The Wrong Kind of Love

by Lexi Ryan

  I draw in a shaky breath. “I’m so, so sorry.” My apologies mean nothing—I know that—but I offer them anyway. “This must be a very stressful time for you.”

  “My family has been through too much. My kids all watched my husband die slowly. By the time he passed away, he wasn’t their father anymore. He was a shell—a body living with pain. I don’t even remember how many times they all rushed to his side to say goodbye. Then when Lilly lost her mother . . .” She looks away. “Well, Elena had her own kind of slow death.”

  I didn’t think about the child’s mother. I thought maybe she’d left, not that she’d died. “I’m so sorry. That must have been horrible.”

  “It was devastating to the whole family. Ethan still hasn’t recovered.” She lifts her gaze to meet mine, and I see the stubborn steel in her eyes and the set of her jaw. “I won’t do that to them again.”

  I look around the coffee shop to make sure no one is close enough to hear me. “You’re not going to tell them that you’re dying?”

  “I’m not dying until I decide I’m dying,” she snaps. She takes a breath. “I’m going to fight this. I’m going to Germany for treatments. If I get better, I’ll come home, and it won’t be goodbye. But if I don’t . . .” She shifts her gaze to the windows, and I wonder if she sees the street beyond or if all she can see in this moment is an image of herself living the last days of her life alone in some foreign country. “I won’t make my children watch me die a little every day, like they did with their father. I won’t put my sweet granddaughter through that.”

  “They’re your family. They’d want to know the truth.”

  She brings her attention back to me and pulls her hand away from mine. “I don’t need you to agree with my decision, and I don’t need your approval. But I hope you have enough compassion in your heart that you hear my plea. I know my family. I know what they’ve been through and what they can handle. Believe me when I say that everything I do for them I do because I want them to have the best lives they can. And that includes asking you to do this little favor.”

  “To pretend I’m Veronica?”

  She nods. “To pretend that nothing’s wrong. To take this job. You pretend to be Veronica because my son has agreed to take her into his home. Everything else, you can be you. We know so little about your sister, honestly. You don’t have to lie about anything other than your full name. And that lie isn’t so much a lie as a favor to a sick old woman who loves her family more than her own life and desperately wants to protect them.”

  I draw in a ragged breath. I don’t want to go home. There’s nothing there for me but failure, judgment, and a history of mistakes. But I don’t want to pretend to be my sister, either. In fact, right now I’d rather forget her altogether.

  “Please,” Kathleen says. “I had to pull so many strings to get in with the specialist I’m seeing in Germany, and I don’t know what’ll happen if I have to put this off. I’m desperate.”

  I find myself nodding. This is temporary. There’s nothing waiting for me in Jeffe. I’ve spent my entire life trying to find my place there and failing. I can pretend to be Veronica for three months as a favor to this sweet woman. I’ll use the time to heal, to figure out what I want for the first time in my life. And at the end of it all, I’ll find somewhere to start a new life.

  Nicole

  Teagan’s screech of excitement is so loud that I have to pull the phone away from my ear. “This is awesome!” she says. “You always were my favorite twin.”

  I roll my eyes. “Shut up. You didn’t have a favorite. And you’d still think I was Veronica if I hadn’t told you the truth.”

  “Just because your looks are identical doesn’t mean your personalities are. You’re the good twin; she’s the evil one. This is not news to me.”

  I bite my bottom lip, fighting the instinct to defend Veronica. I know Teagan doesn’t mean it, but she’s not the first person to suggest that I’m the “good” one. “If she’s so evil, why did you get her a job in your town? And as a nanny, no less?”

  “She’s not evil evil. Just a little evil. Kind of like me, but with less remorse. I’m selfish in preferring you. You’re the yin to my yang.”

  Truth be told, Veronica isn’t evil at all. She’s self-assured and unapologetic, and when we were children, she was a bit of a troublemaker. But other than sleeping with my fiancé, she’s never done anything I could classify as outright evil. What Teagan means is Veronica’s more adventurous than I am. She goes after what she wants, while I’ve always been happy to hang out in the shadows. Okay, maybe not happy, but more comfortable. I’ve never been the brave one, never been willing to take risks or make choices for myself alone. I’ve always admired those characteristics in my twin.

  “While I enjoy hanging out with your evil twin from time to time,” Teagan says, “I’m much more excited about having you live in Jackson Harbor.”

  “You don’t think the lie is a big deal?” I couldn’t tell Teagan why Kathleen asked me to do this special favor, but since she seems to know the Jacksons, I figured it was important that she know the rest of the family will believe I’m Veronica.

  “Who cares? It’s a name, and you’re still going by Nic. It’s hardly a lie at all.”

  “I’m not sure I agree with that, but it’s just temporary.” And Kathleen needs this favor.

  “Exactly. So, you’re on your way there now?”

  “Yeah. I forwarded my references to Kathleen so she can make sure I’m not a psycho, and I start tonight. Wish me luck.”

  “You don’t need it. You were the kiddie whisperer in college. They always loved you, and I’m sure that hasn’t changed. Call me when you get settled so we can make plans for later in the week.”

  “Thanks, Teagan. I appreciate it.”

  “Anytime, girl.”

  I end the call and toss the phone into the passenger seat. On one hand, it’s weird not having my own phone. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve reached for the phone, forgetting it wasn’t mine. But on the other hand, I might be tempted to check social media if I had all my accounts at my fingertips. I don’t know what people are saying about me and my wedding, and I don’t want to know. In that sense, I’m glad to have Veronica’s phone. She uninstalled her social media apps months ago. I probably should have taken that as a sign that something weird was going on with her.

  Dr. Jackson’s home is a ten-minute drive from my hotel in downtown Jackson Harbor. It’s an old two-story house with a big front porch and cheery yellow siding. There’s a big oak tree in the front yard with a tire swing tied to it. If someone wanted to put the American dream in a snapshot, I’m pretty sure they’d use this house, with its wooded backyard and big bay windows.

  I park on the street, unsure if pulling into the driveway might block someone in, and walk up to the door with my hands fisted in my pockets.

  You’re perfectly qualified to do this job. The lie isn’t important—the favor is.

  I climb onto the porch and stop in front of the door. Squeezing my eyes shut, I pull in a deep breath and force myself to think positive thoughts. Maybe I’m making a bigger deal out of this than it is. I do that all the time—get myself in knots over little details that don’t matter in the long run.

  I find the doorbell and press it once, firmly. Seconds later, heavy steps boom toward me, and I hold my breath as I await my fate. But the man who opens the door isn’t a stranger. It’s the guy who was behind the counter at the bar last night. The one who wouldn’t let me pay for my drinks—the mysterious stranger’s brother.

  The bartender recognizes me immediately, and his lips curl into a smile. “Hey, I wasn’t sure I’d get to see you again.” He seems really pleased. “My brother’s in the backyard with his daughter.”

  “What’s he doing here?”

  “Isn’t that why you’re here? Want me to get him?”

  “Um . . .” I turn to the house number then look down at the information that’s typed into my—Vero
nica’s—phone. “I’m looking for Dr. Jackson?” I swallow. “Maybe I have the wrong house. I’m supposed to be the new nanny for a little girl named Lilly?”

  “Dr. Jackson?” He cocks his head and studies me like I might have a few screws loose. “My brother did tell you his name last night, right?”

  I blink at him. What the hell is going on here? Is Jake the bartender also Jake the doctor? That’s . . . ridiculous. Maybe I’m on the wrong street. “No, but that’s not important. Listen, I don’t want to be late, and I’m supposed to be meeting—”

  “Dr. Jackson?” He brings his fist to his mouth and bites his knuckle as if he’s trying not to smile. “Because you’re Dr. Jackson’s new nanny?”

  I nod. “Yeah. Do you know where he lives?”

  His eyebrows shoot up into his hairline and his jaw works as he stares at me. “Oh, he lives here. Ethan Jackson is my brother.”

  “Is he one of the guys from that meeting last night?” I frown. Jackson Brews. Shit, I thought the “Jackson” in Jackson Brews was for Jackson Harbor. Of course, now that I know the “Jackson” in Jackson Harbor is from this family, I really should have put it all together.

  Jake’s face splits into a big grin. “Holy shit, this is beautiful. Let me just take a moment and soak it in.”

  My mysterious stranger appears behind Jake. He’s wearing a black leather jacket and gloves, and his eyes darken when they take me in. There’s already a swarm of nervous butterflies occupying my belly, and the sight of him makes them do the cha-cha. He narrows his eyes at me. “Nic? What are you doing here?”

  Jake straightens and presses a hand to his belly, taking a deep breath before turning to face his brother. “Nic is here because she’s the new nanny.” He turns back to me and points to my mysterious stranger. “Nic, this is Dr. Jackson, but you can call him Ethan.”

  I can feel the blood draining from my face even as I watch the same happen to Ethan. Last night, he put his name and phone number on a piece of paper. And I was so proud of myself for throwing it away. If I’d read it, I could have avoided this. Or at least been prepared.

  Jake chuckles and smacks Ethan on the back. “The good news is you already know you enjoy her company, am I right?” He holds his side and tries to breathe around his laughter. “I’ll leave you two alone.”

  Please don’t. I stare at Jake’s retreating form, but he’s gone, and I’m standing here clutching my purse, staring at Dr. Ethan Jackson. The sexy stranger who gave me the hottest night of my life.

  My new boss.

  How did this happen?

  All the heat in his eyes turns cold. Even though it sucks to have his anger directed at me, I think I prefer it to his completely blank expression. “You told me your name was Nic.”

  “It is.”

  “My nanny’s name is Veronica.”

  I nod stupidly. “That’s right.”

  He folds his arms. “Which is it? Veronica, or Nic?”

  I’m speechless. It was one thing to plan to lie to a complete stranger, but lying to a man who touched me the way this man did last night feels unforgivable. “I’m sorry.” I shake my head. “I didn’t know. Maybe I should leave?”

  “You’ve met!” someone chirps behind me.

  I swing around to see Kathleen Jackson climbing the front steps. She’s in a long black peacoat and has a Burberry scarf wrapped around her neck. She’s smiling so brightly that I almost don’t recognize her as the woman who confessed she was ill and begged me to lie as a favor to her.

  Her gaze bounces between me and Ethan. “Everything okay?”

  “Yeah,” Ethan says. “Everything’s fine.”

  Guilt ripples through me. I haven’t even started yet, and I feel like I’ve already let this woman down.

  Ethan

  Since I walked away from her last night, I’ve done little but think about Nic. Her taste, the feel of her skin under mine, the sound of her moan when I slid my hand between her legs and parted her thighs.

  I spent half my day trying to convince myself that I didn’t need to see her again. When that didn’t work, I proceeded to spend the next half trying to imagine a scenario in which I could taste her again. I was distracted with thoughts of showing up at her hotel room and kissing her before she could speak. I went to the gym and worked out hard, trying to shake the memory of her, and when that failed, I spent my shower with my dick in my hand and the memory of her taste on my tongue.

  But nowhere in my grand scheming and daydreaming did I imagine her moving into my home. In none of the scenarios I cobbled together did I want her to get close to Lilly.

  “Why are you two out here in the cold?” Mom asks. “It’s freezing. Get inside.”

  I tear my eyes off Nic for the first time since I spotted her on my porch. Mom is beaming at Nic.

  “I’m sorry I was late. Those ladies on the Friends of the Library Committee wouldn’t stop chattering about stuff that has nothing to do with the library. Those women, I swear they only do it for the gossip.” Mom waves a hand. “Anyway, I’m here now.”

  “Good to see you, Mom.” I lean forward to hug her and kiss her cheek. I need to buy time. I need to think. If I send Nic away right now, it’ll mean Mom has to cancel her trip. It would also mean . . . sending Nic away.

  Nic’s cheeks are bright pink. Is that embarrassment? Last night, I’d have confidently interpreted her expression as embarrassment, but now I’m questioning everything I think I know about her. Was her bullshit about not wanting my name all part of a game? Did she already know who I was? That’s the only explanation for how convenient this all feels.

  “Come on.” Mom puts a hand on each of our backs. “Into the house, you two.”

  Suddenly, I’m sixteen again and called into the kitchen after my mom found condoms in my bedroom. That day she sat me and Elena down and gave us the most straightforward sex-and-consequences talk any parent has ever given.

  Nic shoots me a helpless glance before following Mom into the house. I go in after them and pull the door shut behind me.

  In the kitchen, Lilly is sitting at the counter drinking a mug of hot chocolate that’s piled with marshmallows—because she has Uncle Jake whooped.

  “You’ve met Lilly before,” Mom says to Nic.

  Nic blinks at her. She’s still reeling, too. Good. I don’t want to be the only one here without my bearings.

  Lilly hops off the stool and stands in front of Nic with wide arms and a hot chocolate mustache. “My new nanny!”

  Nic drops to one knee and gives Lilly the hug she’s waiting for. The gesture seems so instinctive that it makes my throat thick.

  “Nic and I met in town earlier so I could give her the rundown on Lilly’s routine,” Mom says. She pulls a set of keys from her purse and puts them on the counter with a pile of paperwork. “You’ll use my car while I’m away, and your house keys are here as well. And there’s also a family credit card for you to use for groceries and gas, that kind of thing.” She turns to Jake. “Have you met Nic?”

  “I thought her name was Veronica,” I snap. I sound like a sullen asshole, but that’s in line with how I feel, so I’m going to roll with it.

  “Nic can be short for Veronica,” Mom scolds me. “Seriously, Ethan. You have no imagination.”

  “We met last night at Jackson Brews,” Jake says, his eyes all but twinkling. Bastard. “But I can’t stress enough how good it is to see you again, Nic.”

  “You’re different,” Lilly says softly, scanning Nic’s face. She touches her temple. “Why are you sad now?”

  Nic shakes her head. “I’m not sad, but today’s a big day for me. I’m nervous.”

  “No need for that,” Mom says. “Lilly, you’ll take care of Nic, won’t you?”

  Lilly giggles. “She’s supposed to take care of me.”

  “But we all need friends,” Nic says. “I’d love it if you’d be mine.”

  Lilly puts a finger to her lips as if she has to pretend to think about it. “Do you like Shop
kins?”

  Nic nods solemnly. “Kooky Cookie is my favorite.”

  Lilly’s eyes go wide, and I know for a fact that Nic just earned cool points for knowing a Shopkin by name. “Mine too!”

  Nic wrinkles her nose. “Do you have any Shopkins I can play with?”

  Lilly nods. “I’ll go get them!” She rushes to the stairs.

  Nic stands and looks at me. “Can we speak privately?”

  “Oh, I’ll get out of your hair,” Mom says. “Jake, would you help me get my luggage down? I still need to finish packing.”

  “Sure thing.” He follows Mom down the hall, and I watch their retreat, not turning back to Nic until I hear the click of the door that leads to the apartment behind the garage.

  Nic has her arms wrapped around her waist and is looking around the kitchen like she’s just stepped into Narnia.

  I clear my throat. “Nic?”

  She walks over to the stack of papers Mom left and fingers through them without looking at me. “Do you want me to leave?”

  I drag a hand through my hair. “Yes.”

  Her gaze snaps to meet mine, but she looks away just as fast. “Okay. I understand.”

  “But you can’t. Not without ruining my mother’s plans or putting me in an impossible situation.” I step forward until I’m standing in front of her. My jaw aches, and I unclench my teeth. “Nic? Look at me.”

  Slowly, she lifts her eyes to meet mine, and lust zips hot and fast through my blood. For a beat, I’m tempted to forget the mess we’re in and focus on her and her alone, tempted to make those soft honey eyes hazy with pleasure one more time.

  I lock those instincts away and focus on what matters here. “I need a nanny. Not a wife. Not even a girlfriend.”

  She winces and draws in a breath. “I didn’t know you were my new boss.”

  “I didn’t know you were my new nanny.”

  I’m aware of every thundering beat of my heart as we stare at each other. The longer I look into her eyes, the more the frustration and anger knotting my gut morphs into desire. The tension between us is palpable, and it’s thicker than anger. This push and pull is full of sex and longing. I shouldn’t want her now. This whole situation feels off. Too convenient. Too coincidental. But I want her anyway. I didn’t get enough of her last night. All the anger in the world couldn’t make me forget the way she tasted or the sounds she made when I put my mouth on her. Even as I stand here and think of what a mess last night has made of my future, I want to push her against the counter and finish what we started in her hotel room.