Another Breath, Another Sunrise: A Holocaust Novel (Michal's Destiny Book 4)

by Roberta Kagan

  “Tough night?” Jane asked, turning to smile at him, her lipstick drawn on perfectly.

  “Yes, a little. I was worried about you in the storm. Did you change your mind about going to Harrods today?”

  “No, I went.”

  “Even in this terrible weather?”

  “Yes, dear. But I got home early before the storm got bad.”

  “I’m so glad you got home safely,” he said, hanging his coat on the rack and removing his wool scarf.

  Jane smiled at Alden. “Sit down, your food is ready.”

  He sat down and began to eat. She watched him lovingly. He was her victory, her husband, and the father of her unborn child. At first he’d been a prize she’d won, but as they spent time together she’d realized that she really did love him. At that moment as she watched him eating, she knew that she would never tell him about her meeting with Gilde that afternoon.

  CHAPTER 34

  Alina

  After Alina was cleared of any involvement in the murder of Trevor Powell, she received all of the money and possessions he’d willed to her. He’d added her to his will when they were first married, and she couldn’t believe that he hadn’t changed the will when she left him. She wondered why. Either he’d forgotten, or he had hoped somewhere in the back of his mind that she would return. But Trevor was dead and the answers to those questions died with him. Alina would never know. When she’d first heard about Trevor’s death, she’d been shocked and even horrified. Not that she would miss him. But the very idea that he’d been murdered came as a surprise. A police officer had come to her when she and Klara were staying at Roger’s house and began asking questions. She couldn’t believe it, but they were considering her a suspect. He had been out playing cards with friends. According to the others in the card group, they made large bets and therefore he’d been carrying a lot of money with him. He had been on his way home when he was robbed and shot dead. When his body was found, each of the other card players had been questioned by the police, but all of them had an alibi. Alina too had a very valid alibi. She’d been sitting beside Joey’s bed at the hospital, and every nurse and doctor had been more than willing to vouch for her. It was finally concluded that Trevor’s murder was a random robbery. The police thought that maybe someone knew of the cash and the card game, but they could not find any suspects. The case was still open but remained unsolved. Alina and Klara had moved into the home of one of her clients. His name was Roger. Alina hardly remembered him. He had always come and gone from the house so quietly that she hadn’t taken much notice. He never sat in the main room with the others. Roger was a private man, not boisterous like some of the others. However, Roger was kind enough to offer her and Klara a place to stay until Joey was released from the hospital and the settlement of Trevor’s will was awarded to Alina. Roger was so kind to Klara that Alina thought he was an angel. He opened his home to them. He made them both comfortable, and made sure they wanted for nothing. Then once Alina was awarded possession of Trevor’s home, Klara and Roger left for a week and went on a short vacation to Grossinger’s resort in the Catskills. Joey was released from the hospital, and by mid-December, Alina, Joey, and Klara had moved into Trevor’s home in Manhattan. For the first week Joey had nightmares that Alina was sure stemmed from his early life in that same house. But as Alina continued to explain to Joey that Trevor had passed away and would never be returning, the child began to relax. The fire had affected his lungs and Joey not only had a twisted body, but his breathing was labored. He wheezed with every inhale Alina had a secret and horrible knowing deep inside of her that gnawed at her and made her miserable. She knew that Joey would not live to be an old man, and each day that she shared with her son was a gift. The more she thought about this gift, the more she felt compelled to bring Joey to Germany to meet Lotti. Lotti was his aunt, Johan’s sister. She was the only living blood relative on Johan’s side of the family that Alina had ever really known. It was only right that she bring the two of them together while Joey was still well enough to make the trip. Since she inherited a small fortune from Trevor, she had the money to travel back to Germany now. And, since she no longer owned a brothel, she could not only feel comfortable meeting with Lotti, but she could find her family again. They need never know about the whorehouse, or how she survived the war.

  One night after Joey had fallen asleep, Klara and Alina were sitting in the kitchen, sipping cups of Trevor’s finest coffee.

  “Trevor was a true bastard, but still, I can’t help but feel bad that his life ended so violently,” Alina said.

  “Yes, it’s terribly sad. But, let’s face it, Alina, he was a danger to you and Joey. It is a blessing to have him gone. He could have killed you.,” Klara said, lighting a cigarette and turning away from Alina. She would never tell Alina that she was responsible for arranging to have Trevor killed. It was best that Alina never know anything about what had happened. As long as Alina was ignorant of what Klara had done, Alina need never feel any guilt or responsibility for any of it. And this was what Klara wanted for her dear friend. A happy, healthy life, free of shame and guilt.

  “I don’t think I want to reopen the house, Klara. But, I want to give you enough money so that you can open it if you want to. And of course, you know, you are welcome to stay here at my home, with Joey and me forever if you’d like.”

  Klara heaved a sigh. “That’s kind of you. But, I think I’d like to open a brothel of my own. I would like to be independent. To have my own income.”

  “I understand, and I would like to give you the money to open it,” Alina said, looking directly in Klara’s eyes. “You’ve been a friend to me, a true friend.”

  Klara took a long drag on her cigarette. The way Alina said that made Klara wondered if Alina knew what Klara had done to Trevor. But Klara said nothing.

  “I want to go to Berlin to try to find my family. I want to see if I can find Johan’s sister as well. I think she deserves to meet her nephew,” Alina said, taking a cigarette out of the pack and lighting it.

  “Are you sure, Alina?”

  Alina nodded.

  “You don’t know what you will find when you get back to Germany. The war was brutal.”

  “I know that, and I’m afraid. But I can’t go on without knowing the truth. I must do what I can to find out what happened to all of the people from my past. My family, my friends. People who I have loved. It’s hard to just forget and let them go.”

  “So, what will you do? Go to Berlin and go back to your childhood home?”

  “No, I don’t think it would be that easy, Klara. I will try, but I don’t think anyone will be there. My parents and sister were gone before I even left. But, there was this woman. Her name was Lotti, she was a friend of mine and of my family. Her brother was Johan, who was Joey’s father. Lev, her husband, was my father’s business partner. Their address is the last known address I have. Before I left Germany, my family’s house and business were already confiscated by the Nazis. It would be of no use to even try to start there.”

  “Confiscated?”

  “Yes, taken away and given to a German non-Jewish family, on Kristallnacht. Stolen,” Alina said. “It’s a very long story, but my parents were arrested and my sister went to a safe family in London. At least I hope she is safe. I don’t know. I am hoping that Lotti and Lev will know where to find them.”

  “So, you have their address?”

  “Yes, of course. I could never forget it. I know their phone number too.”

  “Should we write or try to call?” Klara said.

  The thought of calling made Alina’s heart race. It was difficult to make any long-distance call from the United States to overseas, but it was almost impossible to reach Berlin with the system so damaged. Then if by some miracle the operator was able to get through, what if Lotti or Lev didn’t answer? What then? She couldn’t bear it. They were her last hope of ever finding her family. If Lotti or Lev didn’t answer, or the phone was disconnected, then she quite hon
estly had nowhere else to look. “Write, yes, I’ll write. That’s what I’ll do.” If she wrote, she could always try to call in the future. But at least she wouldn’t have to know any absolute truths this very minute.

  “I’ll help you?” Klara said.

  “No, I have to do this alone. Please don’t be offended,” Alina said.

  “I’m not offended. That’s what I like about our friendship, neither of us pushes the other to do things that are uncomfortable. I understand you, Alina,” Klara said.

  CHAPTER 35

  Alina December

  Alina wrote and rewrote the letter several times, tearing it up and starting over. There was so much she wanted to say, and yet so much she couldn’t say. Once she even decided to try to call. But when she lifted the black telephone receiver and held it against her chest she was terrified. For several moments her mind went blank. How could she forget Lotti’s number? Alina’s breathing was shallow.. Her heart was beating so hard that she felt nauseated, dizzy, and her head ached. Her hand trembled as she replaced the phone receiver in the handset. A phone call would be too final, too difficult; the fear of a possible immediate answer to the unknown was too trying on her nerves. With a call, all of the answers to all of her pressing questions might be revealed instantly. And the answers, dear God, the answers … the answers could be devastating. No, she couldn’t bear to dial the number. The emotions were too intense. She would try to write again. Yes, that’s what she would do, and if God forbid there was no answer to her letter, then, yes, then, she would place the dreaded telephone call. Her slender fingers trembled as she held the pen in her hand. Then she began to write the letter once again. And once again, but in different words, she asked the same questions she’d asked in every other letter she’d torn up and discarded. However, Alina knew that her fears had nothing to do with the wording of the letter. She had avoided opening this door to the past for such a long time, and she was terrified of what she might discover. After all that had happened during the war, there was a damn good possibility that they were all dead, her parents, Lotti, Lev, even Gilde. Dead, gone forever. Very possible. Was it better to know the truth or live forever safe in the darkness? It was a Pandora’s box that was sitting before her represented by the paper and pen that lay on the table. Best to keep that box shut tight. Best to live only with the memories? Easier for sure, and yet, she could not leave it alone. She must know the truth. Finally she must lift the lid and see what lay inside the box. These people were her blood. They all deserved to know Joey, and he to know them. He had grandparents, and an aunt, somewhere on the other side of the world. They might no longer be alive, but then again … they might. A tear held to her eyelashes as she tapped the pen against her lips. Then a memory brought a wry smile to her face. Alina remembered how Otto, her mother’s lover of so long ago, had once told her and Bridget the story of Pandora’s box. She had remembered the box, but she’d forgotten the end. Now, she remembered, and it was as if a flicker of light was lit in her soul. Hope, wasn’t hope the last thing that came out of Pandora’s box? She whispered the word aloud—hope— tasting the letters and the meaning as she rolled it around in her mouth. I must have hope. I can’t lose sight of hope. I will keep it lit like a candle flame. Yes, hope, I can feel that flicker of light in my heart. She bit her lower lip. Now when she picked up the pen and began to write again, in German, she knew that she would not discard this letter. This letter would be sent.

  Dear Lotti,

  It’s Alina. I hope this letter finds you and Lev doing well. I don’t even know if you will ever receive this correspondence because I am not sure how well the mail is getting through from America to Berlin. But I must try. In truth, I can’t even be sure that you are still at the same address. But if you do by God’s grace get this letter, and I pray that you do, please know that I love you. I am living in America in the city of New York now. It is a very long story of how I got here. For now, please know that I am healthy and doing fine. Have you seen or heard from my parents or my sister? I miss all of you so much. I think of you often. Lotti, there is so much I must tell you. But I cannot tell you all of it in a letter. I do think that you should know that you have a nephew. Johan and I have a son. His name is Joseph, but I call him Joey. I know you will love him. He is the light of my life, Lotti, and I can’t wait for you to meet him. If it is alright with you, I think it is best that I come to Berlin and see you, talk to you in person. Please answer and let me know if you would like me to come. I won’t come until I receive word from you that you want to see me.

  With love, your sister through friendship, Alina

  Alina didn’t have the heart to tell Lotti about Johan’s death. Not in a letter. Alina knew how hard Lotti would take it, especially since the last time Lotti and Johan had spoken they fought. It was best to soften the blow by telling her in person. Alina sealed the letter and then walked to the post office. She could easily afford a taxi, but she wanted to feel the cold sobering wind on her skin. Once this letter left her hands and was on its way to Berlin, everything would be set into motion. She would cast her hope into the wind and wait for an answer. Her stomach felt a little nervous, but she was not going to change her mind. She pulled her coat more tightly around her slender figure. A little voice in her mind said that there was still time to turn back…. But she didn’t. With her head high and her hair blowing in the wind, she walked into the post office, paid the postage, and watched as the letter was dropped into the outgoing mail bag. Then she walked outside. Now she would hail a cab and head home. As soon as she got back she’d have a nice cup of hot tea, maybe add a bit of brandy. Right now, she needed something to calm her nerves. She walked towards the street and tried to stop a taxi but they were all full. Then a car went by driving too fast for the crowded street, its wheels splashing her with dirty slush. Damn, she whispered as she looked down at her coat. It was a lovely ivory wool. Klara had warned her when she bought it that because it was such a light color it would surely attract plenty of dirt. Well, Klara, she thought, you were right. The coat was full of gray slush. She should have been upset, but instead she wanted to laugh. Somehow sending that letter had lightened the burden in her heart. It was just a coat. For a moment, she forgot that she had plenty of money to buy another one.

  Then she heard a familiar male voice call her name.

  “Alina?”

  She turned around quickly and there was Ugo. A smile broke out on her face and in her heart. The smile reached from her lips to her eyes. The joy she felt at seeing him was as natural as breathing. He came towards her. There was a slight drag to his left leg and a deep scar under his left eye. He looked older, his hair had streaks of gray, but he was Ugo, still Ugo, and more importantly, he was alive. He had war wounds, but he had survived. Thank you, God, she whispered in her mind. Thank you for sparing Ugo.

  When he hugged her to say hello she felt her body melt into his.

  “How are you?” he said. His Russian accent still reminded her of her papa and touched a nerve inside of her. She held him a little longer than just a quick hello.

  “I’m fine. I heard you were in the Pacific,” she stammered.

  He nodded. “Yes, that’s where I got the scar and the injury to my leg.”

  “It must be difficult for you to move the furniture with your injury”

  He smiled. “I don’t move furniture anymore. I bought the business. Other people do the moving. I keep the books.”

  “Oh Ugo, that’s wonderful.”

  “Yes, it is wonderful. I worked hard. I saved money. I found the American dream.” He smiled wistfully. “It’s cold out here. Why don’t we go somewhere and have a hot cocoa?”

  She laughed a short nervous laugh. “Yes, let’s do that. I could use something warm to drink.”

  They walked silently. The only sound was the snow crunching under their feet, both lost in their own thoughts. Thoughts of the past. Thoughts of each other. Alina couldn’t believe how affected she was by seeing Ugo. She knew she’d
missed him, but until she saw him again, alive, in the flesh, she hadn’t realized how much. He was a trusted friend who’d been with her through some very difficult times, and now when she looked at him she remembered those times. If it hadn’t been for Ugo’s tender prompting, when she’d seen him on the street all those years ago, she would never have taken a class and learned English. They’d walked to English class together, two foreigners lost in an overwhelming country trying to find their way. But no matter how hard things were for him, he was always willing to listen to her problems and offer help or advice. She glanced up at him and was deeply touched by the memories of his warmth and caring.

  ‘It’s really quite chilly,” he said, pulling his muffler tighter. “Not freezing like Russia, but for New York, it’s cold.”

  “It is.” She didn’t know what else to say to him. And in a way, she was afraid to sit across from him at a table where he could see her eyes and all the feelings they would reveal. What if he’d found someone, even married? Maybe she should ask now before they got to the restaurant so he wouldn’t see the raw emotion on her face if he told her that there was a woman in his life. After all, she should expect that he was with someone. She had pushed him away. What was he to do, spend his life alone? Oh God, if he said he had a wife, she would have to accept it.

  “Ugo?”

  “Yes?”

  They were a few feet from the restaurant. How could she ask? She couldn’t.

  He opened the door for her. Always the gentleman, she thought.

  After they were seated at a quiet corner table, he helped her with her coat and the chair. The room was dimly lit. He removed his coat and sat down across from her. And, then there he was, just inches away from her. His eyes locked with hers. Alina didn’t want to ask, but she had to know the answer to her most vital question.