’t leave without hearing all the latest news about you.

  Even though you asked me to keep it a secret, I simply had to tell him all about how you’re a teacher.

  He was mighty surprised!

  But then he said he thought you must be a good one, because you are so smart and sweet. Dear, he also asked me to be sure you knew that he was thinking about you.

  Wasn’t that so kind of him?

  I don’t know what happened between the two of you, but I hope you forgive him soon. You know how all of us have hoped and prayed that you and Will would one day marry.

  Her mother’s note continued, telling Mary Kate about how she tripped on her father’s boot that he’d left out in the middle of the room in the middle of the night. She told her all about going to the doctor to get her wrist looked at, but how it wasn’t broken but only a sprain.

  Pages more chatted on about all kinds of things, none of which Mary Kate would ever remember.

  All she cared about was that Will knew that she was teaching school at an Amish schoolhouse. Deep down, she knew it was now only a matter of time before he found her.

  She knew she hadn’t moved far enough away. She also knew that she wasn’t going to be able to wait until June to head south.