Holding On To Heaven

by Melyssa Winchester

  Chapter Six

  Serenity

  When I got back to the dorm later, finally able to enjoy a couple of nights off work, I made a plan to use the time to catch up on the course work I’d been putting off and catching some much needed sleep. Having a backup plan to the nightly routine I shared with Gabriel would get me through this. It just had to.

   As I made my way into the room I was shocked to find Emma there, lounging on her bed, the smile on her face a dead giveaway that she wanted to talk.

  She hadn't been home like this for the past two weeks, opting instead to stay with random girls she knew from other classes, in order to give Gabe and me time alone. That’s the reason she gave when I asked her about it a week ago anyway. Despite the fact that Gabriel was in my head and we had all the privacy we needed didn’t seem to play into her plan.

  “Hey,” I said, tossing my bag down onto the floor. “I wasn't expecting to see you tonight. Isn't Thi Beta throwing a party?”

  “Yeah I think so, but honestly Ser, it’s been forever since we hung out. I think we need to catch up. I miss you.”

  I can’t really remember a time where I've been missed by anyone. When I started hearing the dead, my mother pulled away, putting all her attention into finding out what was wrong with me and fixing it. I was more a problem in need of a fix then a daughter. I don't think she missed me at all the entire time I'd been away in the center. She probably enjoyed the time away from the crazy. Other than my grandparents when I was younger, I've just never been more than an afterthought to anyone.

  I guess I should have been upset about it, but honestly, I’m alright. I understand where my mother was coming from. Who in their right mind signed up for a daughter with mental problems when they find out they’re re pregnant? It's just not something you're ready for or willing to accept, at least not right away. I didn’t really think I missed out on much. Plus, I was a solitary kind of person anyway. Attachments never ended well.

  Hearing Emma tell me that she missed me though, it got to me because I missed her too. Sure, she acted immature sometimes, more like a tween girl then the twenty year old that she is, but I wouldn't change her for the world. She came into my life when I needed someone and even knowing my level of crazy, she never left. That meant something to me. Scratch that, it meant everything.

  “I miss you too, Ems. So since you're giving up a raging party for me, what did you want to do?”

  “Binge on ice cream and pick apart sappy movies?”

  “So the usual then?” I ask laughing. This is what I miss. Just staying in, not worrying about voices; classes; work or guys and just goofing off with my best friend. This is my definition of perfection.

  “Exactly." she stated. “So I have to ask—”

  “Hmm?”

  “Gabriel. What happened there? I mean you seemed happier than I've ever seen you and then all of a sudden it was like we'd gone back in time to the center and you were lost again. Do I need to find him and kick his ass?”

  Emma kicking anyone’s ass is laughable. She’s lucky if she’s a hundred pounds soaking wet, but the fact that she would even suggest it means a lot. I didn't realize I’d changed that much since we started speaking, but judging from the concerned look on her face, I had.

  “No, ass kicking isn’t needed. You were right the other day, but it’s crazy, so I'm just letting it go.”

  “I was right about what?"

  “You said it sounded like I had a crush on the guy and well, I guess I did, hell I think it was more than that for a little while, but like I said, it’s crazy. I can't be falling for a random voice in my head. For all I know he's some dead guy or someone so sick they're close to death. What can really come of something like that?”

  “You do realize you're the only one that thinks you’re crazy right? People might not understand you, but honestly Ser; you're the only one who uses the c word.”

  “Are you serious right now?”

  “Of course I'm serious. You're a medium, Serenity. It is an actual thing, which you would know if you spent half as much time researching as you do believing you're crazy.”

  She makes a good point. Other than wondering when I was younger about what my gift is and reading a little about it, I hadn't looked deeper. I just accepted what I read and moved on from it, all the while being programmed by my mother to believe there really was something wrong with me. As much as I want to say I’m not affected by the way she was back then and even the way she is now, it seemed I was turning out to be more like her then I intended to. The crazy really was in my head.

  “Okay fine, let’s say you're right and the fact that I can communicate with the dead doesn't make me crazy, doesn't falling for one of them do it?”

  “I don't think so. I mean you're different. You aren't like the rest of the girls here, or even like me, so maybe your dating method is different too. Or, I'm just as crazy as you believe you are and I'm enabling you. You know, either way.”

  “That's definitely got to be it. We've both gone mad.”

  We both broke out into a fit of laughter, neither one of us showing any signs of stopping when the phone started ringing; breaking into the moment and bringing us back to reality.

  “That's going to be for you.” I say, motioning to the phone. It wasn't often people called the room for me, but it was a consistent thing for Emma. People seemed to just gravitate towards her and I couldn't blame them. I'd done the very same thing years before and never looked back.

  “Nah, this time I think it might be for you.”

  The way she said it, as if she knew something I didn't made me wonder just what she’d gone and done. As much as I love Emma, the last thing I need is for her to be going behind my back and starting things I wasn't prepared to finish. She knew I didn't handle that well.

  “What did you do?”

  She put her hands up in the air in surrender as the phone continued to ring behind her. “Promise you won't kill me?”

  “Again, I ask. What did you do?”

  “I sort of gave that new guy in our psych class our number. I mean Serenity; the guy couldn't keep his eyes off you the entire class. I figured I'd help him out.”

  “By giving him my number?”

  “Our number, but yes. Now are you going to answer it or not?”

  It would have been so easy to just get up off her bed and walk away, not even bothering to dignify her question with an answer, but I couldn't do that. At least not with her. This was just the way she is. I can't believe I hadn't seen it coming. It wasn’t the first time she tried to play matchmaker. She was doing it with the best of intentions, but I'll be damned if it isn't the most annoying thing in the world.

  Reaching across her, I grabbed the phone off the cradle and pushed the talk button. Might as well get this over with. If I didn't answer it, Emma would just badger me about it until I did, or until I called him back, something I wasn't going to do.

  “Hello?”

  “Yeah—umm—is Serenity there?”

  Well Emma was right, it had been for me and judging from the stutter he displayed right from the jump, I had to figure he’s just as put off doing this as I am answering.

  “This is her.”

  “Oh! Hey! It's Ryan, you know—umm—from class.”

  I couldn't help it. I found the nervousness in his voice, the slight stutter, kind of entertaining. Maybe it wasn't the nicest thing to do, but I didn't care. It was hilarious and honestly, a little cute.

  “Yeah, I know who you are Ryan. What can I do for you?”

  “Well you know, I'm new and I'm two weeks behind. I was hoping that if you could spare the time, you would help me catch up in some of the classes we have in common.”

  Before I have the chance to answer, I feel Emma's hand on my sleeve, yanking on it. Looking up at her she mouthed words at me and as hard as I tried to figure them out, I didn't understand a bit of it.

  “I said—what's he saying?” she whispered motioning to the
phone.

  “I think he just asked me out.” I mouthed back, careful not to let Ryan hear me.

  Emma laughed.  Sometimes I swear I need an interpreter to be able to understand her. It’s amazing how the two of us, as different we as are could be as close as we were.

  She grabbed the phone from my hands and immediately started talking. It’s another talent she has that I’m envious of. How easy it is for her to talk to people.

  “Hey Ryan, its Emma. Serenity says she'd love to get together with you. Just text her the details of when and where and she'll be there.”

  Holding the phone back out in front of her, she pushed it closer in my direction. It seemed that now that she’d accepted for me, I was allowed to speak again. Rolling my eyes, I grabbed the phone and put it back to my ear.

  “Sorry about that. She grabbed the phone out of my hands.”

  “No problem. Was she right though, I mean, would you like to get together? You'd be doing the world a great favor by helping out one of your fellow students. You might even end up with your name on a park bench someday.”

  Unable to contain it, I laughed and immediately sucked in my breath as I realized what I'd done. Man was I pathetic or what? Even laughing at an obvious joke felt foreign to me.

  “I doubt that, but sure. We can get together and go over what you might need extra help with.”

  “Yes!” he shouted his excitement evident. “Thank you. You really are a life saver, Serenity.”

  I made sure he had my cell number so that we'd be able to set up a time for both of us to get together and I ended the call. When I put the phone back on the nightstand, I threw myself back in my spot on Emma's bed and felt her eyes on me. Looking up, I saw her trying to contain the laughter that was hiding behind the huge grin on her face.

  “Oh god, what are you so happy about?”

  “My little girl is growing up!”

  I was seriously debating whether or not to go back to our earlier conversation and take back the not killing her part now. As hard as it is to believe for Emma, it was even harder for me to grasp. The fact that for the first time since befriending my next door neighbor years before, I set up plans with a guy. It wasn't just any guy either, it’s the guy that looks a hell of a lot like Jared Leto, and one of the last people I would’ve ever thought would be interested in someone like me.

  “Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm all grown up and wearing my big girl panties finally. Can we get on with our girls night now?”

  All conversation of Ryan and what may or may not be my first real date in years ceased and we got down to the business of pulling apart the movies we found the most entertaining.

  It’s the first night in a while where the spirits were leaving me alone and I didn’t need Gabriel and his voice to do it. Maybe backing away from him was the right thing after all. Not only was my mind at ease without him, but I also had a prospective date with a good looking and very real guy to look forward to.

  Maybe I could be a normal girl after all.