Delivering Decker

by Kelly Collins

  “We had one date, and that was it. She’s not interested.” A punch to the chest would have felt better than admitting that.

  “What happened?” Always poised, Mom should have been the first lady of the United States, not the first lady of an egotistical real estate mogul.

  “It’s just not a good time, Mom.” I twirled my finger in the air. “Look around you. Do I seem like the kind of guy who’s going to have time to date?”

  Mom was like a professional poker player. Her face rarely showed her emotions. Her only give was a slight nibble of her lower lip.

  “Decker, I’m proud of you, but this is your dad’s legacy. Not yours.” She leaned across the table and took my hands. “If you like this girl, make time for her.”

  “I liked her plenty, but it’s too complicated.”

  Mom’s thumbs rubbed across my knuckles. “Your dad was always driven. It was one of the things I fell in love with. He pursued me as hard as he did the next sale. Don’t think for a minute he didn’t go after what he wanted with vigor.”

  It only made me feel worse to hear Dad took the time to get what he wanted because I never felt like he’d taken the time for me. Then again, he did spend countless hours teaching me the business—involving me in and entrusting me with his most prized possession. Maybe every red mark on a contract, every look of disapproval was his way of telling me he loved me. Life was too damn confusing.

  “It is my legacy. It’s what he wants, and I’ll be damned if I’ll disappoint him.”

  “I love that you want to please him. But at the end of the day, it’s more important that you make yourself happy. Your father lived by his own set of rules. You should too.”

  I rubbed the exhaustion from my eyes. I had dove into my new normal. Meetings were intense. Work was hard. Time evaporated quickly. “How is Dad?” I stopped by the hospital yesterday once I’d delivered the contract to the bank. Instead of an atta boy, I got a long list of new to-dos.

  Mom’s eyes filled with sorrow. “When he’s not in pain, he’s a tyrant. When he is in pain, he’s worse. They’ve given him a morphine button.”

  I struggled to come to terms with this love/hate thing I had going with my father. I didn’t want him to die and me to be left with regret. That thought alone reinforced the decision I made, in that moment, to be everything he wanted me to be.

  “I’ll stop by the hospital later.”

  She leaned back and picked up her tea. “He’ll love that. He really lights up when you come to visit.”

  Yeah, but it’s not happiness, it’s the flames of agitation and anger that make him glow. “Can I bring anything?”

  “No, sweetheart, we have everything we need.” Mom took her tea and left. I stared at mine and thought about Hannah. Clearly, it had all been too much for a first date.

  The sun had set when I walked into the hospital with a briefcase full of contracts—signed contracts. I’d busted my ass all day to get ahead of the game. Poor Rose looked pale with exhaustion when she left.

  I marched into Dad’s room with a confidence that only existed on the surface. At some point in the day, I’d decided the only way to deal with my father was to go in with a take-no-prisoners attitude.

  “Hey, Dad.” I ignored his orange skin and haunting yellow eyes. I pulled up a chair on the other side of the bed across from where my mother sat.

  “Decker? Shouldn’t you be at work?”

  “I was at work for twelve hours.” I set the briefcase on the edge of the bed. “Just wanted to bring the contracts I’ve worked out today. We have five closings tomorrow. Three on Wednesday. Thursday I’m booked with meetings. Friday I go into final negotiations for the Trident Building.” I pulled out a stack of folders and set them on his chest. “Just wanted you to know that things are going fine. I’ve got it under control.” I wouldn’t tell him that each contract I read made me want to rush to the nearest bar and drink a bottle. That each meeting made my insides churn like a hundred hornets were buzzing and stinging me at random.

  “You did all that?” Dad tried to sit up but was too weak. Mom pressed the button that brought him upright.

  “It’s what you pay me to do.” I closed the briefcase. “I’ve got to go. I’m meeting a friend.”

  “Hannah?” Mom asked.

  “Not tonight.” I offered Dad a handshake. His once firm grip was frail and weak. “Happy reading.”

  After a quick kiss and hug for Mom, I left. My first stop was the liquor store for a bottle of vodka. My second stop was The Dive so I could give Tanner a chance to talk me out of plunging into hell.

  Like usual he was manning the bar.

  “You look like hell, man.” Tanner’s eyes missed nothing, especially the bag-covered bottle in my left hand. “You on the fence? Or have you fallen off already?”

  I slammed the unopened bottle on the bar. “Still sealed but calling to me. No, that’s not accurate. It’s screaming my damn name so loud I can’t think of anything else.” Except Hannah.

  “This about your dad?”

  “I’m not sure anymore. It’s about a lot of things.”

  Tanner took the bottle, opened the top and poured the liquid down the sink. “Start talking.”

  I’d done the same thing for him when his wife left him. She was also an alcoholic and didn’t like him sober. He didn’t like her drunk. Also a fixer, Tanner tried to lure her to the light side—the sober side. But she preferred the dark.

  I told him about working my ass off and hating every minute of it. “I’m not lazy,” I stated. “I’m all in when it’s a good cause. I just don’t see world domination by land deals a worthy use of my time or resources.”

  “What do you want to do?” He poured me a cup of coffee and leaned against the back bar.

  “I want to be a fixer like you and Hannah. I want to end my life knowing I made someone’s life better.”

  “You’re doing that now with your dad.” He said it with a shrug. “Finish what you started. It doesn’t have to be a lifetime choice. Just a choice that doesn’t leave you with regrets.”

  He was right. The only thing was, it felt like a lifetime decision. “He wants me to grow old and gray behind that desk.”

  Tanner wiped at the already clean counter. “And JC Penney started as a catalog. Everything changes. If you continue to live in the past, you’ll never have a future. Now tell me about Hannah. She’s a cute little thing.”

  I gave him the abbreviated version. I left out the hot sex and went straight to her refusal to take my calls.

  “Is she a worthy cause?” Tanner grinned at me. I knew that look. It said, I’m giving a lesson with your words.

  “She could be everything.” Even before I’d tasted her and had sunk myself deep inside her, she had been in me. She’d burrowed under my skin with her smile and her laughter. I liked the spunky side of her that threatened me with a butter knife before she bandaged my arm.

  “Then I imagine you should go all in.”

  My fingers ran over the rough scabbed skin destined to become a scar, but it would be one I’d remember fondly because it had brought me to Hannah.

  “You’re right. She ran, and I need to know why.” I tossed a twenty on the bar.

  “You know you don’t have to pay for anything here.” He pushed the twenty toward me.

  “Keep it, man. You just saved me again. Surely that’s worth twenty bucks.”

  Tanner chuckled. “Well, tonight I’ll go to sleep knowing I did something worthwhile.”

  Chapter 16

  Hannah

  Decker had stopped calling and texting two days ago. I should have been relieved, but my heart felt heavy. It was like some curse had rolled through town and now hovered endlessly over the Banning house.

  “Mom,” I called. “You’ve got ten minutes.”

  She’d been mostly sober for a week. But last night, I’d caught her sneaking a whiskey bottle out of the toilet tank. That had been the action to push me over the tipping point. I poure
d it down the drain and made her some tea. “It was just a little to take the edge off,” she whined. I coaxed her into the kitchen and talked with her into the middle of the night. I informed her I was taking her to meet someone. I hoped Tanner was willing to speak to my mother. More importantly, I hoped he would help her. Decker talked about him like he was a savior. And that was something I really needed. I was worn thin.

  Miracle of miracles, she walked into the kitchen looking more like her old self. “Does this place have good food?”

  “You’re hungry?” That was good. Mom had lost interest in almost everything besides drugs and alcohol, including food. For years, she’d been drinking her calories instead of eating them. “They have the best green chili burger known to man.”

  I rushed her out the door and into my car before she changed her mind.

  “Now you’re talking,” Mom said when we walked into The Dive. I wasn’t sure whether it was because the food smelled great or because she thought it was a bar.

  “There’s no booze here, Mom.”

  She gave me a duh look and then lifted her nose into the air. “I can smell the chili.” At least that part of her anatomy wasn’t turned to off.

  I looked over to the table where Decker and I had sat. It was empty, but it didn’t seem right to sit there. That was our special place. Hell, I wouldn’t have come back to this place if it weren’t for Mom. She needed help I couldn’t give her, and I prayed Tanner could guide her in a better direction.

  “Hannah,” Tanner called out. “What brings you here?”

  “Couldn’t resist the Dexner special.” I led Mom to an open table on the other side of the bar.

  “Glad you’re here.” He looked toward Mom. “And who’s this beauty next to you?”

  Mom’s smile warmed her tired sallow complexion. “I’m Rachel. Hannah’s mother.”

  Did I see a spark flash in her eyes, or was that just me being hopeful?

  “Well, Rachel, Hannah’s mother, it’s lovely to meet you. Do you trust me?”

  My heart flipped in my stomach. Decker had said the same thing to me on our first date.

  “I trust no one.” Mom’s lips pulled into a thin line.

  “Smart woman. However, I’m only asking because Hannah mentioned the Dexner.”

  Mom’s tight expression softened. “Are you a good cook?”

  Tanner shook his head. “Hell no. That task I leave to the professionals.”

  “Smart man,” my mom volleyed back. “I’ll trust you until you give me a reason to doubt you.”

  Tanner turned to me. “Decker was here last night. He mentioned you.”

  Talk about a punch to the chest. “Really?” I wanted to ask a thousand questions, but for what purpose? The man had already told me he couldn’t pursue anything with me. “I hope he’s well.” I busied myself with unwrapping the silverware.

  “He’d be better if you answered his calls.”

  Before I could reply, Tanner turned and walked away.

  “Who’s Decker?” Mom asked.

  “He’s no one.” The pain of the lie nearly doubled me over. I hated the betrayal that stabbed deep in my gut, but it held me to a level of honesty within myself despite the lies that came from my lips.

  “Sounds like someone to me.” Mom pulled the napkin I’d been shredding from my hand and let it fall to the pile of torn pieces. “Talk to me.”

  Instead of looking at her, I glanced at the pile of shredded paper and went to work puzzling them back together.

  “I didn’t bring you here to talk about me. I brought you here to meet Tanner. He’s Decker’s AA sponsor, and I just thought…” What did I think? I hadn’t even asked Tanner whether he was willing to talk to my mom. Was it fair of me to bulldoze them both into a plan?

  “That guy is an alcoholic?” Mom shook her head. “But he’s so handsome and put together.”

  “Yes, but he’s in recovery. He doesn’t drink anymore. He helps those who do.”

  “And this Decker is an alcoholic?” Mom crossed her arms and frowned the way she used to when I was in trouble. “I don’t want you hanging out with alkies and druggies.”

  The hypocrisy of her statement made me laugh. Not a funny giggle, but a hysterical kind of cackle. “If that’s true, you need to say goodbye to me and be on your way.” Is this what they called tough love?

  “I’m your mother.” Her words came out in a coarse staccato that marched up my spine to the base of my skull where the logical part of my brain took over.

  “Yes, you are, but when are you going to start acting like it?”

  Mom sat there with her mouth open but no words spewing forth.

  “You checked out years ago,” I said.

  She buried her face in her hands. Muffled words escaped between her fingers. “I failed you that day. I ruined everything we had.”

  Rage that had been building for years burst forth like a flare. “He ruined everything we had. You didn’t begin to fail me until you turned from your kids to the bottle.” Really, I should have said bottles, but it didn’t matter whether it was a bottle of booze or a bottle of pills. The fact was, Mom had numbed her pain by numbing herself.

  Tears mixed with mascara ran down her face. “I had nothing to offer you.”

  “You’re a piece of work.” I wanted to get up and walk out. “I’m tired of people abandoning me. Get your shit together, or get out of my life. I don’t have time for people who aren’t committed.”

  Tanner walked up with two Dexner specials and two sodas. He stumbled back when I tossed what I’d made yesterday on the table and stood. The pile of crumpled ones would have to be enough to pay for lunch and a cab for Mom.

  “Tanner, it was great to see you. Can you call a cab for my mom when she’s finished?”

  His slight nod gave me permission to hightail it out of the restaurant.

  When I got home, Stacey was sitting on the couch with Mark. “What the hell is he doing here?”

  They both ignored me and went back to watching TV.

  I stomped into the kitchen to make some tea. While it steeped, the phone rang, and I had every intention of ignoring it until I saw the caller ID—University of Boulder.

  “Hello,” I answered too curtly.

  A deep resonating voice spoke. “This is Cade Matthews from admissions. I’m calling for Stacey Banning.”

  “Hold on, please.” I walked to the doorway between the kitchen and the living room, but Stacey and Mark weren’t there. “Stacey,” I called out. All I heard was giggling coming from the bedroom. I wanted to shake some sense into my sister.

  “I’m sorry, she’s unavailable. Can I take a message?”

  “Can you tell her that her withdrawal has been processed, and she has a credit of three hundred and fifty-one dollars? We’ll send a check.”

  “What do you mean, ‘her withdrawal has been processed’?”

  After a pause, the man said, “She dropped out of school.”

  I slammed the phone down and marched straight to her room. The door opened so hard it swung back and hit me in the head, but that didn’t sting as much as seeing Mark’s naked ass moving as he pumped inside of my baby sister. My eyes burned from the sight. I’d never un-see that shit.

  “Get the hell out.” My voice was straight out of Poltergeist.

  Mark hopped off the bed with his junk bobbing.

  I looked at his unwrapped willy. “Really, Stacey? No condom?”

  “That’s none of your business!” Stacey screamed. She climbed off the bed and put her hand on his shoulder. “You can’t kick him out. This is my house too.”

  My body shook with rage at the two naked people standing in front of me. “When you pay the damn rent, you can make the rules.” I tossed my sister’s discarded dress at her. “Get some clothes on.” Mark was quickly going limp. “You too, asshole. I don’t want to look at your tiny willy anymore.” Compared to Decker, Mark’s thing was a child’s toy. “In the kitchen now.” I stormed out of her room, slam
ming the door behind me.

  Back in the kitchen, I sipped the cup of calming chamomile tea I’d made before the fateful phone call and waited. The front door shut, and a motorcycle engine growled to life. Minutes later Stacey stood in front of me.

  “What the hell is your problem?” she yelled.

  “You quit school?” I hung on to the last straw of calm I had in me. Nothing would come out of this conversation if we both continued to yell.

  “I hated school. I wasn’t doing it for me. I did it because you made me.”

  “Do you want to be a waitress?” I blurted. “Do you want to waste your entire life doing something you don’t want to do?”

  “No, that’s why I quit school. I don’t want to be a teacher. I want to be a mother.”

  “I didn’t give up my life so you could get knocked up by Mark the asshole.”

  “I didn’t ask you to do that! I didn’t ask you to be unhappy for me!”

  “Don’t you get it?” I walked to the table and pulled out a chair for her. She looked at it and stood her ground. “He’s not going to make you happy!”

  “What do you know? You can’t even get a man.” The truth of her words stung like a paper cut dipped in rubbing alcohol.

  “I can get a man. The difference between you and me is, I won’t settle for any man. I won’t accept being second fiddle to a motorcycle club or a night out with the boys or another woman. I want a man who doesn’t think that hopping on his bike and taking off for two years is okay.”

  “Good luck with that. Never forget you live in Fury.”

  The growl of the engine seeped into the house. “Mark’s waiting for me.” She started for the door.

  “You should expect more for yourself,” I said.

  She turned around and smiled. “Get used to him, Hannah, he’s the father of my unborn child.” Stacey’s hand went to her flat belly.