If I Could I'd Wish It All Away (I Wish Book 1)

by Lisa Helen Gray

  “I was going to do this yesterday after the store opening, but I think now is the right time,” I tell her and hold up the purple velvet box. I watch as her eyes fill with tears and I crack, my throat tightening.

  “Dean,” she gasps, covering her mouth.

  “I love you so much, and I’ll love you more tomorrow and a trillion times more in years to come. I’ve never wanted to spend my life with anyone, not the way I do you. I want to share all the good times, the bad times and even the hard times with you. I want to share everything with you, make a life with you. Lola Lawson, will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?”

  I begin to feel nervous when her body starts to shake and she stares at me through tear-filled eyes, saying nothing. I can’t take it, and I’m about to open my mouth, to beg her, when she nods.

  My chest squeezes and the nerves I hadn’t realised I had disappear. Standing straight, I lean over and kiss her forehead gently.

  “Yes, yes, yes, yes. I love you, Dean,” she cries, and I smile big, pulling the ring out of the box and pushing it on her finger, mindful of her cuts.

  I chuckle as she stares at the ring, bringing it closer to her face, but she doesn’t hear me.

  “It’s the most beautiful ring I’ve ever seen,” she whispers. I stare down at the white gold band that has a pink diamond in the centre with four tiny diamonds surrounding it and my chest swells with pride, seeing it there. It reflects the light, and I smile.

  “I love it,” she whispers. “I love you.”

  “I love you too Miss Soon-To-Be-Salvatore.” I grin, and she laughs, leaning in to kiss me. I kiss her back, savouring her lips and moaning, but a knock on the door has us pulling apart.

  Turning to the door, Mom, Dad, Pagan, Sid and Brooke pile into the room. I notice Lola is quick to grab the tissue I handed her earlier to wipe her face, wincing in pain when she does.

  “You okay?” I whisper, and she nods, turning to gaze at everyone in the room.

  They all look tired, but I knew they wouldn’t go home for anybody. Once they get a good look at Lola, Mom, Brooke and Pagan start crying and Dad and Sid curse, Sid pulling at the ends of his hair.

  I can tell Mom, Pagan and Brooke haven’t stopped crying. Fuck, my sister looks seconds away from collapsing. I know they’re all shocked; none of them saw her when she was brought in, so I know it’s unsettling. Fuck, I’ve been in here for twelve hours, and I’m still not used to it. She’s been through the ringer.

  Mom’s the first to step forward, but then a booming voice echoes down the hallway, making Lola jump before she realises who it is.

  “Where is she? Where’s my grandbaby!” he shouts, sounding seconds away from cracking before he’s in the doorway, his expression distraught and concerned.

  I watch with concern as he says nothing, his eyes landing on Lola and giving nothing away. He walks over like it’s been practiced and stands there, staring down at her. Everyone in the room must be thinking the same thing as me because Dad goes to take a step towards Dwayne, but then Dwayne does the unexpected. He breaks down on his granddaughter, his face cracking and lowering as he falls to the floor, taking her hand.

  “She’s okay. My grandbaby is okay,” he says before standing up and staring down at her. “You can’t leave me, young lady. Ever. I die before you, not you before me. I won’t have it. I can’t. What did he do?” he croaks hoarsely, seeing her injuries for the first time.

  Lola’s face crumbles as she begins to sob again, shaking her head as she takes her granddad’s hand.

  “I’m fine, Grandpa. And I can prove it, I promise. Dean and I, we have some good news, news that will make you forget what happened,” she whispers, looking around the room. They all stare at us, confused.

  “I doubt that, my sweet girl,” he chokes out.

  I notice Lola slip her left hand under the blanket before looking at me, asking permission. I give her an encouraging nod, knowing they all need this good news. Plus, I’m bouncing off the walls ready to tell someone that not only am I going to be marrying the woman of my dreams, but I’m having a baby with her too.

  “We’re pregnant,” she blurts out. The room goes completely silent, so silent you could hear a pin drop.

  When no one moves, she waves around the scan picture, wincing when she does. I take it off her chuckling, and all of a sudden my mom is on Lola, my dad next along with everyone else.

  “Your mother will be looking down on you with a huge grin on her face. She’d be dancing in the heavens knowing her wish has come true. This is everything she ever wanted for you. Your happiness meant more to her than anything else. I’m so happy for you two. And I’m so glad you’re okay. You gave me quite the scare,” Mom says, wiping her eyes.

  “Lily,” Lola sobs and I reach out, taking her hand.

  “I didn’t mean to upset you,” Mom whispers.

  “No, no! These are happy tears. I love you so much, and I’m so thankful to you for raising the man I love to be the man he is. Without him, I wouldn’t be here. I don’t know where I’d be. And now we get to spend the rest of our lives with each other.” Lola sniffles before she falls into heavy sobs.

  “Calm, love. The baby,” I soothe and listen as she slowly calms down.

  “Wait, is the baby okay?” she asks, going awfully pale.

  “Yes mom. They did an ultrasound to check.”

  “I’m going to be a nanny,” she whispers and falls into my arms, hugging me.

  “I’m so proud of you, my sweet girl. I’ll be a great-granddaddy,” Dwayne whispers hoarsely, and I realise he’s been standing there staring at his granddaughter in awe since we shared the news.

  “Does this mean you’ll retire and come move over here?” she asks him, and tears fill his eyes.

  “I’d love to,” he chokes out. “Not the retiring part though. I’ve got years left in me.”

  We all laugh and, one by one, everyone says their own congratulations. They also wish her a speedy recovery, each one looking worried. But when it comes to my sister’s turn, I sigh, knowing she’s blaming herself.

  “I’m so sorry. All this is my fault.” Pagan sniffles.

  “Huh?”

  “Dean didn’t tell you?” Pagan asks, looking at me.

  “No, he didn’t,” Lola answers warily, looking at me. I frown. Everyone else in the room has gone deadly silent.

  “The man I met at the bar―”

  “Was Rick, but how does that make this your fault?” Lola asks softly.

  “You knew?” Pagan gasps.

  “Not at first. He was watching me for a long time, Pagan. None of this is your fault anymore than it is mine. We didn’t ask for this. None of us did.”

  “I love you,” Pagan says and bravely, but gently, leans in to hug Lola. “But if you turn into a bridezilla I’ll arrange your wedding without you.” She laughs through tears.

  I could kill my sister. We were waiting to share that next.

  “How?” Lola asks, stunned, shaking her head.

  “What?” Mom asks, stepping forward.

  “We’re getting married. I asked Lola, and she said yes.” I grin, and my mother looks ready to pass out. She starts crying, throwing herself at my dad who is wearing a huge grin of his own.

  “Let’s go back to how Pagan knew,” Lola says, shaking her head as she ignores everyone’s second round of congratulations and cheers.

  “Lola, you’ve been hiding your damn left hand since we all walked in,” Pagan reveals, smirking, and everyone laughs.

  Lola pulls her hand out, showing her ring off proudly and I smile, watching her glow with happiness despite the ordeal she’s been through.

  “But….” Lola starts, looking at me.

  “She already knew. She helped me with the size and style. She also helped me set everything up down at the lake. I was going to take you out on the boat to a new spot I found. We had the candles and blankets all set up waiting for us to arrive,” I tell her, smiling.

  “It sounds p
erfect,” she whispers, staring up at me in awe.

  “This is perfect. You’re perfect. I love you, Miss Soon-To-Be-Salvatore.”

  She grins. “I love you too, but are you going to call me that until you have me down the aisle?”

  “Sure am.” I grin, leaning down to kiss her.

  EPILOGUE

  PART ONE

  LOLA

  Six months later

  Dean and I are sitting at a round table full of family and friends at another fundraising event, this one organised solely by Pagan.

  Once she heard the full story of my life with Rick, she wanted to help other women like me, so she pulled this fundraiser together to raise money for shelters and other supporting networks that help women and children.

  I have already donated a large sum of money because if it weren’t for Julie, my Women’s Aid support worker, and the group she signed me up for, I would have never fully moved on from the torture Rick put me through. With their help, my family’s, and Dean’s, I’ve managed to move forward. The only thing to remind me of the time I spent with Rick is the nightmares I have from the last attack. I still blamed myself for what happened to Sally but with Rick in prison, serving life, it made me feel better that she was getting justice.

  The group has helped me so much. At first I was uncomfortable listening to their stories, hearing their heartache made it hard not to lose it. They were all going through so much. But once the fourth or fifth session started, I began to feel more comfortable and managed to talk about what happened to me, and the day I was kidnapped.

  Everything since that day has been a whirlwind. Just days after leaving the hospital, Pagan started organising our wedding, and in months we were walking down the aisle. We only invited close friends and family, wanting to keep it low-key and private. It was the perfect day, and one of the best days of my life.

  My gown had been custom-made so it covered the small bump comfortably and I had Brooke and Pagan as bridesmaids. Dean had Sid as best man and Darius and Cage as groomsmen. After the hospital, I came to know the two well and thanked them for saving my life.

  But what made that day for me, apart from promising my love to Dean in front of our family and friends, were the speeches.

  God, I can remember it like it was yesterday. I don’t think I’ll ever forget those words for as long as I shall live.

  I laugh at Dean, leaning in to kiss him when Lily stands up, clinking her champagne flute with her fork.

  Everyone goes silent, and we turn, smiling at the beautiful woman. Confusion fills my features, and I look to Dean for an explanation. We’ve already done the speeches, so I’m puzzled as to what is going in.

  “I need everyone’s attention,” she sings across the marquee. “Nearly nineteen years ago my best friend, Cece and I made up a wedding box. We imagined what it would be like for our two children to be married, to unite us as a family rather than friends. We made an oath that day, already seeing that our children were destined to be together, and promised each other that if anything happened to one of us, we would read a letter out on their child’s wedding day. So when Lola and Dean announced they were getting married, I dug out the box, looking for that very letter.”

  I gasp, silently sobbing into the tissue Dean handed me when Lily first started. I wasn’t expecting this, especially when she pulls out a crumpled letter.

  “To my darling Lo Lo. If Lily is reading you this on your wedding day, then it means I’m not longer with you, and that pains me more than you’ll ever know. But I want you to know that, even through death, I’ll never leave your side. Death couldn’t keep me away from you or your special day.

  “Lily and I are both sitting here crying as we write down the words we may never be able to speak, so hopefully I get this right and not babble my way through.

  “I want to tell you how beautiful you look. I know this because there is no way you couldn’t be the most beautiful bride I’ve ever seen.

  “I want to wish you all the happiness in the world and remind you that no matter how much life throws at you, you are strong, you are loved, and you are cherished. Dean will guide you through, and if you’re not marrying Dean, well, this is really awkward. But I can’t see you marrying anyone else. It’s destined, my child.

  “Dean, please take care of my girl. Treat her with kindness, with gentleness, and love and cherish her. She may be strong but deep inside that girl she has a heart that can be easily broken. She cares about the world, the people in it, and I don’t think that will ever change. She needs you just as much as you need her, and I wish you both a long and happy life together. I couldn’t wish for a better son-in-law.

  “Take care of each other and your father. I bet he’s weeping right now, looking at you and thinking everything I’m thinking. But if he’s somehow not there with you, then he’s next to me, looking down on you.

  “It saddens me to know I won’t be the one who gets to dress her only daughter on her wedding day, watch as she walks down the aisle, takes her first dance as a married woman or to meet my first grandbaby in the future. I wish I could be there for all those things but I can’t. But I know Lily will be, and that makes me content. I couldn’t wish for another mother for you.

  “I love you, my darling Lo Lo, always. You are the miracle your father and I wished for, and we love you with everything we have.

  “Be happy, be strong, be loved.

  “Congratulations, Mr and Mrs Salvatore. If I got the wrong name… awkward! Hopefully, Lily Tillie uses that beautiful mind of hers and changes the name somehow.

  “Love you always, Mom.”

  I snap out of my daze, finding tears in my eyes. Dean gives me a worried glance, taking my hand, but I shake my head, giving him a bright smile.

  That letter is now framed in my bedroom, above my dressing table so I can see it every day. It was the best wedding gift I could have ever received, and I’ll thank my mom every day for thinking of doing such a beautiful thing.

  I’ll also be doing the same thing for my son or daughter, knowing that life can change in a split second.

  Pagan calls my name, and I shake my head, forgetting I was due to be called on stage to give a speech. Getting up, I give Dean a quick peck on the lips before letting him give baby bean a kiss. Everyone chuckles, watching the grown man smitten with my baby bump. He doesn’t care, and neither do I. I love him, and he loves me, and together we love our miracle baby much more.

  The walk to the stage is more of a waddle, and I curse my backache as I stand in front of the mic, greeting Pagan with a kiss on the cheek.

  My back has been giving me grief for the past few days, but the doctor said it’s due to the extra weight I’m carrying. Unfortunately, I’m not due for another two weeks, so I have to suffer through until then. Rushing around today hasn’t helped any. In fact, it’s made it worse.

  “I would like to start with a huge thank you to everyone who has supported and donated tonight. Your money will save a life, save women and children who are affected by domestic violence.

  “Some of you may know that this course is very personal to me, so on behalf of Women’s Aid and from all the women this money will help… thank you. Thank you so much,” I say, a sharp pain causing me to take in a deep breath.

  “This money will help two hundred and twenty organisations with more than three hundred local life-saving services to women and children. The Women’s Aid campaign not only helps survivors but they also raise awareness, encourage healthy relationships and help build a better future where domestic violence is no longer tolerated. They help hundreds and thousands of women a year, and your money and help bring more awareness to make that happen. So thank you.

  “But I’d like to give a personal thanks to… Dean!” I scream out.

  The pain in my abdomen comes on suddenly, sharp and tight. A chair scrapes back in the distance, but I’m too busy staring widely down at the water trickling between my legs.

  I’ve just peed myself in front of hundre
ds of people.

  Then water gushes out from between my legs and I gasp. “Dean, I think we need to go to the hospital,” I breathe out, staring at him as he makes his way across the hall to the stage. “My waters just broke.”

  Everyone in the room stands, cheering, but I want to yell at them. This sucks monkey balls, the pain excruciating.

  Dean makes it to me just as another wave of pain hits me in the stomach and I bend forward, screaming.

  “Fuck! C’mon, baby, let’s get you to the car.” He wraps my arm around his neck at the same time my grandpa meets me, taking my other side.

  We’ve formed a crowd by the time we make it outside. Lily, Mark, Pagan, and Brooke are all standing by the car Sid is sitting in, ready to take me. They all look excited, big grins on their faces. If it weren’t for the fact I was about to push out a baby the size of a watermelon, I guess I would be too.

  “Owwww!” I scream. “Dean, make it stop.”

  “Baby, I can’t. Bean was going to be born sooner or later. I can’t take the pain away.” He helps me into the car, getting in beside me.

  “You promised me. You promised nothing would ever hurt me again,” I moan, clutching my stomach. “You lied. Why couldn’t you get pregnant?”

  Dean laughs and shuts the door behind him, telling everyone he’ll see him at the hospital. Luckily we’ve got the hospital bag already in the car, having packed it a few weeks ago.

  EPILOGUE

  PART TWO

  DEAN

  “I’ve got to get back in there. She’s ready to push. Not long.” I grin excitedly at everyone in the waiting room. They all cheer for me as I run back into the delivery room where Lola glares at me.