Holding On To Heaven

by Melyssa Winchester

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Serenity

  If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes I wouldn’t believe it even happened. Ryan and Graham seem to be in agreement about what they want for me. They had both not minutes apart admitted their true feelings for me, both of them wanting to be the one my heart chose which should have put them at odds. It seems to have had the opposite effect.

  They may both love me, but in doing so they want the best possible outcome for me and neither believes this to be it. I don’t believe it either but I have my own reasons for seeing this through. It is that reasoning that keeps me moving forward in what is quickly becoming the most insane thing I’ve ever been a part of.

  I know insanity. I’d seen more than enough of it during my time in the center. This though, the ultimate fate I had waiting for me beyond these doors, this was a level of insane even the center couldn't help.

  Graham is gone now, Ryan going out of his way to make sure he was able to get out safely and now the stage is set to begin the first phase of Lucifer's plan.

  The wedding.

  According to Ryan in the few minutes we had alone so he could explain, this wedding is sacred to all that have taken part in it before us. It’s something Lucifer himself holds dear and would fight to make sure went off without a hitch.

  I’m about to take part in my first demonic wedding. I imagined that if I ever found the right person for me and we progressed toward marriage, I would be doing it wearing the white gown, not the tight excuse for a black dress that now grips my body. The veil would be see through and made of white satin and I’d be wearing the world’s biggest smile as I walk down the aisle toward the man that would keep my heart safe for the rest of our lives.

  Instead, my veil is made of the same flimsy material as the dress and if I don't focus completely on where I’m walking, I’m doomed to fall flat on my face. Never having walked a day in heels before today, now I was expected to cross from one end of a church to the other in them, which served only to make my feet scream at me in agony.

  There is a light at the end of the tunnel. While nothing else matches up to the visions I had as a child, there’s one thing that did.

  Marrying a man that would hold my heart until my very last breath. Ryan is the keeper of my heart. My last breath may only be until the end of this ceremony, but I know without question that Ryan is the one I want it to be with. It doesn’t matter that he’s a half demon hybrid, what matters is the light inside him, that’s more present now than ever before. That is what made him the right choice. The only choice.

  “It is time.” the demon with the disfigured face announces, motioning toward the door that would inevitably take me to where Ryan is waiting.

  As I move my feet forward, careful with each step as I take it, the fear I felt earlier forces its way to the surface again. Chills begin rolling through my body and the faintest trail of goose bumps breaks out over my arms. While I can't see my legs, I’m sure the same is happening to them. This is really happening. I’m about to marry Ryan and give my life up in an effort to save his.

  I’m scared.

  The descent down the hall takes less time than I expected. Soon the demon that escorted me is opening a large wooden door and I’m making my way through it. As I take in my surroundings I realize this is as close to hell on earth as I was ever going to see.

  The only light in the room came from black candles, dozens of them, placed strategically throughout the room creating just enough light to be able to see only what is directly in front of me, but not so bright that it called extra attention.  There are symbols on the walls, some I’m able to recognize, like the pentagram and then others I've never seen before. The walls are a deep red, the symbols blending in nicely painted perfectly in black. Whoever drew the symbols had obviously taken great care as not one smudge seemed out of place.

  There’s a woman standing directly in the center of the room, Ryan to her right and Lucifer behind her on the left. With my lack of knowledge in the wedding department I can only assume she is the equivalent of a priest and would be the person to marry us. That is, if she’s even a person at all.

  Ryan looked troubled yet beautiful standing there in the black tuxedo, his hands clasped firmly together in front of him, his eyes locked on me. They had been black since our shared moment in the park, but now they seemed to be the color of clouds, clear white and glowing under the illumination from the candles. His hair, which normally is more closely pressed to his head seemed to fall away from him now in a way I've never seen before, but one I couldn’t help but admire.

  He is the most beautiful person in the room and once my eyes lock on his, it’s impossible to look anywhere else. I’m seeing all that I need to see. I want to look at him this way forever. Seeing him as he really is for the first time since I've known him. He’s here, he is as beautiful as always and he’s safe.

  I can do this. I would do this. For him.

  In no time at all, I find myself at the front of the room and I’m positioned by the woman to stand to the left of her, facing toward Ryan who followed suit, turning his body to face mine.

  “She truly is a sight for sore eyes, Lucifer. You have done well with this one.” the woman says before turning to face me. “I am Marishka, the high priestess and I will be joining you and Ryan today.”

  Breaking eye contact with her and choosing instead to put my focus back on the man I’m about to marry, whose face gives away nothing, I just nod in acknowledgment. I wasn't going to give them anything more then what was necessary. They don't deserve it. I would be as emotionless in this moment as Lucifer himself.

  “Shall we begin?”

  “Yes Marishka, with these two, time is definitely of the essence. The longing between them is undeniable.”

  I have no idea how he knew what I felt watching Ryan earlier, but it seems he does. I’m not going to react. That’s what he expects. I refuse to play the victim for him. Just based on the reason this is happening at all, what he hoped to gain, I know I’m better and stronger than that.

  The high priestess picks up the bell from the pulpit and taps it with her fingernail causing it to shake and ring out. She begins moving her hands around in the air and I realize almost immediately that she’s drawing a pentagram, which means it must be the go-to symbol for the ceremony. I swallow the huge lump in my throat and prepare myself for whatever is about to come next.

  “In Nomine Dei Nostri Satanas, Luciferi Excelsi. In the Name of Satan, Ruler of the Earth, True God, Almighty and Ineffable, Who has created man to reflect in thine own image and likeness, we invite the Forces of Hell to bestow their infernal power upon us. Come forth to greet us and confer dark blessings upon this couple who desire to become as one in the eyes of Lucifer.”

  Jesus, this is a lot worse than I thought. She’s spouting off some form of incantation. What had I been thinking saying yes to this?

  All it took is one look across from me, locking eyes with the man about to become my husband and I’m reminded of exactly why I agreed. To be with him as long as we were able. I would say yes again in a heartbeat if given the same choice over again. 

  Picking up the chalice that rests where the bell had been, she lifts it to her lips and drinks from it, waiting only a split second before continuing on with what came next.

  “I invoke thee, the four crown princes of hell. Satan from the East; Beelzebub from the North; Astaroth from the West, and Azazel from the South. We come together in the name of our Father and Lord Satan to join Ryan and Serenity together in marriage.”

  Again she picks up the blade she used when tracing the pentagram, drawing a circle around us, which causes a shiver to run down my spine as she makes her way around me. I’m not sure I could maintain my composure much longer. This is really starting to freak me out.

  “Almighty Satan, look with favor upon your disciples Ryan and Serenity. Both have come here of their own free will. They come before you to ask your blessings as
they set forth on this very day as husband and wife. We ask that you bless this union with lust and the pleasures of life, that their mutual affection and desire for one another continues strong and enduring.”

  “Do you Ryan, desire of your own free will to take Serenity as your lawfully wedded wife, to love honor and respect; to become one as one in the eyes of Satan and before the powers of Hell?”

  As the priestess turns to face him, I study him. He seems to be as uncomfortable with this as I am. Lifting his hands to his nose, the stress obviously getting to him, he looks up again and the pain is evident.

  “Yes, I do.”

  She turns to me and repeats the same thing. This is where it begins, the result of my decision. I put myself here; there’s no way I can back out now.

  “I do.”

  Ryan reached his hand out and motioned for me to do the same, fingering the ring he held. Slowly bringing my hand out, I watch, completely mesmerized as he slides it down the length of my finger until it reached its inevitable resting spot at the end of my hand. He hands me the other ring and I repeat the same steps as he had just done, my hand lingering a few seconds longer than his had as the ring rests on his finger.

  No matter how strange this is, I couldn't take my eyes off the ring. The way it seems to belong there. Looking up and meeting his eyes, he smiles just slightly, as if he can hear exactly what I’m thinking. I smile back, before stepping back to my original spot, preparing myself for what happens next.

  “In the Name of Satan and before all of the Demons of Hell, I pronounce you Husband and Wife. May your union be powerful, strong and abundant with pleasure! HAIL SATAN!!”

  I wasn't in the mood to pay homage to the very man that was about to take my life, but I played along anyway, following suit as all the demons around me began chanting his name. How much longer am I going to have to pretend I want all of this? When can I finally admit I’ve gotten in way over my head?

  Before I could think about what I had just been a part of, Marishka started speaking again, this time in a language I couldn't make sense of. The more she spoke though, the more I found myself wanting to know exactly what she’s saying.

  “Ol sonuf vorsag goho Satan lonsh Calz od vors caosgo; sobra zol Ror i ta nazps od graa Ta malprg: Ds hol-q qaa nothoa zimz Od Commah ta nobloh zien od luciftian Oboleh a donasdogamatastos. O ohorela taba Ol nore od pasbs ol zonrensg Vaoan od tooat nonucafe gmicalzoma. Pilah Farzm znrza od surzas Adna od Gono de Satan, ds hom od Toh. Soba croodzi ipam ul vls Ipamis. Ds loholo vep nothoa poamal Od bogpa aai ta piap piamol Od vaoan. Zacare ca od zamran! Odo cicle qaa! Zorge! Zir noco! Hoath Satan bvfd lonsh londoh babage.”

  “I'm sorry.” I interrupt. “What is that?”

  Ryan steps forward smiling. “First Key in Enochian Serenity. It's tradition at weddings.”

  “Not any weddings I've been to.”

  “I bet.” He replies and if my ears aren't deceiving me, I hear a slight chuckle he failed at holding back, which helps me relax and return his smile.

  “What does it mean?”

  “I will take this one, Ryan. Serenity my love, it is quite simple. Let me translate.” the priestess says, a smile also evident on her face. While I knew what Ryan and I were smiling about, I’m at a loss to what this woman found so amusing.

  “I reign over you, saith Satan/Lucifer In power exalted above the firmaments And over the earth; in whose hands The sun is as a sword And the moon as a thorough-thrusting fire: Who measure your garments In the midst of my vestures And trussed you together as the palms of my hands And brightened your vestments with infernal light. I made a law to govern my sons and daughters. I delivered truth and furnished to you the power of understanding. Moreover, ye lifted up your voices and swore obedience and faith to Satan/Lucifer Who liveth and triumpheth, whose beginning is not nor end cannot be. Who shineth as a flame In the midst of your palace and reigns amongst you as the balance of righteousness and truth. Move therefore and show yourselves! Open the mysteries of your creation! Be friendly unto me! For I am the servant of the same! The true worshipper of Satan/Lucifer In glory and power exalted, of the kingdom of the south.”

  “Oh…” I say as soon as she finished. While I still didn't understand it, at least I know what the language is.

  “Go forth as one, keep each other strong in Satan as you now walk together on the Left Hand Path. May Satan grant you many blessings along the way! Ave Satanas!!

  I watch as Ryan repeats her final words and I mirror him. Again I have no idea what they meant, other than it being another way of worshipping the asshole we were doing all of this for and this time I didn’t even want to know. I'll just play along with their stupid tradition and in the end I’d have Ryan.

  She picks up the bell and repeating the same motion as she’d done at the beginning, she clicked her nails against it, causing it to ring out. With the final sound of the ring permeating through my head, I’m overcome with a sense of finality. We were one step closer to the end. Gulping down the lump in my throat I take a chance and look at Ryan.

  He may have never done this before, but he has to know what’s up next. I need him to tell me, otherwise I wasn't sure I could go through with it. My fear is finally getting the better of me.

  For the first time in my life, the end is in sight and there’s nothing I can do about it.