If I Could I'd Wish It All Away (I Wish Book 1)

by Lisa Helen Gray

  “Where have you been?” she snaps. Her face is bright red from pushing, and I instantly feel bad. We’ve been here four hours, and for the past hour, she’s been pushing.

  “I can see the head,” the midwife says, and both Lola and I forget her question. Not that she didn’t already know where I was; I told her twice before I left. But because she’s had so much gas and air, she’s high as a kite and doesn’t know her left or right. It’s been hilarious to watch, but seeing her in pain? Not so much.

  “Push. One more push, Lola. You can do this,” the midwife encourages, and I stand next to Lola, taking her hand and letting her squeeze me to death.

  Lola grounds her chin into her shoulder, pushing through her next contraction, and my world stops. There’s so much commotion going on around the room, but when I hear our baby crying, nothing else matters.

  I look down to Lola and her eyes meet mine, hers filled with tears and shining with happiness.

  Our baby is passed over to Lola, the midwife smiling. “Congratulations, Mrs Salvatore. You have a baby girl.”

  I gasp, looking down at the tiny little human wiggling to get free of the blanket the midwives have given her. I reach out, taking her tiny hand with my finger, and smile, my own eyes filling with tears.

  “Perfect,” I whisper, looking down at my two girls.

  Lola looks up at me with a watery smile. “You’re both perfect,” she whispers before looking down at our daughter. “Welcome to the world, Ms Cece Lily Salvatore.”

  Lola’s name has been passed down to each generation, but when we were deciding names, she agreed to start a new tradition, opting for her mom’s name and my mom’s as a middle name. Her mom would have liked it. If she were a boy, we were going to call him Nathaniel Jerry Salvatore.

  But looking down at my precious daughter, I know we picked out the perfect name for her.

  “Hey, my beautiful baby girl. Mommy and Daddy are here. I promise you with all my heart that I’m going to love and protect you and your mother for as long as I love. I love you so much already,” I choke out, leaning down to give my daughter a kiss. Instead of pulling away, I turn to Lola, taking her mouth in a soft kiss before deepening it, needing to show her how much I love her and for giving me such a truly precious gift.

  When we both pull away, we’re breathless. Cece is crying between us and we giggle. “We’ll have to start getting used to that.”

  Lola chuckles, kissing me again. “Never.”

  “I love you, Mrs Salvatore, with all my heart. Thank you for giving me your heart, your soul, and your mind. You’ve given me the world,” I tell her, my eyes watering once again.

  “Oh, Dean.” She sighs. “Thank you. Thank you for loving me, for giving me life and something to live for. And thank you for our daughter. I love you more than words could ever describe,” she says, and I lean down, bringing her in for another kiss.

  THE END

  Authors Note

  As some of you may know, this book has been re-written. When I first wrote, If I Could I’d Wish It All Away, I never expected for people to actually read my book, let alone like my work.

  But you did.

  Yes, I still had some bad reviews and yes, the book was unedited. It was only edited through a friend, but as a beginner, I couldn’t afford a legit editor. All the money profited was given to Women’s Aid, and I’ll be leaving a link below for you to donate, if you wish. The point is, you guys understood where I was coming from with the story, and that means a lot to me.

  What a lot of you don’t know is that the story was originally my story about my life. And when I shared it with an author friend, she told me to publish it, to get it out there, but for me, it was too personal. I couldn’t share that with you, the struggles, the pain and the torment of wishing it was all over.

  So I changed names and the majority of the story line, and fiddled around with other scenarios concerning the domestic violence. Some parts are still true to the original version, especially the part where I received help from the Women’s Aid group. Without them I would never have found the confidence to press charges, to leave my ex, or to move forward. He’d taken so much from me already. And even to this day, I still suffer with anxiety amongst other things. And although every day is a struggle, and another fight, it’s worth it. It’s worth more than I could ever describe and for the first time, I felt in control.

  I’d never be where I am today if I was still with him, and Women’s Aid, are to thank for that. They helped me so much and I’ll never be able to thank the support worker who helped me enough.

  I hope women who have been or are currently in a relationship like Lola and Rick’s will step forward and get help. Life is not meant to be lived in fear. You deserve to be happy, to be loved and cherished. You deserve someone who would rather cut off their own arm than raise a hand to you.

  YOU ARE WORTH MORE.

  Here is the website for women’s aid, where you can get in touch with a support worker, donate, and find more information about the organisation.

  https://www.womensaid.org.uk/