After the Pain

by Gia Riley

  We all start laughing and when we finally catch our breath, I explain “It’s double sided tape you can stick to your body and your dress so it stays in place and doesn’t fall down. It helps hold the girls in place too.”

  “No kidding,” She says in awe of this invention. “Does it work on the lower half?”

  Immediately our eyes shoot in her direction. She’s going to have to explain herself on this one. “Um. Which part, Mrs. D?” Alex asks cautiously.

  “These damn stockings won’t stay up,” she says in frustration.

  There’s a collective sigh amongst the group along with another fit of giggles. I’m finally zipped up and free to move about the room. My veil is in place along with my shoes. When I move in front of the mirror to take a look at the final product of everyone’s hard work, I can’t believe it. I feel absolutely beautiful for the first time in my life. There’s not a single thing I would change. Staring back at me is a confident woman who is ready to marry the love of her life. Without a shadow of a doubt, I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be in this very moment.

  I’m still staring in shock while the wedding planner begins giving instructions and putting people in their places. All the guests have been seated already. I see Hope’s reflection next to me. She’s crawled over to me and is flicking the side of my dress with her tiny fingers trying to grab the material. I carefully bend down to pick her up. Looking in the mirror at the two of us, the tears start to flow. “Look at us, baby. Are you ready to go marry your daddy?” When she hears the word daddy she starts to get excited. I can’t be sure she understands what it means, but it definitely seems like she’s ready to go see him.

  Since she’s too small to walk herself down the aisle, I place her inside the vintage wagon that our older ring bearer will be pulling. The younger ring bearer will follow behind the wagon carrying a sign that says Here Comes the Bride.

  I give Hope a kiss and send her off with the boys. My dad comes to my side and one look from him has me crying — again. I hook my arm in his and let him lead the way. My feet follow of their own accord, my emotions spilling over while my heart races.

  “Hallie, you look beautiful. Are you ready to do this kiddo?”

  All I can do is shake my head. My throat is burning from the impending sob fest my body is desperately trying to avoid having in this moment. When we hear the music, we know it’s our turn. Gently placing one foot in front of the other, I’m looking down trying to gather myself. My dad pulls me tighter to his side, knowing I am in desperate need of help to get to Sean. When I have the courage to look up, my glassy eyes find Sean standing several feet away, rocking on his heels.

  His hand reaches up to his eyes, wiping away a few tears. I wanted a reaction and definitely got one. My walk ends with the changing of the guard. My father hands me over to my soon to be husband, graciously stepping aside. I grab his arm again before he can walk away and place a kiss on his cheek. “Thank you, Dad. I love you.” He nods his head. “I love you too, darlin.”

  Sean takes my arm, guiding me to our place in front of the altar. “Baby, you look gorgeous,” he whispers. Smiling, I whisper back, “You’re so hot.” He chuckles to himself as he looks down at the floor to regain his composure.

  The ceremony progresses beautifully. Every reading, song, and word spoken is exactly the way I’d dreamed it would be. When it comes time to say our vows, Sean lets go of my hand and steps away. We decided to write our own instead of reciting something traditional. I watch him walk over to Hope sitting peacefully in her wagon and scoop her out. She’s clapping her hands in excitement, eliciting a round of laughs from the guests.

  When he gets back, he begins his vows. “Hallie, today Hope and I marry you. Every day you fill our hearts with your love. From this day forward, I promise to love the both of you, provide for you, and live for you. There will never be a day you question my love. Always know that this life will be spent cherishing the blessings you’ve both given me. Hallie and Hope, I love you with all my heart. I’m honored to be your husband and your daddy. With this ring I give you today, comes a promise of forever. Baby, I’ll always be yours. And you mine.” With a shaky hand, he gently slides his promise of eternity onto my finger.

  I take a deep breath before taking my turn. “Sean, I tried to think of the perfect thing to say to you today. Nothing seemed good enough to express how much I love you or how much you mean to me. So today, in front of all of our family and friends, I’m going to sing to you instead.

  Turning around, I walk up the two stairs next to the altar and take my place in front of the microphone. My music starts as I begin to sing the words to A Thousand Years by Christina Perri.

  As the lyrics express, I started out our relationship scared and afraid, but I won’t let anyone or anything allow me to miss out on what is standing before me. No matter how many times I’ve thought the pain I’ve experienced was too much to handle, I’ve always continued on my journey - no longer afraid of what might be lurking around the corner.

  Neither of us has to be scared anymore, instead we can focus on our love. I’ll love Sean until the day I die, and through eternity. As the lyrics pass over my lips, my thoughts are playing out like a movie inside my head. There’s moments of pain, anger, abandon and most importantly hope. Sean has led me down a path filled with the promise of happiness. In this very moment, my heart is completely full.

  The song finishes and as I walk down the stairs, sniffles can be heard coming from multiple pews. Sean’s looking at me in amazement and also has tears gently spilling over the long eyelashes of his gorgeous blue eyes. Every time we kiss or cuddle, they tickle my face.

  Hope reaches for me when I step back into place next to her and Sean. She rests on my hip as we finish the ceremony. Our first kiss as a married couple and complete family is magical. His lips feel softer, his love even stronger, our bodies radiating with love for the whole room to feel. I’m a blessed woman.

  Following the recessional, Sean tugs me into one of the Sunday school rooms lining the back hallway of the church. “Sean?”

  He’s holding my face in both of his hands, his thumbs lightly brushing back and forth over my skin. “You’re so damn beautiful, baby. I just needed a moment alone with you before I lost my mind. Watching you walk towards me, took my breath away. I knew you’d be gorgeous, but you blew my expectations out of the water. Look at you – just like an angel.” His lips meet mine and we kiss for the second time as husband and wife. “Thank you for choosing me as your husband, Hallie. I finally feel complete.”

  “You’re all mine, finally,” I tell him.

  “And we will be discussing the contents of box number two. You made me enter a church with a hard-on, Hallie.”

  I bust out laughing and drag him out of the Sunday school room because we shouldn’t be discussing hard-on’s and lingerie in here either.

  I HEAR THE SOUND OF OUR guests cheering as we walk hand in hand into the reception venue. The ballroom takes my breath away with the white and pink flowers covering every inch of space I see. Soft lighting creates an enchanting ambiance along with the flickering candle light shining from each table that is filled with the faces of the people we love the most.

  God Bless the Broken Road by Rascal Flatts begins, alerting us that it’s time for our first dance as a married couple. When we chose this song, I knew it spoke of our journey together beautifully. Thankfully, the universe was on our side, showing us that while love is never easy, there’s always a greater plan than what you see before your eyes. Our road was bumpy and broken, but one hundred percent worth the fight.

  As I wrap my arms around my husband’s shoulders, I feel like a new journey is just beginning. I never saw Sean coming, but he was always in the background, watching me from afar. I’m so blessed to have a man like him wait for me until I could give him everything he deserved. While some may have turned their back on me as they watched me make foolish mistakes, he never stopped believing in our connection.


  “Baby, you’re shaking. Are you okay?” he asks.

  I lift my head from his shoulders and smile. “I’m okay. Just thinking and trying to take all of this in.” I swallow down my fear and allow myself to accept the attention I’m receiving. These are the people I love the most in my life. There’s no need to be nervous. Sean rubs my back soothingly and holds me close, his cheek resting against my curls.

  “Sean?”

  “Yeah, babe?”

  “What should we name him?” I ask.

  Sean stops moving and his eyes widen in surprise. “What?”

  “Why do you look petrified? This was your idea.”

  “Wait. What was my idea?” Now he looks confused.

  “The dog.”

  “Oh, Jesus. Don’t do that to me.”

  “Do what?”

  “I thought you were pregnant.”

  “I’m not, but at least I know the idea of another child scares the shit out of you.” I can’t help but laugh at his relieved expression. I’m not ready for a second baby either so I don’t take offense.

  “Let’s not rule it out. When the time’s right, it’ll happen.”

  “Deal.”

  Our song ends all too soon. Thankfully, we will have many more dances tonight after dinner. Sean kisses me passionately in front of the entire room. Whistles erupt around the room along with a round of applause. I flush crimson immediately. “Let’s go mingle with the guests while we wait for the food to be served, okay?” Sean says.

  “I’ll be right over. I have to go to the bathroom first.” I have no idea how I’m supposed to pull off the task. I’ve held it as long as possible and haven’t had anything to drink since before the ceremony. Scanning the room, I find Amie and my sister at their table working on their dinner rolls. I guess I better hurry before the food comes out. Letting Sean know I’ll be back, he kisses my lips adoringly like he won’t see me for a while. Maybe he won’t depending how this adventure goes.

  “I gotta go to the bathroom,” I whisper.

  Amie looks up at me and laughs. “I was wondering when this was gonna happen. You must have a bladder of steel, girl.” My sister laughs and follows behind us to the nearest restroom.

  I was hoping for an individual stall in a private bathroom but it looks like the handicap stall in the ladies restroom will be our best bet. “So what do I do?” I question.

  We all break out into laughter at the situation we’re in. “I’ll lift all the fabric on this side, your sister will grab the other and you just sit down and go. I promise none of it will fall in the toilet.”

  It seems like a good plan until we’re all performing our duties and I realize my panties are still in place. “Guys, my underwear is still up and I can’t reach them with my arms in the air,” I say between laughs.

  “Hang on, Hallie,” Amie says. Suddenly I feel the fabric falling and the cool air. That girl must have a third arm somewhere to pull that off. I can’t stop laughing.

  I quickly take care of business and the girls release my dress. Before I can regain the proper footing, my heel slips on the tile flooring and I bang my head off the handlebar attached to the side of the stall. We all stumble as they try to catch me, but end up in a heap on the floor of the bathroom. I’d be flipping out about the germs right now if my damn head didn’t hurt so badly.

  “Shit! Hallie are you okay? What happened?”

  I’m still a little dazed but I find some words. “I fell.”

  “No shit! Ohmigod. Let’s get up and get you out of here. We just broke the bride on her wedding day,” Amie says in shock. She pulls her phone out of her cleavage and starts messaging someone. I wonder what else she has tucked away in there.

  “I’m okay. My head just stings.” I wince when I try to touch my temple. Within seconds, Alex and Sean are rushing in the bathroom.

  “Hallie!” Alex shouts.

  “Baby, where are you?” Sean frantically asks. The giant white ball of fabric peeking out of the stall should be a dead giveaway as to where I’m at. Amie unlocks the stall door and rights my dress before everyone sees my bits and pieces.

  “You’re bleeding, baby. Let me see your head.” Sean takes a cool paper towel and starts blotting the area next to my temple that’s apparently bleeding.

  Alex clearly see’s I’m in pain but still can’t stop laughing. “I’m going to get the photographer. You’re gonna want to remember this shit. Only you, Hallie.” I hope he’s kidding. It’s bad enough I just got hurt in the bathroom.

  “Here hold this tight against your head, babe.” Sean peeks inside the stall I just came out of and inspects the toilet for reasons I’m not sure of. I didn’t leave anything in there except my dignity. “I think you must have hit that metal box thing above the handle bar. Why do you have so much shit in your stalls anyway? It’s no wonder you got hurt.”

  It’s clear my husband is trying to make me feel better about the situation by acting like it’s a damn miracle for anyone to come back out of the ladies room alive and well. “I love you, Sean. I’m just a klutz I guess.”

  Before he can respond, I realize Alex held true to his word as I’m momentarily blinded by the flash of a camera. As if the bathroom wasn’t crowded enough with the mixed gender crew I’ve accumulated, let’s just add the photographer to the mix. I could either laugh or cry in this moment so I choose to crack up and request a drink! Maybe that will help the throbbing going on inside my head.

  “Here, baby girl. Put one of these on for now.

  “Alex, I don’t want a Band-aid on my head in all of the pictures!”

  “Just keep it on until you finish dinner, the bleeding will have stopped by then and you can take it back off, okay?”

  “This is ridiculous,” I huff. I catch the reflection of the Band-Aid in the mirror and pull back. “You have a Toy Story one! Who did this come from?”

  “I asked Melissa, she has little kids so I figured she would carry a Band-Aid.” Melissa is the mother of the two ring bearers and Sean’s cousin.

  “Oh for the love of God.”

  “It was either Toy Story or Spiderman, I picked the more feminine option,” Alex explains.

  By the time we make it back to the ballroom, dinner’s being served to our table. The bleeding has stopped for the most part but Sean sits me down like I might break and runs off to the wedding planner. They talk in hushed whispers with Sean’s hands flying around. When he returns to the table, he takes a seat and we go about the rest of our reception like I didn’t just take a header and bust my head against the sanitary napkin holder in the handicap stall at the Hilton.

  The night takes a turn for the crazy when the real dancing begins. Liquor is on a steady flow from the bar along with more beer than you could ever dream of as well as champagne. Being the sophisticated drinker that I am, I’m enjoying Long Island Iced Teas. It amazes me all the shit they mix together to make it taste like tea. Pour Some Sugar on Me blares from the speakers as sweaty, well-dressed bodies jump up and down on the dance floor. Alex’s playing the air guitar, Sean’s singing into his beer bottle and everyone is belting out the lyrics. It’s absolutely perfect and a moment I’ll not soon forget.

  Just as I’m taking the last sip from my drink, Sean comes up behind me. “Don’t drink too much, beautiful. I want you to remember the after party.” He sucks on my neck and makes me gasp.

  “Sean! Our family is watching.”

  “Let them watch. I’m kissing my wife.” I can’t argue with that. Not to mention he just said wife! I’m so not used to hearing that yet and get butterflies immediately.

  Spinning around in his hold, I lock my arms around his waist and rest my chin in the center of his chest. I have heels on, but our height difference is still apparent. He makes me feel tiny. “I should go check on Hope.”

  Sean rubs my cheek adoringly. “My mom put her to bed over an hour ago. I’m sure she’s so wiped out she won’t wake up until morning. Just enjoy your night, okay?”

  “Our night,
” I correct.

  “Oh, our night is only beginning, babe,” he says with a sexy wink.

  Morning comes quickly considering by the time we passed out it was almost dawn. My muscles are sore, my head aches, and my mouth is screaming for a drink of water. Rolling over, I bump into Sean’s naked body and realize our heads are at the end of the bed with our feet at the headboard. Getting my bearings, I slowly peel my tired body out of bed. “Hallie, come back to bed.” Sean’s groggy voice croaks.

  Last night I seriously had the time of my life. Never in a million years did I imagine my wedding would be such a blast. Of course I knew it would be special, but my nerves had me on edge with all the planning. Once I was able to let loose and enjoy the night, I definitely had my fair share of fun. The seriousness to the day slowly faded away as it was replaced by moments if laughter, hilarity, alcohol and a whole lot of dancing. My poor feet are killing me even though I ended up tossing my heels in the trash at one point. Thankfully Alex was close-by and dug them back out – damn torture devices.

  Looking into the bathroom mirror, I cringe at the mess that is my hair along with the make-up I never bothered to take off. It’s now in all the wrong places. Three shouts for the two dollar hooker. I’m also sporting a small bruise from my graceful bathroom accident. I laugh to myself until my worn out muscles remind me of the other activities that went down last night after we left the ballroom. Being married is amazing.

  “Baby, wait. Your dress.” Sean stops kissing me, realizing we just shut part of my wedding dress in the hotel door. The bustle came undone from all the dancing we were doing. I keep forgetting I have a train of fabric trailing behind me. Once I’m freed, I beg him to take my dress off.

  Sean’s hands roam my body before he turns me around and undoes me from my white dream of a dress. Momentarily my mind registers that I’ll never wear it again and I feel a little sad. Surely a dress this spectacular should be worn more than once. My focus is directed elsewhere once Sean’s lips begin to inch up my right leg, setting my whole body on fire. “Shit, baby. What are you wearing?”