Let Me Love You

by Lily Foster

  “Not all of them, just Beth, Catlin and Jenna. It’s hard to drag Rene away.”

  Aw shit. I tried to sound casual but I was disappointed. “Why’s that?”

  “Rene works all summer waitressing. She sublets an apartment by school and takes two summer classes. She also interns at a local TV station.”

  “What is she, some kind of masochist?”

  Sarah and Darcy laughed but then Darcy’s face showed a touch of sadness. “Rene has hardly anyone. She pays for everything herself. She has a scholarship but has to take care of everything else on her own.”

  “Where’s her family?”

  “She never mentions her parents and I know better than to ask. What little I’ve heard isn’t great; her dad sounds like a drinker who is no help whatsoever. She has an aunt and uncle that she’s in contact with but I can tell they aren’t super close either. From what she shares, the closest person to her, besides Caitlin, was her high school English teacher and she’s deceased. I know Rene used to spend holidays with her family. I get the feeling she was like a mentor to Rene.”

  “So she’s out on her own, no real home?”

  “Jeez, Caleb, you’re going to make me cry. Caitlin takes Rene home a lot but Rene is really proud and you have to watch it with her. She gets pissed if she thinks you feel pity for her or, God forbid, you attempt to pay her share for anything. I learned that the hard way.” She went on, “Like I said, I ask Rene and if she says no, I leave it alone. She has her reasons. Jenna is coming down again in two weeks with Dan. I’ll ask Rene again then and hopefully she’ll come.”

  Shit, I felt terrible. The man in me wanted to provide for Rene and make it so that life wasn’t so hard for her. I shook my head. That was an odd feeling for me that I really didn’t understand, being that I hardly knew this girl. “Yeah, hopefully next time she’ll come.”

  “I really do admire her, Caleb. Think about it…she’s fierce, being able to do all of that on her own at my age.”

  “I agree, Sis. She sounds pretty amazing.”

  Rene

  Boston was hot in July.

  Different season, same routine. My schedule hardly ever deviated. I took classes in the morning, went to my internship or the restaurant afterwards, and squeezed in a run to clear my head whenever I could, year-round.

  I was running along the Charles, laboring for breath, thinking about the fact that there was absolutely no breeze. I bet there was a beautiful breeze down at beach where Darcy and the rest of the girls were at this very moment. At the beach, I fantasized, where Caleb was probably carrying his surfboard under one arm as he made his way, practically without any clothes on, down to the shore and into the cool, salty water. What a nice vision that was.

  I had so wanted to go but with the Boston Pops concert and fireworks show on the Esplanade this week, I was needed at the station. I needed a great recommendation from my station manager for next year when I would be desperately trying to snag an internship in the biggest market, New York. That’s been my plan from the beginning, working in broadcast journalism in New York.

  I hoped to get a summer internship before senior year to make some connections and then apply for production assistant or copywriting jobs in New York when I graduated. The pay wouldn’t be great at first but I knew I could waitress or bartend to make ends meet the first few years.

  I would just have to dream of the beach for now and maybe, maybe I could make it down there once before the summer ended. Even though I knew that seeing him again would probably be bad for me—a little taste would be way worse than nothing at all—I knew that I wanted that taste.

  Caleb

  I have to admit, I was kind of cranky when I knew she wouldn’t be coming. It was time I got a grip. I was several years older than this little girl and the last thing she needed was a wolf devouring her and then moving on when he’d had his fill. I always did want to move on. Even though she had me thinking about things I’d never really thought about before, I’m sure it was her innocence and her need for protection that was bringing out the chivalrous side of me. It would pass.

  After spending no more than thirty minutes with Darcy’s friends to be social, I bolted and met up with Mick and Conner at our favorite dive bar. It was filled with lifeguards ranging in age from eighteen, the youngest who could maneuver their way around the drinking age, to forty, the ones who worked as teachers or ski instructors during the winter and hung onto their beach jobs for the summer. Not a bad life.

  One of my old flames, Nan, was there with a few of her girlfriends. Nan was funny, good looking and had no strings attached, as she informed me she was engaged to her college sweetheart. That commitment didn’t stop her from rubbing her hand along my arm as she spoke, didn’t stop her from whispering in my ear that I was the best she’d ever had, and didn’t stop her from telling me that she needed one more time before she was stuck with the same guy for the rest of her life. Now, here I was thinking that only guys thought that way.

  Nan cornered me the second she walked in and I was into it, feeling the need for a sure thing. Sneaking her to my basement, which was my old M.O., was out of the question. Besides feeling too old for that, the house was full of guests. Instead we wound up in her childhood room with her parents sleeping downstairs—not exactly ideal.

  Unsatisfying was the only way to describe it. I just didn’t want this anymore. And I had this uncomfortable feeling I couldn’t shake because while I was burying myself in Nan, I was envisioning this Rene girl in her place.

  Not good.

  The next morning Mick and I were on our surfboards sitting, talking and just letting the choice waves pass us by.

  “Damn, Caleb, I hope you didn’t break up an engagement.”

  “Not a chance but shit, I feel sorry for her fiancé if she’s looking for outside action before she even makes it up the aisle.”

  “Maybe you were just her last hoorah. Go out with a bang, as they say.”

  “Yeah, a bang. I get it.”

  “What’s up with you, Caleb? Do you like her or something?”

  “Nan? No, just feeling a little weird about last night. I think I’m losing my desire to screw around.”

  Mick splashed me. “Come again?”

  “You know, maybe I should look into having an actual girlfriend.”

  Then he looked thoughtful. “Yeah, I think I’m getting to that point too. I’ve done just about half of the girls I work with. Besides it being awkward, I’m just not having as much fun with it anymore.”

  I shook my head. “But a few weeks ago, when I was at Drew’s? I mean, Chloe is totally great, total package, but I’m not ready for that life yet either. They’re in suburban, minivan-driving nirvana. Boring as shit. It was weird to see Drew transformed.”

  Mick put his palm to his forehead, like he was having a vision. “You’ll find your way. Someone is going to turn your head soon, I can foretell these things. I feel it in my bones.”

  While I heard myself brushing him off, “All right, asshole,” I was thinking that someone had most definitely already turned my head.

  Rene

  I was sitting in class, daydreaming absently about my life, about my future. I was envisioning a luxury Manhattan apartment, me sitting opposite my agent while discussing my contract negotiations. The network was playing hardball but my agent was assuring me that I was worth more than what they were offering. I was lost in this ridiculous fantasy when I heard my phone ping with an incoming text:

  How’s it going? We missed u this wknd.

  Thx Darce, believe me, I missed u too.

  What r u doing today?

  Class n restaurant. U?

  Working 10-6 then dunno. Can u get away for a wknd soon? J and Dan r coming wknd of 7/16. Pls…dnt make me b their 3rd wheel! Lov u

  Count me in. I deserve it!!!

  Yay! U made my day!

  As soon as I sent that I felt this wave of nervous excitement course through my body and I knew exactly why. But I had be
en thinking this through and was now a little more realistic. He was eye candy, he was nice, he was my friend’s brother and that’s all. I would certainly look but I’m sure I would never have the opportunity to touch.

  I was just longing for someone…good. My last boyfriend was no great shakes. Ray was actually a sad excuse for a boyfriend. Just another guy who, once he found out I was a virgin, made it his mission to change my status. I’m sure if he was decent for just a few more weeks he would have been successful but he couldn’t even wait two months. I guess he had an itch he just had to scratch. I walked in on him doing a girl who was in our Sociology class. I had to attend the rest of the semester with those two sitting a few rows in front of me.

  I let Craig know as soon as I got to work so he had time to cover my shift. “Where you heading, Rene?”

  “My roommate’s beach house.”

  “Good. I’m glad you’re getting out of town. Sometimes I think you work too hard. Don’t feel weird about asking me for time off, Rene. You’re my best worker. I don’t mind doing you a favor here and there.”

  Aw, see I knew he was a good guy. “Thanks, Craig, but I doubt I’ll be looking for much in terms of time off.”

  The next day I took care of my station internship. I was good to go. Now I just had two loooong weeks to wait.

  I treated myself to a new bikini. Not for him, I told myself.

  Caleb

  Darcy sounded annoyed with me. “Where have you been? I don’t mind taking care of Bosco but I’d like to see my brother at least as often as I see his dog.”

  I was on the phone at my desk rubbing a hand over my face. “Sorry, Darce, I’ve just been busy.”

  “Too busy for surfing? Sure you don’t need to see a doctor?”

  “Ha ha ha. I’ll be down this weekend at some point. Are Luke and Kate coming?”

  “No, but some of my friends are. I hope that doesn’t keep you away. Last time they were down we hardly saw you.”

  “No, stop, I like your roommates. Same crew as last time?”

  “No. This time it’s Rene, Jenna and her boyfriend, Dan. I think you’ve met him.”

  Well, hell-oooo. I had to play this cool. “You finally got Rene to ditch work and come down?”

  She laughed. “Yes, finally. I was planning to beg and threaten her but it didn’t come to that. I really didn’t want to be stuck with the two lovebirds alone and she took pity on me. They’ll be frolicking in the ocean and taking moonlit strolls along the shore, like, all weekend long.”

  “I’m glad she’s getting a break. I felt terrible for Rene after what you told me.”

  “I know.” Then Darcy emphasized, “Please, Caleb, do not let on that you know anything about her. She would be really embarrassed, not to mention furious with me.”

  “Don’t worry, Darcy, I won’t. I understand. So how’s the beach treating you?”

  “Good. I’ll be ending pretty early, like August tenth, so I’m trying to sock away as much money as possible.”

  “Why so early?”

  “I want to take a week before I leave. I need to get back into the city, do some shopping and packing, and then hopefully, if you have time, spend some quality time with the fam at the beach before I go. The orientation starts August twentieth.”

  “Oh yeah, that’ll be here before you know it. Don’t worry about saving up, Darcy. You do have a wealthy older brother, remember?”

  “Yeah, but I don’t want to hit Luke up for cash.”

  “You slay me, Sis.”

  “Love you.”

  “Love you right back.”

  Sarah let me know that Darcy’s friends were arriving on Friday. I really should have just steered clear for the entire weekend. That would have been the smart thing to do and the decent thing to do as far as Rene was concerned. I decided to compromise and head down Saturday.

  I took my time leaving my place and by the time I got to the house they were already on the beach. I scoped out the waves from the upstairs deck, waxed up my board and headed out. I could see Darcy out on the paddleboard and Jen and Dan talking by the shore. As I made my way down, I saw Rene laying out, reclined back in her chair looking totally relaxed, eyes closed. Unfortunately for me, now I had a visual of her body. Her legs were long and well defined, like a runner’s. She had a slim little waist and her breasts were looking outstanding in the little bikini she was wearing.

  Deep breath, Caleb.

  “Hey, good to see you’re finally getting a little rest and relaxation, Rene.”

  She opened her eyes and then shielded them from the sun with her hand to look up at me. “Hi, Caleb. I was wondering if you were going to make a cameo this weekend.”

  Damn, she was cute. I leaned my board against the cooler, took a seat in the sand next to her chair, and handed her the sunblock. “I couldn’t stay away. Here, thought you could use this. Don’t want that perfect skin of yours getting scorched. You look like you’ve never gotten sunburned in your life.”

  “Yeah, I didn’t spend a lot of time on the beach growing up.”

  “Really? A Jersey girl and all?”

  “I was more Jersey City than Jersey Shore, Caleb.”

  “Right.”

  I looked straight ahead at the water as she rubbed the sunscreen into her legs and arms. When she moved onto her abdomen, I could feel my body reacting to her. I was fighting an internal battle, telling myself she was too young but at the same time, finding it impossible to look away. The good guy in me was losing out when I heard myself ask if she wanted me to get her back with the sunblock. My desire, my need to put my hands on her was pathetic. Thankfully, before she could answer, Mick came bounding down the beach. “Where the hell have you been hiding, Caleb?”

  “Just busy but I’m here now.”

  I looked to her. “Hey, Rene, this is my friend, Mick. Mick, this is Darcy’s lovely roommate, Rene.”

  “Nice to meet you, Mick.”

  “Shit, is every girl at that school gorgeous? I went to the wrong university.”

  I shook my head at his absolute lack of tact. “Down boy.”

  Rene laughed and then put her tank top back on. She rose from her chair slowly, allowing me to get a long look at her ass, and then she went to meet Darcy at the shore as she was paddling back in. As he lowered himself next to me, Mick started to quietly sing some old Zombies song from the sixties about a girl and her rich sugar daddy.

  “An oldie but a goodie.”

  “Yes, and seems very apropos, don’t you think, Caleb?”

  “I don’t follow.”

  Mick kicked sand at me then. “You don’t follow, my ass. That fine, young thing is just that. A fine, young thing.”

  “Your point?”

  “No point. You just look a little smitten, that’s all. Can’t say I blame you. She has a great smile, great hair, great legs, great ass, great rack.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh, Mick’s such an ass. “Ok, shut the fuck up. Let’s get out there.”

  We spent the next two hours surfing. I was catching waves here and there but I spent more time than usual just sitting on my board letting perfectly good sets pass me by. I was glad to see Rene in the water with Jenna and Darcy. For someone who didn’t spend much time at the beach growing up, Rene swam like a little dolphin. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her as she got out of the water either, as she shook out her long, dark hair and the sun was glistening off her damp skin.

  I stayed around after dinner longer than I did last time but I did leave when Conner and Mick came by to collect me. We were heading to a party at Conner’s girlfriend’s bungalow. Darcy and her friends were heading to McCabe’s, a little beachfront bar. Darcy asked me to come with them but I begged off. I really did not trust myself around Rene.

  The party was good but I just wasn’t into it. I got in on the early side, around one. I tried to go to sleep but I couldn’t. I was restless. After half an hour of staring at the ceiling, I decided to head down to the beach. As I made my way ac
ross the backyard I heard her call to me softly, “Hey.”

  “What are you doing out here, Rene?”

  “We got home a little early. Jenna and Dan had a few drinks too many.”

  “You’re not sleepy either?”

  She had one leg curled underneath her and one long leg dangling over the side of the hammock. “I need less sleep than most humans.”

  “Ah.”

  She cocked her head to the side, which sent her hair cascading over her shoulder. I felt my heartbeat speeding up. I liked the sound of her voice too much when she asked, “Where are you heading?”

  “A little night swimming. Ever tried it?”

  Her eyes went wide. “No. Aren’t you afraid some sea critter will sting you or a serial killer will be lurking on the beach?”

  “What? I’m starting to think you’re a little nuts, Rene.”

  “Maybe I am.”

  “Come and try it. Tonight’s perfect. No waves, calm like a bay, the moon dancing off the water. These are my favorite nights for a dip.” She looked unsure and I was not going to beg her. I started walking again. “Suit yourself. If you change your mind, I’ll be down there. I’ll scout the area for serial killers.”

  A moment passed. “Wait.”

  Yes!

  “Let me get my suit on. I’ll be two seconds.”

  As she moved across the lawn, I teased, “Sure, although swimsuits are not typically worn. Since it’s your first time, though, I’ll make an exception.”

  She threw her head back and let out a sound that was half laugh, half frustrated groan. “Two seconds.”

  “It’s so beautiful down here, Caleb.”

  “Yeah, I don’t think I could ever live very far away from the ocean.”

  We made our way in. Something about being out here at night relaxed the restraint I’d been trying to exert over myself before. Once I was waist deep, I took off my shorts and rifled them back onto the shore.

  “Uh, hello?”

  “I told you, swimsuits are not needed or recommended for night swimming. For me, anyway.” I couldn’t help but laugh at her slightly horrified expression. I shrugged. “Clothes ruin the experience for me.”