Tortured Beginning

by V. M. Holk

  Nico rolls off me and goes into the bathroom. I look over to see that my clock says it's already six in the morning. I don't have to work today, thank god. I roll over and feel myself drifting off to sleep. The bed next to me dips with the weight of Nico coming back to bed, he puts his arms around my waist to cuddle. I pull his arm off of me, I'm not one to cuddle. He sighs and rolls over to face the other side of the room. I know if he wasn't so tired he probably wouldn't stay. I pull the covers up to my chin and drift into nothingness.

  I wake up after a couple of hours of sleep. I look over at Jaylah and sigh. Man, someone really messed this girl up. I wish I could break through the wall she has built around her. I like her, but I don't know how to get in there. I'm hoping if I keep coming around that I can chip away at it. But after the cold shoulder last night, I'm going to get out of here.

  I have my share of skeletons in the closet. It's hard to let someone in. But she is different, for the first time in a long time I want to let someone in. I know she isn't ready for that, so nothing will change until she is.

  I need to leave, shower, eat and get to my day job. I love being in my band, but it doesn't pay all the bills. I get dressed, look over at her sleeping and would love to run my hand over her face. But I don't think she would like that either and I don't want to wake her. I shake my head and leave.

  I wake up to hear Nico's bike start and drive off. I roll over onto my back and sigh. I hate that I push people away, but it saves me from heartache later on. If I don't have feelings, they can't hurt me. I get out of bed and throw some clothes on.

  I walk into the kitchen, make a pot of coffee and head outside for a cigarette.

  I shower and get dressed. Anne and I are off for the weekend, which is nice. This is one of the rare times we both happen to be off. With us trying to take more days off, we try not to do them together, unless we are doing something together. I get dressed in jeans and a black t-shirt. I take one last look at myself in the mirror and smile at myself. I haven't felt this normal in a while.

  I walk downstairs and look out my front window toward Anne's house. Her car is in the driveway still, but that doesn't mean she's home. I decide to walk over and see, I want to know what happened with Wyatt. I know I could text her, but I want a cigarette. I grab my keys, and lock the door behind me.

  As I walk across the street, I look both ways for cars. I notice that same car, with someone sitting in it down the street. I wonder who that is, could it be Ben? I keep walking to Anne's, up to her front door. I knock loudly, as I'm smoking. I peek through her front window and notice there is no movement. She must not be home from Wyatt's yet. I put out my cigarette in the ashtray that Anne leaves for me.

  I walk back towards my house and notice the car, again. I take a deep breath and decide to walk towards it. I keep getting a shiver down my back as I walk closer. I start hearing music playing from the car, it sounds like Joe Bonamassa. That was always one of Ben's favorite.

  As I get closer, I can make out the face more. Once I see who it is, I stop in my tracks. He gives me that smile, the one that use to melt my heart. Now it only gives me the creeps. I straighten up my back and decide I have to say something to him. I can't be afraid of him forever.

  "What the fuck are you doing here?"

  "That isn't a very nice hello. Why so upset? I was only sitting in my car."

  "Ben, you know you aren't supposed to be around me."

  "I am the required distance from you. Come sit with me and talk. I miss you," he says as he pats the seat next to him.

  "Fuck no!"

  "Come on, I won't hurt you. I want you back, I'm no good without you. The band broke up a couple of months ago, so I have had a lot of time to think. I know I was shitty to you at times, but I promise it will be better," he smiles hopefully at me.

  I can almost see a glimpse of the Ben I fell in love with. I have to mentally shake myself. "Look, we are done. I don't know how many times I have to say it. Stop bothering me, leaving shit in my yard and don't send me anymore of your fucking flowers," I spit at him, trying to control my temper. I don't want to draw attention to us, small town people like to gossip.

  "I see that you are upset. Maybe when you calm down we can talk," he smiles back at me.

  I take a deep breath, "Ben, leave me the fuck alone!" I start to walk away, before I say anything else.

  "I will talk to you soon," he yells from his car, as he starts driving.

  I walk as fast as I can, not looking around to see where he is. I get to my front door and fumble with the keys, my hands are shaking so much. As soon as I get into the house I slam the door behind me, lock it and peek out the window. As Ben drives by, he looks right at me, smiles and waves. I turn around and slide my back down the door.

  "Fuck," I say to myself. I take a few deep breaths to calm my nerves. What the hell am I going to do? I hit my head against the door a couple of times, in hopes of clearing my thoughts. I sit there for what seems like forever. I hear my phone going off, from upstairs. Damn, I left the house without even taking my phone with me.

  I get up and take the stairs two at a time. I find my phone in the bathroom on the counter, where I left it after my shower. I look at the screen to see that I have a new text. I open it to see who it's from.

  unknown 11:42am

  U looked beautiful, by the way. See u soon. <3

  "Fuck," I say to myself. I don't know how the hell he got my number. I made sure it was unlisted after everything that dick wad put me through. Now what? I need to call Detective Ryan and let him know what is going on. I dial his phone and listen to it ring. I was about to hang up when I hear it click.

  "Hello, this Detective Ryan."

  I clear my throat, "Um, yeah. This is Jaylah, um Dean."

  "Yes, hi. Is everything okay?"

  "Actually, no. I saw my ex, Ben today."

  "Did you talk to him or just see him?"

  "I actually talked to him. He was the one parking down the street from my house."

  "Alright. It will probably be a good idea that I talk to you in person and get a statement. Are you going to be home tonight?"

  "Um, yeah."

  "Do you mind if I stop by tonight? This way we can talk and I can check out your house, to make sure you're safe."

  I smile, "That would be great. What time?" I'm actually excited at the thought of him coming over.

  "How about around 8pm?"

  "Sure. Thanks again Detective Ryan."

  "Trevan and your welcome. I will see you later."

  Before I can reply, I hear the phone click. My heart skips a beat and I frown at myself. "What is wrong with me?" I say out loud. I shake my head. I need to stop all this shit. First I don't act like this with guys and second I need to stop talking to myself.

  After I clean up my lunch dishes, which helped to calm my nerves. I walk into the living room, to see if Anne is home yet. I see Wyatt's truck in the driveway and decide to leave them be. It will be a few hours before Trevan comes over, so I decide to take a nap. I turn on the TV, grab the afghan off the back of the couch and lay down. I flip through the channels for a while, until I decide to put it on Food Network. I fall asleep to the sound of rain hitting the window.

  I could hear the worry in Jaylah's voice. It took all my will power, not to run to my car and go to her house right then. I was thankful she agreed to let me come over tonight. I can't help the excitement I feel with the idea of seeing her again. I only wish they were for better circumstances. I haven't been able to keep her out of my thoughts and dreams.

  The dreams I'm having about her are making me crazy. I have never been like this with any woman. She is not who I normally would date, she has a wild side. Not that I don't like to spice things up, but I am usually attracted to a more clean cut woman. Maybe that's what my problem has been.

  I shake my head at where my thoughts have gone. I can actually hear my mother in my ear, asking when I'm going to find a nice girl and settle down. She wants more grandchil
dren, before her and dad can't enjoy them, as she likes to remind me. I smile at myself, I love my mother but she can wear on anyone's nerves. She has eight grandchildren, already. My sister Jennifer, has five kids, she always wanted a big family. And my brother Mark, has three kids.

  Being the baby of the family, I thought my mother would lay off. But I guess that was wishful thinking on my part. I've only had two serious girlfriends, that I actually took home to meet my parents, Sylvia and John. My mother wasn't to fond of either one of them. So once I turned thirty, she hasn't let up on asking me every chance she gets about marriage. I turned thirty-two in March and it only got worse.

  I try to clear my thoughts of my mother and look to see that it's almost 6pm. I really need to finish up my paperwork and get home to shower and change to see Jaylah at 8pm.

  As I finish the last of my paperwork, I clean up my desk. I look up to see Jason Turner, walking towards me. He is a great guy and we use to be partners when we started off on the force. I nod my head to him.

  "What's up, Jason?"

  "Not much. You leaving early today?"

  I chuckle, "If you call leaving at 6:30 early, then yes."

  "You want to go get a drink?"

  "Sorry man, I can't." Jason raises his eyebrows at me in question. I wave my hands at him, "It's nothing like that. I have a case that I need to go get a statement from the woman."

  "Woman?"

  "It's not like that. She has an abusive ex and I want to make sure her house is secure, as well."

  "Wow, she must be something."

  I slug him in the arm, "Come on, it's really not like that." He rubs his arm where I hit it and gives me a skeptical look. "Hey I'll get a drink with you tomorrow night, alright?"

  He shakes his head at me as I grab my suit jacket and start walking out the door.

  "Be safe," Jason yells at me as I leave.

  I run down the steps to the parking lot, shaking my head. Damn, if he doesn't know me better than I thought. But when you are partners with someone, you become very close. He is my closest friend and I should have known he would see right through me. I jump into my car and start to drive home.

  I pull into the driveway of my three bedroom, brick ranch house. I bought this house when I first got promoted to detective. I was dating Tami at the time, we picked out the house together and she moved in with me. We were happy for awhile and then things fell apart for us. That was almost four years ago now.

  I hit the garage door opener, park the car and walk into the house. The entrance from the garage leads right into the kitchen. I have a bowl on the small table and I put my keys in them. It's not a large kitchen, but enough for me. There is a closet on the other side of the table that holds, the washer, dryer and hot water tank. The wall to the right is a door wall, that leads to the patio and backyard.

  I walk to the left and there is a step up that leads into the heart of the kitchen. I haven't done much in this room, it's still decorated how Tami did it. With olive green walls with a tuscan wine theme. We had bought new appliances all in black.

  Before I walk any further my calico cat, Gus comes to greet me. Tami and I got him when we first moved here. I kept him, because this is the only home he knows. He was the runt of the litter, not that you could ever tell now. I am grateful I have him. He rubs up against my leg and I bend down to pet him behind his ears.

  "Hey, Gus-Gus. Have you missed me?" He purrs in response to my question and let's out a little meow.

  I check to make sure that his bowl of food and water are filled. Once I have Gus squared away, I walk to the hallway, on the right that leads to the master bedroom. If you walk straight it leads you to a large living room with a huge picture window, my large TV and comfy furniture. There is another hallway with two bedrooms and a full bathroom.

  I walk into my room and strip my clothes off and throw them into the hamper. It's a large master bedroom, with a king size bed against the far wall. A walk in closet on the opposite side from the bed. I walk into my attached bathroom. The bathroom was what made me want to buy the house. It has a tiled stand up shower with dual shower heads. There is a garden tub and a large counter with double sinks. I get into the shower and feel the stress of my job, wash away with the water down the drain. I lean on the wall and put my head down and enjoy the warmth.

  I pull into Jaylah's driveway, and notice that the house is very dark. I see her car parked and hope that she is home. I get out of the car and look at my watch to make sure that I'm not to late. It's quarter after eight, so I should be okay. I could kick myself for taking such a long shower, but it felt to good.

  I grab my notepad and hurry up the path to her house. I notice light flashing from the window, must be her TV. I knock on the door and wait. I knock on the door louder this time and wait. I start to get worried, as I start to pound on the door. Just as I was about to try to call her and make sure she is actually home, the door opens.

  Jaylah opens the door, wide eyed and looking confused. When she sees me standing on her porch, a look of realization crosses over her. She immediately wipes the sleep from her eyes, and runs her fingers over her hair. I smile to myself, she looks beautiful. She obviously just woke up and her hair is a mess.

  "I'm sorry to wake you. Is it still okay for me to be here?"

  "Of course, I'm so sorry. I fell asleep on the couch and... well you just woke me up," she smiles at me. "Please come in."

  She opens the door wider and waves me in.

  I was having such a wonderful dream about Trevan and me. He had me in his arms and was about to kiss me. When I hear this knocking, then pounding. I get up very irritated with whomever is at my door, when I open it to see that it's Trevan. I'm completely at a loss, am I still dreaming? When it hits me that he was coming over here at eight. I feel like such an asshole, standing here staring at him. I start thinking about what I must look like and fidget with myself, when he breaks the silence.

  As he is talking, I can't get my dream out of my head. I must sound stupid when I answer him, and finally invite him in. He looks around the living room, as I turn on some lights.

  "Can you excuse me for a moment?"

  "Sure," he replies as he smiles at me.

  As I run upstairs, I see him move my afghan to the side and sit down. I run into my bathroom, look at myself and could die. My hair is sticking up all over the place and you can see a line of dried drool on the side of my cheek. I mean seriously, kill me now.

  I fix myself up as best as I can, making sure to brush my teeth. I rip off my sweatpants and tank top. I put a pair of my best jeans, that make my ass look great. Not knowing what top to wear, I decide to wear one that Anne gave me, a black form fitting sweater. When I look at myself in the mirror, I look pretty damn hot, if I may say so myself. I chuckle and realize I have been up here to long.

  I hurry downstairs to still see him sitting on the couch, flicking through the channels on the TV. He looks good in my house, I have only seen him dressed in a suit. He looks even better in a casual pair of jeans and what looked like an Irish grey sweater, with a black shirt under it. I was never attracted to a man that dressed so nice. Usually I don't like it, but on him I couldn't get enough.

  I had been standing on the last step for awhile, staring at him. When he turns to me and smiles. I smile back, walked into the living room.

  I clear my throat, "Can I get you something to drink? Coffee, tea, water, wine or beer?"

  "A beer would be great."

  I nod and head to the kitchen, when I realize he is right behind me. I go to the refrigerator and look to see what I have. I like to drink a variety of things, depending on my mood. I turn to him, with the frig still open.

  "Would you like, a Bud Light, a Killians, or a Molson Canadian?"

  "Wow, you have quite the variety. I would love a Killians thanks," he smiles at me and shakes his heading.

  "Yeah I know. I'm Canadian and you know how we like our beer." I take out a Killians for him and a Molson for me. I hand it
to him and our fingers touch lightly. I smile and look away from him, knowing that I am blushing. That damn dream I was having, keeps playing through my head. "Do you mind if we sit out on my patio? I want to have a smoke, and I don't like to in the house, if I can help it."

  "Yeah, sure."

  He follows me outside, I turn on the lights before I sit down. I have strings of white lights, along and wrapped around the legs of the fabric gazebo, that covers my table and chairs. It lights up the patio nicely and looks beautiful. We both take a seat and light a cigarette.

  "Your yard is beautiful," he replies as he takes out his notepad and pen. He sets it next to his beer on the table.

  "Thanks. I can't take all the credit. Most of this was done by my mother and my friend, Anne."

  He nods his head and continues to smoke. Oh how I would love to taste those lips. I shake myself, what am I thinking about. I can't understand what is happening to me. I have never reacted to anyone like this, not Ben and not even Nico. My relationship with Nico is completely sexual. That man is so damn sexy and mind blowing in bed. I can tell he is having feelings for me, I am not going there with him or anybody.

  "Well, Jaylah. Why don't you tell me what happened today."

  Lost in thought, I didn't hear what he said. "What?"

  "Tell me what happened, today."

  "Oh, yeah. Sorry."

  We smile at each other, I fidget with my beer and tear at the label. I tell him what happened between Ben and I. Trevan writes everything down as I talk. He listens intently, not interrupting or asking any questions, until I finish.

  "How many times have you seen his car parked down the street?"

  "I'm not really sure, a few times." I finish my beer and get up to get another. "Do you want another beer?"

  "Sure," he smiles at me.

  I go into the kitchen and take a deep breath. I hadn't realized how shook up I was over Ben. I open the frig and grab two more beers. I walk back outside and set his beer down next to him on the table.