Still Yours

by Cara Roman

  "Sure, that would get great ratings for them. But seeing heart breaking reactions from her when she sees you would too. No matter what we do tonight, just by being in the same room its going to make headlines."

  "I know just how much it hurts to see you with another woman. Now I'm the weapon instead of the one being crushed." Leigha sighed.

  "I'm sorry Sugar, I wasn't trying to dangle her in front of you anymore than I'm trying to hurt her by bringing you." Leigha could see a muscle in Ridge's jaw tick, letting her know just how much he disliked the idea of causing pain.

  "I know. I wouldn't have come if I thought you wanted me here as some revenge on your ex wife. But I guess no matter what, there is no good time to see your ex with someone else." Ridge just nodded his head. Her heart went out to him, because she knew he wasn't taking any pleasure in parading her in front of his ex wife. He said that he didn't love Suzy enough when they were married, and this is only going to bring that point home.

  Sitting in the audience during an awards show was vastly different than watching it at home, Leigha learned. The cameras moving all over the place, meant that she rarely had a great view. They paused the ceremony for commercial breaks, and it was a flurry of activity. People rushing for the bathrooms, or backstage for the next segment. As soon as someone got up from their seat a filler would be there to sit down, so none of the seats appeared empty. It was like well orchestrated chaos. At the third commercial break Ridge got up to head backstage and get ready for his performance. Leaning in he kissed her forehead, then whispered in her ear, "I can't wait for you to hear this song, Sugar."

  As he walked off, and some guy sat down in place. "Hi, when the cameras turn back on we're supposed to look like friends, okay?"

  Leigha just nodded her head, not really caring if she looked friendly with the stranger for the cameras. She was here for Ridge, and after what he whispered to her she couldn't wait to hear what he was about to sing. The commercial break ended, and they launched into the award for group performance of the year. The whole time the nominees were listed the nervous energy was bubbling up inside of Leigha. When the lucky winners were up thanking their fans, God, and each other it was all she could do to sit still in her seat. Twice she caught her foot tapping, and had to stop herself.

  Another mega popular country superstar walked forward to thunderous applause. Giving his trademarked charming smile he said, "this next artist doesn't really need an introduction, but, that's why they've got me up here tonight in front of y'all." He paused a moment for the chuckle that ran through the audience. "So here to sing his brand new song, that he told me back stage was the most honest one he has ever written, is Ridge Bradley with Still Yours!"

  All of the air left Leigha's body in a rush. Her hands were shaking like leaves in the wind. The lights went down, and the curtain rose, and Ridge stood there alone. There was no back up band. It was just him in a pair of scuffed boots, well worn jeans, and a plain black t shirt, holding his acoustic guitar. He looked right at Leigha, his eyes burning with intensity, took a step up to the microphone, and started playing. She knew without a single doubt that he was wearing that casual outfit up there, for a reason. It wasn't to appeal as the approachable every-man, like his image portrayed. Every single person in the audience, in the whole damn world, knew that he was singing the song just for Leigha.

  I wish you knew how many nights I've lain awake

  Your name playing in my head

  Just like a song stuck on repeat

  Over and over

  Over and over

  Years have passed, oh love

  Not a day I'll forget

  But I'm still yours

  Yours to have

  Yours to hold

  Yours to love in the dark

  Just yours

  This heart will forever be

  Still Yours

  I've been yours since I was 16, Sugar

  When we had everything all figured out

  My arms were made for holding you tight

  You're all that is ever been right

  When I'm an old man heading to my grave

  I'll know I've spent my life right if I can say

  That I'm still yours

  Leigha had tears running unchecked down her face. She didn't give a damn if her heart was on full display for the cameras. All that mattered to her was the man standing up on that stage laying his whole heart at her feet for everyone in the entire world to see. He finished the song and there was a moment of pure silence, not a single person even dared breathe, before the whole audience rose as one and cheered for him. But Leigha knew all Ridge could see was her. He pressed his hand over his heart, still staring into her eyes before giving a little bow and walking back off the stage. She sat back down with everyone else, but she wasn't in the moment anymore. Her head was full of Ridge. He put words he had spoken to her in a song. He even wore the same clothes as the night he showed up on her doorstep and tore her life wide open again.

  Chapter 34

  The rest of the awards ceremony flew past in a dreamy haze for Leigha. As predicted, he didn't win the award he was up for, it went to the guy who had introduced him before his performance. Ridge seemed pretty happy for him though, so Leigha knew they must actually be friends. She couldn't muster up enough excitement for the goings on though, when her man had poured his heart out to her in front of the whole world. Ridge was a man accustomed to being on display, but he had taken it to a whole new level tonight. She wasn't able to show him just how much that song had meant to her like she really wanted to. A lingering kiss when he returned back to his seat, and some whispers in his ear wasn't nearly enough. Finally it was over, and everyone started to leave. Most of them were going to one after party or another, to be photographed hanging out with the night's big winners, and talk about the times they had won awards themselves. Leigha thought they were heading to one of them too, but Ridge told her he only wanted to spend the rest of his night with her, just her. It had chills racing through her body when he said it a moment ago, and as Leigha walked into the ladies room, she still felt them.

  With so many people in the building Leigha expected there to be a line to use the toilet, as was so often the case with ladies public restrooms. But this was a small one, only three stalls off to one side, and the other held a posh mirrored seating area with a pair of love seats. It seemed like it had duel purposes, you could touch up your makeup, and gather your nerves before facing the crowd.

  Leigha was finishing up drying her hands at the sink when the door finally opened, and someone else joined her in the room. She looked up in the mirror to see who it was, as you do in those situations. Just a quick glance, barely a second, but it was enough. All of the air whooshed out of her lungs. Suzy Cordell, Ridge's ex wife stood there in all her stunning glamorous glory, staring back at her looking just as surprised to see Leigha, as she was to see Suzy. Leigha was the first one to recover. She settled her face into careful blankness. It was polite, but gave absolutely nothing that she was thinking inside, away on the outside hopefully.

  Suzy shook her head back and forth slowly. Leigha had a moment to think this wasn't going to go well. "Its nice to finally, actually, really meet you Leigha. I feel like I've known you for so damn long." Suzy said with a brilliant, and completely genuine smile.

  The confusion on Leigha's face was clear. Gone was the carefully arranged poker face she had been striving for only moments ago. "What? I'm sorry, I just don't understand."

  With a shrug Suzy said, "Ridge never seemed to sleep very well. At first I thought it was just the adrenaline from performing, then I thought it was when his mind was the most creative. It didn't take me very long to figure out that it wasn't either of those. I used to wake up in the middle of the night and find him sitting alone in the dark, sometimes it was the living room, but more often than not it was outside on the back porch. He had that old beat up guitar on his lap, and he would be lazily strumming on it looking up at the stars. I thought it w
as a melody he was working out, a little something that was rolling around in his head. That happens to me sometimes when I'm trying to write songs." She added as an afterthought, as she sat down on one of the love seats. "But it was always the same. It never turned into one of the songs he wrote. Eventually I started calling it Leigha's song, not out loud of course, just in my head. Sometimes I would just linger and listen, since he didn't know I was there. He would just play that little melody over and over, and the look on his face was so damn raw that it broke my heart. I always knew that you were still there, down deep in his heart, from the first time he talked about growing up in Michigan. He used to stumble over your name, like just saying it caused him real physical pain. But I didn't understand, not really, until after we were married and I watched him mourn your loss in a million tiny ways every day, that he wasn't ever gonna be over you. Some people just never get over their first love, and that what lots of people want. How many songs, books, and movies are written about it, countless right?"

  Leigha sat down across from Suzy, drawn in by the woman's vulnerable honesty. This was not the catty confrontation she had been hoping to avoid at all costs. "I honestly didn't know. I thought he looked so happy with you, in all the pictures. It killed me to see the two of you splashed all over magazines and the news. I couldn't walk through the store without seeing everything I had lost staring back at me every time I tried to buy groceries. I never reached out, or contacted him in any way. Never. Please know that. No matter how much it hurt me, I wouldn't do that to someone's marriage."

  "I know. I wouldn't be here right now telling you this if you had. But just because you weren't actually there, doesn't mean you weren't there. Ya know? That little melody he used to play to the moon? I got to hear the full song tonight, and it was beautiful, honestly, it left me speechless." Suzy added at Leigha's doubtful expression. "I always loved Ridge, even when he didn't love me enough. And I wanted his happiness, even if it wasn't with me. That's not to say it doesn't hurt too, it does. I'm going to shed a few tears, probably more than a few. But I understand now, better than I did when he told me that he couldn't stay married to me anymore, that this is what is right. He was meant to be with you. I never really had him, not the best part of him. That has been yours since he was a teenager. I was just borrowing him for a little while, I guess." There were tears shimmering in Suzy's blue eyes now, and she blinked rapidly a few times to keep them from slipping down her face. "Do me a favor? Don't take him for granted, okay? Because being loved like that, the way he loves you is so damn rare. Ridge isn't a perfect man, but he is one of the few good ones, and if you break his heart he will never, ever be whole again. You are the sun his whole universe revolves around. I'm gonna have that someday too, damn it." She said with a fierceness that made Leigha hope it was true. Suzy stood up, so Leigha did too. "Have a good night Leigha, and congratulations." She said hugging her.

  "Thank you, I really mean it. Thank you Suzy." Leigha said, still absorbing everything that she had just heard. It wasn't until Suzy drifted back out the door, her face perfectly composed and showing none of the raw honesty from only moments ago, that Leigha wondered what it was that she was congratulating her for.

  Chapter 35

  Leigha wished they could have managed to sneak out without running into any of the photographers waiting to pounce. But they were packed around every single door, even staff entrances, should any of the celebrities in attendance dare to think about trying to make a covert escape. But Ridge lead her out with a confident smile on his face, and a protective arm around her, making it as quick and painless as possible. He clearly had loads of practice with throngs of photographers dogging his steps. Leigha was grateful that he didn't stop for interviews, and he didn't pose for pictures though. They would have to take whatever shots they got of the couple walking out the door or climbing into the backseat and make do. The press might have been disappointed in that, but Leigha definitely wasn't.

  They didn't say much to each other during the ride home, but the silence wasn't tense or loaded. It had settled comfortably around them, making the rest of the world fade away, and Leigha savored the moment tucked up next to the man she loved. She knew she should tell Ridge about seeing Suzy, and she would, but she didn't want to right now. This was their time, it felt special, and she wasn't about to spoil that. The car slowed to a smooth stop in front of Ridge's house, and he got out, automatically holding his hand out to help her exit. It was awkward to get out of the backseat in the dress she was wearing, and Leigha was grateful for the assistance. Leigha couldn't help but think of Ridge holding his hand out to help her out of his pickup truck at their senior prom, and the memory warmed her soul and had a smile stretching across her face. So much had changed since then, but some things never would. It felt good to look back at all those moments and smile, instead of having to shut them down and quickly push them away to avoid the rush of pain that used to come with them.

  Ridge led her up the step and held his front door open for her to walk in ahead of him. After all the highs of the night Leigha expected him to turn around and shove her back against the door and rip her dress off in the rush to get to skin. But he surprised her when he said, "I'm gonna sit out on the back porch for a while. Why don't you go on and get out of that dress, as lovely as it looks on you, I'm sure it isn't the most comfortable. Meet me out there in a few?" He ran a finger softly under her jaw as he said it, sending shivers racing through her body. Leigha nodded her head in a daze, and turned to head towards his bedroom, but Ridge caught her hand in his and turned her back around before she could even make it a full step. "Leave the jewelry on though Sugar." He said with a smirk and a quick teasing kiss on her neck.

  This time Leigha was grinning as she walked away. That man. He sure could send her hormones into an uproar with his smirk, and his kiss, hell if she even started to think about everything else he could do to her she wouldn't make it into the bedroom. And he definitely knew it, Ridge was not a man clueless to his effect on his woman. Leigha saw the hanger waiting on the front of the closet door and shimmied out of the dress with a sigh. Hanging it up she said a tiny thanks to Josie for the forethought to leave the hanger out in the open. It would be a shame to ruin the dress by tossing it in the corner. Having it ripped off her would be acceptable, but leaving it in a heap on the floor wasn't. Thinking about that had Leigha laughing as she set the hanger back on the closet door. Standing there in her underthings and the jewelry she wondered what Ridge meant by comfortable. She didn't exactly plan on spending the rest of the evening playing scrabble with him. Sweats were out, not that he wouldn't peel them off her, but nobody felt powerful in them. She decided to leave the sexy lace on. The blush pink lace was so delicate that it hid nothing, and just thinking about the way Ridge's eyes would burn when he looked at her in it had wetness pooling between her legs. He sure did love her in pink lace.

  Walking into the closet she grabbed the first thing her hand landed on and pulled it off of the rack. She brought it to her face a moment and savored the softly lingering scent of Ridge that never seemed to wash completely out of his clothes. It was an old faded denim shirt that just about swallowed her whole. Not bothering to button more than the center one, just enough to stop it from sliding off her shoulders, Leigha walked out of the bedroom to find her man. In Michigan she would have turned into a popsicle on the porch wearing just that, but here in Nashville it was quite a bit warmer, and she was counting on Ridge to offer his body heat if she got cold.

  Standing by the glass she stopped and watched him. He wasn't sitting there relaxing like she thought he would be, he was standing at the edge of the porch, his shoulders stiff and tense. Wondering if he had gotten a phone call with bad news in the last few minutes Leigha opened the door and walked the short distance to Ridge. Wrapping her arms around his middle she laid her head in that perfect spot just in between his shoulder blades. "What's wrong baby?"

  Ridge shook his head, "I can play in front of thousands of people
, and the nerves don't get to me. I fly high on all that energy. But you, Leigha Taylor, you have the power to absolutely terrify me." He turned around in her arms burying his face in the side of her neck and took a shaky breath.

  "I guess that makes us even then. You terrify me all the time too Ridge Bradley." Leigha said staring up at him with a small smile.

  Ridge leaned his head back and laughed. "Only you have ever made me feel like this. The biggest mistake I ever made was walking away from you."

  "I don't know Ridge, I think now that it happened the way it was supposed to. Life follows its own course, and that's not always the quickest, or easiest, but its always the right one." Leigha said thinking that if he hadn't walked away they wouldn't have grown into the people they were now. "Besides, we can't change what happened in the past. I'm just happy we're together now."

  "You're right, and I'm messing this all up." He took a step backwards, away from her. "I've gone over this a thousand different times in my head. All the things I wanted to say to you, all the ways I could make this special and memorable for you. But none of them seem right. Now that I'm standing here in this moment with you, I don't want to say any of that shit." Ridge dropped down to one knee and stared up at Leigha with everything he felt written in the beautiful green of his eyes. "I've loved you as long as I can remember, and I can promise you that will never stop. I need you to marry me Leigha, because I don't plan on ever giving you up."

  Leigha stood there staring down at Ridge, trying to think about the words coming out of his mouth. Tears slid down her cheeks and she nodded her head slowly.

  "Yeah? You're gonna be my wife?" Ridge asked, his own eyes glossy with tears.

  "Yes." Leigha whispered.

  Ridge jumped up grabbing Leigha's face in his hands and kissed her. Leigha wrapped her arms around his shoulders and gave him everything she had inside. He pulled back enough to rest his forehead against hers, "I've got a ring, I was supposed to hold it when I asked you, but I forgot I was so nervous."