After the Pain

by Gia Riley

  “I thought we’re forgetting the rules?”

  I laugh at him and go take my shower. Washing Colby’s touch off my body is the first thing I need to do before Sean gets any other crazy ideas. I’m not sure if he’s serious or not, but I’ll let him take the lead and find out.

  I’m just about to finish up when the curtain opens and Sean steps under the warm spray of water with me. I help him wash his hair and then take my time washing every inch of his body. “Hallie, you’re making it really hard to stick to the plan right now.”

  “So you are still following the rules, then?” My hands continue their soapy journey across his back and down the sides of his legs. He reaches back and fiddles with the faucet. Ice cold water shoots out of the shower head causing me to yelp and practically fall out of the shower. Thankfully the shower curtain rod is sturdy and can handle me hanging on to the curtain while I try to find my footing.

  I’m shivering and moving to get my towel in slow motion. All my muscles are locking up from the chilly water temperature. Sean’s standing perfectly still inside the shower, letting the frigid flow run over his head and down his body. Just when I think he must be turning into an ice cube, the water shuts off. He steps out and reaches for his own towel. I love the way he does a quick swipe over his face and hair before slinging it around his trim waist. Droplets of water are still covering his chest. I’m busy watching each one slide down his chest, wishing I could experience a journey like that myself. Am I really jealous of water right now? Yes, yes I am!

  Sean snickers at me before putting his fingers under my chin and forcing me to remove my eyes from his chest. “I’m up here, babe. And yes, the rules are still in place.”

  “I know where you are. You’re standing right in front of me.” I try to blow off his insulation that I was gawking at his body. I’m a weak woman though. His lips look a little blue so I kiss him to warm them up. Surely kissing isn’t part of the agreement.

  “No way, woman. I had a moment of weakness when I saw you, but I’m still waiting until you’re my wife. A promise is a promise and I made a damn good one.”

  He’s right about that. “If you insist. You’re loss.” I flick my wet locks over my shoulder and sashay out into the bedroom. He’s following closely behind watching my swaying hips. Running a brush through my hair, I drop my towel and decide to challenge him one last time. Without putting anything on my body, I slip into bed. “You okay, babe?” I innocently ask while trying not to laugh at his wandering eyes. It’s killing him to not touch me.

  He tips his head back and groans. The towel slung around his hips falls to the floor and he pounces on the bed, covering me with his entire body. “Fuck the rules. But just so you know, tonight will be tame compared to what I’m going to do to you tomorrow.”

  Nodding my head in understanding, I have no words. While he couldn’t stick to his first promise, he won’t let it happen again. Thankfully, he’s been known to learn from his mistakes. Another point in his favor and an advantage for me.

  Sean is without a doubt my forever and I can’t wait to marry him tomorrow. We can stay up all night if it means he’ll keep kissing every inch of my body. Our dreams may be sweet but our passion is even sweeter.

  OPENING MY EYES, I LOOK around the room sleepily. I’m tired, but excited it’s my wedding day. Holy shit! I’m getting married today! I squeal under the covers and kick my legs. When my arm reaches Sean’s side of the bed and it’s cool to the touch, I sit up searching for him. The bathroom door is open and the light is off. He’s not in there.

  On his pillow is a note with a tiny jewelry box lying next to it. Sitting myself up against the headboard, I grab my glasses off the nightstand since I’m blind without my contacts and read the words.

  Good morning, beautiful. I got up early and went to Alex’s house with the hope that I could still give you some of the tradition we talked about. I watched you sleep for a while this morning and realized how lucky I am to get to call you my wife today. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t thank God for you, baby. I love you with all my heart and seeing you walking down the aisle to me will move right alongside the birth of our daughter as the best moment of my life. Everything we’ve been though has made this day ten times more special for us. Thank you for believing in me when it was tough and thank you for trusting me with your heart when it seemed impossible.

  In the box you will find an angel necklace for Hope to wear today and a matching one for you to hold onto for another day. I wanted my two angels to know how much I love them. Thank you for her, Hallie. Along with your heart, she’s the greatest gift you could ever have blessed me with.

  I love you.

  Crying my eyes out at his sweet words, I run into Hope’s room and pluck her from her crib. She’s awake and I’m probably freaking her out, but I need to kiss her cheeks. I silently cry against her head as I sway back and forth with her body in my arms. I’m the blessed one, Sean.

  “Oh hell, you read the note I take it,” Alex asks.

  Laughing I pull away from Hope, her fine hair is stuck to my wet cheek. “Yeah. I got it. When did you get here?”

  “The man’s a hot mess, Hallie. He pulled me out of bed because he’s worried you might push his letter off the bed in your sleep and think he went running for the hills.” I smile while picturing him frantically telling Alex to get his ass over here. He also knows how much I need my best friend today. “Hand over my little woman. She missed me I can tell.”

  Handing Hope over, I watch her coo away at Alex’s silly faces. “How many gifts did you bring her today?” I swear every time he comes over here he has something for her, continuously spoiling her rotten. “Oh, look! Sean gave us these with his note. Aren’t they beautiful?”

  Alex inspects our gifts and shakes his head approvingly. “The man has excellent taste.”

  Before long, my house is bustling with family and friends. My mom has the kitchen filled with pastries, fruit, cereal, breads - pretty much anything and everything you might want to shove in your mouth. I go right for the mimosa, hoping to calm my nerves a little bit. Hope’s in her highchair covered in yogurt and oatmeal. Thankfully the men are on Hope duty while the ladies go to the salon to be beautified. I figured she’d be happier staying home and playing with her toys or napping instead of making her busy day even busier. If we can time her naps just right, she should be alert and happy for the ceremony.

  The salon is bustling yet feels very relaxing. I could almost fall asleep as my hair is getting done. Of course I don’t want to miss a moment of today. I’ve been told to treasure each moment because it will fly by so much faster than expected. I’ve also noticed a lot of internal reflection is taking place as well. As I sit here right now, in the salon chair, I think back to when I met Sean for the very first time.

  I sit in the hospital cafeteria and wait for Sean to come pick me up. I purchase two coffees one black and the other with cream and sugar. I can tolerate it either way so I’ll let him choose his favorite. I’m messing around on my phone checking out my Facebook feed when I feel a presence. Sitting across from me is a very handsome guy in a suit. He has sexy hair with a few messy pieces falling in just the right places to make his look appear effortless. His eyes are a crystal clear blue and are looking at me like I should know who he is, but I have no idea. I decide to stay quiet hoping this man is either lost or will throw me a clue as to who he is.

  “Hallie, right?”

  “Yup, I’m Hallie. Have we met before? “

  “No, we haven’t, but I’m Sean. Your ride for today and very charming seminar companion.”

  “No way. You’re not skeevy at all,” is the first thing that pops out of my mouth. Mortified by my rude outburst, I quickly try to cover my tracks and take it back. Knowing I’m too late by the curious smile on Sean’s face, I decide to come clean. “Sorry, that was rude. I may have pegged you for a much older toupee-wearing man with patches on his elbows and a pot belly. I apologize for my poor filter.
”

  Laughing his ass off, Sean shakes his head at me and I feel like I still have more explaining to do. Before I can get my next words out, he interrupts me. “Hallie, I would love to know how you came to that conclusion from my emails but let’s get going. Maybe I need to work on my writing skills. You can tell me all about it on the ride to the convention center. Sound good?”

  “Sure, let’s head out.” He takes my hand and helps me up out of my chair like a gentleman.

  “I have a feeling this is going to be the best business trip I have been on in a very long time,” Sean says, as we exit the corridor and head toward the parking garage.

  Snapping out of my memory of our first encounter, never in my wildest dreams did I imagine it would be him I’m about to marry. We had a great time at the conference that day, but went on to be co-workers and acquaintances. Sadly, it took tragedy to bring us together. Fate has a way of playing with the path we take. I know this better than most. In fact, it was a night I’ll never forget.

  Seeing my boyfriend, Ryan, being wheeled in the trauma bay of the ER was the most terrifying experience of my life. Nothing will ever compare to the feeling of helplessness that invaded every cell of my body. While God had other plans for my sweet Ryan, he also made sure to take care of me after he passed. I admit I was in a very dark place for a long time, unsure if I’d ever be excited about seeing the sunshine of a brand new day shining through my curtains. It’s impossible for me to ever understand why he was taken long before his time, but I have to hold onto the belief that while everything happens for a reason, his purpose on Earth was fulfilled. He taught me how to love myself. For that I’ll be forever grateful. I hold tight to the fact that he’s watching over my sweet baby girl from above.

  “You okay, sweetie?” My mom asks as she comes to check on my transformation progress. I wipe a stray tear from my cheek. All this reminiscing is catching up with me. “Yeah, mom. I’m good. Just thinking about the past.”

  “Don’t fear it honey. You’ve come so far. You have Hope, Sean, friends, and family who love you. Feel no guilt about living your life to the fullest. He would want nothing else for you than true happiness.” She squeezes my hand and lets me continue my moments of reflection. I know she’s right and that I have to let go of any lingering guilt about why I get to experience all this goodness while Ryan will never have a chance.

  My phone vibrates in my pocket distracting me. Alex sent me a picture of Hope passed out across my dad’s chest. My dad is also sound asleep and I’m a little surprised she can sleep through his snoring. I love watching my parents with my little girl. They’re memories I’ll treasure forever and give me a glimpse of what they must have been like with me when I was her age. I see I have another text from Sean. Instantly I smile.

  Sean: I love you.

  Hallie: Love you too.

  Sean: Whatcha doing?

  Hallie: At the salon. Thank you for my gift this morning.

  Sean: The first of many.

  Hallie: What do you mean?

  Sean: Turn around.

  What the hell is he up to now? Ohmigod! When my chair swivels around, I’m met with the most beautiful bouquet of flowers I’ve ever seen. Tulips, roses, peonies, orchids, and several other types of flowers I honestly don’t know the names of are filling a gorgeous glass vase. I pluck the card out of the arrangement and rip the envelope open.

  Baby, I love you with all my heart. Each one of these flowers represents how many times you’ve made my heart skip a beat since we’ve been together. If I could gather an entire field of flowers for you, I would. For now, these will have to do. Thank you for loving me unconditionally.

  I love you.

  Once again, tears are flowing from my eyes. It’s a good thing they haven’t done my make-up yet or I’d be getting it redone. I look up when the door chimes. I see the delivery man return with two more vases identical to the one I’m holding in my hands. He exits the salon and returns two more times before he’s finished. Seven vases of flowers are now lining the countertop in front of me symbolizing Sean’s love for me. Lucky number seven.

  I have to message Sean again. Alex would smack me if he saw me doing this.

  Hallie: I have no words, only tears.

  Sean: Don’t cry, beautiful.

  Hallie: Thank you.

  Sean: I wanted to replace your bad flower memories with good ones. When you see flowers, think of me and not the past.

  Hallie: Always.

  Another two hours and we’re loading all my treasures into the car. Thankfully we have enough hands to hold everything so there will be no spillage. I’m already feeling like a princess with my hair curled into long tendrils, a few pieces clipped up into the headpiece of my veil. Whatever make-up they used on my face I’ll need to go purchase after the wedding. I’ve never felt so glamorous in my life. Hopefully Hope’s awake so I can get her dressed as soon as we get back to the house.

  The house is lively when we get back. Lunch is being served by the catering company my mom hired. I’m thankful because I’m absolutely starving. There’s no way I can wait until dinnertime to indulge. I figure by this point, the dress isn’t going to get any looser so why starve myself and be miserable on my wedding day.

  When Alex finishes eating, he lets me know he’s running over to his house to meet up with the guys. I told him to stay there, but he insists on being with me today. Secretly, I was hoping he would stay with me even when I made the offer. He’s delivering my wedding gift to Sean and I’m nervous.

  One box holds two booklets I made because I’m crafty like that. The one lists all the reasons I love Sean and the other lists all the reasons why Hope loves her daddy. I like personal touches and wanted him to have a keepsake from our special day. The other box holds the skimpiest lingerie I could find with an equally naughty letter about what I plan to do to him while wearing said lingerie. He’s gonna kill me for getting him worked up, but I couldn’t resist. Alex has strict instructions as to where the gifts are to be opened. The last thing I need is for five dudes to get a glimpse at my attempt to be a seductress.

  The third box has a small velvet pouch inside containing two dog biscuits and a collar. I know Sean’s wanted to get a dog since we moved in together. Never being against the idea, I just asked that we wait until after the wedding and honeymoon so we would have time to train the dog the right way. We’ve been pretty stressed out with the plans as it is. So this gift is my way of saying I haven’t forgotten and as soon as we get back, he can have his pick of the litter.

  I also wrote him a letter.

  Our journey to one another has been filled with happiness and heartache, but through all of our ups and downs, you’re the man I’ve always dreamed I’d find. Our pasts were on a collision course long before we even knew one another existed because your love was meant for me. I promise to remind you every day how much I love you. Thank you for holding me when I cry, loving me when I’m a pain in the ass and for respecting me for the woman I am. You’ve already given me the greatest gift of all, our daughter, but I know the next fifty years will continue to be as big of a blessing as she has been.

  When you see me walking down the aisle to you, know that I’m thinking how hot you look and how much I want to rip your suit off. I also plan on being very creative with the contents of box number two. Requests are encouraged.

  I love you, babe. See you soon.

  As I run around the house making sure I have everything Hope and I need for the wedding, I hear my phone chime in my pocket. I’m sporting an adorable Bride to Be rhinestone hoodie that Amie bought for me. She’s wearing a matching bridesmaid version along with my sister. Of course Alex had to have a Man of Honor one minus the sparkle. While he’s not afraid to be bold with fashion choices, he usually sticks to the classics. None of which are bedazzled.

  Sean: Miss you babe. Soon…

  Hallie: I’m almost your wife!

  He’s killing me today with these sweet messages. It’s making me antsy
to get this show on the road. I’m still grinning like a fool when the call from Alex comes that the cabs are here. That’s Jersey for the limo has arrived.

  One by one we file out of the house and into the grandest car I’ve ever seen. Granted I’ve only been in one other limo on prom night, but this one is loaded! Hope’s immediately grabbing for everything within her grasp including the champagne flutes from the mini bar. We halt our trip to move her car seat to the other side of the car, far away from the booze.

  Chattering a mile a minute, I can tell my mom is beyond excited right now. My hands are getting cold along with the rest of my body despite my hoodie. I know it’s just my nerves playing games with my internal thermostat. My dad looks down at me and winks, squeezing my knee with reassurance that we can both survive the upcoming ceremony. I take his hand in mine and use him as an anchor for my fluttering stomach and anxious thoughts.

  Thankfully it’s a short ride to the church so I can resume busying myself with menial tasks. When I sit still, my thoughts tend to go wild about the reality of what I’m about to do. I’m next to the door, so I hop out just as the limo comes to a complete stop. Alex grabs Hope for me who is playing with his cufflinks. My girl knows expensive when she sees it. They were my gift to Alex for being my rock for so many years as well as my best man. I’m honored to have him standing next to me today.

  Once inside, I dress Hope first, careful not to snag her dress on my jewelry. Her angel necklace is in place, sparkling around her neck. My posse comes at me with my dress as soon as I stand up. Taking the deepest breathe possible, I undress and step into my gown. On my right side Amie is holding it to my boobs while my mom is zipping me up from behind. Alex is on my left side asking me something about the sticky shit I brought to hold my tits up. After dragging him to four stores at the mall, he wants to make sure I use the double sided tape. I can’t say I blame him.

  My mom stops mid zip to look at Alex like he has three heads. “The what?” she exclaims.