Another Breath, Another Sunrise: A Holocaust Novel (Michal's Destiny Book 4)

by Roberta Kagan

  “How have you been?” he asked. “You look beautiful.”

  “I’ve been alright But a lot of things happened since I last saw you,” Alina said. “The house burnt down,”

  “When?”

  “Last month. A fire started in the middle of the night.”

  “Joey?”

  “He’s alright. Thank God. Klara is alright too.”

  “Where are you living?”

  “Well… Then … Trevor, my husband, was robbed and murdered.”

  “Murdered? My God!”

  “Yes. He was murdered. The police said he was on his way home when he was robbed and shot. They said he had been out playing cards. I suppose he was probably carrying a lot of cash. I don’t know how a thief would have known that, but he always wore very expensive clothes and a lot of jewelry. ”

  “New York can be a dangerous place,” Ugo said, shaking his head.

  “That’s true. I feel bad about Trevor being killed. But I have to tell you the truth. I am relieved too.”

  “He was abusing you, wasn’t he?”

  She nodded.

  “I knew it. I wanted to kill him myself. Sometimes.”

  “You?”

  “No, I didn’t do it, Alina. I would never kill a man.”

  “I didn’t think so,” she said.

  “Even a man who deserved it, like Trevor. You know, I’d see you with a black eye and I wanted to beat the hell out of him. But, I knew that you wanted me to stay out of it.”

  “Yes, I did. And, I’m glad that you took my feelings into consideration.”

  “I don’t know if I should ask this, but do you need some money. I mean, with the house gone, I can give you some money to help you out for a while.”

  “I have plenty. Trevor and I were never legally divorced. I inherited everything.”

  “Oh.” He cleared his throat. “So, I suppose you plan to reopen another house?”

  “No, I don’t actually. He left me well provided for. I don’t need the money. So, I am not going to open another brothel.”

  She saw the relief in his eyes. Alina wanted to ask him if he was married. It was on the tip of her tongue, but she couldn’t say the words.

  “And you, how are you?” she said instead.

  “I survived the Japanese.” He smiled. “Like I said, I have my own business now. So, I suppose I am doing fine.”

  “You suppose?”

  He looked directly into her eyes. “I don’t have you.”

  She almost choked on her water. “Are you married?” There it was. It came out when she least expected to ask it….

  “I never wanted anyone else after I met you, Alina. No, I am not married.”

  Can we start over, she thought. She wanted to ask him, but it was so hard to ask.

  “I loved you, Alina, I still love you.”

  Her eyes welled up with tears “Ugo … I don’t have the house anymore. I won’t be involved with that sort of thing anymore because I don’t have to. I don’t know how to say this…”

  “Just say it, Alina.” His eyes were glassy with tears too.

  “I’d like to try again….”

  “Alina, really? I can’t believe it. All this time I’ve been in love with you, but I was such a stubborn, stupid man. So many times I wanted to go and beg you to be mine no matter what you were doing with the house. But, I didn’t. I couldn’t. I let pride get in the way of happiness. But right now as I am sitting here looking into your eyes, I have such gratitude to God for bringing you back to me. I will be good to you, Alina. I will be good to you for all of the rest of my days on this earth.”

  He reached across the table and took her hand in his. A spark ran through her as he gently squeezed her hand. How could such a small gesture be more sensual than the lovemaking she’d shared with Johan and Trevor. Alina took his hand and held it to her cheek. She longed for him to kiss her, but even though she’d been a madam of a brothel, she was still modest and shy, and she couldn’t lean over and kiss him in public. I am so many different women, Alina thought. I ran a whorehouse with perfect efficiency. A house where anything could and did happen. And yet, here I sit across the table from a man who has captured my heart and I am once again like a child, a virgin, afraid and unsure.

  They sat in that café until the sun began to set, holding hands and sharing the feeling of the sweet tenderness of new love.

  “I should go…” Alina said. “It’s getting dark. I should go and prepare dinner for Joey.”

  Ugo nodded.

  “Has Joey been home alone all day?”

  “No.”

  “Can I walk you home?”

  Alina cleared her throat. It was time she told him. “Klara is staying with me until she buys a house. She’s watching Joey. We are friends.”

  “My ex-wife is living with you?”

  Alina nodded and looked away, afraid that she and Ugo would be torn apart again.

  “After the fire she had no place to go. She is a good friend to me, Ugo.”

  There was silence. Alina was afraid that Ugo would walk away from her. But instead he started laughing. “My ex-wife and my true love are best friends. Well … it’s better than if the two of you were enemies, isn’t it?”

  “Yes, it is. And, she is a good person. You two were just not right for each other.”

  “I know that. She and I are like fire and ice. We fought like there was no tomorrow. But, for the sake of our relationship and your friendship, I am going to try to get along with Klara.”

  “She will be moving out on her own soon. But she and I will always be friends. And … I should tell you now, because it is only fair that you know. Klara is opening a brothel of her own. I will have nothing to do with it.” Alina waited for his answer, nervous.

  “You’ve decided not to be involved?” he asked.

  “No. I am done with that life. I am going to give her the money to open. But I will not be a part of the business. I did it because I needed the security. Now I have plenty. I don’t need to do that anymore.”

  “Well, what can I say, I wish Klara a lot of luck in her new business.” He smiled. “You know, I want to tell you something.”

  “Sure, go on.”

  “When I bought the moving company, my first thought, my very first thought was, maybe, just maybe now Alina will sell that house and marry me. I wanted that more than anything. Every night, even when I was in Okinawa, I thought about it.”

  Alina cocked her head to one side. “Ugo?”

  “Yes.”

  “I have a question and you must tell me the truth.” She looked into his eyes. “Did you burn down my house?”

  “Alina! No, I did not! How could you think that?”

  “I didn’t until now. It just came to me.”

  “No, Alina. I would never have done that. I wanted you to come to me of your own free will, not because you lost your business. Do you believe me?”

  “Yes, I believe you.”

  “I would never do that to you. No matter how much I wanted you, I could never hurt you.”

  “I’m sorry. I had to ask, I had to know.”

  “I understand.”

  “Forgive me for doubting you?”

  “Yes, but I wish you knew that you could trust me. You’ve always been so afraid to trust. I have never and will never betray you, Alina.”

  It was not like her to be openly affectionate in public, but she wanted to let him know that she believed him, so she leaned across the table and kissed him gently.

  Then he helped Alina with her coat and they walked towards her home.

  CHAPTER 36

  Alina January 1946

  For almost a month, Ugo and Alina chose not to tell anyone about their decision to become a couple. Alina was not looking forward to Ugo and Klara spending time together. She knew that they were a volatile mix, so she was trying to keep them apart as long as she could. Ugo and Alina met in secret at cafés where they sipped coffee or tea and held hands. Their relationship
had the innocent ideals of youth. When they were together Ugo and Alina were like teenagers tasting life for the first time. They took long walks in the evening, and made wishes on stars. They laughed easily, and shared kisses in the rain. It was as if all that they had suffered in their pasts now lay buried deep beneath a blanket of love that sheltered them.

  One cold January afternoon when the sun’s rays looked like tiny diamonds on the freshly fallen snow, Alina sat across from Ugo in a busy restaurant. They were enjoying a light lunch. “Klara knows you are seeing me?” Ugo asked.

  “Not yet.”

  “You think she’ll be upset?”

  “I don’t think so. In fact she’s always told me that you and I should be together.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes. She is a wonderful friend to me, Ugo. But I know you and Klara have had your differences. And I know that you two can’t be in the same room for five minutes without a fight.”

  “Yes, we did. That’s for sure. But we were so young when we got married. Then she was here in America without me for a long time. While I was still in Russia, trying to find a way to earn enough money to come here, she was watching people here live a life she could only dream of. Then when I finally came here, I wasn’t able to provide for her properly.” He hesitated. “At the time I hoped she would come back to me. But once we lost our daughter, it all ended for us. It was just not meant to be.”

  “Does that make you sad?”

  “It did make me sad. Not so much over losing Klara. What brought me to my knees was the death of my little girl. I didn’t think I could ever get over it.” He took her hand. “But, then, Alina … there was you. You didn’t know it, but for a long time, you were the only flicker of light in my dark life.” Then he added, “I’ll always miss my child. But, now that you and I are together, I know what real love is. And, I understand why Klara and I were not destined to be together. You bring me joy, Alina. I am far too happy to hold any grudges. I think Klara and I can be friends now. At least from my standpoint. I would like to see her.”

  “You make me very happy too. And, I too have to admit that I was stubborn about not giving up the brothel. I was so afraid not to have my own money.”

  “Well, now we both have plenty of money. But you want to know something funny?”

  “Of course.”

  “You promise not to be angry.”

  “I promise.”

  “In a way, I wish you didn’t inherit all of that money from Trevor. I wish I had been the one to provide for you. As I told you, I bought the business so that I could earn enough money to make you feel secure. I wanted to be able to do that for you. I wanted to be your husband, your provider. I wanted to be the man who took good care of you. Ach … I am really from the old country, I still have old country ideas, I suppose.”

  “We wasted so much time,” she said.

  “Yes, we did. But, then by some miracle there you were on the street. Our eyes met. I had to say hello. It was as if the stars aligned for us…”

  “I never knew you were so poetic.” She smiled.

  “I mean it. It was very magical for me. Then when you agreed to go to the café with me, I couldn’t believe it. I was afraid that my heart was singing so loud that you might be able to hear it.”

  “You really are poetic today.” She giggled.

  “Alina”—he took both of her hands in his—“I want to ask you something.”

  “Sure, what is it?”

  “Alina, will you marry me?”

  Her face shone with love and joy. ‘Yes,” she whispered. Tears began to swell her eyes.

  “You will,” he said, his voice was choked up as a tear dropped down his cheek. Then he lifted both of her hands to his lips.

  “I will.” She giggled.

  He got up from his chair. Then he pulled her to her feet and took her into his arms and kissed her.

  “Ugo, not here. Everyone is looking.”

  He smiled. “Let’s hurry up and get married. Maybe then we can finally be alone and I can get a decent kiss.” He laughed. She laughed too.

  CHAPTER 37

  Alina February 1946

  In early February of 1946, Alina and Ugo Blok were married in a small civil ceremony conducted by the justice of the peace. Ugo’s ex-wife, Klara, was present as well as Joey, Alina’s son. Ugo looked handsome in a dark, well-made suit and red tie. Alina wore a dove gray dress made of cashmere. Although neither of them were virgins, they’d both decided to wait until their wedding night to make love for the first time.

  After the bride and groom were pronounced man and wife, everyone in the bridal party went to a nearby restaurant for dinner. In a few months Alina would be twenty-six and this was already her third marriage. . The first, to Johan, was not legal because of the Nuremberg laws. However, it had always felt like a real marriage to Alina. Johan was tender and kind, but she had been too young and not ready. It The second, to Trevor, had been forced, a marriage born out of fear and desperation. But the third, this marriage to Ugo, was a union of love. As they sat together holding hands, Alina felt for the first time in her life, she might have a chance at true happiness. After today she would never again face the world all alone. For a moment she thought of her parents, of Gilde, Lotti, and Lev. The only thing that could have made this day brighter would have been their presence. If her family had met Ugo, she knew they would have come to love him the way she did. He was so good to her. She smiled wryly.They probably would have wanted her to get married under a canopy. She wouldn’t have minded. And, she doubted that Ugo would have cared. A canopy. A beautiful canopy, a chuppah. Well, if it was not meant to be that she marry under a canopy, at least she had finally found love, and that was the most important thing in life. When Ugo had asked Alina to marry him, she’d gone home that same day and tried to call Lotti. Alina dialed the operator and gave her the number she had for Lotti in Berlin. The operator tried to place the call, but the call would not go through. And, thus far, there had been no answer from Lotti to Alina’s letter. Well, if I have lost everyone, at least I have my husband, my son, and a best friend for life in Klara. I am truly blessed, Alina thought, squeezing Ugo’s hand.

  Klara was striking with her red hair, high black heels, and green satin dress. She and Ugo had finally made peace after their tumultuous marriage. It was easier than Ugo thought it would be. In fact Klara was kind and acted more like a sister to him than an ex-wife. Ugo had forgotten how devastatingly beautiful Klara was until her saw her tonight dressed to the nines. But, Ugo only had eyes for Alina. From the first time he saw her on the boat with Johan, he knew she was different from any other woman he’d ever known. She was headstrong and smart like Klara. But, unlike Klara, Alina was sincere and devoted. Every instinct reassured him that she would not be looking for another man, a richer man, a better man. She was his, and he was hers. This was a true marriage in the eyes of God.

  That night when Alina and Ugo were alone, she was struck with a sudden overwhelming affection when she saw how nervous he was. She wanted to protect him, mother him, let him know that everything was going to be all right from this moment on, no matter what she had to do. His hands trembled as he took her into his arms, and for a long time he just held her. Then his lips met hers and she felt his face wet with tears. The only other time she’d ever seen him weak or vulnerable in all the years she’d known him was when his daughter died. Otherwise, no matter what trials and tribulations life flung his way, he faced them like a lion. But not tonight. Tonight Ugo was a lamb in her arms. The strongest man she’d ever known, weak now because of his love for her. Like the tale of Samson and Delilah, but she would never betray him the way Delilah betrayed Samson. Alina could see in Ugo’s eyes that he was humbled by his love for her. Yes, this certainly was a new side of her husband; he was as tender as a new blade of grass. He was shy like a boy. He was a man surrendered to love.

  She watched him as he undressed her.

  “I never thought, never believed in my wildest
dreams that this would happen. I forced thoughts of you out of my mind, because it hurt too much to think of you,” he said, his voice soft but choked up, then he kissed her before she could answer.

  He made love to her even more lovingly than Johan, and with far more passion than she’d felt from any man in her life.

  “I will worship you for the rest of my days on earth,” he whispered in her ear as they became one. And she held tight to him, surrendering her need to be strong, her need for control. If only for a short while in his arms, Alina would yield and allow her love for him to finally conquer her fear of trust. She’d carried the weight of the world on her shoulders since Johan died. And now it felt good to let down her guard and to finally trust another person, to finally know that Ugo would not let her fall.

  CHAPTER 38

  February Lotti 1946

  One evening Lotti returned to her apartment to find Berni had gone. All of her things were gone and she left no forwarding note or address. She had given no indication that she planned to leave, and Lotti had no idea where to begin to look for her. She knew that Berni was damaged. Her heart and soul were tainted with pain, which made her introverted and afraid. Many times Lotti had tried to help Berni, but Berni was too resistant. Nothing ever came of Lotti’s attempt to make a match between Berni and Gabe. Neither of them had any interest in the other. But Lotti and Gabe became friends, and on occasion out of loneliness, they were lovers. Lotti didn’t delude herself into believing that a man more than ten years her junior would not tire of her when he returned home to the United States. But for now, he was someone to fill the hours. She was not in love with him. He was a good friend, nothing more. Lotti didn’t search for Berni. She was hurt that Berni disappeared without a word, but Lotti decided that if Berni wanted to go, she would not try to stop her. However, she did wonder if sometimes Berni and Gabe might have slept together. Perhaps that was what drove Berni to leave. Berni might have felt like she was betraying Lotti. And although in the beginning when Lotti and Gabe first met, Lotti would have liked to see Berni and Gabe as a couple, once Lotti slept with Gabe, even though she knew there was no future, she wasn’t sure she would have been accepting of Berni and Gabe as lovers if it had happened. Maybe Berni sensed that and felt it best that she leave. Lotti couldn’t be sure what had happened, but she thought this might have been the motive for Berni’s disappearance. After Berni was gone, Lotti returned to the empty nights of quiet dinners alone. Although Berni hadn’t been much company, at least she was there. Now Lotti came home to an empty apartment again. .