Edge of Love

by E. L. Todd

  She smiled. “He’s actually an amazing guy. I love him very much.”

  I could hear the sincerity in her voice. I was happy that my brother had the unconditional love of a woman. It reminded me of Sean. The thought of him pained my heart.

  “Don’t do that,” she said firmly.

  “Do what?”

  “Make that sad face. I know you’re thinking about Sean.”

  I sighed. “I can’t help it.”

  “Forget about him this week. Take advantage of the time to clear your head and think straight. You two had a lot of issues recently. Take the time to sort out your feelings about them.”

  “I guess you’re right.”

  “I’m always right.”

  “Let’s not get carried away.”

  We both walked into the living room to the sound of whistles. I felt my heart drop when I saw Cortland. I wasn’t sure if I should be spending any time with him.

  Cortland caught my expression. “I can leave if you don’t want me here. I don’t want to make anything worse for you.” His eyes sagged in despair and I saw how sad he was. He didn’t want to lose my friendship.

  Ryan shook his head. “No, you’re staying, Cortland.”

  I nodded. “I want you to stay.”

  “Are you sure? I don’t want to cause any more problems with Sean.”

  I shook my head. “We aren’t alone together—Janice and Ryan will be there. It shouldn’t be a problem.”

  “I won’t touch you.”

  Ryan stepped toward us. “Enough of this teeny-bopper drama bullshit. Let’s go get some wings and beer.”

  I smiled then looked at Cortland. “It’s fine, really.”

  “Okay.”

  Ryan opened the front door. “And don’t worry about eating too much. We’re playing some serious ball tomorrow.” He turned to Janice. “But you don’t have to worry about that, baby. You look damn fine the way you are.” He grabbed her face and kissed her then walked out the door. They were so cute together but it made me nauseated at the same time.

  I knew Ryan was trying to organize activities so I wouldn’t sink into a depression like last time. I appreciated it but it wasn’t necessary. I followed them out the door and we walked down to the street where Cortland’s car was parked.

  We drove to the bar downtown then walked inside. There were televisions everywhere and we took a seat in the corner so we could watch the big screen. I felt awkward wearing such a form-fitting dress to a bar when I was engaged, but since I was already here I knew I shouldn’t dwell on it. Cortland sat on my left and Ryan sat on my right while he had his arm wrapped around Janice.

  I turned to Cortland. “Where’s Monnique?”

  “Uh, she’s working,” he said without looking at me.

  The waiter brought our beers then walked away.

  I knew Cortland was lying just by looking at him. “Why didn’t you invite her?”

  He shrugged. “I just wanted it to be us, you know?”

  I knew it was because of me. “You don’t have to do that, Cortland.”

  He took a drink of his beer. “Don’t worry about it.”

  Ryan turned to Janice. “Baby, go to the counter and flirt with the bartender so our drinks will be free.”

  I laughed. “Is that why he wants you to get dressed up?”

  “He does it with dinners too,” she said.

  I looked at my brother. “You’re not even poor.”

  He shrugged. “I still like free food. And since my girlfriend is damn fine, I may as well get something out of it.”

  She looked at him. “You get to fuck me, don’t you?”

  He smiled. “That’s always a pleasure, but I like to squeeze you for all your worth, you know?”

  I rolled my eyes. “That’s so romantic.”

  “I need to start doing that with Monnique,” Cortland said.

  “You guys are pigs,” I said.

  Ryan looked at me. “You’re a girl, Scar. You don’t know how expensive girls can get.”

  I smiled at Janice. “You put up with this?”

  Ryan spoke before Janice could open her mouth. “I give her a place to live, don’t I? I’m the king.”

  “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” I said. “Who the hell says that?”

  Janice rolled her eyes. “He says it when we’re in bed, too.”

  Cortland laughed. “It sounds like you are giving yourself a pep talk, bro.”

  Ryan drank from his beer. “Shut up, you peasants. I’m the king!”

  “You are something else,” I said.

  The waiter brought our hot wings and we watched the game while we stuffed ourselves.

  I looked at Janice. “Can you get these for free?”

  She flipped her hair back. “I can try.”

  “That’s my girl,” Ryan said.

  I couldn’t help it. I started laughing. I hadn’t felt this carefree or calm in over a week. Sean hadn’t called me since he saw me with Cortland and I respected his space. I saw how heartbroken he was. I knew I would just make him more upset. Ever since that horrific weekend, I’ve been nothing but stressed and depressed. Being with my family really made a difference. I don’t know what I would do without them.

  The front door opened and a bunch of guys wearing suits walked inside. A few women trailed behind them wearing pencil skirts and tight fitting blouses. They were obviously a group of colleagues. When they took their seats on the other side of the bar, I realized Sean was with them. A beautiful brunette sat right next to him and leaned close to him. The sight pained my heart. I knew I was overreacting, but it still made me angry. Since Sean and I were so shaky, I was so sensitive that I was going to lose him.

  The woman leaned forward and spoke to Sean. He nodded to her then looked at the television on the wall. The waiter brought their drinks and Sean immediately began drinking his.

  Ryan spotted Sean. “Damn,” he said as he leaned his head back.

  “Seriously?” Janice said. “What are the odds?”

  I didn’t respond. I was just staring at him, watching him with the brunette.

  Ryan read my mind. “It doesn’t mean anything, Scarlet. It’s just a colleague.”

  I sighed as I continued to look at him.

  “Don’t talk to him,” Cortland said. “Just ignore him. Now isn’t the time to talk about your relationship. This is obviously a work function.” He moved far away from me in his seat. Another person could sit between us the gap was so big.

  I crawled over Cortland then rose to my feet.

  “Scarlet,” Ryan said. “What are you doing?”

  “I’m going to talk to my fiancé,” I said as I walked away. Now I was thankful that Janice dolled me up. When I reached their table, I stood there until Sean noticed me. When he looked at me, his eyes widened in surprise. The brunette blatantly glared at me.

  “Hey,” he said.

  “Hey.”

  He looked at Ryan and the others. He gave them a slight nod.

  I waited for him to stand up and embrace me in front of his coworkers. He finally rose to his feet then stood in front of me. “Is everything okay?”

  “Aren’t you going to introduce me?” I said in an aggressive voice.

  He read my mind. “She’s just a colleague, Scarlet. You never have to worry about that.”

  I glared at him, waiting for him to introduce me as his future wife.

  He grabbed my face and kissed me deeply, running his fingers over my body. When he pulled away, he rubbed his nose against mine. “I belong to you, Scar. No one else.”

  He wrapped his arm around my waist then looked at his colleagues. “This is my fiancé, the love of my life, Scarlet. Scarlet, this is everyone.”

  “Hello,” I said as I waved.

  They returned my greeting with smiles. Only the bitchy brunette didn’t return my acknowledgment.

  Sean pulled me away. “You’ve never been the jealous type. Please don’t start now.”

  I
crossed my arms over my chest. “Well, I’m scared, Sean. I’m so sorry about last week. There’s nothing between me and Cortland. I love you and only you, babe.” He averted his gaze when I mentioned Cortland. I could tell he was still hurt. “I’m sorry that I hurt you and I’m sorry that I’m freaking out about this bitch you’re sitting with, but I’m so scared. You say you need space and you don’t want to talk to me, but you are here with that whore—”

  “And the rest of the staff. Scarlet, please don’t accuse me of cheating on you. That isn’t my style. I love you. I know we’re going through a—hard time, but that will never change. You should see my desk at work. It’s covered with pictures of you. It’s practically a shrine.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes, babe,” he said. “Please don’t act like this.”

  “I’m sorry. I just miss you.”

  “I miss you too. Just give me some time.”

  “I hate being apart from you.”

  “I know. It will be over soon.”

  “There’s nothing between Cortland and I. Please tell me you believe me. I need to know.”

  He looked at me. “Babe, I believe you, but it really doesn’t matter if I do.”

  “What?”

  “Because I still want to spend the rest of my life with you. I can’t live without you—even if you have feelings for someone else. I just hope that you don’t ever cheat on me. And even then, I would still stick around.” He sighed. “I’m hooked, Scarlet.”

  “Babe, I would never do that. It’s only you—it’s always been you.”

  “Okay. But I still need my space.”

  I breathed a sigh of relief. I grabbed his face and kissed him. “Please hurry.”

  He rubbed his nose against mine. “Okay.”

  I turned away and walked back to my table. When I sat down, I saw Sean return to the table and he continued to watch the game without looking at me. I wish he would come over here, but it was obvious where he would rather be—without me.

  19

  Sean

  Scarlet wasn’t totally wrong about Maria. The girl wanted me and wanted me bad. I’ll admit that I’m horny since Scarlet and I hadn’t been having sex, and I knew I would never get caught if I did decide to sleep with Maria, but I would never do that to the woman I loved. And I wouldn’t want to. She was everything to me, my whole world. She made Maria look like a porcupine in comparison, that’s how gorgeous she was.

  A part of me was still pissed at Scarlet, but I would never do that to her. If the situation was reversed and Scarlet had a coworker that wanted to jump her bones at the first opportunity, I would be furious too. I don’t know how she figured it out. Women just had a second sense when it came to female hormones. But Scarlet had nothing to worry about. Even if we weren’t together, I couldn’t imagine being with someone else right now—or ever. I was madly, deeply, irrevocably in love with this girl. I would rather die than lose her. And even if I ever did sleep with someone, it would only be a fraction of what I had with Scarlet. I looked forward to being with her again. I knew it would be epic after all this time apart.

  Scarlet and her family left the bar before I did. She didn’t say goodbye to me and her brother didn’t acknowledge me. Cortland stayed as far away from Scarlet as possible. I wanted to beat the shit out of that asshole, but I held it back. The opportunity would come eventually. Seeing Scarlet with him really pissed me off. It made me wonder if she loved him or if he loved her as well. The idea drove me insane. I couldn’t go back to Scarlet when I was this angry. All I would do is yell at her and make her cry. I wanted to work on this relationship, but I couldn’t do that if I was angry at her all the time. Everything had already been said. It was time to move on but I couldn’t. For now, distance was the best thing for our relationship.

  Scarlet looked gorgeous in that dress and I thought about going over there tonight, but I knew I couldn’t. When I was this upset it wasn’t fair to her. It would be completely carnal and lustful. There would be no love coming from me. I would only be using her to get off. I remembered the last time I had used her in New York—it broke her heart. But when I thought about being with her, I felt the erection in my pants. This was going to be harder than I thought.

  When the game was over, everyone walked outside and advanced to their cars. I stood on the sidewalk and waited for a cab to pull over. Maria walked beside me and I felt annoyed by her closeness. This woman was beautiful and she could have any guy she wanted. If she wanted to get laid that bad, she could just walk into a random bar and find the first guy she found attractive.

  “I’m cold,” she said as she ran her hands over her arms.

  I knew she wanted me to offer her my jacket but I didn’t. Only scarlet was allowed to wear my jacket. I ignored her.

  “Let’s share a cab.”

  I had no idea where she lived so I had no idea if that was even convenient. “I’m just down the street.”

  “That’s on my way.”

  The cab pulled over to the curb and I opened the door for her, letting her get inside. I told the driver my address then moved closer to the door, away from Maria. She stared straight ahead and didn’t say anything to me. I was grateful for the silence.

  When the car arrived at my apartment, I paid the driver her fare as well. I opened the door and got out and she stepped out as well.

  “What are you doing?” I asked.

  “Do you have an extra jacket I could wear?” She smiled at me, giving me her most tempting look.

  It had no effect on me. “No. Tell the cab driver to turn up the heat.”

  “That isn’t the kinda heat I had in mind.”

  I sighed. “We work together. This is completely inappropriate.”

  “No one has to know,” she said. “I’m not looking for a relationship, Sean. I think you’re handsome and I want to fool around. I won’t tell a soul.”

  “How many times have I told you I’m engaged?”

  “And how many times have I said I don’t care?”

  I glared at her for a moment before I opened the door. “I’m happy in my relationship with Scarlet. I don’t need anything else from anyone. Please stop acting like this. You’re making me uncomfortable.”

  “Don’t act like you’re above that, Sean. I know you want to fuck me.”

  I shook my head. “I want to fuck my fiancé.”

  “It’s okay to be attracted to two different people.”

  I stared at her. “Goodnight, Maria.” I turned around and walked back to my apartment.

  “Sean!”

  I ignored her and walked inside the apartment, locking the door behind me. I collapsed on the couch and rested my head between my hands. I didn’t know what to do. Now I couldn’t work there anymore. I would never sleep with Maria, but it wasn’t fair to Scarlet. I would be livid if a handsome guy kept throwing himself at her, saying he wanted to have a secret affair. I was so frustrated.

  I went in the kitchen and grabbed another beer from the fridge before I sat down on the couch. Now I had a massive buildup of sexual energy. Seeing Scarlet wear that dress and hear a beautiful woman practically beg me to sleep with her made me hot and bothered. I wanted to call Scarlet, but I knew I shouldn’t. I needed to leave her alone.

  I watched television for a while, but my arousal never dissipated. I tried to go to sleep, but I couldn’t. I felt like I was on Viagra. I grabbed my cell phone and called Scarlet. I knew I shouldn’t do this, but I couldn’t help it. I was going crazy.

  Her voice was quiet. “Hello?”

  “Hey.”

  “Hi.”

  I sighed. “What are you doing?”

  “Lying in bed.”

  I said nothing for a moment. “Are you tired?”

  “Not particularly. Why?”

  I imagined her naked body and I swallowed the lump in my throat. “I’m just—want to see you.”

  She paused. “Is this a booty call?”

  I laughed. “Yes.”

  “I
miss it too.”

  “Scarlet, this wouldn’t mean anything. I can’t be there emotionally. I would literally be using you.”

  “That’s okay with me. I would rather you use me than someone else.”

  “I would never do that.”

  “I know.”

  “Are you okay with that?”

  “Yes,” she said. “Are you coming over?”

  “I’ll pick you up.”

  “Why can’t we just do it here?”

  “We are too loud.”

  She was quiet for a moment. “Okay.”

  “I’ll be there soon.”

  “I can just come to you.”

  My voice came out harsh. “Don’t be stupid. Stay right there.” I hung up the phone and returned it to my pocket. I grabbed my jacket then left the apartment in a hurry.

  When I arrived at the apartment, I texted her and told her I was outside. She opened the door a moment later wearing a pea coat that reached her knees. She wore black heels.

  I was glad that she got dressed up for me. I still thought she was beautiful when she wore pajamas with her hair in a messy bun, but I also liked it when she tried to look her best for me. We walked down the stairs in silence then reached a cab. We didn’t speak to one another as we drove back to my apartment. She didn’t touch me or try to be affectionate, which I was thankful for. I wasn’t ready to act like everything was okay. I told her exactly what this was. I just wanted to get laid.

  When we reached the apartment, I paid the cab driver and we walked inside the building. The lights were off in the house, but I didn’t see the point in turning them on. I locked the door behind us then walked into the bedroom. When I turned around, she started kissing me with passion, running her hands over my body.

  I was already aroused, but now I felt like I was going to explode. The touch of her lips ignited a fire within me. I imagined being inside her and I felt my body shake. I had never been more excited for a woman before. I thought Penelope was the one, but she never was. It was Scarlet. I was already a sexual person, but she made me feel like a sex addict. I had to have her all the time. She made me feel secure in my pervertedness because she was just as slutty as I was—but only for me. She needed it more than I did.

  She ripped off my jacket and then pulled my shirt over my head. She trailed kisses down my neck and to my chest, kissing me until she reached my groin. She unbuttoned my pants then pulled them off. When she pulled down my underwear, she moaned.