Holding On To Heaven

by Melyssa Winchester

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Serenity

  “1860? This is a joke right?”

  Despite Gabriel's claim that Graham wouldn't be able to handle the intensity of hearing about his past lives, I still wanted to tell him. I would take the risk because not only did he deserve to know, but we also shared the same history and I wanted him to know so that I wouldn't be alone in it.

  It’s selfish, but I can’t help it. I’ve been alone with this my entire existence. It couldn’t be wrong to want someone to share it with. Much the same way Ryan wanted someone when he heard the voices.

  “I assure you, as much as I would love to say it is a horrible joke, it most certainly is not. I am also going to let it be known now that I am against her telling you this. You are blatantly human, hearing this will break you.”

  For an angel, Gabriel seems to always run on the worst case scenario, which makes being around him hard as hell. I know Graham better than anyone and if anyone can handle hearing this, it’s him. After all, he’s the only person besides Emma that I told about hearing voices and while I assumed back then he would run as fast as his legs could carry him, he stayed with me and hadn’t let it get to him.

   “He's stronger than he looks, Gabriel. For someone that spent a great amount of time inside him, I thought you of all people would know that.” I shot at him, garnering the result I craved. His lips grew tight and he remained silent.

  “I know how this is going to sound, but hear me out alright? Every word of it is true or at least I believe it to be.”

  Drawing the rest of his body back up onto the bed, he completely stretched out and turned to face me. As his eyes locked on mine, he smiled. “If you're going to tell me a bedtime story, I'm gonna make sure I'm comfortable.”

  How many times have we done this exact thing? Sitting in our bedrooms, one of us lying on the bed while the other sat up and told stories without a care in the world? It had been so long since we'd done it that I lost hope at ever having it in my life again, but here we are, just like old times.

  “According to Gabriel, we've shared more than one lifetime together. The first happened in 1860, the second one in 1920 and now this newest one.”

  “How is that even possible?”

  “You'd have to ask sour pants over there, but the way I figure it, your soul was chosen to span over multiple lifetimes, some with me and others without. I know now what my goal was living as many lifetimes as I have. I figure it might be the same for you.”

  “So you and I, we've been around each other in these lifetimes?”

  “Yes. We’ve been together in all three of my lifetimes.”

  “At least I had good taste those other times.”

  Blushing I cover my face with the hair falling out of the ponytail I'd placed it in hours before. I definitely didn't want him to see how affected by his words I am. I've never been able to flirt adequately. There is something about it that always makes me feel strange. This time is no different.

  “Either that or you've got the worst taste imaginable. Either way, we've been in each other lives before. The first time, in 1860, you were my ghostwriter. You would scribe for me. We were together romantically in that lifetime, until we both died because of some sickness.  Fast forward to 1920 and that's where it gets difficult. We were close in that lifetime too, but from what Gabe tells me, you were a real asshole, so no romantic entanglement.”

  “We dated, for real?”

  I was a little surprised with how easily he was taking it though content that I’d been right all along. Graham wasn't fragile in terms of information. He might think it’s out of this world, but he would never let himself be changed by it, even when it had everything to do with him.

  “Yes. You were my manager in the second one, until I committed suicide. According to Gabe, that’s when you changed your ways and turned good.”

  “Shit, that's horrible. So no matter what lifetime we live, we lose each other?”

  “It seems that way. I mean that didn't happen to us in this lifetime, so I don't think it’s a sign, but it's definitely something that we seem to repeat.”

  “You’re wrong. It did happen in this lifetime.” he says, his voice so low it’s almost a whisper.

  “What did?”

  “We did lose each other. Sure, it wasn't to death the way the others seem to be, but we lost each other just the same. If it hadn't been for him,” he says motioning to where Gabriel stood. “We might never have found our way back to each other.”

  I don’t believe that. I choose to think optimistically, believing that no matter if it had been five years or twenty-five we would have eventually found our way back. Putting past lives aside, I can't imagine a life without Graham in it.

  “We’ll never know if it was Gabriel's doing or not. Either way, we didn't lose each other like you said. So this time is different.”

  “I've got one question.”

  “I'll answer anything I can, otherwise you might have to ask him and he doesn't exactly look like he wants to help.”

  “Why did our lives intersect so much?  I get that we may have known each other in other lives, but I mean, that often? What is it about us that makes us keep repeating the same cycle and coming back to each other?”

  He asked the question that would bring everything I told him full circle. The very thing I was still having a hard time coming to terms with despite my heart knowing and feeling differently. Despite Gabriel's reservations, I fully intend to tell him, no matter what the reaction.

  “We were marked for each other, Graham Cracker. Our lives have to intersect even though you did live through lifetimes without me.”

  “Right, but what does it mean?”

  “Oh come on! For crying out loud!” Gabriel interjected, calling our attention away from each other and focusing again solely on him. “The two of you are soul-mates. Do you really need it spelled out for you?”

  “We’re soul mates?” Graham asked, the words falling slowly testing them out. Listening to the way he says it, even after hearing the very same thing from Gabriel not that long before is different.  As it all seemed to settle in, his face changed. Where he’d been relaxed yet dazed before, he’s now sitting up, his gaze alert and focused.

  “Gabe's right. We're soul mates.”

  As I confirmed what Gabriel said, his gaze fluttered between both of us, making me question what was going on inside his head. Is it something he expected to hear or is this coming completely out of left field the way it did with me?

  “Well, finally. It all makes sense now.”

  Gabriel

  It is common knowledge that there isn't much that can break a bond between soul-mates given that they are two parts of one being. With as powerful as being a beloved is, at least in a higher power context, it pales in comparison to that of the soul-mate. There really is no comparison and now that Graham knows, it makes me want to fight that much harder for Serenity.

  Graham was meant to be my human host for the remainder of Serenity's time on the planet, of that I am secure in, but given what I promised him when I gained his approval days earlier, I realize that it could all still end in a less favorable way for me.

   If I am to give him the ability to lead his own life, being a part of him, but staying on the sidelines the way I planned, then I would lose her to him. They are unable to fight the natural inclination they both have for one other. They would always end up together.

  In helping Serenity with Ryan I hoped I would endear myself to her. She would realize I want what is best for her and she would accept her role as my beloved with ease. Unfortunately, Graham is now a wild card, one that I had not expected to deal with quite so fast. It was always a given they would make their way back to each other, but I had been the one to light the match this time.

  She longs for him even now. I had seen it before I left. Watching them now, seeing the way he looks at her, his eyes lighting up until they were practically glowing is turning my
stomach. 

  Her growing feelings for Ryan are no longer visible in the way she is with Graham. I once believed the demon to be my greatest threat, but now I know differently. I could easily deal with a demon when it is called for, but going up against the other half of Serenity's soul? I wasn't sure that is something I could manage. Any damage done to the man would only damage her, something I could never do, no matter how badly my heart wants me to.

  It was watching them, moving toward one another in slow motion, I realize what I need to do. I have to help her protect the demon even though everything in me is fighting against it. Not only that, but if the demon really does have feelings for her, we were going to have a talk before facing Lucifer.

   His feelings would be nothing compared to what Graham and her share, but maybe if I help him he would repay the favor by helping me find a way to destroy what is happening in front of me now.

  I would gladly give up the chance to be with Serenity if it meant she remained with me for an eternity in her rightful spot as my beloved. I know it is wrong and that Father would not be happy but I have to do it. I could not lose her to Graham, not before I even had my chance.

  I would let them have their moment for now, but when the time is right, I would speak to the demon and we would fix this situation once and for all.