Let Me Love You

by Lily Foster

Ooh la la.

  I’m getting in my car.

  Ha ha. G’night. I miss u already.

  Miss u too. Have fun.

  “Who’s Caleb?”

  Chris had been looking over my shoulder. “Holy crap, Chris? Since when are you so nosy?”

  He laughed and put his hands up defensively. “Sorry, Rene, I just saw the name flash on your screen. I wasn’t trying to be nosy.”

  I was looking around to see if anyone else had heard. I felt bad then because I loved Chris, he was like a brother to me. “Sorry I barked at you. He’s a really nice guy but I want to keep this to myself. The girls don’t even know about him.”

  “So he doesn’t go here?”

  “No.”

  “He’s a good guy?”

  “Yeah, a really good guy.”

  With that he kissed my forehead. “Good. You deserve it, Rene.”

  Chris didn’t know everything about me but he knew enough and he was perceptive. He had always been protective where I was concerned. Freshman year he’d made a half-hearted play for me after Caitlin left him in the dust but we both knew that wasn’t happening. I knew he still had a thing for Caitlin. Why Caitlin didn’t go for him, I couldn’t figure. Chris was handsome, athletic, smart and an all-around stand-up guy. Girls threw themselves at him. As much as Caitlin gave me the whole “don’t screw this up” speech about Caleb, I think she was the one that had a hard time letting someone be truly good to her.

  Caitlin had an easy going philosophy about sex and she liked to sample the playing field. She wasn’t slutty by any means but she didn’t seem interested in the committed, all-in kind of relationship that Chris would want. They were friends but you could sometimes cut the tension between them with a knife.

  I’m glad I went to the party even though I had Caleb on the brain. Hanging out with the girls was always fun and Dan’s friends were some of my closest friends too. I snuck out with Beth at around two and we went back and ate ice cream on the couch and stayed up talking. Beth had the bright idea to call Darcy since it was around 8 a.m. her time. I felt a little dishonest and creepy, especially when Beth drunkenly told Darcy I was seeing a “mystery man” that I wouldn’t tell anyone about. “It’s not as dramatic as Beth makes it seem, Darce. Just a nice guy. He’s a little older. It’s very, very new, that’s why I’m not spilling.”

  She laughed. “Good for you, Rene. I hope he has a giant cock!”

  I thought I was going to choke. Darcy and Beth were cracking up but I was at a loss. I was thinking yes, he sure does, your brother has a giant one! I couldn’t help but laugh then but in the back of my mind I was thinking that this could get very weird. “Stop it, pigs.”

  In an effort to change the subject, I told Darcy about the somewhat odd, clingy little sophomore who seemed to be following Nick around like a puppy at the party all night. She was relieved. “Good. I hope he’s hopelessly devoted to someone else now.”

  Then we were onto other topics: getting our paperwork in for the upcoming housing slots, Darcy filled us in on her plans to travel with a cousin around Europe for the summer and Beth filled Darcy in on the latest gossip.

  When Darcy asked about how my interview went I almost choked again. After I told her the interview had gone as well as it possibly could have, she said, “I know you’re going to get it, Rene. I just wish I could be in New York with you this summer. I’m going to make sure Caleb shows you around and looks out for you.”

  “No!” I probably yelled that a little too emphatically. “I mean, I haven’t even gotten an offer yet, Darcy. And Jesus, I’m from Jersey, it’s not like I don’t know my way around the city!”

  “Calm down, Rene! Fine, heaven forbid I do anything for you! But you are going to get the job. I have absolutely no doubt about it.”

  She was so freaking sweet and supportive…must be a family trait. “Thanks, Darcy. I miss you, you know.”

  “I miss you too. I miss all of you so much. Next year is going to be awesome.”

  I thought to myself, I hope you’re still talking to me next year when you find out I’m sleeping with your brother. And then I thought, I hope I’m still sleeping with your brother next year. Good grief, I needed sleep.

  Chapter Five

  Caleb

  Just about every day I spoke to Rene. This was a totally new experience for me. My head was definitely in it at work but she was on my mind—a lot. That next weekend she was working so I wasn’t heading up there, but I told her two weeks was my limit.

  When Mick asked me to take a quick flight down to Rincon for the weekend, I jumped at it. I love New York but it sucks in February. We flew down Thursday night and were on the beach by daybreak on Friday morning. Sitting on my board in the warm surf, there was nothing like it. My thoughts were still on Rene, though. I couldn’t wait to sneak her down here for a weekend. “So, why are you sitting on your board with a shit-eating grin on your face?”

  “No reason, Mick, just happy.”

  “Happy to be seeing Elena? I knew I was going to be flying solo this weekend.”

  “No, man. There will be no hooking up with Elena.”

  “Really? What’s up?”

  “Remember that girl Rene I introduced you to this summer on the beach?”

  He smirked as he asked, “Darcy’s little friend?”

  “Don’t be a dick, she’s twenty.”

  Mick laughed. “I’m just fucking with you, Caleb. So how long has this been going on?”

  “Couple of weeks. I really like her. She’s different.”

  “Good. Does Darcy know?”

  “No. I introduced her to a bunch of people at Mark’s wedding last week but she doesn’t really feel comfortable with Darcy or her other roommates knowing anything yet. Since Darce isn’t even around, I don’t think it’s a big deal.”

  “Gotcha. Darcy would be ok about it, though.”

  “No, I know she would. The only thing is that Rene is still in college. Our lives are a little different, you know.”

  “Absolutely. But didn’t you say she works a ton? Doesn’t sound like she’s a sorority party-girl type. Sounds like she’s a little bit more grown up than most girls her age.”

  “She definitely is. I just don’t want her to miss out on anything because she’s with me.”

  “Don’t worry so much, Caleb. Just enjoy things while they last.”

  “Yeah, enjoy it while it lasts.”

  That night we had a few beers at the place down by the beach that we always went to. I knew I’d probably run into Elena there; her parents owned the place. I was kind of counting on running into her so that I could set things straight. The last two times I’d seen Elena she wasn’t pushing but she made a comment here and there about how she was more a big city person, she’d love New York, etc.

  I saw her mother first, Magda. The woman did not like me. You see, I was Elena’s piece on the side. Elena had a serious boyfriend in San Juan, successful by her parents’ standards. Her mother knew she ran off with me whenever I was in town and was worried her daughter was going to blow a perfectly good marriage prospect. I waved to Magda and she scowled at me. Twenty minutes later Elena sauntered in. Before, seeing her had always driven me nuts. I loved her accent and she was a beauty with caramel skin, light eyes and a mischievous smile. Seeing her now, though, didn’t do anything for me.

  Someone must have told her I was there because she was scanning the crowd for me. When Elena spotted me she came over and sat down close, her thigh touching mine. “Caleb, why didn’t you tell me you were coming? I wish I’d known,” she pouted, “I’m leaving tomorrow morning.”

  “Where you heading?”

  She rolled her eyes. “Diego’s family is having a party. I have to be in San Juan tomorrow.”

  “That’s good. Maybe he’ll propose.”

  She cocked her head and narrowed her eyes. “Would that make you happy or sad?”

  “Elena, it matters what makes you happy. I’m seeing someone else, too. It’s bet
ter for you anyway if you don’t see me anymore.”

  She shrugged. “You’re seeing someone, I’m seeing someone. What’s different?”

  “She’s different to me.”

  “Oh.”

  Elena had a hard edge. There was no telling me she was happy for me or good luck. No, she looked pissed. As she got up and walked away, she turned and said loudly, “Don’t bring your little mama bicho around here, okay?”

  Mick’s Spanish was better than mine and I could see that he and several other patrons were having a good laugh at my expense. After she left I looked that one up on my phone and had to laugh myself. No, I definitely wouldn’t be bringing Rene here.

  Rene

  “What do you mean I can’t come up? I told you two weeks was my limit.”

  I laughed but in my heart, I was so happy he was telling me he had to see me. “I’m coming to you, Caleb. ABC called. I’m going in for a second interview! I’m up for one of the few paid summer internship positions. The person I spoke to said that I had more experience than most of the other candidates and they are looking at me for a spot doing, you know, nothing glamorous, production assistant-type work on the morning news hour with Glenn Bennett. It’s like a political, current events show on at nine every morning.”

  “I know the show. I don’t watch it but I’ve seen the promos. That’s so great, Rene! I knew you’d made a good impression on them.”

  “I’m a nervous wreck. I have to meet with Bennett on Monday at noon after he finishes taping. I was thinking of coming down on Saturday if that works for you. If you already have plans, don’t worry, I can fly down early Monday morning.”

  “Are you kidding? You’re staying with me. I get you all day Saturday and Sunday?”

  I laughed but asserted, “Yes but Sunday night I have to get a good night’s sleep. No keeping me up, okay?”

  “That’s fine. I’ll have had my fill of you by then.”

  “If I was there I’d smack you!”

  “If you were here I’d spank you.”

  Caleb was at the airport waiting for me. I could get used to this. When I saw him, my breath caught. He was that good-looking. He had on jeans and a long sleeved thermal shirt that hugged his chest just enough to show off his build. He smiled when he saw me, grabbed my bag and then used his free arm to take me into a close embrace. He smelled like heaven.

  That weekend he did his version of taking care of me and I let him without a fuss. He took me out to a great dinner Saturday night and then Sunday we walked around Soho, had a late breakfast and then shopped a little. I picked up a dress that I thought would be better than the one I had packed for my interview. For a split second, Caleb looked as if he was going to try and pay for it. I figured he thought better of it as I watched him put his wallet back into his pocket without saying a word. I was glad because I probably would have gone off on him for that and subsequently ruined the mood. We caught a great movie at a little art house theater and then went home where Caleb cooked me dinner. Add cooking to the long list of things he was unbelievably good at.

  That night, after he’d had me, I laid next to him, naked but warm against his skin as he slept. I was thinking about how good life could be with him. I couldn’t imagine anyone being better for me. Caleb knew just about everything about my past. He knew how I could pull back to shut people out sometimes and he didn’t let me get away with it with him. He knew I needed my independence but he made me feel good when he took care of me.

  That next morning he kissed me as he left for his office at half-past six. I stayed in bed for a while and then got up and took in my surroundings; I’d been too preoccupied during my last stay to really pay attention to anything but him. Caleb’s place was really nice. I’d describe it as masculine, minimalist and luxurious. It suited him.

  As I came downstairs I saw a croissant on a plate with a single white lily in a vase next to it. There was a note that read:

  Good Morning, sweet Rene.

  You looked so beautiful sleeping this morning. I had to tear myself out of bed. It was hard to leave you.

  You’re going to be great today.

  Call me when you’re done.

  Caleb

  I had to remind myself of what Caitlin had said about just letting myself enjoy this. As a defense mechanism, I tended to expect nothing so I wouldn’t be let down. He was just so good. It was hard not to worry that this would slip from my grasp and I knew losing him would leave me shattered.

  Walking into ABC again, I was nervous but excited. The place just buzzed with energy. Everyone looked dynamic, as if they were involved in something important. A good looking man that I’d immediately recognized as Glenn Bennett strode over to me and took my hand. He was in his late forties I’d estimated, fit, well dressed and had the whitest teeth I’d ever seen. “You are Rene Beaumont? You’re even lovelier than Charles described you. I’m Glenn, let me take your coat and we’ll talk in my office.”

  I was a little taken back by the ‘lovely’ comment but I blew it off. Thereafter, the interview was more like a friendly chat where he asked me a lot of questions about myself. I kept my early background vague, steering the conversation towards what I was studying at school and what I was currently working on at the station. He definitely made me feel at ease as he spoke in depth about his program and what his goals were for the upcoming year. When he looked over my resume again he commented on my working knowledge of French, seemingly impressed, and then threw in a phrase, “Tu as de très beaux yeux.”

  Ugh, did he really just tell me I had beautiful eyes? When he saw my expression he laughed it off and said, “My apologies, I only know pathetic pick-up lines in French.”

  I laughed but my heart sank a little. I really hoped this wasn’t a preview to working with a perv. I wanted this job. If I got it I’d find a way to handle him just as I’d handled every grabby customer at the restaurants I’d worked in and handled the one or two seedy creeps my father had allowed in our home when I was a child. Life had toughened me up at a young age. It would take more than some guy on a power trip to deter me.

  As I rose to leave, he confirmed my misgivings when he held both of my hands in his and then rubbed his thumb over the back of one of my hands. I shifted and broke his hold casually, told him how much I enjoyed meeting him and looked forward to hearing more about the position. He called in his assistant then who walked me out and told me I would hear by the end of the month if I got it.

  I took a deep breath and was thankful for the cold air on my face as I left the building and hit the sidewalk. I walked a few blocks, lost in thought, and then hopped in a cab and made my way back to Caleb’s. His doorman let me in and told me a car to the airport would be waiting for me, “as per Mr. Donovan’s instructions.” I was glad for it. I practically sank into the rich leather seat and just stewed the entire ride to the airport. I promised Caleb I’d call him but I needed some time to wrap my head around this.

  Caleb

  Finally she called. I’d been looking at the clock since one, wondering how everything went. “Hi.”

  “Hey, how did it go?”

  “It went well.”

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Why would you say that?”

  “I can tell by your voice. What happened?”

  “Nothing really. He just…he was friendly, charismatic. I just didn’t like that he made reference to my looks—twice—and then kind of held my hand and rubbed it as he shook it at the end.”

  “Fucking asshole.”

  “No, Caleb. Please don’t get angry or else I’ll feel like I can’t discuss things like this with you.”

  I was steaming but she was right. “You’re right.”

  “Anyway, I know I just have to be careful and clear with him. I’ve been in situations like this before and I can handle it. It just blows if this is the way it’s going to be. But I’m overreacting and getting ahead of myself. I mean, I haven’t even been offered the position.”

  Shit. I
knew, I just knew she was going to get that position. “Trust your gut, Rene. I’m sure you’re not overreacting.”

  “The assistant told me that I’ll hear by the end of the month. If I get it I have to report by May twentieth. This nonsense aside, it does sound like a great opportunity, Caleb. I know I’ll be able to handle this.”

  “I have no doubt you can handle it, Rene. You just shouldn’t have to. Some guys are assholes.”

  “I’m not going to assume it’s going to be like that.”

  “Did he do anything else that made you uncomfortable?”

  “No, that’s it.”

  I let out a long breath. I felt so frustrated for her. “Fuck, Rene. I know that…I mean working there is a huge deal and all, but I don’t like this.”

  “Like I said, Caleb, I can’t get all twisted about it since I haven’t even been offered the position and nothing really offensive has gone down. Listen, I shouldn’t have burdened you with this.”

  “No, I’m happy that you told me. Rene, I want you to let me in. Please, even if it’s telling me something tough, ok?”

  She had to go then, her plane was boarding. I made up my mind that if she got the job I’d find a way to get Rene to agree to stay at my place for the summer. I’d make sure to show up on set and let that douchebag know she had someone looking out for her.

  Chapter Six

  Rene

  Caleb wanted to whisk me off to Puerto Rico next weekend. We hadn’t seen each other in over two weeks, since my interview, and he was getting antsy.

  It was getting hard to keep this up. I was trying to get off the phone as quickly as possible and I was texting him so that I could avoid phone conversations all together. Caleb had this ability to sense when I was not myself and I was trying my best to put on a false “it’s all good” act.

  I was pregnant.

  What the hell? From that one time without anything? Was my luck, my lot in life, really this bad? Everyone else, from my vantage point, seemed to just sail through life. But for me? The universe was always looking to kick me in the ass.

  A baby.