Into The Deep

by T A. McKay

  We arrived back at my apartment, with the plan to drop me off so Mason could just take his car home. Without much surprise, Mason thought the chance that the alcohol was still in his system was very high, and neither of us wanted to risk him driving home just yet. So here we sit, at my kitchen table drinking coffee. I take a large drink of my caramel mocha with a sigh. Every time I drink a mug of this now I think about Rocco and his unsweetened tea. I smile to myself, wishing again that he was here.

  “I doubt very much that I'm the one putting the smile on your face just now. As much as I know you love my company, I haven’t said anything remotely amazing. At least within the last few minutes” He watches me over the top of his mug as my smile widened of its own accord.

  “I doubt there would be anything you could say to put this kind of smile on my face.” I try hard to remove the smile from my lips but I fail.

  “Ah. So it’s Mr Cole that you are thinking about. I only know because he was walking about yesterday with the same goofy smile.”

  “It’s not goofy! You have to be nice to me, do you not remember what I just saved you from? I can easily take you back to her.” I resist the urge to stick my tongue out at him. But it’s good to know that I'm not the only one who can’t hide their happiness. Mason laughs at my little childish outburst. And again, I have to resist the urge to stick my tongue out. Instead, I glare at him the best I can which isn’t working out the best with a huge grin on my face.

  “Hey don’t shoot the messenger, and for what my opinion is worth, I’m happy that he finally has a goofy smile on his face. He has been putting off living for so long, to see him happy makes an old man like me happy.” He winks but I can see beneath the silly demeanour, he was telling the truth about his happiness for Rocco. As much as he acts the joker he really does care for him.

  “Was it bad? With Elle I mean?” The smile slips from Masons lips.

  “So he told you about her?” His voice has taken on a serious tone, and if I'm not wrong there is a hint of anger in there. I haven’t often seen Mason angry but every time he speaks about Elle he seems to let some show.

  “A little. Nothing big, I just know that she left him with some messed up ideas about himself.”

  “Yeah that's just the tip of the iceberg, Makenzie. What she put him through, and believe me when I say, I don’t think I know half of what went on, but the way she fucked with his head was beyond words. There were times that I wanted to throw a punch at her, and I would never lay my hands on a woman.” I couldn’t help but wonder what he had witnessed. If he felt so passionate about his hate for Elle, it must have been worse than I imagined.

  “What happened to him, Mason? Can you tell me anything?” He looks at me as though trying to decide if he should share anything of Rocco’s tale. With an almost unnoticeable nod of his head, he must have made his decision.

  “As I say, I didn’t see it all. I only saw the stuff that happened at the hospital, before and after he woke up. I swear I don’t know how she didn’t destroy him completely. Elle used to tell him that she couldn’t believe that she was stuck with him, that he was useless and no one would ever want him. The times I used to catch her, war would break out between us. Rocco would always stand behind her, saying she was going through a lot, that it was his fault she was like that. It used to drive me insane.” A lump the size of a massive boulder formed in my throat. I can’t believe that she could treat him like that, after him going through so much after the accident. Instead of helping him recover she tried to destroy him.

  “He keeps telling me he’s broken, that he’s not enough for me.”

  “Well, I see you’ve had a conversation with Elle. That's the shit she filled his head with, but I see you getting through to him. This is the first time in so long that I see him wanting more. See him wanting to spend time with someone, and not just as a friend. And it’s good to finally see him get some action, well…almost. I’ve been telling him since she left that he needs to get out there and have some fun.”

  “What made her finally leave?” This is the answer that I have always wanted to know. What made her stick around to do nothing more than abuse him every way she could? If she had been that unhappy, why didn’t she just leave after the accident? What was the point of staying around to be nothing more than a colossal bitch??

  “He recovered.” Of all the answers I could and would have expected this wasn’t even on the same page as them.

  At my confused face, Mason continues.

  “She didn’t look like the poor girlfriend anymore. He was walking again, and on the swim team. No one would ever guess what he had gone through, so she stopped looking like the saint for sticking with him. The positive attention faded away and everyone’s focus was on supporting Rocco—not her. Elle finally decided since she couldn’t be the fuckin’ centre of attention that there was no point sticking around. So she decided that the man she had been screwing since just before the accident could offer her more than Rocco.” Oh my God.

  “She was cheating on him while he recovered? How could she?”

  “But, what’s even worse,” He leans in close and whispers to me like he is telling me a secret.

  “He knew.” He knew? Dozens of questions buzzed around my head that I needed a second to get them straight before I could finally speak.

  “He knew? And he stayed with her?! I can’t believe he put himself through that, how much he must have suffered knowing that she was with someone else, getting the one thing he couldn’t give.”

  “Breathe, Makenzie. Just breathe. Don’t give her a thought now. I don’t think he has seen her since she walked out, I don’t think he even knows where she is. You can’t let her come between the both of you, if you do then everything she worked for happens. He’ll be alone. Let me ask you a question, would you let your ex come between you and Rocco?” I try to calm down. The anger that’s running through my body at this moment actually shocks me a little.

  “No, Carl would get nowhere near my relationship. Him or the bitch he’s with.” I can see the point Mason is trying to make, we both have exes and we cant let them determine our lives now, but it’s hard to just ignore what Rocco has gone through at the hands of Elle. I honestly don’t want to think about what I would do to her if I ever met her.

  “Exactly. Just focus on the here and now. Rocco is crazy about you, anyone with eyes can see that.”

  “He really likes me?”

  “Ah, so we are on another fishing expedition are we?” I reach out and punch Mason on the arm.

  “No you idiot. It’s just nice to hear it from someone else. He has only ever mentioned it at…well at certain times.”

  Shut up, shut up, shut up! I need to learn when to stop speaking. I really didn’t want to lead the conversation this way. If there is one topic I don’t want to talk about with Mason, it’s what happened…or nearly happened in Rocco’s office.

  “I can totally imagine what times those must be,” He winks at me and I feel instant heat in my cheeks. He reaches over and puts his arm around my shoulder, pulling me to his side.

  “But I need to say. What I walked in on yesterday, which I never want to see every again by the way. Do you know I had to wash my eyes with soap after seeing Rocco half naked?” He fakes a shudder and I slap him in the chest. Remembering vividly that Rocco wasn’t the only one that was half naked. I close my eyes and hope that this is all a dream.

  “What I caught you doing, as much as it disturbed me, it also made me really happy. I want him to be happy. He is family, and I need him to be ok. So keep doing what your doing for my boy, whatever it is, its working.” I stand making Mason’s arm drop from my shoulder, and head over to the sink to rinse my mug. I hear the words he’s saying, I can understand them. But it leaves me with the one question that I am always left with. Without looking at him I ask,

  “Well if he likes me so much, then why does he run from me every time we get close?” I am so frustrated that I slam my mug on the draining board a
little too hard.

  “Damnit!” I yell out, feeling the hot coffee burn the skin of my hand.

  “Whoa, what’s wrong? Are you ok?”

  “I am so sick of asking that question! I feel like I have asked it a million times already and I am still no closer to getting a goddamn answer!” I hear Mason laughing behind me. I turn until I'm facing him and lean my hips back onto the sink, crossing my arms against my chest.

  “I'm glad I amuse you.” This time I didn’t even try to keep the frustration out of my voice.

  “For being really smart, your really are stupid aren’t you, Makenzie?” I tilt my head to the side and size him up. I am pretty sure if I started pounding on him, I could hurt him quite a bit before he managed to stop me.

  “You just don’t see it do you? Seriously, both of you need your fucking heads bashed together.”

  “God! You really can be such a douchebag sometimes! You need to make whatever point your trying to make, I’m about a minute away from throwing your arse out. Tell me or take your unhelpful, jerky comments and leave.”

  “Touchy! But my point is, if he weren’t with you to begin with he wouldn’t be able to run away from you. He keeps coming back to you, he just can’t stop himself. He is trying so hard not to want you, but he can’t lie to himself.”

  I realise what he is saying is true. If Rocco wasn’t here, trying to have, whatever this is with me, he wouldn’t be able to run. I feel my shoulders relax a little as I let his words work through my mind.

  “Fine. I hear what you’re saying and you have a point. But you’re still a douchebag.” He laughs at me again but despite my attempts to be mad—I just couldn’t anymore, and joined in with a laugh.

  “Yes, Makenzie. Yes I am.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Today’s the day.

  Rocco comes home tonight and I’m so excited. I feel like a teenager going on her first date again. I haven’t been able to calm my nerves all day, I think I have chosen three… no four different outfits. It isn’t really a date tonight, we have planned to just go to his house and watch a movie or something. Tomorrow though, there is a big event that Rocco has invited me to go with him as his date, and I can’t wait. A chance to get dressed up and to go out on his arm sounds like a dream come true. We just need to get through tonight first.

  After the extra long shower I took, making sure everything was clean and…trimmed, my skin needed some hydrating lotion. Never before had I paid so much attention to making sure every little bit of my skin was covered, but I was so nervous. I wasn’t going over to his house planning on anything actually happening, but I know that every time that we get close to each other, it’s really hard to control the chemistry between us. I look over the clothes lying on my bed that I have chosen for tonight and smile a little.

  They’re sexy, in a subtle way, or at least I certainly hoped so. I have chosen my favourite blue maxi dress, it really is my go-to outfit when I want to look great. It is electric blue with really big flowers all over it, matching that with a pair of silver gladiator sandals and you have a winner every time. I’ve let my hair dry naturally which always resulted in a small curl forming on the ends of it. I want to be the picture of relaxed tonight so I keep my make up to the bare minimum, a little mascara and a little bit of red gloss to give my lips a bit of a pop. Standing back and examining myself in the mirror, I'm not a big-headed person, but I think the final result looked great. I just prayed Rocco would agree with me.

  I had paced nervously between my front door and the window that looked onto the street, waiting for Rocco to pick me up. Even though he had text to say he was on his way, there was always a little part of me that worried he wouldn’t turn up. He arrived about ten minutes after his message. I had watched him turn into my street before grabbing my bag and rushing down the stairs.. He had said he didn’t want me to have to get a taxi to his house so he would be there. When he pulled up at the kerb and he was driving a sleek black Lexus LFA, I thought I might pass out when I say it. One thing that Rocco didn’t know about me yet was my love of cars. Earlier in the week Masons car had fulfilled my love of fast ‘ boys toys’ cars, but this car screamed pure sex. Slipping into the passenger seat I had to hold in a groan of appreciation, the luxury that this car had was beyond words. I never thought I would be in one of these cars, since they cost more than my yearly salary, but here with Rocco I was fulfilling the dream I had always had, with a guy who I had never even dreamt possible.

  The drive to Rocco’s house had been relaxed. I thought that after what happened last time we were together, it might be slightly uncomfortable but it wasn’t. Chatting about his time away with work, made the distance to Rocco’s house pass quickly and as we pulled up outside I was left a bit shocked by what I saw. His house is larger than I expected, it really does make my apartment look like a shoebox. Walking around the car Rocco opens my car door, taken my hand and led me into the house.

  The inside is as impressive as the outside, it oozes class just like its owner. The rooms were large and open, with lots of space to move around in. It is decorated in muted tones and looks like something from a magazine, it makes me wonder if he decorated it himself. Sitting in his living room, on his large comfortable sofas, I can’t tear my eyes from him as he brings a variety of food from the kitchen and places them on his coffee table. I had offered to help but he had shooed me away, telling me to let him take care of everything. When Rocco finally sits down next to me and hands me a glass of rose wine, I take a look over all the food. There is a huge amount of it, enough to easily feed another four people.

  “Did you buy enough for us to eat?” I ask and he blushes slightly. I really do love it when he does that, it makes him look so much more innocent than I know he is. It also makes me wonder where else might be red, but thoughts like that will get me nowhere today.

  “I know. I got to the shop and realised that I don’t actually know what you like to eat. So I just went to the deli and bought some antipasto, hoping that you would at least like a few things I got.” I reach over and place my hand on his. I have wanted to touch him since he picked me up, but other than the little kiss when he arrived at my door there’s been nothing.

  “It looks great, thank you.” I smile at him and pick up a plate.

  “So what do we have?”

  Sitting back on the sofa, I don’t think I will be able to move again. I have eaten so much and I just want to sleep.

  “Where do you put it all, Makenzie? I swear you ate three times more than me.” I would throw a cushion at him but I can’t make myself move.

  “No I didn’t. I’m a lady, I don’t eat enough to keep a bird alive.” A deep laugh reaches my ears and I smile. Rolling my head to the side, I look over at his beautiful face. We have been getting closer to each other, with little touches here and there. These little fleeting touches have turned me on more than most of the foreplay that I’ve had in the past. While eating we stuck with only discussing generic topics, nothing too deep but we had a good laugh at Mason’s misfortune. I had great delight in telling Rocco everything about his ‘sexcapade gone wrong’; especially the fact that Mason never did get his wallet back.

  Rocco’s laughter dies on his lips as we stare at each other. I don’t think I will ever get bored looking at this man. He is left with that smile I love, the one that pulls more on the left side of his lips and makes his eyes sparkle.

  “You really do have the most beautiful smile.” Oh God. I think I just said that out loud.

  “Shit. Did I just say that out loud?” Rocco laughs, leaning closer to me.

  “I can’t lie, Makenzie. You did just say that out loud.” I groan, making the decision to stop drinking wine.

  “But its ok, because I think your smile is beautiful too.” He finally closes the distance between us, placing his lips on mine. I close my eyes again, losing myself to everything except the feel of his soft lips on mine. The kiss is soft and it makes me ache in places that desperately crave his attent
ion. When his tongue slips into my mouth, I almost listen to the inner voices that tell me to take him. Now. He pulls back, giving me another sweet peck.

  “As much as I would love to keep kissing you, we promised to talk tonight.” I sigh, already missing the feeling of his mouth on mine but I knew this talk was the most important thing right now. The whole reason we agreed to meet tonight was to clear the air, get everything out and move on. I lower my head to his shoulder.

  “Yeah I know.”

  “I need to tell you, Makenzie. It’s the only way I can leave it behind, and the only way you will be able to decide if you want to be with me.”

  “Rocco, I don’t need to know about your past to know I want to be with you. I would love to know what is keeping you from me, so maybe I can help you move past it. But know that I like the man you are now, no matter what. I’m hoping that one of the times I tell him this, he will actually hear me.

  His past had shaped him, but it didn’t define him.

  “I hope you still feel that way once you know.” He takes a deep breath, almost as if he trying to steel himself for what he is going to dive into. I try to mentally prepare myself, I know it’s going to be awful; the things that Mason has told me made me want to cry, and I have a feeling that they are a drop in the ocean compared to what is about to come out of Rocco’s mouth.

  “I met Elle when I first bought the garage, it wasn’t a shop at the time but I had my plan all set out with Mason. She appeared in my life like the sun on a cloudy day, she just brightened everything. She helped break through all the stress I was dealing with, with all the work going on. I think she was the one who actually swept me off my feet. Mason knew of her reputation and told me not to get too serious but I didn’t listen, in fact I did the opposite. We moved so fast, now I can see that she was always pushing for the next step, but at the time I thought it all felt right. When the garage was finally finished, it took off better than either Mason or I could have dreamed. We were the only custom bike shop in the area so we were always busy, once our name got out we had people travelling long distances to use us. It was the ultimate dream come true.” He looks genuinely happy. It was obviously they had worked so hard to make his business the success that it is now.