Caught In Flames

by Natalia Banks

  “Gram, stop !”

  “Get out, get out, get out !”

  “It’s me, Gram, it’s me, it’s Sarina !”

  Billie froze, holding the cane with both hands as she looked back at Sarina as if waking up from a nightmare. She looked at the cane in her hand, then back at Sarina, who held her hand out to calm her old grandmother .

  “Gram, you see? It’s me, it’s just me. It’s Sarina, your granddaughter .”

  “My…my granddaughter .”

  “That’s right, Gram. I’m Sarina Dunne, your granddaughter .”

  “Sarina,” Billie repeated in a daze .

  “That’s right, Gram. And who are you?” Billie stood there, confused by the question before Sarina repeated, “Who are you, Gram? What’s your name ?”

  Billie gave it some thought, glancing around the room as if the answer were written on the walls or the floor or the ceiling. The fear in Billie’s eyes told Sarina that the answers weren’t there, not even in poor Billie’s twisted imagination .

  Sarina stood there helplessly as terror overtook Billie’s withered expression, even greater than before. Sarina suspected that it was the truth of Billie’s own delirium which had finally overtaken her, besieged by a reality she could no longer digest or control or endure, one more great leap into madness .

  Billie screamed out again, eyes wide, mouth gaping, strings of saliva connecting her upper teeth to her lower .

  Sarina reached for the cane again, but it caught her on the thumb and pushed her thumb back, the sting of its dislocation from the socket shooting straight up Sarina’s arm. It was so sharp and electric, shaking her body and creating a new and overwhelming nausea which nearly made her pass out. Sarina grabbed the wrist of her stricken hand .

  Billie hit her again, the end of the handle conking Sarina on the forehead and sending her tumbling backward. She reached out from pure instinct, her back hitting the wall of the narrow hallway before she slid down to the floor, hitting the floorboards hard. Pain shot up from Sarina’s tailbone, racing over her spine and coiling in the back of her neck .

  “Gram!” Sarina looked up, squinting through the pain, her head throbbing, to see Billie dropping the walking stick and waddling out the front door, hands near the sides of her head, quivering as she shrieked in a mad dash to escape her present, her future, her granddaughter, herself .

  “Gram, stop!” But Billie was already gone. Sarina winced with pain and pushed herself up, out from the corner, hands against the floor, back against the wall, twisting to find her balance. Once she was on her feet, keeping that balance was another matter. A rush to her head created a dizziness that almost put Sarina right back onto the floor. But she pushed through it, wincing and pressing the ball of her palm against her pounding skull. “Gram,” she called before stumbling out the front door after her grandmother .

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Sarina

  S arina nearly tripped over Billie’s discarded walking stick and stumbled out onto the porch. She looked down the three big steps to the street, relieved not to see Billie’s body crumpled and lifeless at the bottom after a terrible but inevitable fall. She looked down the street in both directions, catching just a glimpse of Billie as she waddled into a sloppy left turn down the next street one block down, holding the same side of the street .

  “Gram!” Sarina called. “Hey, somebody stop that old lady !”

  Sarina ran down the stairs, her legs wobbly, her feet sliding down the last steps to leave her teetering as she righted herself and went running down the street in Billie’s direction. She wanted to call out, but with Billie already around the corner, it made just as much sense not to waste her energy or confuse things further .

  Sarina weaved through the pedestrians, running around two kids holding a jump rope so a third could jump double-dutch. The rope swiped Sarina on the side, catching on her already throbbing hand and sending pain stinging up her arm. She ran harder and faster around the corner, heart pounding, mouth dry .

  But around that corner, her legs froze too fast while her body flung forward. A hotdog cart sat, unexpectedly popular with a long line of pedestrians. Sarina crashed into them, knocking several people over and smashing into the cart, pushing it off its mark. She bent over it, the wind knocked out of her lungs. The cart leaned backward a bit with the force of the collision, but the vendor pushed the cart back to right it, four wheels on the sidewalk .

  The vendor shouted at Sarina, “Hey, what’s the matter with you ?”

  “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry .”

  “What are ya,” one of the customers from the shattered line spat out at Sarina, “on drugs ?”

  “I’m really sorry,” Sarina said, trying to push through the crowd .

  But the vendor grabbed her right upper arm. “Where’re you goin’? You damaged my cart; you owe me money !”

  Another person in line said, “I think I hurt my back. You better have insurance. My father’s an attorney… He’ll sue you !”

  Sarina screamed, “Let me go!” and yanked her arm out of the vendor’s hands. She ran through the crowd, pushing them even farther out of the way as necessary. Every second was working against her and against Billie. She ignored their shouts and insults as she ran down the street, all her focus fixed on finding Billie, before it was too late .

  Sarina spotted Billie’s back as she turned another corner at the end of the block. Have to catch her before she falls and breaks her hip or has a heart attack !

  “Gram,” she cried out, “Gram, stop!” But Billie kept going, disappearing around another corner and bidding Sarina to follow. Sarina did, breathing getting harder, more strained. She ran across the busy street, cars screeching to a halt as they came within inches of striking her. Sarina froze in the middle of the street like a panicked gerbil until the cars stopped, idling in the street while their drivers stuck their heads out their windows and screamed things at Sarina that no young woman should have to hear .

  But Sarina’s legs resumed pumping beneath her and threw her body forward, following Billie around yet another corner. Lord, let me get to her in time !

  Sarina ran, slipping on the grime of an oil stain on the street, falling forward and hitting her injured hand even more. But it didn’t stop her, Sarina’s legs pushing her up once more, turning that corner to hopefully find Billie in a crowd of concerned pedestrians, safe and sound .

  Instead, she was running out into the middle of another crowded boulevard .

  The tires of the yellow Volkswagen bug screeched—a loud and terrible cry. Billie turned to see the car racing at her, but her eyes overshot to lock onto Sarina’s. The two women were yards apart, but Sarina still reached out as if she could grab her grandmother and pluck her in rescue from the jaws of death .

  But she couldn’t .

  Thump!

  The little car hit Billie hard, her body folding forward to smack against the hood and windshield of the car. The skidding car stopped after having hit Billie, and its sudden lack of momentum sent Billie flying forward. Her body didn’t seem to resist—no stumbling or reaching out. Her limbs were limp, her torso twisting with the greater energy of the collision and its aftermath. There was nothing Billie could do to preserve her own life, and she seemed not only to realize that but to accept it .

  “Gram!” The word ripped out of Sarina’s mouth, tearing flesh, curdling blood, splitting her ears and her soul .

  Billie rolled on the street behind the car in front of the Volkswagen and finally came to a halt. Pedestrians gasped and gaped; cars froze on the street around her. Sarina shoved the gawkers aside, making her way through the quickly thickening crowd to her grandmother and the last survivor of the family’s previous generations .

  The crowd backed up, sad faces looming around them as Sarina fell to her knees. Sarina wanted to scoop Billie up into her arms, but she knew her grandmother’s neck could be broken, and to move her could be deadly .

  But Billie looked up at Sarina, eyebrows a
rching sadly as her old, frail arms reached up, her fingers grabbing Sarina’s shirt at the shoulders. Billie climbed up into Sarina’s embrace, and Sarina took her in, arms holding her, Sarina’s body gently rocking the old woman, now little more than an infant, as close to the other side as she’d been since the day of her birth almost seventy years before .

  Both women seemed to know there wouldn’t be another year for Willamena Dunne .

  “I’m so sorry,” Billie said, a voice both cracking and pleading. “I’m so sorry, Sarina .”

  “You…you know me ?”

  “Of course I know you,” Billie said, eyes peering up and locking on Sarina’s, tears collecting over those graying pupils. “You’re my beautiful granddaughter, you hung the moon. I love you…so much .”

  A grateful tear pushed out of the corner of Sarina’s eye, and she knew it wouldn’t be alone for long. “I love you too, Gram — ”

  Billie smiled. “No, no, you…you should hate me, you should hate me ! ”

  “No, Gram, never, I’d never hate you. I love you, Gram…you hung the moon !”

  “No,” Billie shook her head with a shuddering urgency, “I-I cheated you of your youth; I was a burden — ”

  “No, Gram, you never were.” Tears streamed down Sarina’s face .

  “I was,” Billie insisted. “But I never meant to be; I didn’t! You have to believe me, Sarina; please believe me !”

  “I do,” Sarina said, choking back tears. “I know you never meant to be that, and you weren’t!” Police sirens bled into the distance and were steadily getting louder. Sarina knew one would be an ambulance .

  “I should have died, I should have died years ago. I wish I had !”

  Tears began rolling down Sarina’s cheeks, her brows arching, her heart aching. “No, Gram, no — ”

  “It’s okay, Sarina, it’s okay…I won’t bother you anymore, I won’t burden you …”

  “Shshshshsh, Gram, stop talking; you need to save your strength .”

  “For what?” Billie kept shaking her head, eyes drifting away from Sarina’s and to a spot on the sidewalk behind Sarina. Sarina stroked Billie’s cheeks, the dew from her dying tears streaking over her wrinkled skin, leaving a sad and salty film on Sarina’s thumb and fingers. Billie’s attention was fixed on that spot, her hand reaching out past Sarina’s shoulder .

  Sarina couldn’t miss the sympathetic faces surrounding them, people clinging to one another as the sirens got louder, cars jamming up the traffic on the street. One eager Good Samaritan started guiding the cars around Sarina and Billie to clear a path .

  “Okay everybody,” a familiar voice said, “Seattle P.D., step aside please.” Officer Leanett Coleman pushed through the crowd, looking down at Sarina and Billie with sad recognition. “Oh, you two…” Officer Coleman stepped back, easing the crowd away, knowing there was little she could do but watch and wait and hope the ambulance got there in time .

  Sarina’s attention was on Billie, reclined in her lap. But Billie was still looking over Sarina’s shoulder at some fixed point behind her. Billie nodded, a smile breaking out across her face. She waved her hand, frail and quivering, a smile wriggling its way onto her face .

  “Gram? Gram, what is it ?”

  Billie said, “Look! See? I told you, I told you they’d be back !”

  Sarina turned to see another cluster of sorrowful onlookers, ready to weep, sharing muted utterances of doom and depression, shaking their heads, some turning away in shame and in pity. Sarina turned back to Billie in her arms, head on her lap. “Yes, yes,” Billie said, nodding and smiling with greater strength, her shivering hand becoming a more energetic wave. “I will, of course I will !”

  Sarina said, “Gram?” while looking back and forth .

  “It’s your parents, Sarina; can’t you see them? They’re finally back from Oregon! You remember, they took that trip down to Eugene!” Sarina looked back again to see that she was hallucinating, that only a crowd of miserable strangers stood to witness Billie’s heartbreaking reunion. Sarina turned back to Billie, who said again, “You see them, right ?”

  Tears rolled down Sarina’s cheeks, her brows arching up into her forehead. “I do, Gram, I do. They’re standing right there !”

  “Well of course they are!” Billie looked back at where the imagined pair of Carl and Shiela Dunne would have been standing. Sarina could picture them standing there, resplendent in their peak, smiling, hair windswept, arm-in-arm with the glow of eternal rest and glory. Billie said, “Yes, I will, I will,” attracting Sarina’s tearful attention. Billie looked from them to Sarina, her smile melting away to another pitiful plea. “They came for me,” Billie said, “just like I said they would. I knew they’d come back for me, back from Oregon .”

  Sarina could hardly breathe, gasps of sorrow consuming her calm exterior, tears free flowing, sniffles coming faster and louder and more erratic as her lungs cramped and quivered .

  “They’re here to take me home, Sarina! Isn’t that wonderful? Finally, after all this time, they’ve come back for me.” She looked down at Billie, a twisted smile finding its way onto Sarina’s reddening face, tears coming faster as destiny wrapped its fingers around Willamena Dunne once and for all. But it was not a grasping fist, but a delivering hand—a sweet chariot swinging low to deliver her to a better place, where her happiness would abound and her madness would not even be a memory, nor would her memories be a madness .

  “I know,” Sarina said, praying her misery was disguised by her resolve and her boundless love. “I know they are, Gram, and that’s so wonderful .”

  “It really is,” Billie said, the sirens stopping as the flashing lights bled into Sarina’s tear-streaked vision. Billie reached up, putting her own hand on Sarina’s as it caressed her cheek. Their hands touched—a fleeting moment of reunion .

  Sarina said, “I’m so happy for you, Gram. I knew they’d come; I knew you were right all along .”

  Billie clung to Sarina’s shirt, bony fingers stronger than ever. “I want to go with them, Sarina. I want to go home.” Billie was crying now too, both women looking at each other for what would be the last time for a long time. “Please,” Billie said through her panted last breaths, “please…can I go with them? Please can I go home now ?”

  Sarina could barely speak, and the words she knew she’d have to say brought her a torturous relief she could not comprehend. But she gave herself up to it. There was no more time for understanding or thinking, for reason or rhyme. This was a time to cry, to love, and to say good-bye .

  “Yes, Gram.” Sarina said, lower lip pushing against the upper, “Yes, Gram, go. Go home now. Go to them; I want you to .”

  Billie Dunne smiled with the last of her strength. “You’re sure…you’ll be okay ?”

  “Of course,” was all Sarina could think to say, “thanks to you, I will. And I’ll always be with you, and I know you’ll always be with me .”

  “I will,” Billie said with her last breaths, “I always will, but I want to go home now .”

  Sarina’s tears almost blinded her, trickling over her quivering lips. “Go now, Gram, go with them. They came all the way to get you, to take you home. Go and be happy forever, happy with our family. They’re waiting, Gram, and they love you so much; they’ll be so glad that you’re with them—one big happy family .”

  “Yes,” Billie said, her hand slipping away from off Sarina’s, falling to her chest as it heaved one last time, her eyes staring out into a beautiful eternity, hard-earned and well-savored. “Good-bye, Sarina .”

  “Good-bye, Gram…good-bye .”

  Billie seemed to get heavier in a subtle moment, her stillness and steady gaze overcoming the crowd, who released a communal gasp of sympathetic sorrow. Sarina reached over and closed Billie’s eyes for what would be the last time. She started rocking the body of her grandmother, tears coming faster and harder, inspiring louder, greater sobs .

  The sirens had stopped and the crowd to the right of Sarina
and Billie parted. But instead of police or paramedics, Sarina turned to see Ty kneeling next to her, a sad frown on his handsome face. He sank to Sarina’s side and lowered his face to nuzzle with hers, a wordless salute to what they both knew would be their lives spent together, in praise of her lost grandmother, and in pursuit of the love and happiness of generations to come. The memories of those who’d gone before never to be forgotten or dishonored. It was the last moment of Willamena Dunne’s life, but it was in many ways the first moment of Sarina and Ty’s life, one they would never regret or forget; like the bittersweet triumph of Billie herself, Sarina and the Kings’ joy had risen from the ashes of loss, and would fly high forevermore .

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Sarina

  T he wind off The Sound was refreshing, a spring break in a long and rainy season. It had been a time of gloom and rain, but that rain had also been a baptism, a christening of renewal: new life, new hope .

  Ty was resplendent in his uniform—a prince among men. Jesse was adorable in a yellow dress, the flower pedal basket still in her hands, a broad smile stretched across her beaming face .

  “And do you, Sarina Kaye Dunne, take this Tyler Ozymandias King to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, to be faithful and loyal for as long as you both shall live ?”

  Sarina looked up into Ty’s eyes, sparkling blue under just a hint of his blond hair. Every bit of his commitment shone behind those eyes—that magnificent soul which he’d given over to her, and she was anxious to return the promise and solidify the bond .

  “I do,” she said as he slipped that gold ring over her finger, warmed by his hand, forged by their love .

  Pastor Jack Davis stood in front of the bride and groom, a Bible in his hands. “Then by the power vested in me by the great State of Washington, I happily pronounce you man and wife. You may now kiss the bride .”

  They did kiss, a supple touching of lips and lives, a conjoining of spirits and souls, a coupling of two destinies into one. The crowd clapped, Simon and Pat and the others from the fire department on one side. In the corner of her eye, Sarina noticed Simon and Pat exchanging a loving kiss of their own, and Sarina couldn’t help but smile .