Nachos & Hash

by Brandon Witt

  Darwin wasn’t sure if he was ushering in love or heartbreak and angst, but he knew he wasn’t going to be the same after Cody Russell got done with him. He could feel it in his bones.

  “YOU REALLY like Mexican food, huh?” Cody forked some of their shared carnitas onto his corn tortilla.

  Darwin had been in midbite of his taco, and he raised his eyebrows. He chewed for a few seconds, then lifted his hand to cover his mouth as he spoke. “I do.” His eyes grew large. “Oh crap. Do you not like Mexican food? I didn’t even ask, did I?”

  Shit. Cody had been trying to bring up something to talk about. He was bad at this. So very bad. Of course, why wouldn’t he be? “No, I do. I like it. It’s just that you were having nachos at Mary’s when I met you, then you were at Casa Bonita, and now you brought me here, to Patsquar….”

  “Patzcuaro’s.”

  “Right. That.” Cody forced a smile. “That’s a lot of Mexican food.”

  Darwin swallowed and lowered his hand. “I didn’t even think of that. This is one of my favorite meals in Denver. I’ve been here a couple of times on other… dates….” A blush crept over his cheeks.

  And now he’d made Darwin embarrassed. Just what they needed. There’d been a lull in conversation the entire dinner. Not that there’d been much talking on the drive to the restaurant to begin with. “Oh, that’s okay. I don’t mind coming where you’ve been on other dates.”

  “I didn’t even think of that either.” Darwin paused, looking like he was trying to figure out what to say. Cody braced himself. Darwin’s shoulders slumped, and he sighed. “Honestly, I’ve been almost career dating since I moved to Denver. I was literally deciding to stop for a while when Mark got pulled up on stage, and then you started talking to me. There’s not too many places in Denver I haven’t been on a date.”

  “I’ve never been on a date.” The words were out of his mouth before Cody realized what he was saying. The look on Darwin’s face nearly made Cody sink below the table.

  “You what?” Darwin’s blue eyes darted back and forth as he held Cody’s gaze. “I thought you said….” He glanced around and then lowered his voice. “I thought you said you weren’t a virgin. I’m so sorry about the other night. If I’d have known….”

  Despite his embarrassment, Cody laughed. “I said I’ve never been on a date. Not that I haven’t had sex. You don’t have to date to have sex.” What kind of charmed life had Darwin led that made him think sex equaled dates? Probably not the kind where you got screwed in alleyways and bathroom stalls. Suddenly an overwhelming urge washed over Cody to put it all out there. He couldn’t understand to begin with why Darwin wanted to go on a date with him, so he might as well find out if Darwin would want to stay on the date. Cody was simply being honest. Or maybe he was trying to ruin everything before it could get good. Like he always did. Exactly like his father said. He ruined everything.

  “I had you pick me up at Starbucks because I live in a low-income apartment. I didn’t want you to see it.” That was all he meant to say, but his stupid tongue kept moving. “I don’t think I’m like you, Darwin. You’re gorgeous and smart. You’re a professor—” Darwin started to speak, but Cody couldn’t stop. “You have nice clothes, a great place to live. You go on dates. I fuck in the backseats of cars. The backseat of your car looks like it hasn’t had so much as an empty McDonald’s bag in it. I don’t even own a car.” For some reason, that last admission was too much, and he shut up. He glared down at his plate, his eyes burning. He suddenly realized he’d been louder than he’d meant to be. Holy fuck. Probably everyone in the small restaurant had heard him.

  When Darwin didn’t speak, Cody looked over at him, almost expecting him to have run away.

  The smile Darwin gave appeared hesitant and full of pity. No, he and Darwin were definitely not the same type of people. A date was a dumb idea. The hookup had been enough of a stretch. A date was just stupid.

  “Are you okay?”

  Was he okay? What the hell was that supposed to mean? “Yeah. I’m good. I can take care of myself. I don’t need you to do anything.”

  Darwin flinched at his sharp tone, causing a slice of guilt to cut through Cody. “I didn’t mean it like that. You just sounded upset.”

  “Sorry.” God. He really was a fuckup.

  “I don’t care about where you live or your car, Cody.”

  Cody narrowed his eyes but tried to keep from looking hostile. “I don’t want to be a charity case.”

  Darwin started to speak, paused, and then leaned forward. “Then don’t act like one.”

  It was Cody’s turn to flinch.

  Darwin rushed on before Cody had a chance to defend himself. “I’m not trying to insult you, but you’re the one embarrassed. You’re the one who didn’t want me to see where you live. I don’t care how nice your place is.”

  “Then you’re the first one.”

  “And I’m not a professor. I’m doing cancer research.”

  In the back of his mind, Cody vaguely remembered Steven saying that. “That’s pretty much the same thing.”

  Darwin sighed. “Listen. I like you, and I can’t explain it, but I feel something when I’m with you. From the moment you sat down to talk to me at Mary’s. And then even more when we were… at my place. You’re beautiful. I don’t know much more about you than that, other than you come from a similar background and that someone has made you feel like shit. And I understand that too, even though I’m sure it’s not the same. But you’re convinced we’re too different. Maybe we are. We can stay on this date, or we can just end it.”

  A weird mix of relief and panic flooded through Cody at the same time, overwhelming his brain.

  Darwin must have been able to read it in his expression. “I’m not saying I want to end it, but maybe we should. No hard feelings. Like I said, I feel something for you, even though I can’t explain it. Remember all those dates I said I’ve been on?”

  Cody nodded, not sure what to say.

  “Whatever it is I’m feeling when I’m with you, I haven’t felt it on any of those. Not a one.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah. Really. You said you feel it too, didn’t you?”

  Cody scoffed. “Yeah, but that only makes sense. I’ve never been with someone like you.”

  “I don’t know what that means.” Darwin leaned forward again, resting both forearms on the table. “Who do you think I am?”

  Gorgeous. Perfect. Rich. Someone a hell of a lot better than Cody. “You haven’t done the things I’ve done. I’m from a little trailer park in Kansas. My dad is a mean, alcoholic son of a bitch. Mom has five kids, and I was the runt everyone else picked on.”

  “Me too.”

  Cody looked at him in disbelief. “You grew up in a trailer park?”

  “No.” Darwin laughed softly. “Not that part, sorry. I was a runt. I was the littlest guy in my high school. I didn’t get my growth spurt until college. I thought it was never going to happen. I’m still not as big as my dad. He’s huge.”

  It wasn’t like Darwin was built like a superhero or anything, but Cody couldn’t picture him being small and getting picked on.

  “I dropped out of high school.”

  And that did cause Darwin to blink.

  Cody felt a strange sense of accomplishment. He must be broken; he really was trying to chase away the best guy who’d ever been interested in him. He wished he could take it back, suddenly. Take it all back and start again. “I did get my GED, though.”

  Darwin didn’t speak for an eternity.

  It was easy to see he was debating with himself. Probably trying to figure out how guilty he would feel later if he got up and walked away. Again Cody kicked himself. He couldn’t keep his mouth shut, could he? He’d always talked too much, but he normally didn’t vomit all his shit over people. Made a sick sort of sense that he’d saved that for a guy like Darwin.

  “So….” Even as Darwin started to speak, there was hesitation written all over
him. “I’d originally planned on us driving a few blocks down and getting ice cream from Little Man and walking around the park in LoDo.” He took a deep breath and let it out. “Part of me is thinking we should end where we are. The other part kinda hurts inside when I think about that. I can’t even say why, other than what I’ve already said.” He looked Cody straight in the eyes. “I don’t think you’re not good enough for me. And I think I’d like to explore these feelings we have. However, I don’t want to keep doing this”—he waved his hands in the air between them—“so what do you think? Wanna get ice cream and talk about movies and music and crap like that?”

  Cody was afraid of what would happen if he spoke, so he just nodded.

  Fuck you, Dad. He was not going to screw this up any more than he already had.

  THEY GOT double-scoop waffle cones and walked around Confluence Park, skyscrapers to the east, the river and the highway on the west, mountains silhouetted against the setting sun in the distance. Sometimes they did exactly what Darwin suggested and talked about movies. Other times they stood watching people tube down the river.

  Cody nearly jumped out of his skin when Darwin took his hand. He jerked his hand free. There were tons of people milling around them in the park. He glanced around, trying to see if anyone noticed.

  Darwin smiled at him. “It’s okay, Cody. We’re not in a small Midwest town anymore. Neither of us are. Most people here don’t give a shit.” He held out his hand and waited for Cody to take it.

  With his heart beating in his throat, Cody reached out his hand and grasped Darwin’s. There was apprehension because of the people around them, but a lot of the fear was due to the warmth of Darwin’s skin, the arousing comfort of Darwin slipping his fingers in between Cody’s. He wasn’t going to tell Darwin he’d never held hands before. Didn’t try to shock him or push him away by admitting he’d lost his virginity to a guy at a nearby truck stop when he was fifteen, but had never held hands. He shut his mouth, tightened his grip, and breathed.

  After the sun disappeared, they rested on the concrete steps that ran along part of the river, water lapping near their shoes, and watched a group of hippies spinning chains with metal balls full of fire through the air. Darwin slipped his arm over Cody’s shoulders, and Cody leaned against him, wishing the night would never end.

  “YOU REALLY don’t think it’s strange for me to be here?”

  Vahin stared at him, as if expecting Darwin to say more, before speaking. “To be here at Mary’s? Why would that be strange?”

  Darwin felt like it should be obvious. “Cody and I have only had one date, and this is my second time hanging out here this week.”

  “That’s stupid. This is Mary’s. Who wouldn’t want to hang out here? It’s the best gay place in Denver. Now—” Vahin paused as the crowd around the bar erupted in cheers from the events of the televised game. “It would be strange if Cody worked at an office and you sat at his cubicle staring at him, but you’re not. You’re having amazing food and talking to the sexiest bartender this side of the Atlantic.”

  “You think I stare at him?” He probably did. Hell, he was sure he did, but he’d not realized he was that obvious.

  Vahin laughed. “That wasn’t what I was saying, but, yeah, you stare at him sometimes. But again, not the same as if he had some other job.” He motioned toward the dining area. “Look at him. He’s fucking adorable. Who wouldn’t stare? You’re a bit smitten. It’s cute. I wouldn’t say you were acting creepy at all.”

  “Great! Thanks. I’d not even mentioned creepy.” Darwin followed Vahin’s gesture, even if he was being creepy, and watched Cody checking on his tables. Though not loud or overly demonstrative, Cody looked happy. It was similar to how he’d been when he was diving. He seemed less self-conscious and more at ease. Darwin could see the man Cody was turning into in those moments. They made him even more beautiful.

  But smitten? Was he smitten?

  Yeah, probably.

  Vahin smacked him on the arm, drawing Darwin’s attention away from Cody. “Quit overthinking. That’s the quickest way to ruin something good. You’re both young, dumb, and full of cum. Enjoy it.”

  Darwin’s cheeks burned. “You’re horrible.”

  Vahin shrugged. “I’m not wrong.” His expression grew more serious. “I do hope you can relax and enjoy it. You seem like a really great guy, and I know Cody is about the sweetest kid I’ve ever met. I couldn’t dream up two better guys to get together if I had to.”

  “I wouldn’t say we’re together. We’ve only had—”

  “Stop it, Blondie,” Vahin cut him off. “That’s what I’m talking about. Don’t overthink. Enjoy.” He reached below the counter of the bar. “Here, have a beer.”

  “I don’t want a beer.”

  “Oh, for fuck….” Vahin let out an exaggerated groan and made of show of popping off the cap of the beer and picking up a cherry from the tray of garnishes. “Here. Pretend it’s a Cherry Coke.” He dropped it in the bottle.

  “Gross.” Cody squeezed up to the bar, his warm body pressed against Darwin’s arm. “I’ve never seen anyone order a beer like that.”

  Vahin burst out laughing.

  “I didn’t order it.” Darwin cast a glare over at Vahin. “I think you need to tell Steven and Pat they should find a better bartender.”

  “Shut your mouth, boy. There’s no such thing!” Vahin plopped a second cherry into the bottle. “For that, I’m not looking away until you chug that whole thing.”

  Cody’s lips curved into a playful grin. “Sorry to ruin your fun, Vahin, but I actually have an order that needs filled. A vodka cranberry, gin and tonic, and an old-fashioned.”

  “Sorry, Cody. Can’t help you until your boy toy here does as directed.” Vahin tapped the bottle.

  Darwin bugged his eyes out at him. “You can’t be serious.”

  “Vahin, don’t be mean.”

  “No use begging, Cody.” Vahin’s smile grew as he refocused on Darwin. “Better do it quick before I pour in olive juice to top it off.”

  Beside him, Cody giggled. It was that sound, soft and barely audible over the noise of the restaurant, that made Darwin pick up the beer. Letting out his breath, he lifted the bottle to his lips, tilted his head back, and drank.

  “Chug it, chug it, chug it.” Vahin smacked the bar top with every chant.

  Darwin had only chugged one other beer in his life, and he was determined to have this time not end with beer spraying out his nose. He drank until one of the cherries hit his tongue. Feeling a ridiculous sense of pride, he managed to swallow the rest of beer and the cherry without any sprayage and slammed the empty beer bottle onto the bar.

  Vahin cheered, then lifted the bottle and gave a little shake, his grin disappearing. “There’s still a cherry in here, Darwin.”

  “Oh, come on, you’ve got to be kidding.”

  “Tell you what.” Vahin turned to Cody. “Hold out your hand.”

  He did, and Vahin turned the bottle over. The cherry fell out onto Cody’s palm with the last few drops of beer.

  “Now, feed your lover.”

  It was Cody’s turn to blush. “Vahin….”

  “Come on, don’t make me get the whole restaurant to watch.”

  Cody turned to Darwin, holding up the cherry. “Sorry about this.”

  Darwin wasn’t. Suddenly the rest of the room disappeared and only Cody’s bright blue eyes remained.

  Darwin opened his mouth.

  Cody tentatively lifted the cherry to Darwin’s lips.

  Surprising himself probably as much as Cody, Darwin leaned forward and placed his lips over the cherry and the tips of Cody’s fingers, lingering there an instant before slowly pulling back.

  The expression in Cody’s gaze changed, growing heated.

  The moment was shattered as Vahin let out a loud whoop. “Now that’s how you eat a cherry, kids! Damn!” He shook a finger at them. “If Cody weren’t like a brother to me, I’d be taking you two home with me t
onight.” He turned his attention to Cody. “All right. I’ll make your drinks. You earned it. Now go wash your hands, you dirty boy.”

  As Vahin turned away, Cody met Darwin’s gaze once more. “Sorry about that.”

  “Don’t be.” Surprising himself for the second time in less than a minute, Darwin reached out, grabbed Cody’s waist, and pulled him in for a kiss.

  “SO, I thought and thought, and finally realized there was a place in Denver where I hadn’t been on a date.” Darwin held open the glass door that led from the high-end gift shop to the gardens. “In fact, I’ve never been here.”

  Cody grinned at him. “I’ve never been to a botanic garden in my life, though I guess that’s not too surprising.”

  “Well, let’s see if we like it. If we don’t, we can always go to Mary’s.”

  “You know, I’m sure that most people would think that would be the worst way to spend a date, going to where they work, but I love it there.”

  “You’re pretty lucky to feel that way about your work. I love my job, but I don’t want to be there on a date.” They walked around a massive topiary hedge, and Darwin sucked in a breath. “Wow. I think we’re going to like it here.” He turned to Cody, who seemed to be in a state of awe.

  “I feel like we just stepped into Alice in Wonderland or something.” He narrowed his eyes. “That glass pyramid in the middle is a little strange, though.”

  “Yeah, kinda. Let’s go explore.” He took Cody’s hand and waited for a second to see if Cody would panic. He didn’t. “Tell you what—if we see a white rabbit with a clock, let’s go down a different path.”

  As they wandered through the gardens, pausing every so often to inspect a certain flower or tree, Darwin couldn’t help but feel amazed at how things were going with Cody. His feelings for Cody seemed stronger than they should after one date and a couple of times hanging out at Mary’s. Strong enough that he’d accidentally brought him up when he’d been talking to his mom, which of course meant she’d gotten his dad on the line as well. He could’ve written down their advice before he’d even heard it. His mother’s was to be patient with Cody, give him time, and to keep some walls up. His father’s had been to cut it off and find someone more stable.