The Unloved

by Jennifer Snyder

  I snatched the phone up and answered a little breathlessly, “Hey, I’m headed over there right now.”

  “All right, just wanted to make sure you weren’t standing me up or anything,” Nick said.

  “Nope, just running a little behind.”

  “That’s fine; the turkey’s almost ready. Those things take forever to cook! No wonder people only cook them once a year.”

  I grinned. “I can imagine. I’ll be right over to help with anything else you have left to do.”

  “Okay, see you in a minute, love you,” he said.

  “I love you, too.” I smiled, truly meaning every word as I pressed end.

  I jogged down the stairs and came to a halt when I nearly smacked right into my mom at the bottom.

  “Where are you rushing off to on a school night?” she asked with a slur of her words.

  I couldn’t tell if it was from too many pills or the alcohol she’d been sipping since ten o’clock this morning. Either way she was sloshed and I knew the only reason why was because that dickhead boyfriend Dwayne had finally dumped her like I knew he would. This was what she was like during the in between boyfriend stages, a drunken mess.

  “It’s Thanksgiving and I’m going to Nick’s house to eat with his mom and him,” I said as I maneuvered around her.

  She muttered something, but I couldn’t make it out. I walked out the front door without asking her to clarify or responding. I shoved my hands into the warm pockets of my jacket. Tiny snowflakes floated to the ground around me. It was bitterly cold, but I loved it. This was when I felt closest to nature, when everything was stripped bare and all was exposed. Nature in its purest, most fragile, venerable form. There were no leaves protecting the trees, no flowers to put up a colorful front. Everything was just raw.

  I knocked once I reached Nick’s door and waited. It swung open, revealing Nick’s smiling face. I leaned in for a quick kiss and noticed the bouquet of flowers clasped in his hand—white calla lilies. I silently wondered how much these had cost him to buy out of season. Flowers had never really been my thing; I never understood why girls went gaga over something that would die within a few days, but I smiled anyway.

  “What? You don’t like them?” Nick asked, his eyebrows drawing together in confusion as he saw through my forced smile. “I thought every girl liked flowers.”

  “No, I do, I like them,” I assured him with a wider smile.

  He rolled his eyes. “No, you don’t. I can see it in your eyes, you hate them.”

  I sighed. “I don’t hate them; I just don’t understand why guys give girls flowers, of all things, to confess their love.”

  “Well, that’s not what these are for. I’ve already confessed my love to you.” He grinned. “I just figured you’d like them and I’d get a smile out of you, maybe even a thank you.” He wiggled his eyebrows.

  My grin grew. “You did get a smile.”

  “Yeah, but not a real one.”

  Nick motioned for me to come inside and I did. The aroma of turkey cooking in the oven mixed with various other foods hung heavy in the air and it was like walking into heaven. Warmth flowed through the house and I enjoyed the feel of it on my skin as it slowly replaced the cold that had seeped through from the walk over.

  “So, I have to ask, what is it that you have against a guy giving a girl flowers?” Nick asked with a smirk.

  “Seriously?” I raised an eyebrow at him. Wasn’t it obvious why?

  “Seriously.”

  “Well, think about it for a minute. A guy tells you that he loves you and then turns around and buys you flowers…or worse, tells you that he loves you with flowers. Cut flowers die. They die in a few days after being cut…and this is what you guys choose to use as proof of your love? Something that dies in a few days? To me it seems like foreshadowing or something, like your basically saying that our love is beautiful but only for a limited time and then it will wither away to nothing like your flowers.”

  Nick stared at me, dumbfounded. “Who thinks like that? Wow, I get what you mean, but dang.”

  “I’m a live plant kind of girl.” I winked.

  “Live plants, huh? Why, because it symbolizes our love growing more each day?” he asked playfully.

  “That’s right.” I leaned in and pecked him on the lips before walking into the kitchen to see if his mom needed help cooking anything.

  CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN

  NICK

  Dinner had been amazing, but what I’d liked most about Thanksgiving this year was seeing the two most important women in my life happy. My mom was unbruised and smiling. And Jules was sitting beside me, holding my hand beneath the table, and trying to eat one armed just like me, because I liked to think that neither of us could bear to let the other go.

  In this moment, life was good.

  CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT

  JULIE

  November passed and before I knew it the second week of December was already upon me. Things changed, slightly. My weekly visits with Brian remained the same. Although they were a sore spot in Nick’s and my relationship, he knew first hand why they were a necessity. Mom gained herself another adoring fan for a boyfriend; only this time he was seriously an adoring fan of hers with absolutely no eyes for me whatsoever. Maybe this one would finally work out for her. I could only hope.

  I slowly began to put what happened with Vincent to rest in my mind. Maybe locking the memory up tight in a box would be a better way to describe it. Either way, I felt a little more like the old me each day. The reason for this was Nick. Hands down.

  ~

  I stretched and slipped out of bed, thankful it was Saturday and I’d thought to ask for the day off work. Today was Nick’s eighteenth birthday and I had a lot of shopping to do. I riffled through my dresser until I found some jeans and a long-sleeved shirt, then headed for the shower, knowing Emily and Tiffany would be here to pick me up in an hour.

  I let the hot water slip over my skin and wrap me in a blanket of warmth. A rough knock beat across the bathroom door and I jumped.

  “Just a minute. I’m almost done,” I shouted over the rushing water.

  “Hurry up! There’s only one bathroom and you’re not the only one who lives here, you know?” Cole shouted even louder back to me.

  I hadn’t even known he was home. “I know. I said I’m hurrying!”

  I could hear him grumble something as I finished rinsing the shampoo out of my hair. Once I cut off the water I quickly dried and got dressed, grabbed the blow dryer from under the sink, then hurried out so Cole could have his time.

  “About damn time,” he muttered as he shouldered past me.

  I shook my head. He could be so ill for the first hour he was awake. After blow drying my hair I went downstairs to see if there was something in the fridge. Mom liked George as much as he liked her, so keeping more than the bare minimum in the fridge was part of her plan to help keep him around. Milk was in the side door and there was an actual box of cereal sitting on the counter—neither of which I had bought. This sight surprised me, still.

  “There you are,” mom said as she shuffled her pink house-slippered feet into the kitchen. “I’ve been waiting for you to get up. I need you to pick up double the prescription you usually get for me and I need it by tonight.”

  I stopped chewing and just stared at her. There were two things wrong with her statement. One, I absolutely hated the nonchalant way that she said her prescription as though that was what it was and nothing more. And two, the fact that I would have to spend time with Brian on Nick’s birthday.

  “I can’t,” I said. “I have plans today.”

  “Well, weasel it in. I told someone at work I could get theirs cheaper for them.” She wrapped her thin silver robe around her tiny waist tighter and walked away.

  How the hell was I supposed to do that today of all days? And then I realized double the usual also meant double the money…my money. Guess I wouldn’t be able to get Nick everything I’d wanted to for his bi
rthday.

  CHAPTER FORTY-NINE

  NICK

  Eighteen. Today was my eighteenth birthday; I couldn’t believe it. I knew that it was just a number, but it seemed so surreal to know that that was how old I was now. I was finally a legal adult. A small knock sounded on my bedroom door.

  “Come in,” I said.

  The door opened slowly and mom poked her head in. “I wasn’t sure you’d be awake.”

  “I am.” I had been for a while, actually. I’d never been one to sleep while excited.

  “Well, your father and I got you something,” she said, stepping into my dimly lit room.

  I deflated a little at the mention of my dad and I could tell by mom’s face she’d noticed.

  “He called this morning asking about what your plans were for today. He wants you to come visit him, you know? He’d really like to see you on your birthday especially.”

  I sat up in bed and shook my head; there was no way in hell I was spending my birthday with him at some clinic. “No. I don’t want to see him.”

  She sighed. “All right, I won’t press the issue, but I wish you’d at least consider it. You haven’t been to see him once, Nick. He’s really trying to get better and I wish you’d support him a little.”

  “Support him?” I scoffed. I hated that she was constantly telling me that bullshit, especially when she insinuated that he was sick, like it was some sort of a cold you could catch or something. It was his choice to put his lips to the bottle each time and not know his limits. He didn’t catch it by someone coughing in his fucking face. There was no reason for me to feel sorry for him.

  Mom pressed her thumb and index finger together as she squeezed the bridge of her nose. “Fine, I’m not going to get into this with you.”

  “Thank you,” I mumbled.

  “Here’s the present we got you,” she said, handing me a large blue bag with green tissue paper poking out the top.

  I smiled and took it from her, even though I hated the we she’d added when I knew it was only from her. He’d had no part in buying it or picking it out. Pulling out all the tissue paper and tossing it onto the bed beside of me, I hesitated before glancing inside.

  “Go on,” mom urged. “I hope you like it.”

  I reached in and pulled out a green jacket. It was a nice one, like the ones you see in the Old Navy commercials made out of shinny windbreaker material. I held it up. The inside was lined with a brown fleece and there was a hat attached in the back.

  “Try it on so I can make sure it fits. If it doesn’t, then I’ll take it back when I go visit your dad again,” mom said, rubbing her temples.

  I stood and slipped the jacket on. “You have a headache or something?”

  “Yeah, I’ve had one since this morning,” she muttered. “So, how do you think it fits? It looks good on you, really brings out the green in your eyes.”

  I smiled and shrugged. “Fits good. I like it. Thanks, Mom,” I said as I bent down to give her a hug.

  “You’re welcome,” she whispered.

  My cell chimed, alerting me of a new text, and I scurried to get it, knowing it would be Jules wishing me a happy birthday. It was.

  Hey, birthday boy! I’m off to go shopping with Emily and Tiffany. I’ll see you later. ~ Jules

  I smiled; she’d changed her signature to Jules. I loved that. I replied back.

  Sounds good. I can’t wait to see you.

  After I got a shower and ate something, my cell went off again; this time it was Blake wanting to hang out. Since Jules would be a while, I figured I might as well. He responded by saying he’d be at my house in a few to pick me up. I didn’t know where we were going or what Blake had in mind, but it beat sitting around while I waited on Jules to get done shopping.

  Today had started out to be a pretty good day.

  CHAPTER FIFTY

  JULIE

  The thought of telling Nick that I was going to have to meet with Brian today of all days was absolutely unbearable. So, I decided that it wasn’t considered lying if I just left that part of my day out—it was considered omittance. At least thinking of it this way made me feel a little better.

  I’d told Emily and Tiffany that I’d need about an hour and a half to do some chores before they came to get me. Again, not really a lie, getting my mother’s prescription could be considered a chore. I did do it weekly. And then I’d sent Brian a text too, asking if he could meet me in thirty minutes at our usual spot. He’d responded quickly with a yes and I felt my insides burn with shame and guilt.

  I peeked out my bedroom window and stared at Nick’s house, making sure he wasn’t in his garage working out or working on his car. A black Honda Civic pulled up in his driveway and Blake stepped out to knock on the door. A few minutes later Nick and Blake climbed in his car and drove away. I let out a sigh; keeping my meeting with Brian a secret was going to be easy.

  I smiled, unbelieving my good luck as I jogged down the stairs and sprinted out the front door. I could get this over with and not have to think about it again. Nick would never have to know and I’d be able to hand over mom’s pills and then continue on with my day as though that minor setback had never happened.

  Bundled up in my red jacket Nick liked so much and the white scarf he’d bought for me a few days ago, I walked to my usual meet-up spot with Brian. I sat at the wooden picnic table and waited for his blue Blazer to pull into the gas station. It took him a while longer than I’d expected and I kept constantly checking my phone for the time. Maybe things weren’t going to go as smoothly as I’d thought.

  Just when I was about to text him and find out if he was on his way, he pulled up. I jumped up and hustled to his passenger side door. Sliding inside, I welcomed the warmth that enveloped me.

  “Cold?” Brian ginned. “Sorry it took me so long. I had to stop by a dude’s house on the way here. He likes to talk for a while so nothing looks suspicious.”

  “It’s fine. Sorry to text you on such short notice,” I said, nervous about what I’d have to say next. I wondered if he’d judge me, but then I decided that it shouldn’t matter what he thought about me as long as he gave me what my mom needed. “Um, I really need to double my order today, is that okay?”

  Brian turned his full attention to me after he’d backed out of his parking space. “Sure, not a problem.” He nodded and then shifted into drive. An emotion had flashed across his face for a split second, one that I thought had been concern, but it was gone as quickly as it had come.

  I felt myself relax a little. “Thanks.”

  “Anything for you, groceries are in the backseat like always.” He winked.

  I reached around for the same grocery bag that had been in his backseat since I’d met him and dug out the container of breadcrumbs.

  After making our transaction while he drove around, because I’d told him I was pressed for time, Brian headed back to the gas station to drop me off.

  “Are you sure you don’t want me to just swing you by your house?” Brian asked. “It’s cold out and I’m sure that since you walk it can’t be that far.”

  I shook my head no. That was so not a good idea. “It’s fine. I don’t mind walking, really.”

  He pulled into a parking space and shifted in his seat to look at me. His eyes caught mine and I shifted my gaze away.

  “So, do you have any plans for today?” he asked and I couldn’t have been more shocked if he’d hit me. Brian had never asked me if I had any plans after a deal was made.

  My stomach twisted. It was that awkward moment when you know you’re about to be asked out and you don’t want it to happen.

  “Umm, I have to meet up with Emily and Tiffany in a few minutes,” I said, my sudden shock brought on by his question no doubt leaking into my words.

  “How about tonight?” he pressed further, the dimple in his cheek deepening as his lips twisted into a confident smile.

  “I would, but I have plans, actually,” I answered, kicking myself mentally for adding
the ‘I would’ part in there. Why I couldn’t say that I had plans with my boyfriend was beyond me.

  “Really? Well, I umm…I—” he cut himself off by pressing his lips to mine, uninvited, unforeseen, and I froze.

  CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE

  NICK

  After Blake picked me up we’d went straight to Quiet Tom’s house and scooped him up as well. We stopped at McDonald’s and hit the drive-through. If I had known they wanted to eat someplace I wouldn’t have eaten before I left. Afterward we stopped at the Exxon station by my street to gas up because wherever I was being taken to, it was apparently going to be a long drive.

  Blake hopped out and began pumping while I got out to use the bathroom—the orange juice I’d had ran right through me. On my way back to the car I noticed a familiar blue Blazer pulling into a parking spot to my far left and I eyed it, wondering if it was Brian. I’d never been the jealous type, but knowing that Jules had to see him once a freaking week really got under my skin, even though I knew the reason why.

  I stopped mid-step when I realized it was him and he wasn’t alone.

  Jules sat in the passenger seat. I couldn’t see much from where I stood, but she looked like she was a little dressed up, in the red jacket I told her I liked and the white scarf I’d given to her a few days ago. I took in a deep breath and tried to calm my spiraling mind, tried to curb the anger that had began to boil through my blood at the sight of the two of them together. Why hadn’t she said she needed to meet him today? Why had she lied to me and said she’d be hanging out with Emily and Tiffany shopping?

  I took a step closer, battling with myself on whether or not I should confront her and ask why, acting all pissy and angry like I wanted to, or walk over calmly to see what she was up to, knowing that she must have a good reason for not wanting me to know about her meeting with him. The decision was made for me when I saw what happened next play out in slow motion—Brian leaned in and kissed her.