If I Could I'd Wish It All Away (I Wish Book 1)

by Lisa Helen Gray

  He gestures around the room, snickering, and my heart jolts in my chest.

  “You’re going to get caught. Just let her go. You don’t need her or need to hurt her. We can go,” I tell him, my eyes almost pleading. As much as I dislike Sally and know she was planning on hurting me, I still don’t want him to do anything else to her.

  “No. She needs to learn, and you are still owed a lesson. So she gets to watch me do whatever the fuck I want to you. But don’t worry, you’ll enjoy it. If she gets the hint I don’t want her after that, I’ll let her go. If not, well….”

  “You’ll get caught and go to prison. You’ll have to look over your shoulder for the rest of your life if you hurt her,” I rush out, wishing I could wipe the tears blurring my vision.

  “Why would I get arrested?” he asks, looking down at me confused.

  My eyes widen a fraction as I stare at the man in front of me. He truly is demented. He’s acting like this is normal, that no one can touch him. He has no remorse for what he’s doing.

  “You’ve kidnapped me, kidnapped Sally and drugged her. I dread to think what else you’ve done to her. You won’t be able to get away with this,” I say, swallowing back bile before continuing. “We won’t be able to have a future. If you stop this now, let us go, we can sort everything out so you won’t get into trouble. Then we won’t have to worry.”

  “No. I’ve got a plan, Lola. We’re moving out of the country. We’ll be away from everyone who has gotten between us. We can start fresh. You won’t have to worry about anything.”

  The dead look leaves his eyes as he steps forward, his face lighting up with hope. I play along, knowing I need him to believe I’m going to obey, that I won’t fight back anymore.

  “So let’s go,” I say, hoping I don’t give myself away. I try to lighten my face but I’m so sore and bruised it hurts. “Untie me and we can go.”

  He looks at me, seeming confused, before suspicion glares back at me. “I’m not going to fall for that. Do you think I’m stupid? I went to Oxford!” he yells, and I wince, my face crumbling somewhat.

  “No, I don’t. I promised I wouldn’t fight anymore. I told you I’d do what you wanted as long as you left them alone. I don’t want them hurt. The quicker we leave, the farther we are away from them. I thought that’s what you wanted?” I ask, giving him an innocent expression. When his face relaxes, I sigh, inwardly.

  I feel sick pretending, and for even being nice to him. I know it’s for my own safety, but having him near me makes me want to scrub my body raw and rip his eyes out all at once. But I need to do this to get away. I’ll do anything and if that means playing nice, touching him and going as far as to think I want him, then I will. It’s my only chance.

  “I do. Say you’re mine. Promise you won’t run from me, and I’ll untie you.”

  “And then we can leave?” I ask hopefully. Maybe I won’t need to touch him after all. If we’re upstairs, I can push him down or find a weapon of some sort before he clicks on to what I’m doing.

  “No. Then I’m going to wake that bitch up and fuck you. She needs to learn who I belong to,” he snaps, and my stomach twists as I silently gag.

  I plaster a smile on my face even though I want to cringe, to cry out and shift on the bed.

  “Then untie me. We can do whatever you want, but these ropes are really hurting me. You said you wanted to prove you changed, so prove it,” I plead, forcing a pout.

  He grins, and I can see what he’s thinking all over his face. He really does believe he has me where he wants me. And although I know I’m putting everyone’s life at risk by doing this, I still have to take a chance. I’m just hoping they understand when they find out. I’m also praying I’m successful so no harm ever comes to them.

  “You try something, anything, I’ll make you regret it,” he promises, and I nod, forcing a smile.

  He hesitates for a few seconds before leaning over me and loosening the rope. The second they’re free, I pull them down in front of me, rubbing the ache. I ignore the blood around them because I know if I don’t, I’ll move to soon and I’ll never be able to get away.

  Rick just swats my hands away. I hiss out in pain, but I have no time to do anything as he grabs me, lifting me off the bed and placing me on the hardwood floor. Although I’m happy the springs are no longer cutting into me, I can’t help but panic. I was planning on using the rope on him, manipulating him into giving me some power to prove he’s telling me the truth about changing.

  When he kisses me, it takes everything inside me not to throw up in his mouth or bite his lip off. Instead, I kiss him back, knowing I need to play this right or it could end badly. I wrap my legs around him and nudge him to the side. He plays along, too lost in the kiss to notice the change in position. I’m straddling him, and as much as it pains me to kiss him, I have to.

  Having him right where I want him, I pin his arms above him, deepening the kiss as he moans into my mouth. My body is screaming for me to pull away, but my head is telling me I need to time it just right.

  Three, two, one…

  His eyes close as I roll my hips down on him, cringing when I feel his hardness beneath me. With controlled movements, I bring my knee up at the same time as I make it look like I’m leaning more over him. His hands are on my hips now, rubbing up and down my sides almost painfully. I try to control the flashbacks wanting to be free. He must sense my hesitation because he opens his eyes, smirking at me. I reach up, practically balancing on my knee, and cup his face. With strength I didn’t realise I possessed, I knee him in his groin at the same time I dig my thumbs into his eyes as hard as they can go. He howls in pain, throwing me across the room.

  As much as I want to stand and watch as he curls up in pain, I don’t have a lot of time, so I take the opening. I run past Sally’s unconscious body, wishing I didn’t have to leave her but I’m no good to her if I don’t get some help.

  The house is old and big, with rows of doors scattered down the long hallway. With adrenaline pumping through my body, I turn left, moving in the direction I swore I heard Rick coming from earlier. At the end of the hall, a set of stairs comes into view, and I move, seeing a door directly in front,

  I’m halfway down when I hear him coming, his roar echoing around the empty house. I squeal, taking two stairs at a time, managing to get to the bottom when he jumps on me. I slam to the floor with a thud, his heavy weight on top of me.

  “Stop!”

  “You fucking slut!” he roars. He swings me around so he’s facing me, still pinning me down with his body on mine.

  With my blood pumping, I kick out, screaming. I scratch, punch, bite any body part I can reach to stop him from hurting me once again. He still manages to undo my trousers and another scream escapes me.

  “No! No!”

  Looking into his bloody eye, his other one bloodshot, I slap him across the face and turn my head while he’s distracted, sinking my teeth into his hand that is currently pinning me to the floor.

  My strength wavers a little but I fight past it, needing to do something, anything.

  He raises his hand into the air, ready to punch me once more, when Sally comes out of nowhere, jumping on his back. He falls to the side and she bangs his head with something in her hand. A bottle? I’m not sure. I’m frozen, momentarily distracted by her appearance.

  “Run, you silly fucking bitch!” she screams, and I wince, seeing her face for the first time. One eye is completely swollen shut, the rest red and blue.

  Snapping out of it, I get to my feet, unlatching the front door. I throw it open, stepping out into the pouring rain just as I hear wood splintering behind me.

  I turn, seeing Sally lying, dazed, surrounded by splinters of wood and dry wall. Rick is advancing on her, and I know if we have any chance of surviving I need to get help.

  I run towards the car, cursing when I find it locked. Not having much time, I head for the woods.

  I’m thankful he didn’t take my socks off me, the s
oggy twigs cutting into the balls of my feet. The twigs snap and rain drenches me, spraying in my face, but I don’t let it stop me. I keep running, ignoring the pain in my body.

  A loud scream from the house echoes into the night before it suddenly cuts off. I cry out, and my footing slows slightly. A part of me wants to go back, to see if Sally is okay, but then I hear him.

  “Lola. You can run, but you can’t hide!” he roars.

  Panic surges inside me and I run as fast as my feet will carry me.

  CHAPTER 33

  DEAN

  We’ve been breaking all the speed limits since Darius called us with a possible location.

  “Stop here!” I yell and Cage brakes suddenly, sending me forward into the dashboard.

  “What?” he says, looking around for possible threats.

  “We need to go by foot so he doesn’t hear us approach. If he knows we’re here, he could scare and do something to her,” I explain, jumping out of the car into the pouring rain. Lightning strikes above us and my heart aches. I can’t help but think of Lola and how much she hates storms.

  “Bro, calm the fuck down. I get she’s your missus and shit, but we have to be clever about this. I don’t need you going off on one so get it together,” he snaps, and I nod, starting forward. He steps up beside me, both of us pulling our hoods over our heads to block the rain out.

  I growl, frustrated with myself and the way I’m behaving. I was a cop for fucking years, a PI a lot longer. I should have learnt how to keep my shit together by now.

  As we near the house, everything goes blank, all of my training goes out the window, and I turn to Cage for answers.

  “It doesn’t look like he’s at the back of the house, but we should split up anyway,” he says as I move closer to hear him. I see the light on upstairs, and my eyes flicker to the front door, wanting to rush in there and get her.

  I’m surprised to find the door wide open, a lone figure outside on the doorstep. I barely give Cage a glance. My heart is pounding and my chest is tightening, a sob working its way up my throat. I rush over to the motionless figure and see blonde hair, a cry ripping from my throat as my chest squeezes painfully.

  “Lola,” I choke out and skid to a stop, falling to my knees. The muddy, wet ground soaks in my jeans, but I ignore it. I take her still body, turning her gently around, and gasp.

  It’s not Lola.

  “What the fuck?” I ask.

  “I’m calling 999. Fuck, I’m sorry mate,” Cage says and I shake my head.

  “It’s not Lola,” I rush out, laying the beaten and blooded woman down on the floor. She begins to stir and panic fuses through my body. I lean forward so she can see my face, but she’s pretty beaten up. “Was Lola Lawson here? A girl with blonde hair?” I ask loudly.

  She begins to move again but when she opens her mouth, only a painful gasp escapes. Rain splatters across her face and I look around for shelter. Cage is still on the phone, explaining where we are to the paramedics. The urge to leave and look for Lola is strong but I can’t leave the woman in front of me alone.

  Who is she? And why the fuck has Rick hurt her?

  “Please, do you know where she is?” I ask again, my voice breaking.

  Her hand moves slowly, and I sit up straighter. Her index finger points, but her body convulses and she drops her hand so it’s pointing to the inside of the house.

  “Fuck!” I curse. If he knows we’re here…. I need to get to her. “Cage, watch her,” I hiss and move. He goes to protest and I hear the word ‘backup’, but I ignore him and run into the house. “Holy fuck,” I whisper. Just inside the door is thin drywall with rows of wooden panels. Someone went through it if the damage is anything to go by. It’s a mess, and spots of blood can be seen.

  I follow the hall down to a kitchen and shake my head. The place is a fucking tip and unstable. I’m surprised it’s even on the market. Nothing seems salvageable. Walking through the door on the other side of the kitchen, I come to the living area. The room is empty, so I rush forward, coming back to the entrance. Cage is still seeing to the unconscious woman outside, but this time they’re on the porch, out of the rain.

  I take the stairs two at a time, desperate to get to Lola. The long hallway is lined with doors, and I frustrated growl escapes me. Moving quickly, I throw each one open, seeing each room bare. When I get to the one at the end by another set of stairs, there’s a light on. The door is already open, and my heart sinks when I take in the room. An old spring bed is in the centre, rope tied to the bars. Looking closer, I notice a patch of blood and what I can only presume is urine. It smells.

  “Fucking hell,” I mutter and move out before I gag..

  Running back downstairs I head straight to the woman and Cage. I’m panicking, needing to know where she is. I can’t help but feel powerless. The anxious and hopeless feeling consumes me, and I’m seconds away from breaking. How could I have let this happen to her? I promised to protect her, told her I’d never let Rick hurt her again, and yet he has. I’ve failed her, and there’s no going back from that. If―no, when I find Lola―I’m going to do everything in my power to make it up to her.

  “Has she said anything?” I ask Cage, who shakes his head just as the woman mumbles.

  “What did you say?” he asks gently, leaning down to hear her better.

  “Wuh,” she moans.

  “What?” I ask urgently. If she weren’t broken and pretty banged up, I’d be shaking her for the information she holds.

  “W-woos,” she mumbles under her breath, and I look to Cage, wondering if he understood.

  “I think she means there,” he says, pointing to the woods behind him, and my eyes widen.

  Just then a high-pitched scream echoes through the trees and my back straightens, terror seeping into my bones.

  Not thinking, I run in the direction of her screams.

  “Dean, get back here!” Cage roars. I ignore him and keep running, needing to get to her. He’s hurting her, and she needs me. There is no fucking way I’m waiting around for the police to come.

  I shove the branches away and wipe the rain pelting down on my face and getting into my eyes. I pump my legs faster and time seems to stop. It’s like I’m in a dream, when you’re running towards or away from something and your legs are working overtime but you don’t get anywhere, and everything around you slows.

  When another scream pierces the air, I change direction, praying I get to her before he hurts her any more.

  CHAPTER 34

  Lola

  Branches smack into my face as I run, cutting into my cheeks, arms, and legs. I can’t even think about my feet or the excruciating pain that comes every time they hit the rough ground. I never know what I’m going to step on and every time it’s a stone, a branch, or a stinger, I want to curl up in a ball and cry.

  Rick calls my name, his threats cutting into me like a thousand knives. I want scream, but I don’t want to give him any indication as to where I am.

  Thunder rumbles making me jump. I take another left, trying to get him off my path.

  “Lola!” he roars, and he sounds closer. A panicked squeak leaves me as I jump over another fallen tree trunk, landing with a thud. I’m grateful it’s just mud on the other side because I don’t know how much longer my feet are going to hold up. I’m already slowing. I feel weak, defenceless, and there’s nothing I can do about it. My eyes catch a bush not far from where I am, and I run, moving in that direction.

  I don’t bother looking around as I crouch down, crawling into the bush to hide. I’m cold, my body shivering as I curl my knees up into my chest, wanting to look as small as possible.

  “You can’t run forever, Lola. I’ll fucking find you,” Rick shouts, and I jump, his voice sounding close, too close.

  I pat around the dirt to find something to use as a weapon, pausing on a thick, wet stick. I grip it, ready to bring it to my chest when I hear him. His footsteps sound close and I peep through the bush, a frightened gasp threate
ning to escape when I see him. I’m still shivering, and when he stops nearby, I stop breathing altogether, afraid he’s found me. But all he does is bend down, putting his hands on his knees as he takes in steady breaths.

  Then he moves forward, leaving me behind. Once he’s out of sight, I crawl out of the bush and run in the direction we originally came from, hoping he doesn’t double back when he realises I’m not wherever he’s heading.

  Looking over my shoulder, to check he isn’t following, I lose my footing and fall. A scream bubbles up my throat as I roll down a hill. The ground cuts into my skin and it feels like I’m on fire.

  My head slams into a rock when I hit the bottom, coming to a sudden stop. I whimper, feeling dazed, and when I try to sit up, everything spins and a wave of nausea hits me.

  Branches cracking and the sound of dirt sliding gains my attention, and I turn to find Rick barrelling down the hill, gaining on me.

  I scream, my voice loud and hoarse. In a panic, I get up on wobbly feet and grab the stick I found earlier, gripping it as tightly as I can in my shaky hands.

  I step back, slowly as he comes to a stop at the bottom. My body trembles and with a shaky hand, I wipe away the wet dirt-caked strands of hair from my face.

  “Don’t come near me,” I warn, holding the stick up.

  He throws his head back, laughing before locking his gaze on mine. “You really don’t get it, you stupid fucking bitch. There is nowhere you can go that I won’t find you.”

  “I hate you!” I scream. “You’ve ruined my life.”

  “You’re coming with me!” he yells over the rain. When I see him take a step forward, I take another back.