Edge of Love

by E. L. Todd

  “How?” I asked. “Sean won’t say a word.”

  She shrugged. “You never know.”

  “Since Ryan has slept around so much, I don’t think he’s justified in being upset. And he won’t leave you either, Janice. He’s too happy.”

  “So you think I should tell him?”

  “I don’t know,” I said honestly. “I don’t see why it’s necessary. It’s the same situation as Sean and I. And it will just make things awkward between Sean and Ryan. I mean, Sean slept with you. That’s kinda weird.”

  “Yes, I suppose you’re right.”

  “It’s up to you.”

  “I’ll think about it.”

  “Okay.”

  16

  “Let me take you out,” Cortland said. “You’ve been lying around doing nothing all day.”

  I smiled. “It’s okay.”

  He grabbed my jacket from the rack and placed it on my shoulders. “Come on. I know you’re hungry.”

  “I’m not.”

  “I know you haven’t eaten all day.”

  I sighed. He knew me so well.

  “Unless it’s because of Sean—that you don’t want to spend time with me.” His eyes looked sad and empty.

  “No,” I said quickly.

  “He’s okay with you spending time with me?”

  “He’s upset that I lied to him, not because I slept with you.”

  He was quiet for a moment. “I’m pretty sure it broke his heart anyway.”

  “Well, yeah.”

  “Are you sure?”

  I nodded.

  “Okay.” He opened the door for me and let me walk out first. We left the building and got inside his car. He drove to a restaurant down the road he parked off the street. “Chinese is okay?”

  “Yeah.”

  We walked inside and took our seats. Cortland pulled out my chair and helped me sit down then sat across from me.

  “What’s Monnique doing tonight?” I asked.

  “She had to work.”

  I nodded. “Night shift?”

  “Yeah. I hate it.”

  “Why?”

  “I don’t like knowing she walks to her car alone at night. Also, I hate sleeping without her. The only good thing about it is she wakes me up in an enjoyable way.”

  I smiled but it wasn’t genuine. I missed Sean.

  He caught the look. “It’s going to be okay, Scar.”

  I tried to keep the tears from bubbling under my eyes. “I don’t know.”

  “Yes it will. Sean loves you. He’ll get past it.”

  “What I did was pretty unforgivable.”

  “It doesn’t matter. He’ll forgive you.”

  “Why are you so sure?”

  “Because if he doesn’t he loses you. I know that isn’t an option for him.” His words hung in the air and settled on my heart. I hoped he was right. I couldn’t live without Sean. I’m pretty sure he felt the same way.

  “I’m still scared.”

  “He wouldn’t have given you back that ring if he didn’t want this relationship. And I understand why he needs the space. That was a lot of information to take in at once, in addition to the fight you were already having. It was really bad timing.”

  I sighed. “I wished I hadn’t said anything.”

  “At least you’ll get passed this and forget about it.”

  “I hope so.”

  “Don’t think like that.”

  The waitress came over and we ordered our food. When she walked away, Cortland grabbed my hand on the table and held it. He didn’t say anything but the touch comforted me.

  “How’s work?” he asked.

  “It’s okay.”

  “Any good novels?”

  “They’re all good.”

  He laughed. “At least you love your job.”

  “It’s nice having Janice so she can pick up the slack when I’m unable to.”

  He nodded. “It’s a good arrangement.”

  The waitress brought our food and we began to eat our meal. Cortland ate with chopsticks because he was pretentious like that. I just used a fork.

  He wiped his face with a napkin. “I saw a pigeon eat its own vomit today and I thought of you.”

  I glared at him. “How does that remind you of me?”

  He shrugged. “It sounds like something you would do.”

  I rolled my eyes. “I’m depressed. Are you really going to tease me?”

  He nodded. “You’re exempt for a short period of time.”

  “I’ll take it.”

  “Have you guys had sex?”

  “Once. He came over, did the deed, then left.”

  “Well, that’s good.”

  “How is that good?”

  “If he wasn’t committed to you and didn’t love you, he would just get it somewhere else.”

  “I guess. Are you afraid of seeing him?”

  He was quiet for a moment. “A little.”

  “I don’t know what he’ll say to you.”

  “He’ll probably punch me then threaten me.”

  “You don’t seem too worried about it.”

  He sighed. “If he forgives me after he’s done then I don’t care. I want everything to be back to what it was. I feel horrible for ruining everything.”

  “It isn’t your fault, Cortland.”

  “Yes it is.”

  “I’m the one that wasn’t honest.”

  “And I’m the one that fucked you because I couldn’t control myself. I think I come off worse—especially to Sean.”

  “If he hasn’t come after you then I don’t think he will.”

  He nodded. “That’s a good sign.”

  When we were done, Cortland paid the bill. I didn’t bother trying to pay for anything anymore. I had more money than he did but Cortland still wouldn’t let me even reach for my purse. It was sweet but also annoying.

  Cortland helped me out of my seat then we left the restaurant. He opened the car door for me before he got into the driver’s seat then we drove back to the apartment. Cortland held my hand the entire way, reassuring me that he was there even in silence. We weren’t usually this affectionate, but he knew I was extremely depressed. It was nice having him there. I had two brothers, not one.

  Cortland parked the car then walked me back to Ryan’s apartment. When I rubbed my arms in the elevator, he knew I was cold so he took off his jacket and gave it to me. We were almost to my door but I appreciated it anyway. When the doors opened, we walked down the hallway until we reached my door.

  “Thanks for taking me to dinner,” I said.

  He wrapped his arms around me then held me close to him. “You’re welcome, Scar.”

  I suddenly felt vulnerable and depressed. I wished Sean was holding me, not Cortland. I wanted to go home and be with my fiancé. I hated this. The thoughts elicited my tears and they dripped down my face.

  Cortland squeezed me tighter and let me cry into his chest. He kissed my forehead and ran his fingers through my hair, trying to calm me without words.

  “I’m so scared. I fucked up bad, Cortland.”

  “It’s going to be okay,” he whispered. “Don’t worry about it.”

  “I can’t. I hurt him so much. I love him.”

  “He knows that, Scar.”

  I wrapped my arms around his neck and closed my eyes. “I can’t live without him.”

  “And he can’t live without you. He still wants to marry you, Scarlet. This is just a fight. It will pass.”

  “Then why doesn’t he want me to come home? He doesn’t want me, Cortland.”

  “Yes, he does. Just give him space.”

  I breathed through the tears.

  “It’s okay.”

  I heard the sound of the elevator but I didn’t look. Neither did Cortland. He was too absorbed in my despair to care about anything else. I felt like I would fall at any moment and I needed Cortland to catch me.

  He kissed me again. “I love you, Scar.”

 
“I love you too.”

  “Sorry to interrupt.”

  His voice made my heart stop. I pulled away to see Sean standing near us. He wasn’t angry like I expected him to be. He was just heartbroken. He stared at Cortland’s hands then returned his gaze to me. I knew how this situation looked—bad.

  “My apologies,” he said as he turned around. “I was going to ask you to dinner but it looks like you already went.”

  “Sean!”

  He ignored me as he walked away.

  Cortland stepped back and moved away from me, standing a few feet away. I saw the sadness on his face and knew he felt terrible for what just happened. Cortland didn’t love me like Sean did, and now he regretted ever being affectionate with me.

  I walked after him but Sean kept going. “Sean, please talk to me.”

  “Why don’t you talk to Cortland?” he said calmly.

  “I was telling him how much I missed you. I’m heartbroken and he was comforting me.”

  “And taking you out to dinner?”

  I said nothing.

  “Did he take you out to dinner?”

  “He was trying to get me to eat.”

  He pressed the button of the elevator and ignored me. “Good night, Scar.”

  “Sean, there is nothing between Cortland and I. He was just comforting me as a friend. I love you, Sean. It’s always been you.”

  He sighed. “It—it just reminds me of what you did. I can’t stand to see him touch you. I—I don’t know.” He ran his fingers through his hair then avoided my gaze. I knew he was on the verge of tears. I felt horrible for hurting him. “I don’t want you to be with someone else.”

  “I’m not. You know Cortland is just a friend. He loves Monnique. I love you.”

  He hit the button again, impatient. “Good night, Scar.”

  “Why were you here?”

  He was quiet for a moment. “I miss you. I—I wanted to take you out to dinner.”

  I felt the tears fall down my face. Sean was going to come back to me and I blew it. “We can still go. Please.”

  He shook his head. “I need my space, Scarlet.”

  I grabbed his face and kissed him. He didn’t respond to my touch and pulled away. “Go back to the apartment.”

  I started to cry. “Sean, I would never hurt you on purpose. I don’t want anyone else, just you. I’m sorry that it looked like something was happening between Cortland and I, but there wasn’t. I’m miserable without you and he understands that. He was just trying to make me feel better. That’s it. I swear.”

  “Well, your word doesn’t mean much anymore.”

  The words stung. “Sean—”

  “Good night.” The doors finally opened and he walked inside. When I followed him, he pushed me back. “Please just go.” His eyes were red with unspent tears. I knew he was barely hanging on by a threat. “Please,” he begged.

  I stepped back and watched the doors close. The sight of his despair broke my heart. I never wanted to hurt Sean and now I felt horrible that I had.

  17

  Sean

  I didn’t go home when I left the apartment. Instead I went to a bar and sat at the bench, downing glass after glass. I really wish I hadn’t seen Cortland and Scarlet together. Their affection never bothered me because I thought it meant nothing, but knowing they slept together changed everything. Cortland had kissed her, made love to her, seen her naked, made her come—I couldn’t think about it without wanting to die.

  If Scarlet really wanted to be with him, logically, she would be. She would have committed to him when we were apart, so I believed that she really did love me and no one else, but this was just so hard. It changed everything.

  I might be overreacting, but I couldn’t hide my despair. I loved Scarlet so much. As selfish as it was, I wanted to be the only one that comforted her—other than Ryan. I didn’t like Cortland taking her out to dinner knowing he already had sex with her.

  “Hey there.”

  I looked over and saw a blonde sit next to me. She was beautiful and thin, but ordinary. “You wanna buy me a drink?”

  “If you get the hell away from me.”

  Her eyes widened. “Wow. What happened to you?”

  I said nothing.

  “Girl troubles?”

  “Fiancé troubles.”

  She nodded. “Getting cold feet?”

  “No.”

  “Then what’s the problem?”

  “Why do you care?”

  “Well, you’re really cute and it sounds like you’re going to be available soon.”

  “I’m not interested.”

  “You’re still talking to me.”

  “I’m too drunk to move, that’s why.” My mind felt blurry from all the alcohol I drank. I tried to block out the image of Cortland and Scarlet together but it was difficult. I thought I would burst into tears every time I thought about it. Now I knew how Scarlet felt when I slept with Janice. I felt even worse for hurting her. I would never want her to feel what I felt right now—agonizing pain.

  “You think I’m cute.”

  “I can’t even see you,” I said as I looked ahead.

  “So what did this girl do to you?”

  “She lied to me then slept with some guy.”

  “So she cheated on you?”

  “No—it’s complicated.”

  “I can uncomplicate it for you.”

  “I already told you I’m not interested.”

  “Well, I think you’re lying.”

  I felt my mind become dizzy. I pulled out my phone and started to text Ryan. I wasn’t sure what I said but I think I got my message across. I needed help. I was drunk and confused. I couldn’t even move from my seat.

  “So what do you do for a living?”

  I ignored her. I just wanted her to leave me alone.

  “Why are you ignoring me?”

  “Because you’re annoying.”

  “You need to get laid, man.”

  “By my fiancé—the woman I love.”

  “Well, she obviously doesn’t love you if she lied to you.”

  “No—she does—it’s complicated.” I rested my head in my hand and stared at the table. A moment later, I felt a hand grip my shoulder.

  “You okay, man?”

  I shook my head.

  Ryan stared at the annoying girl for a moment. “Who’s this?”

  “Some annoying whore that won’t leave me the fuck alone.”

  The girl glared at me. “Fuck off.”

  “Yeah—whatever,” I said.

  Ryan looked at me. “Let’s go.”

  “Okay,” I said as I tried to stand.

  Ryan grabbed me and placed an arm around my shoulder. He assisted me out of the bar until we made it to the street. He hailed down a cab and helped me get inside. When the car drove away, I closed my eyes. “I’m sorry that I texted you. I just—”

  “Don’t worry about it,” he said quickly. “Thanks for contacting me.”

  “I don’t know how many glasses I had, but I’ve never drank that much before.”

  He stared at me. “I can tell.”

  I moaned. “Yeah.”

  “Scarlet told me what happened. You know there’s nothing between them, right?”

  I nodded.

  “Cortland is in love with Monnique and I wouldn’t let him be around Scarlet if he was anything less than admirable. If you can’t believe her, then you can believe that.”

  “I know.”

  “Don’t let it tear you apart like this.”

  I started to cry. I felt weak and pathetic but I couldn’t help it. “I love her so fucking much. I—I just hate imagining her with someone else. She’s mine.”

  “I know,” he said gently.

  “Penelope cheated on me and left me for someone else, but this hurts a lot more than that ever did. She lied to me and kept this from me. How could she do that? We tell each other everything. And how could she sleep with him when she loved me?”

>   “It didn’t mean anything.”

  I shook my head. “I still can’t stand it. She’s my wife—is going to be my wife. I don’t want her to be with anyone else.”

  “She isn’t. She’s only with you.”

  I pressed my forehead against the window and felt the cool temperature of the glass. “I know we weren’t together but—it kills me.”

  Ryan didn’t say anything.

  We were quiet for a moment. “Please don’t tell Scarlet about this. Please.”

  Ryan was quiet.

  “Please,” I begged. “I don’t want her to know what I did.”

  “Okay. I won’t say anything.”

  “Thank you.”

  The cab stopped and I tried to reach for my wallet but I kept grabbing the safety belt. Ryan pulled the cash from his wallet then handed over the money. I tried to open the door but I couldn’t figure out how. Ryan came to my side then helped me get out. He helped me reach my apartment and got me inside the door. He guided me to the couch and set me down.

  “I’m so sorry about this,” I said. I lied down and tried to stop the room from spinning.

  “It’s fine, man.” He sat on the other sofa and leaned back.

  “You don’t have to stay here.”

  “I know. I’m your brother—this is what brothers do.”

  I felt my mind black out. Before I was unconscious I said, “Scarlet.”

  18

  Janice insisted that I wear a dress even though I didn’t want to.

  “What’s the point of looking good if I’m engaged?”

  “So you’re going to try to look bad on purpose?”

  “Well, no, but do I really need to wear a tight black dress to eat hot wings, drink beer, and watch a game? I was just going to wear jeans and a jersey.”

  Janice made a disgusted face. “No, you aren’t going out like that.”

  “Are you wearing a dress?’

  “Damn right I am. Ryan likes it when I look hot when we go places. He says it ‘serves as a reminder.”

  I raised an eyebrow. “A reminder of what?”

  “That’s he’s king—or something like that. I don’t really know. I’m just with him because he’s great in bed.”

  I started laughing. “I don’t see any other good qualities in him.”