Beyond Broken

by Kristin Vayden

I continued to fill my tray in silence. After paying for my meal I turned and evaluated the cafeteria seating. There were plenty of empty seats and I walked over to an empty table by the window. The blue sky went on forever past the treetops with only a few scattered clouds. The warmth of the sun on my skin made me smile.

  “May I sit with you?” Dr. Solomon asked, balancing his tray with one hand and large dish of ice cream in the other.

  “Of course.”

  He sat and slid his tray onto the table. The motion caused a large glob of hot fudge sauce to drip off his bowl and splatter on the tray. Raising my hand to cover my mouth, I hid a smile.

  “What? I’ll share.” Dr. Solomon dug in, not wasting time with the small salad or chicken sandwich he still had on his tray.

  “Dessert first?” I raised an eyebrow.

  “Yes.”

  “You don’t strike me as the type that eats supersized bowls of ice cream, let alone eats them before the healthy stuff.” I tilted my head and regarded him as I took as long drink of icy water from the straw.

  He shrugged and licked his lips clean of the chocolate sauce. I glanced down, a warm tingling in my cheeks.

  “It’s Wednesday. Wednesday is the only day I let myself eat ice cream. Because it’s such a controlled substance in my life…” He gave me a lopsided smile. “I always, always eat it first.” He took a big bite and closed his eyes in reverence.

  I couldn’t help it, but began to giggle at his expression.

  “You think it’s funny?” He gave me a mocking glare.

  “Yeah, basically,” I said, eating a bite of my salad.

  “And to think I offered to share. See if that happens again.” He smiled and took another bite.

  “I wouldn’t want to take away from Holy Wednesday,” I teased, feeling more at ease than I had all day.

  “Holy Wednesday?” The spoon paused halfway to his mouth, dripping melted ice cream onto the table.

  “Yeah, you’re practically worshiping the ice cream as you eat it. It’s clearly a deeply moving experience for you.” I took a bite of my turkey sandwich and chewed, trying to not to smile at his obvious enjoyment of the treat.

  “Holy Wednesday… I like it. Good work.” He saluted me with his spoon then finished his ice cream. “You know the best part about Holy Wednesday?” he asked as he took a bite of his salad.

  “Ice cream?” The words were muffled by my hand as I replied with a mouth full.

  “Nope, the anticipation and then the ice cream.”

  “Ahh.”

  “You know what the worst part is?” He leaned forward.

  “What is that?” I wiped my face with my napkin.

  “Waiting the other six days of the week, knowing it’s there but I can’t have it.”

  “But at least you get it again,” I offered.

  “There are few things more painful, more desperate than wanting something and knowing you cannot have it, Miss Holton.” His crystal gaze regarded me, warming me yet conveying a change in subject. We weren’t talking about ice cream any more.

  I blinked, unable to respond, not knowing how to respond.

  The rest of lunch passed easily, but my mind was still spinning from his earlier statement. I didn’t see myself as attractive. Honestly it was the last thing I was expecting to find at Willow and Oak. Though I was flattered to think that Dr. Solomon might be interested in me, it also made me uncomfortable. I wanted to be recognized for my dedication, my work. He was my boss, which made the whole thing more than awkward to even consider.

  “Thanks for sharing your table, Miss Holton. I’ll see you later.” He rose and walked away.

  Chapter Five

  “Rough day?” Bekah asked as I dragged myself through our apartment door. I tossed my keys on the side table and put my purse in the closet after removing my phone.

  “Yeah, you could say that. Although waking up five minutes before I had to leave wasn’t a stellar start to begin with,” I grumbled then flopped onto the couch next to her.

  “Tell me about it.” She turned on the TV. “Hungry?” she asked after a moment.

  “Not really,” I said, losing myself in the events of the day. Maybe I was really sleep-deprived, but today seemed so different. Simply thinking of Greyson was already tensing my body, as if I needed invisible armor against his charm, his magnetism. He drew me in and affected me in ways I had never experienced. It was almost overwhelming and it was all I could do to keep my attachment from showing, or from spinning out of control. There was no way to explain it. Why is this happening so fast? One thing was for certain; I had never encountered anyone like Greyson Bentley before.

  Then there was Dr. Solomon. The man was such a mystery. One minute I was laughing with him over his ‘Holy Wednesday’ ritual, the next I was trying to read coded messages and wondering if there was more to his friendship than I originally thought.

  Yet as much as both men confused me, it was just as likely that I was making it all up, reading into things that didn’t exist. Though I read people uncommonly well, I could be wrong. I could be putting myself through all of his anxiety for nothing. I shook my head. It would look better in the morning, after sleep. Lots and lots of sleep.

  “Hey!” Bekah snapped her fingers in front of my face.

  I jumped. “Yeah?” I asked, startled.

  “What’s up with you? Are you okay? I’ve been asking you the same question for more than a minute!” Bekah turned on the couch and brought her knee up, a frown pinching her forehead.

  “Yeah, I’m fine, just ready to crash.” I offered her a small smile.

  “Okay… are you sure?” she asked, her amber eyes studying me like I was a bug in a jar.

  “Yeah, I’m going to grab a granola bar and read for a while before I go to bed early. Like early early.” Though I knew I got plenty of sleep last night, I was wiped.

  “Alright. Just…” She paused. “Just remember I’m here. I know you can’t share too much, the whole patient confidentiality thing, but still I’m here if you need to talk. Okay?” she said gently.

  “Thanks, Bekah. You’re the best.” I reached over and hugged her, thankful all over again that she was my friend.

  “No problem. Now get your scrawny butt to bed.” She gave me a pat on the behind for emphasis and turned back to the TV.

  Once I was finished with the granola bar, I began to read. I awoke with the lights turned off, my alarm set and a blanket covering me as I lay the wrong way on my bed, the book still in my hand. I grinned, mentally making a note to thank Bekah in the morning. I tossed the book and went back to sleep for the few hours left before I started a brand new day.

  ****

  The sound of my cricket alarm slowly woke me from my deep sleep. I stretched lazily and reached over to turn it off. My neck ached from sleeping without a pillow and I winced as I turned my head. Fantastic. Moving gingerly to avoid the prickly pain in my neck and shoulders, I dressed for the day. I said a quick goodbye to Bekah and left, hoping I could just use my mirrors in traffic until the painkiller kicked in.

  By the time I arrived at Willow and Oak, the pain was less noticeable, but still present. I tossed the pills into my purse and walked in, inhaling the clean air. As I changed and walked down the hall, I had already convinced myself that all the drama, all the suspicions from yesterday were nothing but the product of an overactive imagination. I knocked on Greyson’s door without hesitation.

  “Hey, Holton. Come in.”

  I grinned to myself, but it was short-lived. Greyson was standing just beyond the door; shirtless. Immediately my mouth went dry. His shoulders were broad, solid and straight. The planes of his chest formed perfectly into a chiseled stomach. I glanced down and closed my eyes, praying when I opened them that he’d be fully clothed. It was hard enough to ignore his piercing gray gaze and full lips. Shirtless? Heaven above.

  “You alright?” Greyson’s voice was closer, his warm breath fanned across the top of my head. I shivered.

  �
��Yeah, fine,” I croaked and then cleared my throat. Yeah, that won’t give you away. But he didn’t seem to notice my slip up. I took a step back and bumped into the door. Greyson didn’t come any closer; rather he studied me.

  “How was your night?” I asked, using all my effort to keep my tone professional.

  “Not bad,” he murmured, sounding distracted as he continued evaluating me.

  “Good. Any symptoms?”

  “Nope. Rock solid.” He flashed a grin.

  Indeed.

  “Anything else? You should have had breakfast already. I arranged for another nurse to bring it so you wouldn’t have to wait.” I walked past him and into the living room, thankful to get away. It seemed crazy but the farther I walked away from Greyson, the colder the room seemed to be.

  “Yeah, I got it. Thanks. But it just seems like an easy way to excuse you from your promise.” He leaned against the door and gave me a lazy grin.

  “What promise?” I felt my forehead furrow in confusion.

  “Bacon! See you already forgot! I have six days left. You better deliver the goods, sister.” He pushed off from the door and strode toward me.

  “We’ll see.”

  “Hey, I’m eating everything you and the doctor give me, even if I’m gagging on all the yogurt.”

  “It’s what’s best.”

  “I know. That’s why I’m doing it. But you said one week and I’d get bacon. I want the damn bacon.” His full lips turned up into a grin, as if trying to soften his words.

  “Fine. You’ll get your bacon.” A smile tipped my lips as I thought about how I could give him bacon; Turkey bacon, tofurky bacon, tofu bacon… the list went on.

  “No.” He stood in front of me and crossed his arms. The action made his biceps bulge and drew my attention.

  “No?” I asked, hating that my tone was just a touch breathless.

  “I know how that devious mind of yours works.” He reached up and tapped the side of my head; his touch was like an electric current that brought my senses into a heightened awareness. Awareness of him. “Right now you’re planning how you can give me bacon without actually giving me bacon.”

  “How could I possibly—” I took a step back, trying to break the spell he was weaving around me — around us.

  “Turkey bacon is not bacon, Tofu is not bacon. Shit, tofu is not food.” He rolled his eyes.

  I twisted my lips and regarded him. Am I that transparent?

  “Yeah, you are that transparent.”

  I gasped, my eyes widening in surprise.

  “You think you’ve got me fooled. I know how you work, Miss Sophia Holton…” He lowered his chin slightly while a challenging glint sparked in his gaze.

  “Fine. I’ll give you real bacon.” I gave in, hoping he was only referring to my transparency over my silly plan, not my transparency in my regard for him.

  “From a pig,” he clarified.

  “Okay, bacon from a pig,” I said, shaking my head with a slight smile.

  “I like it when you smile. You need to do it more often.” Greyson tilted his head and studied me.

  “More often? I do a lot.”

  “Not around me.” He continued to gaze at me. “Why?”

  “Why, what?” I asked.

  “Why don’t you smile for me, smile at me, Sophia? You’re too young to be so serious. You can’t be more than twenty five.”

  “Thanks.” I gave him a glare.

  “For?” His expression was unrepentant.

  He was baiting me.

  “You’re not twenty-five, are you? Didn’t think so. You’re twenty-two. Don’t be offended. I’m twenty-eight and totally comfortable with it. I mean, look at me.” He puffed out his chest.

  “Yeah…” I rolled my eyes.

  “So I need to be funny, and that beautiful face of yours will light up? Okay, you’ve got it.” He strutted away and plopped on the couch.

  I followed him and began to take his pulse. Since I forgot my watch I had to turn to watch the secondhand on the clock. “Ouch.” As I turned my neck I winced from a shooting pang reminding me of my injury.

  “Are you okay?” Greyson asked immediately, a concerned expression on his face.

  “Yeah, I just slept wrong. Nothing to worry about.” I reached up to rub the side of my neck.

  “Let me.” Greyson’s hands were on my neck immediately, kneading it and working the tight muscle. At his touch everything else in my body tensed up, then hummed with life.

  It took all of my self-control, but I leaned away from the pleasure, the skill of his hands. “Thanks, but that’s alright.”

  His expression was curious. “Are you sure? I don’t mind.”

  “Yeah, thanks though.” I cleared my throat again and stood, gathering my stuff.

  “I’ll be back later to check on you. Maybe later we’ll go for a walk?” I asked lightly.

  “That would be great,” he said, but his expression still held curiosity.

  As I left and walked down the hall it occurred to me that I had completely forgotten to finish taking his pulse, his blood pressure, everything. The only thing I did remember was the warm sensation of his finger touching my temple, his hands at my neck massaging my flesh. Even now my skin tingled where he’d touched, as if my skin refused to forget, which was exactly what I wished it would do. I was falling harder, deeper. It wasn’t all in my head, it was in my heart.

  Just another red flag warning me that my attraction was forming too fast. That scared me more than anything. Because Greyson didn’t need me. He needed to survive on his own; he needed to grow into the man he was. I’d be nothing but a crutch, a diversion from the path he needed to take alone. As much as it killed me, knifed me in the heart, I reminded myself that there was no room for me in his life, not if he was to grow beyond what he was now. And that broke my heart further, because who he was now was incredible, the man he could be would be almost perfect.

  I walked to the cafeteria, resigned and able to finally distance myself from my emotions by remembering the truth. I filled my tray and sat by the window again, careful to tilt my chair so I could see out without turning my head.

  “May I sit with you? Or are you going to tease me about my food again?” Dr. Solomon grinned and sat down before I even nodded.

  “No ice cream? Wait, that’s right. Only on Holy Wednesday.” I smiled.

  “Alas, Wednesday it is not. Therefore…” He held up a large plate of salad and hard-boiled eggs.

  “Not nearly as appealing as chocolate sauce,” I said as he poured dressing over the top.

  He glanced up quickly and coughed. “Uh, no.” He glanced back down, but his ears turned slightly red.

  What had I said? It took me a minute before I got it. Slightly inappropriate, Sophia! I felt my own face turn red. At least he knew that I meant it in reference to ice cream.

  “How was your morning?” he asked then forked a full bite of salad into his mouth.

  “Good. I see I’m scheduled to meet your new patient this afternoon.”

  He swallowed his food. “Yeah, I don’t think I’ll need your assistance yet, but I’d rather you be familiar with her, rather, for her to be familiar with you just in case.”

  “That’s a good idea,” I answered and took another bite.

  “Isn’t that beautiful?” He jerked his chin behind me toward end of large picture window.

  “Hmm?” I turned my neck and winced at the pain, cursing myself for forgetting, again.

  “Sleep wrong?” Dr. Solomon asked, narrowing his eyes at my neck as I rubbed it.

  “Yeah, I fell asleep on my book rather than my pillow.” I gave him a wry expression.

  “Ahh, yeah I did that a few times in med school.” He pushed his chair back and stood, rubbing his hands together.

  “Okay,” He stepped behind me, and his familiar scent of lime surrounded me. “Let me see, turn your head slightly, yeah. There, huh?” He tapped the tight ball of muscle below my right ear.

&nbs
p; “Yeah… ouch.”

  “You did a good job of it, this has to hurt. Are you on any pain medication?

  “A little but…” I trailed off, blushing.

  “But?” He began to massage and ease my tightened muscle.

  “I don’t really like taking any sort of medication.”

  “Ah…” He chucked softly.

  “It’s kinda an oxymoron. A nurse who won’t take any sort of medication.”

  “Yeah, but I don’t blame you. In the area we work, we see all of the bad side of those drugs; we rarely see the good side. It’s natural to be wary, and honestly…” He pinched the muscle. “I’m the same way. Is that better? I hope I didn’t make you feel uncomfortable. It’s just that as a doctor, I hate seeing someone in pain if I can do something to change it. You know?”

  I twisted my neck and noticed immediate relief. “Yeah, thanks.” I blushed, hoping yet more lines had not been crossed. But it was a public place and he was a doctor…

  “Good. Try sleeping on a pillow, you’ll see overnight results.” He walked around the table and winked.

  “I appreciate your professional opinion.” I said wryly.

  His eyes twinkled. I took a bite of my own food and glanced around the room. A tingling sensation tickled my neck and I turned a little farther. Evocative gray eyes were watching me. Greyson stood on the edge of the cafeteria, his gaze first fixed on me, then shifting to Dr. Solomon. When his eyes returned to me, an expression of hurt and resolve had taken over the curiosity. I swallowed, unable to glance away. Greyson’s eyes narrowed slightly as he began walking toward the table. I glanced down at my food, then at Dr. Solomon, then back at Greyson. As he got closer I smiled a welcome, all the while wondering what he was doing. His steps were too purposeful, his gaze to intense; he was up to something.

  “Hi, Dr. Solomon, Miss Holton.” He gave me a warm smile, but his eyes were cool.

  “Hi! It’s good to see you up!” Dr. Solomon stood and shook Greyson’s hand, regarding him closely.

  “Yeah, I wanted to get some fresh air. Are you ready?” Greyson turned to me, lifting a questioning eyebrow.

  Dr. Solomon’s gaze shifted to me, curiosity flashing before it was covered up with a professional expression.