Begin Where We Are

by Knightley, Diana

  “Ugh.” He writhed deeper into the muck of the forest floor.

  “Are you okay?”

  He groaned.

  “I have to go, go to the castle and I need you to come with me. I can’t leave you here.” I waited for a moment, then jiggled him again. “Get up. I know it hurts but get up.”

  Quentin pulled himself to a sitting position and put his head in his hands.

  “Here’s the thing. I’m going to start kicking you. I’m glad you’re here, but you have to get up get up get up.”

  Quentin joked, “Sheesh Katie, getting all worked up.”

  “Magnus, Quentin. Magnus needs us, get up.”

  Quentin said, “Is it dark for you? Is your breathing super loud?”

  “Totally, you have to get up anyway.”

  He stirred and then got up and we gathered our stuff. “You weren’t wrong, this hurts like shit.”

  “Yep. Now you get to run through the woods to a castle in the eighteenth century. This is where it gets weird.”

  Chapter 41

  This was where it got really really weird. Lizbeth met us at the front gates and immediately pulled me aside. “You’ve been gone for hours Kaitlyn, who is this man?” She shot a nervous glance at Quentin.

  It dawned on me that we had absolutely no back story

  “Um, this is um, Magnus’s guard.” I glanced at Quentin. He was staring open-mouthed up at the building’s facade. “He was coming to meet me and I only just remembered it, just when…” My voice trailed off. She and the other men were staring at him.

  Quentin looked nervous, shifting and looking around.

  “His name is Quentin Peters. He’s um, a friend of my father’s from the West Indies. He was assigned to travel with me here, to protect me, but we were separated for a while and um, he works for Magnus.”

  “He belongs tae Magnus?”

  “Oh dear lord, no, um…” I glanced at Quentin. “He works with… I can’t think — he’s a free man — Magnus thinks of him like family. Can Magnus explain later?”

  “He is wearing a kilt?”

  “Sure, all the men in the West Indies do. Is Magnus okay?”

  She said, “Magnus is the same, I’ll see you up tae his room, and then I will explain your black friend tae the Earl.”

  Walking behind her I stole a glance at Quentin, who mouthed, “What the fuck, they think I’m Magnus’s slave?”

  I mouthed back, “I’m sorry.”

  And then we were in Magnus’s room. I asked Lizbeth, “Has the physician been here?”

  “He left for some tinctures, but has nae applied anythin’ yet.”

  “Can you convince him to stay away? Quentin brought some medicines for him from home.”

  “I will do my best, but just between us, Kaitlyn, the physician is verra set in his ways, and he won't take kindly tae bein' turned away. But I will tell Sean tae take the matter over.”

  “Thank you Lizbeth.” I hugged her. “I missed you.”

  “I missed ye too, Kaitlyn. Now go kiss your husband and make him better.”

  I crossed to his bed. “Magnus?”

  He opened his eyes and tried a tiny smile. He was very weak. His lips were tinged that freaky blue, his breathing wheezed. “Hey, I brought a friend for you.”

  Magnus looked at Quentin but his eyes were unfocused, as if he couldn’t tell who he actually was.

  Quentin said, “So, Boss, you look like hell, really. That time your face got beat up? This is worse. What happened?” He set up the oxygen concentrator reading the manual to get it started.

  I helped him move it to the other side of the bed so it would be hidden from the door. When it was on it made a crazy-loud whirring noise but there was nothing we could do about that.

  I put the mask over Magnus’s nose and mouth. He gave me a sad smile.

  Quentin said, “After you get a little air we’re going to start feeding you with the supplies Zach sent. First, with some vitamins, then a protein shake. And I’ve got a treat for you, an ice cream…”

  Magnus’s eyes shot to Quentin’s face as if he recognized him for the first time. His brow drew down. He turned to me and pulled at the mask.

  I pushed the mask back to his face. “He came because he insisted. He made me bring him. We’ll talk about it when you feel better.”

  He nodded and settled down. Quentin and I got him to sit forward briefly while we built the mattress into a back rest behind him so his lungs were elevated. We gave him pain killers, some vitamins, and a bit of a powder shake and soon he drifted off into a comfortable sleep.

  Quentin lurked around the room checking it out and then sat on the settee and we waited for Magnus to wake up hoping he would feel better when he did.

  * * *

  Sean and Lizbeth appeared later and knocked on the door. I met them in the hallway and told them that Magnus was sleeping. They took Quentin to the Great Hall for dinner and promised to show him to his sleeping quarters after. I wished I felt better, that this wasn’t so death-defyingly awfully traumatic and I could go watch the spectacle of Quentin eating dinner in the eighteenth century, but I was waiting at Magnus’s bedside for him to breathe. I couldn’t take a break for a meal, instead I ate a protein bar and a cheese stick from the bag of food Zach sent.

  Chapter 42

  It was very dark when Magnus groaned and swung his legs off the side of the bed. I was laying beside him, curled on my side, with no mattress under me because it was all folded under Magnus’s back. I was trying to decide whether I should expend the required effort to adjust the bedding so I could lay on the bear skin or continue to deal with the wood planks.

  “Magnus?”

  He pulled the mask from his face. “I have tae relieve m’self.”

  “Oh.” I couldn’t see anything but dark as my husband shuffled around the bed and pissed into a chamber pot at the side and then shuffled back. He sat down with a groan and put his head in his hands. He picked up one of the bottles of water Zach sent and drank half of it down. He rolled back to the bed again.

  He picked up the mask, slid the elastic over his head, and brought the mask down over his nose and mouth.

  I asked, “Are you comfortable?” I watched the dark area that was my husband and saw a movement that I took to be a nod.

  I turned to my back and lay there for a while listening to the whir of the machine. Tears began to flow down my cheeks pooling in my ears and there wouldn’t be a Kleenex for centuries.

  “I’m sorry,” I said, “I’m so sorry that I made it so dangerous for you. That I interfered.” I swiped at my tears with the heel of my hand. “I shouldn’t have gone and I pulled you away from your new life there — I thought you were communicating with me. I thought you were sending me a message. That you wanted me to come. I thought you were meeting me. And I was so stupid. I’m so sorry.”

  Magnus turned his head to look down at me from his almost upright position. He pulled the mask up. “I haena the breath tae speak, mo reul-iuil…” There was a long pause. Then he said, “but…” the next pause was longer still, “I love ye.”

  I nodded.

  I said, “Okay,” like that took all the bad that happened away. Like he meant it.

  Then I stared up into the darkness flat on my back crying while I thought about all the things I had gotten wrong.

  Chapter 43

  It had grown light in our room. Magnus’s hand was over mine. When I looked up he was looking down at me. “Good morn.”

  “Good morning. Are you feeling better?” I pulled my hand from his.

  “Much. I daena feel I need the machine anymore.” I sat up and pulled his mask off, powered down the machine, rolled the tubes up, and put it all away. Magnus watched me the whole time. I went around the bed and sorted through the cooler for his medicine and poured some ibuprofen in my hand. “Take these.” I passed him the water bottle. “Hungry?”

  “Starved.” He quickly added, “Am I mistaken, is Master Quentin here?”

>   “I think so. I brought him or rather our staff forced me to bring him, but I haven’t seen him since yesterday when Sean came to take him to dinner.”

  Magnus chuckled. “I would have verra much liked tae see him in the Great Hall his first time.“

  “You’re smiling, you do feel better.”

  “The physician told me I needed tae rest. I daena believe runnin’ and fightin’ and time-journeyin’ was the idea of it.”

  “Yeah…”

  There was a knock on the door. I jumped to answer it. Lizbeth, Sean, and Quentin were in the hall. “Just a minute.” I jogged to the bed and hid the water bottles and the machine under a blanket.

  “Okay!” They all came in and Lizbeth came directly to the bedside. “Young Magnus, are ye well, or shall I send the physician in tae take the life from ye?”

  Magnus chuckled. “Nae, I am well enough, daena send the physician his remedies smell like a pig’s wind.”

  Sean said, “Tis good tae see ye better brother.” He sat down on the bed. “Your man has had a time in the Great Hall. Twas much drinkin’ and carryin’ on. I have been told a story of ye, that ye have been often wearin’ a pair of trews that are so tight on your caber ye must walk on your tiptoes.”

  Magnus groaned.

  Sean laughed. “Ye canna deny it! And this kilt ye are wearin’ brother, tis a woman’s?”

  Magnus looked down and moaned. “I haena a chance tae properly clothe.”

  “Your man who is black as night and haena ever seen the Highlands afore is better kilted than ye.” He clapped him on a knee. “We have a festival in a few days, ye best be up for it.” He and Lizbeth left the room.

  I watched this exchange and then everything caught up with me — the fear. The racing through time. The trying-to-save Magnus’s life. Murdering a king. I sat on the settee near the hearth with tears welling up. I probably needed a lot more sleep. Like six months worth.

  “Are ye all right, Kaitlyn?”

  “I think I was running on sheer terror, now I just need to collapse over here.”

  “Och aye,” said Magnus, “ye journeyed three times verra close. Twas heroic.”

  I nodded, my face hidden in my arms on the back of the settee.

  Magnus said to Quentin, “I am rather glad tae see ye, Master Quentin and I hear ye brought food, though by my count ye have been here many hours and I am still hungry as a spring bear.”

  Quentin laughed. “I brought some food.” He dug through the cooler.

  Magnus asked, “Ye made it tae the eighteenth century then, what dost ye think of the place?”

  “First off, I kinda forgot about the whole slavery thing. I’m not used to being asked if I’m the property of someone. And come to find out I’m the only black man many of them have seen.”

  “You told them ye were a friend of mine?”

  “Katie told them we were like family, so my nickname now is Black MacMagnus. Not sure how I feel about that.”

  Magnus held his ribs and groaned as he laughed. “Ah, ye are my son now.”

  After his laughter subsided. Magnus’s voice turned serious. “What made ye decide tae come?”

  Quentin’s voice lowered. “Katie was covered in blood. She was freaking out. It was—”

  They both looked over at me. I kept my head down so they couldn’t see I was crying.

  Magnus said, “Thank ye for your attention on the matter. I am indebted tae ye.”

  Quentin said, “Don’t mention it. I’ve been working for you for over two years and finally feel like I’m doing something worth the paycheck. Speaking of it, is there something I should be guarding for?”

  “Everything, Master Quentin: storms, men with murderous intent, an uncle with a grudge. Twill be verra dangerous in time, but it will take them a bit tae figure out how tae work the vessels and Lady Mairead will be a force for them tae contend with. We have a few days for me tae recover. For now I will need ye tae watch the walls.”

  Magnus opened a protein bar wrapper and chewed for a moment. “How long has it been since I left?”

  “A year, you’ve been gone a whole year.”

  “Och, has been long…” his voice trailed off. “Would you give me and Kaitlyn a moment tae speak alone?”

  “Yeah, I’ll leave this here.” There was a small pile of food packages on top of the cooler. He zipped the top closed and left the room to go stand in the hall.

  Magnus said, “Kaitlyn, would ye come tae the bed?”

  “I don’t really want to. I kind of need to be alone over here.”

  He said, “Och,” and sat quietly for a moment then he softly asked, “I was gone for a whole year?”

  “Yes.”

  He slowly stood with a groan and walked to join me by the hearth. He sat in the armchair beside my settee. “I ken ye want tae be alone, but I think there has been too much of that already.”

  I was sniveling with my tear-stained face and puffy red eyes. “You don’t have to take pity on me. I mean, I know I’m really desperately tragic looking, but also, as soon as you’re well enough, we’ll go, we’ll go back to Florida.”

  He lowered his brow as if trying to understand my words — that familiar look that slammed into me how much I missed him. “Who will go, by ‘we,’ ye mean all of us?”

  “No, I mean me and Quentin. You don’t have to come. I meant what I said last night. I’m truly sorry I followed you to the future.” I sat up and brushed the hair from my face, trying to not look as weak as I sounded. “I mean, beyond the whole ‘I had to murder someone’ sorry. I’m also sorry that I interrupted your new life…”

  “Kaitlyn, I want tae be verra clear on this conversation, are ye apologizin’ for comin’ tae the future, for bein’ here now?”

  “I really believed you were sending me a message. I believed you wanted me. I went to Scotland and dug up the vessel, I thought you would be waiting for me. But instead I—” I gave up trying to be strong and curled up and sobbed into my knees.

  “Can ye tell me the story of it?”

  “No. I can’t tell you. You don’t want to know it about me. You don’t. It was too awful and if I tell you about it, you’ll never be able to get it out of your head. I know I won’t be able to stop seeing it — being in that room, knowing there was no one coming. No one wanted to help me. I had to kill him all by myself, because no one wanted to help.”

  Magnus was quiet.

  “And the worst part? He looked just like you.”

  Magnus scowled and looked down at his hands.

  I stared at the hearth.

  He had been gone a whole year.

  “Tell me something — how long were you gone? What did it feel like to you?”

  “I daena ken, weeks. Long enough tae feel the pain of not havin’ ye.”

  “Bullshit, that’s not long enough. Not long enough to have another woman, Magnus. Not. Long. Enough.”

  “Och, finally, tis the story behind your words.”

  I mocked him in his own voice. “‘Aye, Kaitlyn, ye found me out.’” I looked him directly in the eye. “You deserted me and then you had a mistress. I know because he told me about it while he had his filthy hands on me. He told me that you weren’t going to rescue me because you had a new woman now.”

  “Dost ye want tae ken the story of it?”

  “What are you going to say? That you left me but you were trying to get home? That the woman didn’t mean anything? It does. It means so much that you did that. You left and waited mere weeks and then got another woman to replace me.”

  Magnus sat quietly.

  He started to speak then stopped and started and stopped again. “I winna say she meant nothing. She meant a great many things tae me. She meant I might survive. She meant I had a chance tae kill the king. She meant that if I followed her word I would get tae have a vessel so I could see ye again. I meant it when I said I was coming home tae ye. Always.”

  “So you were with another woman for me? I wish I didn’t know this about y
ou. I wish you would lie and tell me it didn’t happen. I wish I never went there and now I wish I never saw you again.”

  Magnus winced. “Ye daena mean that.”

  I sniffled. “I don’t know what I mean. Beyond that I don’t know anything anymore. I’m so fucking angry that this happened to me.”

  “I wouldna want tae lie tae ye, Kaitlyn. And I daena want tae excuse the wrong that I have done tae ye, but I haena taken another woman in the manner ye speak of — I was a prisoner just as ye were. I wanted tae stay alive.” Then he said, “And ye ken why I left, Kaitlyn.”

  “I did. I used to, but now… It was a whole year and none of it makes sense anymore. You abandoned me.” I took a deep breath. “What do you mean, you were really a prisoner?”

  “Aye, Donnan kept me locked in my rooms. I was only allowed to leave tae train or tae fight. When I left my rooms I was bound by the wrists. Then she came tae me and offered tae help me. She had a plan tae kill Donnan, but when I agreed tae help she turned it against me and threatened tae tell him…”

  He looked at me across the space. “Ye ken the feeling, Kaitlyn, tae have tae do something tae stay alive?”

  “Yes, I wanted to stay alive too.”

  “I am glad of it. Whether ye hate me or love me, I am glad ye kept livin’.”

  “I am so furious with you.”

  “You have a right tae be. I winna argue with ye on it.”

  I huffed at him. “I’m glad you’re still alive too.”

  His voice got really soft. “And even if ye wish ye never saw me again, I am grateful for the chance tae tell ye of it. That I love ye, mo reul-iuil. I haena thought of anything but you.”

  I looked across the space at him. His face etched with sadness.

  I looked away. “I will likely have a scar down my cheek. I haven’t looked at it yet. I probably look terrible.” A tear slid down my nose.

  “I daena see a scar, I see Kaitlyn Campbell. She has battled and won. Tis a story tae your face and a courage I am verra proud of.”

  “It was really scary.”