Let Me Love You

by Lily Foster

  “I feel more than ok. I feel…that was just…I can’t find any words, Caleb.”

  I was so flustered. I looked away. He took my chin in his hand and gently turned me back to him. “Rene, thank you for trusting me. That was so perfect. You were perfect.”

  He made me feel like I was a woman, a beautiful woman. I had to stop myself from getting emotional but I really wanted to weep in his arms. I was overwhelmed with the sense of being loved.

  “Come with me, sweet angel.”

  He led me into the bathroom and turned on the shower. Caleb bathed me. It was the most sensual experience of my life. He stood behind me and lathered my hair. I could feel his body against my back as he ran the soap and a soft cloth down my arms, over my breasts, and then up the length of my legs. He took care as he ran the washcloth over my sensitive flesh and whispered in my ear, “I hope you’re not too sore later.”

  I backed into him slowly and felt him harden against me. Truth was, Caleb was a large man and I probably was going to be sore but I didn’t really care. I wanted him now, tomorrow, always.

  He dried me and then wrapped me in a big fluffy towel before carrying me back to bed. This was another first, sleeping nude with a man, but I wasn’t self-conscious. I didn’t want to cover up and hide. I just wanted his body pressed against mine with his arms around me, and that’s exactly how I fell into the most restful sleep of my life.

  I was drowsy and still in a partial sleep state later that night when I felt a hand moving across my abdomen, lower, and then over my center. I was wet in an instant and heard Caleb groan with pleasure as his fingers entered my damp flesh. He was behind me. My body instinctively arched back. I felt the tip of Caleb’s erection, hard and insistent, enter me. He muttered, sleepily, “Oh damn, Rene.”

  Half-dazed, I moved down so that he filled me and then he began to move. He was thrusting into me over and over again and it felt so good. A few minutes later, I felt his warm release and then fully realized what was happening. My body stiffened and then I felt Caleb react the same way. “Caleb, I’m not on anything.”

  He pulled out of me. “Oh shit, Rene, I’m sorry. That won’t happen again.”

  He turned me so that I was facing him. His eyes were wide. He was smiling but looked worried. “I’m so sorry. I’ve never…done that. I’ve never had unprotected sex in my life. I was asleep at the beginning of that and then felt like I was having the best dream. I had this beautiful brunette in my bed,” his expression relaxed a little and then he began to kiss me, “and she was so fucking hot.” He was moving down my body placing kisses on my neck, breasts, abdomen and then my thighs. “I couldn’t keep my hands off her.”

  When he came back up he held my gaze for a long moment and then he kissed me, the most tender kisses. “How am I going to let you leave me?”

  I smiled but I felt insecure. In my mind, I just couldn’t possibly be the one he wanted. “I’m sure you’ll have someone else to entertain you soon enough.”

  He pulled back, his expression pained. He said softly, “Don’t do that, Rene.”

  “What?” I couldn’t meet his gaze.

  “Don’t think that you wanted this more than I did. You don’t know how many times I’ve imagined us together. I’m so happy you’re finally here with me.” I heard him open the nightstand drawer and rip open another condom. He came up again supporting his weight on his forearms and asked me, “Can I have you again, Rene?”

  “I want you Caleb, so badly.”

  As he entered me, he whispered, “I need you, Rene.”

  I thought I would die of happiness.

  “Can you take off tonight and stay with me until tomorrow?”

  “I can’t, Caleb. I would love to stay but I have to go back. Duty calls.”

  I so wanted to stay. I wanted to fast forward two years. I wanted to be working in the city already and to be with Caleb. But I wasn’t there yet. I had a plan and I had to keep plugging along. Part of that, unfortunately, was waitressing nearly every night so that I could sock away as much money as possible.

  “It’s one o’clock already, Caleb. I have to go.”

  “I know. I’m just being selfish. I’d like to lie in bed with you for the next few hours and then take you out to a great dinner, some wine….ah, doesn’t that sound nice?”

  I hit him with a pillow then. “Stop!”

  “I knew you’d have to go but I figured I’d give it a try. I won’t tease you anymore. I called a car for you. It’ll be here in half an hour.”

  “You didn’t have to do that.”

  “You’re going to have to get used to me doing things for you. I get you, Rene. I know you’re used to doing everything on your own and I respect you for it. But I need to feel like you’ll let me take care of you, at least just a little bit.”

  “Take care of me?”

  He shook his head. “I don’t want to scare you off. I just…like today, my friend Mick borrowed my car for the weekend. The thought of you on the subway heading back to the airport would make me insane. So if I want to call you a car, you have to let me.”

  “All right. I don’t want to make you go insane.”

  He was grinning from ear to ear as he grabbed me and held me close to him. He nestled into me and whispered, “I want to remember how you smell, so sweet, and how you feel against me. These two weeks are going to be torture.”

  “It’s going to torture me for longer than that.”

  He returned his gaze to mine and looked expectant, hopeful. “No. I meant I’ll be in Boston in two weeks and I hope you’ll be my date. A friend’s wedding. Please tell me you’ll come with me.”

  I guess my face showed the apprehension I was feeling. “It won’t be awful, Rene, I promise. My friends are great.”

  “No, it’s not that. I’m just surprised. You want to just be out there about everything, just like that?”

  “I don’t do secrets, Rene.”

  Ouch. I lived my whole life wrapped in secrets. He knew it and was giving me a subtle dig. I took a deep breath. “Is it okay with you if I’m not ready to be all out with my friends? I don’t want to yet.”

  He hugged me. “Yeah it is. No pressure. But will you take off from work and come with me?”

  “Yes. A Valentine’s Day wedding?”

  “Yeah. Not too original, huh?”

  “I think it’s sweet. Who is getting married?”

  “My friend, Mark. I don’t know the girl. A lot of my friends from college will be there and I want you to meet them. They’ll be shocked I’m bringing a date.”

  “Why, you usually go stag so you can troll weddings for desperate females?”

  He laughed. “Something like that.”

  On the plane ride back I was lost in thought. I was so happy that I felt as if my heart would overflow. I loved him. I knew it before but I was overwhelmed by it now. I loved him for all the nights we talked on the phone and he let me open up to him—made me want to open up to him. And now, it was so much more. I just knew what I felt was love.

  Caitlin was going to have to be the one person I trusted with this. She had been blowing up my phone ever since I’d texted her last night to say I was staying in the city. I called her as soon as I landed. “Hey, I just got off the plane. I’ll be there in an hour.”

  “I’m not waiting an hour. Spill it. Who were you with? I was going crazy last night and I had to cover for you with the girls.”

  “Thanks, Caitlin, and I’m sorry, I didn’t want to worry you. I was fine. I was with…Caleb Donovan.”

  “Holy shit! How did that happen?”

  “I’ll fill you in on everything as soon as I get home.”

  “No!”

  “I’m hanging up now.”

  I wound up telling Caitlin everything, as I always did. It was unlike me to have held out on her for this long. She was, from the first day I met her freshman year, a kindred spirit. Our lives, our circumstances could not have been more disparate, but she and I just clicked. Within
a few weeks, she knew almost every detail of my ridiculously appalling life and she didn’t think any worse of me. In turn, she let me in on the joys and pitfalls of abundant wealth. The one thing we had in common was being children of alcoholics. For all of the homes, trips, clothes, cars and whatever else she had at her disposal, Caitlin had suffered in her own way, just like I had. We had the similar battle scars and would laugh when we spied the other one cleaning obsessively or planning out minute details, the feeble attempts to keep order and to keep up appearances. I loved her like the sister I so wished that I’d had growing up. She kept every secret of my life. The other girls knew the basics, that I didn’t have family to speak of and that I had no one to be dependent upon, but they didn’t know the depth of what I’d gone through as a child. That’s how I preferred it to be. I rarely wanted to revisit those times. I didn’t want to talk it out and I definitely didn’t want anyone’s pity.

  “Wow. I totally thought he was great when I met him but he sounds like the best man ever. You deserve him. Don’t fuck it up, Rene.”

  “Thanks for the vote of confidence.”

  “I just meant to say don’t push him away. Let yourself enjoy it.”

  “I know. Oh, do you mind if I go shopping in your closet? I need a dress. He’s taking me to a friend’s wedding.”

  “So he’s introducing you to all of his friends? Rene, it sounds like he wants something serious. Ohmigod, I’m like breathless and swooning for you, you bitch!”

  “I know but I don’t want to think like that. He’s just so good, so perfect…I just don’t want to totally fall for him and get hurt.”

  “You’ve already fallen for him and he’s probably thinking the same thing about you. You’re gorgeous, smart, and able to take care of anything and everything. You are the one who’s a catch here.”

  “Thanks. I don’t want to tell anyone about him though, Caitlin.”

  “All right, yeah, the whole Darcy thing could be weird.”

  All I could think of was seeing him again. We spoke nearly every day and each conversation was easy and effortless, as if I’d known him forever. At the end of each call he told me he couldn’t wait to see me. I was in heaven.

  I found a great red beaded dress in Caitlin’s closet—never worn, no surprise. Then she and I went shopping and I got a beautiful pair of heels that made my legs look a mile long.

  Caleb

  When I pulled into the campus lot to pick up Rene, I had to admit that I was relieved she wasn’t telling her friends about us. I really didn’t want to discuss any of this with Darcy yet; I was thankful, for once, that she’d decided to spend the entire year abroad. I mean, anyway, there was no way I was going to be visiting Rene here, going to campus parties and crashing in her dorm.

  When she came walking towards the car with a shy smile on her face, all that drifted away. I jumped out to get her door and take her bag and then I couldn’t help but grab her in my arms and lift her up to kiss her. “I’ve missed you.”

  “I’ve been thinking about you every day, Caleb. Please tell me we have some time to be together before the wedding. I’ve been dreaming of being with you.”

  I spent the next three hours loving Rene. She amazed me. No one made me feel as much as she did. I wouldn’t say it out loud yet but I knew I loved her.

  Afterward, she looked dreamy curled up in the sheets. “You look happy, Rene.”

  She gave me a wicked grin. “I guess I didn’t know what I’d been missing out on all this time.”

  I laughed but it faded quickly. “It doesn’t feel like this with everyone. Let’s just say, wedding or no wedding, I was driving up this weekend. I had to see you.”

  “So are you telling me I’ve already had the best and there’s no need to sample what else is out there?”

  I slapped her backside and she laughed and screamed at the same time. “Yes, sweet Rene, that’s exactly what I’m saying.”

  When she finished dressing I had to admire her. Her dress showed off her curves in a tasteful way and her legs were beautiful. She was sexy but polished. When we walked into the wedding, I noticed for the first time how other men looked at her. “Men notice you, you know that?”

  “Well, ladies notice you and I know you’re well aware of that.”

  She had an easy way about her. I loved watching her with my friends. The guys obviously thought she was great but I also saw her laughing with Chloe and a few of the other girls as if she’d known them.

  “Caleb, she’s terrific. I get the feeling this isn’t a passing thing.”

  “No, Chloe, I’m kind of crazy about her.”

  “Where did you meet?”

  I was wary. “Don’t judge me.”

  “Never.”

  “She’s a friend of Darcy’s”

  “Oh.”

  I could tell she was surprised. “Yeah, Chloe, she’s only twenty. Tell me if you think that’s awful.”

  “No, I mean, you’ll be twenty-six this year? It’s not like she’s fifteen and you’re twenty-one. That would be creepy. All that matters is that you’re happy. You seem happy, Caleb.”

  “I am. Thanks, Chloe.”

  Rene

  “Really. That girl looks like she’s twelve.”

  Giggling, the other one said, “Danielle, come on, she looks at least eighteen.”

  I decided to stay in the stall, as I had the strange feeling that I was the subject of this conversation.

  “Well, I feel like telling the bartender to card her. Typical Caleb.”

  Chloe must have come out of a stall then and said, “Now, now, Dani, be nice.”

  “Who is she, Chloe?”

  “Caleb’s girlfriend. I think she’s great. She’s smart, beautiful and seems like she makes Caleb really happy.” I knew there was a reason I’d clicked with that girl immediately.

  “Yeah, right. She’s Caleb’s little fuck buddy of the month. And she just hasn’t caught onto his act yet. Benji told me she’s a junior in college. Is that true?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “He’s going younger and younger. He just wants someone who won’t place any demands on him.”

  “I don’t know, Dani, he seems really into her.”

  “Puh-lease, Chloe. If I wanted to, I could lure Caleb into the coat check room for a quickie right now. Caleb only cares about Caleb.”

  Chloe sounded impatient as she said, “I guess I just don’t get it, Danielle. Why so bitter?”

  Danielle scoffed, “Bitter? I could care less.”

  I waited until they all left before I came out. When I did walk out I saw Caleb standing with two very pretty girls, one on either side of him, looking like they were flirting heavily with him. When Caleb saw me he gave me a look that said “save me” and he reached his hand out to me as he gestured with his head to each one of them. “Rene, this is Danielle and Melody, we went to school together.”

  “Nice to meet you.”

  With thinly veiled arrogance Danielle said, “Great dress, Rene. So what do you do?”

  I felt like telling this witch it was no wonder Caleb dumped her. “I’m still in school and I work part-time at WGB-TV.”

  She feigned shock. “Still in school?” Then she slapped Caleb’s forearm and with eyes wide, looked to him and teased, “Caleb, you’re robbing the cradle nowadays?”

  Both girls laughed, as if I wasn’t even there. They were just rude, plain and simple. “What can I tell you, Danielle, love knows no age. Later, ladies,” he said, dismissing them. “Ready for a dance, Rene?”

  I couldn’t help but smile ear to ear. “Absolutely.”

  Those two stupid cows had their eyes on us the entire time we danced. And they got an eyeful because dancing with Caleb was like sex with Caleb; he held you close and made your body feel incredible. He was a good dancer and I could tell that one, Danielle, was green with jealousy. “So, was that one of your angry exes?”

  He laughed. “I wouldn’t call her an ex. They have to get past one month to
be considered an ex. She doesn’t like you, Rene. She’s like the ugly wicked witch and you’re young, sexy Snow White.”

  “And you’re the handsome prince.”

  “Your handsome prince.”

  When I walked in the next day, Beth, Jenna and Caitlin were hanging out, flopped on the couches. I must have looked like I was daydreaming with my big grin a dead giveaway. “All right, spill it, Rene. Where were you and with whom? You look like the happiest girl on the planet.”

  I really could not tell them. That’s all I needed was for Jenna to find out. She’d be on the phone with Darcy within five minutes. I had to tell them something, though. I wasn’t going to lie but I wasn’t going to tell the truth either. “I was on a date. He’s a very nice guy. Do you mind though, if I don’t tell all? He doesn’t go here. He’s older than me and I just don’t want to talk about it yet.”

  Caitlin spoke up first so they would back off. “No pressure. Just glad you’re having some fun. Please tell me you’re off tonight? Dan and the guys are having a party.”

  “Sunday night party?”

  Jenna shrugged. “Why not?”

  “OK, I’m working but I’ll be done by ten. I’ll be there, just late.”

  Then the conversation shifted away from me. Beth and Jenna were great girls. I definitely lucked out in the friends department. They were probably really curious but they wouldn’t push me. They knew I was a private person and they didn’t hound me for details like some other girls would have. Even though it was the last place I wanted to be, I would have to make a cameo at Dan’s party tonight just to make an effort for the girls.

  I was wiped out by ten o’clock, as I’d hardly slept the night before with Caleb, and the restaurant was fairly busy tonight. It was ten-thirty before I made it to Dan’s and the party was in full swing by the time I got there. I got a text from Caleb as I was walking in and when I told him where I was he wrote:

  Crap, now I have to think of a bunch of horny guys ogling you.

  Yes, I hope u r jealous.

  Don’t do that to me. I might just have to drive back up there and throw u over my shoulder and spank u.