“Jenny, maybe we should slow down,” he said at my side.
I looked over just as he reached down and rubbed at his hard-on.
“We won’t go too far. I just couldn’t feel you through my jeans,” I said as I straddled him again.
In only my bra and panties, I kissed him as I rocked back and forth in his lap, dry humping his hardness through his uniform. It wasn’t long until I was breathing hard and moaning. His fingers dug into my hips, controlling me and pulling me against him hard and fast.
“You feel so fucking good,” he said, nibbling at the skin just beneath my ear.
Still, it wasn’t enough. I wanted to feel more.
I reached down between us and unbuttoned his pants. His hand covered mine, stopping me.
“Jenny,” he whispered my name. “We’re in your dad’s truck,” he said as if I needed the reminder.
“I know. I don’t care.”
I swatted his hand away and unbuttoned and unzipped him until I could reach inside. Even through his boxers, I could feel how hot his flesh was. There was a small wet spot on his boxers that turned me on even more.
Once I reached the inside of his pants, I found the slit in his boxers, and my fingers were soon touching his rigid heat. He hissed as if I were causing him pain, but I knew it was pleasure he was feeling. I was still a virgin, but I wasn’t stupid. I had watched porn before, so I knew a little bit.
I fisted him, moving my hand up and down and jerking him off.
“Yes,” he whispered before he pulled my face to his and began to kiss me again.
He hardened in my grasp and bucked his hips. It was driving me crazy.
“I want you,” he said between kisses. “I want you so fucking bad.”
Why were we holding back?
This was Josh.
And I was on the pill.
I trusted him. He was safe. He didn’t have anything. This was stupid.
I stopped jerking him off and pulled my panties to the side.
“Oh God,” I moaned when I rubbed against him and felt his hot flesh directly against mine.
“Jenny, wait,” he said.
I looked down at him, able to see his expression in the moonlight.
He looked like he was in pain, his breath coming out rushed and his jaw tight.
“No,” I said, rubbing against him again and loving the feel of his hard silk against me.
“Are you sure?” he asked, letting go of the control.
I didn’t answer. Instead, I lifted, put the head of his cock at my entrance, and came down hard, penetrating myself with his hard heat.
I gasped at the pleasured pain. It hurt, but it felt amazing at the same time.
He looked up at me with wonder in his eyes.
“Did you just take your own virginity?”
I nodded, closing my eyes as I began to move on top of him in a way that lessened the sting and felt good against my inner walls.
His hands crept beneath my panties until he was cupping my bare ass and making the elastic of my cotton panties stretch and pop. His fingers dug in my flesh as I rode him, pulling me down onto him as he stared into my eyes.
His mouth opened and closed like he wanted to say something but couldn’t. I didn’t push; instead, I kept moving up and down, swiveling my hips in circles until I felt my stomach tighten with an impending orgasm. The closer it got, the sloppier my movements became. The pleasure was too much.
As if understanding my body, he leaned back, lifted me by the hips, and began fucking me from beneath. My eyes rolled back; the pain of his deeper thrusts mixed with the twinges of pleasure slowly building inside me.
“Don’t stop,” I begged, gripping his shoulders and letting him take control.
“God, you feel so good, Jenny. So fucking good.”
He repeated the words, pushing me closer and closer to the edge until my body ignited.
I screamed out once before the sound of my voice was stolen by my orgasm.
I came hard, my body going stiff above him while he drilled into me.
I was coming down from my climb when he cursed and flipped me over onto the bench seat. I rested one leg along the backrest, and the other fell to the floorboard as he pushed my legs open and went crazy. He fucked me hard and fast, his expression switching to something I had never seen before in the splashes of moonlight.
“I can’t get enough of you. I can’t. Ah God, Jenny. Ah,” he cried out, and then his face went lax while his body stiffened.
I felt the heat of his release seep inside me, and instead of pulling away from it, I dug my fingers into his backside and pulled him deeper. Knowing I was making him feel as good as he had made me feel almost pushed me into another orgasm, but before it could get started, he stopped, pushing deep one final time before he relaxed on top of me.
“Shit. I’m sorry,” he breathed against my neck. “I’ve never lost control like that.”
“I’m on the pill,” I reassured him.
“That was …” he started.
“Amazing,” I finished.
I felt him grin against my neck. Then he leaned back and looked down at me. “I love you, Jenny.”
I swallowed, emotion clogging my throat and making me feel like I was going to choke. “I love you too.”
“No. I mean, I’ve fallen in love with you. I’ve always loved you, but this is different.”
I smiled and nodded the best I could with my head against the seat. “I know. Me too.”
Unfortunately, we couldn’t stay there in the moment. Josh had to get back for out processing. He helped me dress and fixed his clothes before we got out of the truck and back into the night air.
“I hope I’m back home before you leave for Texas,” he said.
I wasn’t about to let the awkward come back. I moved closer to him and hugged him around the waist. “Me too. You need to get back. Call me when you can?”
He pulled back and tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. “I miss you already.”
And then he leaned in and kissed me once more.
“Go before I keep you,” I said again his mouth as I pushed against his chest.
He chuckled.
“I’ll call you the second I can. Be careful driving home. And Jenny …”
“Yeah?”
“I meant it when I said I love you.”
My heart bloomed.
“I meant it too.”
We hugged once more before he quickly jogged across the parking lot. I got inside and cranked the truck, but I didn’t leave until I could no longer see him.
I had given myself to Josh, and it felt as though he had given himself to me. It wasn’t the best time since we couldn’t really talk it through, but it still felt like the perfect moment. It happened at the right time with the right person.
Josh was the one.
He would always be the one.
14
Josh
Advanced individual training was more casual, and I was given more phone time, but it seemed Jenny was busier now that I wasn’t. She was preparing for her move to Texas and dealing with school stuff. I couldn’t complain because I understood what she was going through just as she understood me being busy.
Four weeks later, I graduated from advanced individual training. I was excited to get a brief break and go home to see Jenny and my family. Jenny hadn’t left for school yet, which meant I was going to get a week with her before she left for Texas.
My excitement was shattered the following day as I was checking out of my unit. I picked up my cell and called Jenny before I even called my parents. The phone rang twice before she answered.
“Hey, you!” she sang into my ear. “Today’s the day! I can’t wait to see you!”
I grinned.
Just hearing her voice soothed everything, but knowing I was going to have to take away her excitement made me angry and aggravated. I hated hurting Jenny. She had never realized it, but she always got her way when it came to me. This would be
the second time I wasn’t going to be able to give her what she wanted.
Me.
“Hey. Listen … I’m not coming home,” I said, gripping my cell tightly.
She went silent, and I could hear her breathing.
“Why not?”
There was break in her voice. She was upset.
“I’m being stationed in Afghanistan.”
As soon as I said it, I knew she was going to flip.
“What! All the way to another fucking country? Can they do that this soon?”
I closed my eyes, hating that I was upsetting her. Hating that I was missing her so much I was seriously considering running away for the night just to drive home and see her.
“Yeah. It’s my job now, but once I get settled, I’ll call you. I wanted to be there to see you before you left for Texas, but we knew there was a possibility that might not happen.”
“I know.”
“You’re going to be great, smart girl. Try not to fall in love with any cowboys in Texas.”
She chuckled softly, but I could hear the sadness in her voice. “Yeah, like that’s going to happen.”
“Hey, you never know.”
“It’s not going to happen. I promise.”
I swallowed, knowing I had no right to ask her to wait for me, but the urge to say the words was there, pushing at the back of my throat.
It wasn’t fair to her. I had spent all of high school keeping guys away from her while I dated. She had been a virgin until that night with me. I couldn’t very well take away her college experiences, as well. No matter how badly the thought of another guy touching her killed me.
“Listen, Jen, have fun, okay? Do things. Date.”
“Are you saying we aren’t changing things between us?”
She didn’t say the words, but I knew what she meant.
No.
We weren’t going to start being a couple. Not like this.
“It’s just until we’re back in South Carolina. When that happens, we’ll talk about it more. That’s if you haven’t moved on by that point.”
“Not going to happen.”
I smiled, but I knew there was some truth and possibility to my words.
“Are you going to see other women while you’re in Afghanistan? I mean, you know? Are you going to be with other girls?”
I could hear the awkwardness in her words. She wanted to know if I would wait for her. While I didn’t have the balls to ask her to wait for me, mostly because I felt like I had already taken so many experiences away from her, Jenny wasn’t one to beat around the bush.
“No,” I answered. “I’m going to wait for you.”
“Then I’ll do the same.”
“I don’t want you do that, Jen. I feel like I’m taking something away from you.”
“You are. You’re taking you away from me, but I get it, and I understand now’s not a good time.”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered into the phone.
“No, you were right. We have to start our lives, but Josh?”
“Yeah?”
“Please come home safe to me.”
“I will. I promise.”
And that was the first time I ever broke a promise to Jenny.
15
Jenny
The weeks dragged by, but sadly, Josh wasn’t coming back after training like we had hoped. The day before he was scheduled to return home, he was handed his orders for deployment. They stationed him in Afghanistan, and without being able to see his family or me one more time, he was on a plane and on his way across the ocean.
It wasn’t like we even talked much during the weeks before his deployment. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but I had hoped Josh and I would get to talk constantly while he was at Fort Benning. That was not what happened. We talked a handful of times before he was deployed, and I left for Texas. Basic training had taken a ton out of him, and by the time he was in the less strict environment of advanced individual training, I was the one too busy preparing for school.
Fucking Afghanistan.
I mean, seriously, could they have sent him any farther away?
I was once again devastated we would be so far apart from each other. We talked even less from that point on since I was usually sleeping when he was awake and vice versa. I moved into my dorm with a few things since I didn’t want to bring a ton from South Carolina, and I mostly kept to myself. My dormmate, Daria, a goth girl from Seattle, was even more of an introvert than I was. We passed each other between classes, but most nights, she slept away from our dorm, leaving me to live alone, which was fine by me.
Even with everything going on—my classes, getting adjusted to college life, and trying to keep up with my rigorous schedule—I managed to keep my mind on Josh. I missed him so much it made me feel sick, and I felt more than pathetic about it. I couldn’t focus in class like I wanted, and my notes were a mess. I found myself googling things about Afghanistan when I sat down in front of my laptop to do homework.
After seeing pictures of the devastation of a war-torn country, I would spend the remaining hours worrying about him.
Was he safe?
Did he have friends who had his back?
And if he was safe, was he spending his time thinking about me as much as I thought about him?
Did he regret our last moments together?
Did he regret having sex with me?
Did I force myself on him?
I was probably the only woman in the world to break her own hymen.
I didn’t know. Maybe he wasn’t as busy as he said, and instead, he was avoiding me because he didn’t know how to tell me he had been wrong about his feelings. That he didn’t love me, and he should have never said it. If that were the case, I wanted him to know I would take him any way I could get him. I had been nothing but friends with Josh for twelve years. I had no problem whatsoever keeping it that way. No matter how much my heart and body felt differently.
The days passed, and before long, I was a few weeks into my first college semester. My days were a mix of classwork and homework, and my nights were spent hovering over my cell and laptop, waiting to hear from Josh.
I was in English, the professor going on about a literary assignment I had no interest in. With my cell on silent, I had no idea it had been going off the entire time. Once class was over and I was able to pull my phone out, I saw that I had five missed calls from Lilly. I tried to call her back, but her phone kept giving me a busy signal, which did nothing to keep my panic at bay.
I had barely stepped foot into my dorm when I got a terrifying call from Lilly. She was calm because that was her way, but I could hear the shaking and worry in her voice.
“Hey, hon, how’s school going?”
“It’s good. What’s wrong? Is Emma okay? Devin? Dad? The baby?”
She sighed, and I knew I was right in thinking something was wrong.
“Yeah. We’re all fine.” She went silent, making my skin crawl. “It’s Josh.”
My heart slammed to a halt, and my breath was sucked from my lungs.
“What about him? Did something happen?”
“He was injured.”
“What?” My voice broke with the word.
I was sure I hadn’t heard her correctly.
“Josh was injured in Afghanistan. The convoy he was traveling with struck an IED. A few of the guys didn’t make it.”
My legs went weak beneath me, and I dropped to my small twin-sized bed.
“Is he okay?” My words were strained and whispered as if my throat refused to speak my fears into the world.
“He’s alive,” she said, sending nausea and relief through my body like a black wave.
“I’m coming home. I’m leaving now,” I said adamantly.
“No. Don’t rush back home. He’s not here. Stay in Texas. There’s no need to miss any class when he’s not even on American soil. You have exams to study for. I’ll call you once he’s home and settled, and then I’ll fly you home.”
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I exhaled, rubbing at my aching chest with a shaking hand.
“But shouldn’t I—”
“Jenny, there’s nothing you can do right now,” she said, cutting me off.
“Okay. Please keep me posted, Lilly. As soon you as hear anything, call me.”
“I will. I promise.”
I wasn’t sure if I said goodbye or not. I just remember setting my cell on the table and staring at the wall in front of me until the sun slid down to the bottom, and the wall became dark.
The next morning, I skipped class so I could make phone calls to his family and get the answers I needed, but no one answered. With everything going on back home, I didn’t blame them for not answering.
A week passed, and I called Lilly every day until I was sure she was annoyed with me. Finally, she had news for me. Josh was transported from Afghanistan and was now in a hospital in Germany. We all knew he was alive, but getting more details was difficult for the family. Either that, or they didn’t want me to know the important details. Maybe that was for the best, though, since I was driving myself crazy with worry.
I attempted going to class, but I was barely paying attention. I lived in sweats and stained T-shirts. I was too stressed to even think about laundry or daily things. I showered and brushed my teeth, but that was the best I could do. I had made promises to Lilly to keep myself together, and I was trying to do just that.
I didn’t get any form of relief for almost three weeks when Lilly finally called to tell me Josh was home in Walterboro and settled at his parents’ house. I was packing my bag as soon as the words left her mouth, and within three hours of our phone call, I was on a plane and on my way to Josh.
Lilly picked me up from the airport alone. Devin was at home with Emma, which I appreciated since I wasn’t sure I could be bubbly Aunt Jenny with so many terrible things bouncing around my head.
Instead of taking me back to Dad’s, Lilly took me directly to Josh’s house. When she pulled up in the horseshoe driveway, she put her little car in park and turned toward me.
“I’ll wait here if you want,” she said, patting my shaking leg.
Thick & Thin (Chubby Girl Chronicles Book 3) Page 10
