Ruin Me

by Madalyn Boucher

“I forgot my phone downstairs after dinner and went to grab it when I saw him hugging you. It was actually…it was sweet, Hayley.”

  “You’re not mad?” I asked, confused.

  “Of course I’m mad!” She shouted. “I’m so beyond pissed with you! How could you not tell me about this? I tell you everything Hayley! I told you about Taylor and Alan, even though I was embarrassed about it! Why didn’t you tell me? Did you think I was going to judge you?” I hated how guilty she was making me feel. “Did you think I was going to tell Ryan?”

  “Fuck Ryan,” I snapped. I hadn’t meant to sound so cruel but I was done with feeling bad about that situation. “Did you tell Taylor?” She stepped back as if I had hit her.

  “Why would I tell him?" she asked. I shook my head. “So are you and him just sleeping together?” she asked.

  “We have a few times,” I confessed. I watched as her mouth plopped open, nearly hitting the floor. “It took him months before he would even touch me,” I explained.

  “Wait! You made the first move?” I giggled quietly as she tried to wrap her mind around all of it. “Hayley Marie, what the hell? Who are you? So, what, do you like love the guy or something?” I hid my face from her, attempting to hide the fire that burned through my skin. “Holy shit. You love him.”

  “I don’t want to,” I confessed. “I just…He makes me feel so incredibly safe. And he listens to me. And he’s so patient…I don’t know, Lace. He just looks at me with those brown eyes and I just…I forget about everything. I forget about everything negative in my life.” I hated the way she was looking at me.

  “He’s so much older than you…” she began. I knew where she was headed, and I immediately regretted telling her anything. I knew she wouldn’t understand; no one would. “I want to talk to him.” My entire body became numb. “Text him right now and tell him I’m coming over.”

  Forty-Three

  Nick

  The thought of Lacy coming to my home set my teeth on edge, but I needed to make sure she hadn’t said anything to her boyfriend. Hayley was too intimidated by Taylor to tell Lacy he was harassing her, but I felt no qualms of letting her know. There was a quick knock on my door before the front door was pushed open. A pile of red hair entered my living room.

  “Hello,” I greeted. Lacy stood against the doorframe, awkwardly fidgeting with her bracelet. “Do you want to sit down?” I asked. “Whatever makes you most comfortable.” Lacy slowly made her way over to the couch, remaining silent. If only she had been this quiet when I was her teacher. “I know you wanted to speak with me…” I began.

  Lacy lifted her eyes to meet mine. “Do you care about her or are you using her, Mr. Foster? She’s different. Innocent. I don’t want to see her get hurt.”

  I took a seat across from her, hoping to relieve some of her anxiety. She leaned against the cushion. “I love her,” I confessed. “I never meant for any of this to happen, but it did. It was inevitable between us.”

  She played with a piece of hair that had fallen loose from her bun. “You didn’t have to hire her at the movie store,” she argued. “You could have prevented it.”

  I nodded my head in agreement. “Yes, I could have. I guess I didn’t want to.” She shifted her eyes towards the coffee table, her finger still twirling near her head. “I knew what risks came with this. I wanted to stay away from her, but I couldn’t. I can’t. She means too much to me,” I whispered.

  Her eyes met mine. “What if the school finds out?”

  “Are you going to tell them?” I asked. She shook her head. “Have you told your boyfriend?” My hands began to sweat at the thought of Taylor’s photo.

  “No,” she assured me. “I wouldn’t do that to Hayley. They haven’t…always gotten along.” I nodded my head knowingly. Her eyebrow raised in confusion. “Has she told you about him?” I nodded my head again. “I’m not particularly fond of you knowing anything about me when I knew nothing about this,” she snapped.

  “I know, and I am sorry.” She chewed on her pastel fingernail; her gaze fixated on the chipped paint. “Lacy, we need to talk about Taylor.” Her head shot up at his name. “Hayley would never tell you this. She doesn’t want to hurt you.”

  “What are you talking about?” Panic edged her question.

  I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. “The night that you…hit her,” I began. “I picked her up afterwards. I stayed with her that night.”

  “What does that have to do with my relationship?” she asked. “I already apologized to Hayley. The entire thing was a misunderstanding.”

  “It wasn’t, Lacy.” I sighed, afraid of how she was going to react. “Taylor tried to…assault her that night.” I struggled to find the right words. “He forced her hands down his pants. He bruised her neck—”

  “No.” She violently shook her head. “No, he wouldn’t do that. He knows that she’s my best friend. He told me they were just talking.”

  “He lied to you, Lacy.” Tears entered her eyes as my voice reached her ears. “He has been harassing Hayley, blackmailing us both about our relationship.” Her hands gripped the side of the couch as she shook her head again.

  “You’re lying,” she whispered. “You’re lying because you’re afraid I’m going to turn you both in. I wouldn’t do that, Mr. Foster.”

  “I’m not lying to you, Lacy.” She pushed herself off of the couch, pacing anxiously around the room. “He has a picture of Hayley and I on his phone. He threatened that if I didn’t stay away from her, he’d inform the school.”

  She threw her hands into the air. “He’s just trying to protect her! You’re a grown man having sex with a student, Mr. Foster. Taylor wouldn’t do something like this unless he was trying to help.” Her voice shook, revealing that she was unsure of what she was saying.

  “Was he trying to protect her when he forced himself onto her that night?” I asked. “Lacy, he told me that if he couldn’t have her, no one could.” A sob escaped her quivering mouth. “He isn’t who you think he is.”

  Tears spilled from her eyes. “Why didn’t she tell me?”

  “Would you have believed her?”

  “I don’t know!” She shouted. “I still don’t know if I believe any of this. How could he do this to me?” She buried her face into her hands. “How could he do this to her?” She quickly walked out of the living room and made her way towards the front door. I lifted myself out of the chair, confused by her sudden departure.

  “Lacy?” I called after her. “What are you doing?”

  She threw the door open and ran towards her car. I stood in front of the doorway, shooting her a look of confusion. “Leave me alone,” she cried. Within moments, her car was out of the parking lot.

  Sweat spilled down the nape of my neck as I returned inside. I hadn’t gotten a good enough read on her. Did she think that I was lying? If she was going to confront Taylor about the picture, my life was ruined. I contemplated calling Hayley but immediately stopped myself. She was going through enough; she didn’t need more drama in her life.

  Forty-Four

  Hayley

  Lacy had been gone for too long. I checked the time again, reading that it was half past nine. She had been gone for nearly three hours. I redialed her number, listening to the familiar voice suggesting I left a voicemail. I called Nick, realizing they were both avoiding my calls. My mind began to conjure different scenarios. Images of police lights consumed my brain. What if she had told Taylor? Did the school already know? My stomach twisted unnaturally. This would all be for nothing. Nick and my relationship would be ripped out from under me before it ever truly began. We had a chance at a future, regardless of the obstacles that lied ahead.

  The familiar sound of Lacy’s car drifted to my ears. I ran to my window, watching as she parked beside my Kia. She had her hands pressed against her face, and her shoulders were physically shaking. Dread consumed my body. After an agonizing ten minutes she exited the car and made her way into the house. I listened as her footsteps appr
oached my door. Slowly, the door slid open. Lacy’s green eyes were rimmed with red. Black mascara stained her cheeks. She shut the door before sliding down it, burying her head between her knees.

  “Lacy?” My voice came out small and afraid. “What happened?”

  She lifted her head sluggishly as her glossy eyes met mine. “It’s gone,” she whispered. I opened my mouth to respond as she lifted her hand to stop me. “The picture is gone.”

  •••

  Lacy hadn’t spoken to me in over three weeks. During school, she would sit at a table with Ryan and a few other girls I had never spoken to. When she was at my house, which was rare, she locked herself into her room. She had demanded more hours at her job, which kept her away until the mall closed. On the rare occasions that I was near her, she reeked of marijuana and alcohol. I had tried, and failed, to ask her about what happened between her and Taylor. It was as if I was living with a ghost.

  Nick and my relationship had become less volatile after Taylor’s disappearance. I was sneaking out of my house almost every night to stay with him. We had fallen into our own routine, and I couldn’t have felt more complete. Ryan had ended things with me shortly after Lacy and my falling out, claiming that we were better off as friends. His voice had caught multiple times as we sat in my room, but he remained kind and gentle. I was thankful for him; he was the only person Lacy would talk to.

  I entered Nick’s apartment late Friday night, placing the key he had made me on a side table. Rachel, Nick, and a man I had never seen before were sitting at a table, a game of Monopoly spread in front of them. Rachel clapped her hands giddily as I entered the room. Nick eagerly pulled me onto his lap before pressing his lips onto my mine.

  “You guys are disgustingly adorable,” Rachel groaned. The man beside her chuckled quietly as if she had shared a joke.

  He extended his hand as he introduced himself. “I’m Ezra,” he told me. Rachel leaned over and kissed him, her face beaming with happiness.

  “I’m so glad you came tonight!” Rachel exclaimed. “You’ll be seeing more of me.” My eyebrow shot up in question. I had been around Rachel during a few other instances, and each time, she made Nick and I feel as if we had nothing to hide. The thought of her being around more made me excited. “I accepted a position at the botanical garden,” she explained. “I guess it’s time to ‘apply my degree’ or whatever.” She narrowed her eyes at Nick as she gulped down her glass.

  Nick threw his hands up in the air, laughing as he did so. “Don’t act as if I’m the one who’s always on your back. I can’t control our mother.” Rachel rolled her eyes before handing me a metal object. I rolled the tiny hat between my fingers as she dealt out the money.

  “Do you want a drink?” Nick’s head snapped towards Rachel as he shook it back and forth. “So she can sleep with you, but she can’t drink?” I nearly choked on my spit. “Lighten up, Nick. I’m making her a drink.”

  “Yes, let’s add underage consumption to my list of crimes,” he groaned. Rachel gave him a quick wink before concocting me a red beverage. I eyed Nick expectantly as she handed me the drink, curious to see if he would take it. He waved his hands towards it, giving me his blessing. I took an eager sip, surprised when the familiar taste of vodka hit my throat.

  Nick’s nose scrunched as his voice dripped with disapproval. “I can smell that from over here,” he complained. “How much alcohol is in that?” Rachel giggled before bringing her own drink to her lips.

  “Enough for this game to be fun,” she teased.

  •••

  Rachel and Ezra left around two in the morning, leaving Nick and I to ourselves. She had winked before she left, warning me to behave. Her and Nick’s playful banter made my heart warm; I had never seen siblings get along so well. After acknowledging what they had been through, however, it made more sense.

  My head felt warm from the drinks Rachel had made me, regardless of Nick cutting me off after two. Chills ran through my body as his hands trailed up and down my arm. He pressed his lips against my neck, the smell of whiskey greeting my nose. His eyes hung lazily as he stared at me. Warmth consumed me under his gaze, and I felt my teeth sink into my bottom lip.

  “Why does that make me crazy?” he asked, pulling me on top of him. “Everything about you makes me crazy.” I met his lips once more before resting my head against his neck. “Everything okay?”

  I shrugged my shoulders as I leaned into him. “I’m stressed,” I whispered. Uncertainty wavered over his face. “I got my final letter today,” I explained. His eyes widened. “I’ve been accepted into every school I applied to.” Although this news should have been exciting, it came with a certain feeling of fear. Nick and I had only talked about college once, and it had ended with me crying into his chest.

  “Even Berkley?” He asked. I nodded my head. “Hayley, that’s amazing! What are you thinking?”

  I circled my finger across his chest. “If I choose Boulder, I’ll only be half an hour away,” I told him. “Lacy and I had always planned on going there together.” My heart ached at the thought of our current relationship. “But I’m also thinking that if I choose Berkley, I’ll be over a thousand miles away from the love of my life.”

  “Do not make your decision based off of me.” I let out a sad laugh. He grabbed my face, forcing me to look at him. “I am not going anywhere, Hayley. I told you that I’m all in. If you choose your dream school, I’ll support you every step of the way.” I closed my eyes, wishing for the conversation to end. “A thousand miles isn’t going to stop me from loving you. If we’ve managed to make this work, we can make anything work.” His lips pressed against my forehead. “I refuse to stop you from chasing your dreams.”

  “But you are my dream,” I argued.

  “Among many others,” he whispered. “You will always have me.” I clung onto his words, praying that he was right.

  Forty-Five

  Hayley

  I walked inside and called out to my family, informing them that I was home. I waited for a response and grew weary when no one answered. I sent my mother and Lacy a text, asking where they were. My mother responded almost instantly, informing me that she and Lacy were out shopping.

  Apparently Lacy’s icy approach was only directed towards me. I ignored the jealously that grew inside me and made my way upstairs to take a shower.

  After I was dressed and ready for work, I made my way to the front door. I could feel myself growing excited at the thought of seeing Nick again. I loved that he was still able to make me miss him, even if we had just left each other’s arms. To my surprise, the door was stuck. I jiggled the lock a few times before slamming my hands against it, confused.

  “You shouldn’t obstruct property like that, Hayley.” I lifted my hand towards the door and tried once more to open it. I prayed to God and all the saints and anyone else who could’ve been listening to open the door. It was stuck. “Your mother gave me a key after dinner last night,” he whispered. “When my apartment fell through, she offered me the guest room. She didn’t want me wasting my money on a hotel.”

  I slowly turned around to face Trip. He was only a few feet away from me. I slowly reached in my back pocket and retrieved my phone, attempting to remain discreet. Trip lowered his eyes to my hands before shaking his head back and forth. I gripped the phone between my fingers and bolted around the corner, struggling to reach the nearest bathroom. A heavy fist came crashing against my back, sending me to the floor. My phone escaped my tight grip and landed only inches away from his heel.

  “I didn’t want to hurt you,” he scolded before picking up my phone and shoving it in his pocket. I clutched my lower abdomen and tried to avoid the urge to vomit. The pain was something I had never experienced before; it felt as if my insides were being stomped on by a parade of angry villagers. Trip leaned down beside me and ran his hand through my hair. “I want you to cooperate, Hayley,” he whispered. “Now please stand up.”

  I rolled over and propped mysel
f up on all fours. After a few moments, I used the majority of my strength to lift myself up and stand. I leaned against the wall and watched as Trip made his way into the living room and through the kitchen. I struggled to keep up with him and continuously contemplated on making a run for it. The rational side of my brain reminded me that Trip was faster and stronger; there wasn’t a doubt in my mind that he would catch me. He led me to the other side of my house, into the guest room beside the poolroom. He was making sure that we were where no one would look.

  “You had to of known this was coming,” he said to me as I sat on the bed beside him. The thought of Trip hadn’t entered my mind in over a month. My parents hadn’t brought him up, and I assumed he had left the state. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

  “Are you going to do as I ask?” I remained still, unable to produce words. His finger traced the side of my face. “How long has it been since we were alone last?” he asked.

  “Please stop,” I whispered.

  I watched as he ran a nervous hand through his hair. “I wasn’t quite right the last time we were together, was I?” A sinister laugh escaped his lips. “Doctors have pills for everything these days, don’t they?” Panic coursed through my veins as I realized there was no getting out of this. Struggle or not, he was going to be able to do what he wanted with me.

  He pressed his body against mine, trapping me underneath the weight of his body.

  “Please,” I whispered, my tears falling freely.

  “Beg for it,” he whispered, grabbing my inner thigh. I writhed underneath him as bile burned my throat. He grabbed my arms as tightly as he could, lifting them above my head. I moved my body back and forth, trying to escape his body. As he went to remove his boxers, I took my opportunity and rammed my knee into his groin. He doubled over in pain, coughing, and spitting out profanity. I scrambled off the bed and made my way to the door, screaming as he wrapped his fingers around my ankle. I slammed onto the ground, smacking my head against the hardwood floor.