She's So Dead To Us

by Kieran Scott

  “I never hated Ally,” she said with a sigh. “It was just that Shannen and Faith and Ham were so crazy adamant about how we should freeze her out . . . I just went along.”

  “Really?” I asked. I had wondered about that the night of her birthday, when she’d said she wished Ally were there. And she had kept the secret about Ally’s father way before any of the rest of us had been forced to start keeping it. “So all this time . . . you would have been hanging out with her.”

  Chloe lifted her shoulders, then sat back in her chair again. “She was my best friend. It wasn’t her fault, what her dad did. It all seems so long ago now, anyway.” She touched her hair and sighed, then leaned her chin on her hand. “It’s exhausting sometimes, isn’t it? Caring so much about what other people think?”

  She glanced over her shoulder at Hammond, who was laughing loudly over something one of the guys had said. I blinked. There couldn’t actually be trouble in Chlammond-land, could there?

  “Whatever.” She sat up straight again. “The point is, I think you should go for it.”

  This was unbelievable. Chloe, the girl who every other girl at this school worshipped, the person who could turn around opinion of Ally Ryan with a snap of her fingers, didn’t hate her. Even though she was the one person who had a good reason to. Not that she had any idea about that.

  I felt guilty, suddenly, knowing something she maybe should have known but didn’t, and looked away.

  “What’re you losers talking about?” Shannen asked. She dropped into the chair on my other side and grabbed some grapes off the fruit plate. The skinny strap on her black dress fell down her arm, but she made no move to fix it. Her face was sweaty, and her hair was all messed up.

  “Whether or not Jake has the guts to ask out Ally,” Chloe said matter-of-factly.

  Shannen’s gaze flicked to me. She dropped back in her chair violently. “I knew it. I knew it!”

  I clenched my teeth. “Oh, so now you’re talking to me?”

  It had been two months of dead silence from her. Ever since the morning after my birthday. Not a single word.

  “Come on, Shannen. What’s the big deal?” Chloe asked, lifting her slim shoulders. “Aren’t we getting a little old for this whole Norm-Crestie thing?”

  “That’s not what this is about,” Shannen shot back.

  Chloe sighed and dusted off her fingers. “Then what is it about?”

  Shannen stared at her. I could tell it was right on the tip of her tongue. She wanted to tell her about Hammond and Ally, and she was probably drunk enough to do it.

  “Shannen,” I said in a warning tone.

  She looked at me, startled, as if she were just waking up.

  “You know what? Fine,” Shannen said, shoving back from the table. “You want to go out with her? Go out with her.”

  “Shannen—”

  She grabbed her bag and rolled her shoulders back, taking a deep breath. “No. I’m serious, Jake. I’m done. If you want to go slumming, that’s your problem.”

  Then she turned and walked off to the bathroom in a huff.

  “Don’t listen to her. She’s drunk,” Chloe said.

  “I know,” I said with a sigh.

  “So? Are you going to ask her out?” Chloe asked, leaning forward on the table to better see Ally.

  “I think it’s too late for that,” I said.

  “Why?”

  “I fucked up,” I told her, toying with some of the silver vampire-fang confetti that was all over the table. “It’s a long story, but . . . I think she kind of hates me now.”

  “So, make her not hate you,” Chloe said.

  Like it was that simple. “How?”

  “You need a grand gesture,” she told me. “The big romantic moment. Girls live for that stuff.” She got up and touched my back lightly, picking up her little round bag with her other hand. “You’ll figure it out.”

  “But what about—”

  “Everyone else?” she said with a smile. She lifted her arms casually. “Look at them. Do you really care what they think?” She looked at the guys, who were sneaking sips from a flask, then almost spitting the drink out their noses from laughing so hard. “Or them?” We glanced at the girls, who were dancing and gossiping at the same time, laughing behind their hands at some chubby girl’s dress. “Maybe we should both stop caring what they think.” Then she turned and sauntered off toward the bathroom after Shannen.

  Ally was still dancing with her friends, carefree and happy and so gorgeous I could have died from wanting to be with her. A grand gesture. What did that mean exactly? All I knew was, I had to figure it out. Because I couldn’t spend one more second feeling like this.

  jake

  “Coach! Can I get into the supply closet? A couple of us want to kick a ball around after school today, and I need guards.”

  “Sure thing, Jake. I like the initiative,” Coach Martz said, getting up from his desk. “It’s not everyone who starts practicing for soccer season in May.”

  “Yeah, well. You know me,” I replied.

  “I do at that.” He got his keys from the top drawer of his desk and lumbered past me out the door.

  My heart pounded like I was doing something wrong, even though I knew I wasn’t. It probably wasn’t going to work out anyway. If I were on the outside of this, I’d tell myself not to get my panties in a twist.

  Coach opened the door and flicked on the light, which blinked a few times before dimly illuminating the room. Long metal shelves lined either side of the closet. They were packed with everything from bins of tennis balls to forgotten fencing equipment to boxes of ancient trophies no one cared about anymore.

  I glanced at Coach Martz. Was he going to hang out and wait for me? Crap. This whole thing was pointless if he did. Then his cell phone vibrated. He whipped it out and checked the screen.

  “Take what you need and lock up after yourself,” he said. “I gotta take this.”

  I let out a sigh of relief and ducked inside. There was a bin of shin guards and knee pads just inside the door. When I heard Coach’s office door close, I turned toward the back of the closet. I had spotted it one day last year when Hammond and I had been in charge of rounding up cones and nets for soccer drills. I hadn’t even realized what I was looking at then. Now I just hoped it was still there.

  On the second highest shelf, right under the trophies, was a long, thin box marked DANCE POMS. I shoved it aside, and there it was. A blue plastic bin with a piece of masking tape stuck to the side. On it, in pencil, someone had scrawled “rings and pins.”

  I held my breath. Images of Indiana Jones flashed through my mind. But when I popped the top, no light shone out at me. There was no choir of angels. Just a ton of pins and tie tacks in plastic baggies. Plus three velvet boxes.

  I opened up the first one. It was big, with a maroon stone and a football on the side. The second was a gymnastics ring. There was only one left. I took a breath, pried it open, and slowly smiled.

  Score.

  ally

  “Happy birthday, dear Ally! Happy birthday to you!”

  My mother set a strawberry shortcake down in front of me at the table, and it was alight with seventeen birthday candles. I looked at the small crowd gathered around me—Mom, Gray, Annie, and Quinn—and I missed my father so much I could hardly breathe. Ever since arriving home from my driver’s test—which I had gleefully passed—that morning, I had been on edge, waiting for the phone to ring. But nothing. Nada. Zip. Where was he right then? Did he even realize it was my birthday? Did he even care?

  Mom looked at me sadly, and I knew she knew what I was thinking. She’d gone to so much trouble, with the dozens of colorful balloons, the spaghetti dinner, the colorful paper plates—I hated for her to think I wasn’t happy. So I put on a big grin, took a breath, and blew out the candles. When they all went out with one blow, I thrust my arms in the air, mugging for Gray’s video camera. Just like I was supposed to.

  “Yay! You got your wish!”
Quinn cheered.

  Too bad I’d forgotten to make one.

  I pushed myself up from the table, and my mom gave me a kiss and a squeeze. “I’m so proud of you, hon.”

  For what? I wanted to say. Making it to the ripe old age of seventeen?

  But that was just the acerbic, annoyed, abandoned-daughter part of me talking. So instead I said, “Thanks, Mom.”

  “Are you gonna open your presents?” Quinn asked. My mom gave her a quick squeeze, which caused a twinge in my heart. Every time I saw evidence of how close those two were getting, I wanted to hurl. But at least Quinn had gotten nicer as a result. That was something. If I was stuck with her for the entire summer, I was better off with this version of her instead of the stony-silent version.

  “Sure.” I headed for the living room area while my mom whisked the cake away to cut it.

  “So, what did you wish for?” Annie asked. “And don’t give me any of that ‘if I tell you it won’t come true’ crap.”

  “I hope you didn’t wish for the bigger room at the shore house, because that’s mine,” Quinn said, dropping onto the couch.

  “Quinn!” her father scolded. “Just for that I should give Ally the bigger room.”

  “What? No! Daddy!” Quinn sat forward, whining up at him.

  “It’s fine. I don’t need a big room. I’m planning on getting a job and working as many hours as humanly possible.”

  “You go, party animal,” Annie said.

  I smirked. “Don’t worry. When you come down to visit I promise to party.”

  “Really!? I get to come visit? Yay!” She threw her arm around my neck. “So? What did you wish for?” Once she got on topic, she rarely got off until satisfied.

  “Nothing,” I said, lifting my shoulders. “I forgot.”

  “Well, what were you thinking about right before?” Quinn asked as her father turned his camera on me again. “World peace? Cuz that would be nice.”

  Of course it would, future Miss America. I tried to conjure up a good lie, because I wasn’t about to tell her I’d been thinking about my father, but then the doorbell rang.

  My heart fluttered, and I looked at my mother across the room. She froze with the cake cutter half inside the cake. Did her stomach suddenly feel like it was going to drop out of her body too?

  “I’ll get it!” Gray announced, slapping his viewfinder closed.

  “No!” my mom and I blurted.

  But he was already at the door. I turned around slowly, holding my breath. Was my father really here? Had I somehow wished him to my doorstep? My blood rushed so loudly in my ears I couldn’t even hear Gray at the door. It was like trying to eavesdrop on the lifeguards from the deep end of the country club pool—which used to be Faith’s and my favorite summertime activity.

  Finally, Gray returned, with our guest at his heels. For the first time since returning to Orchard Hill, I was disappointed to see Jake Graydon.

  “Hey,” he said.

  Tears stung my eyes, and I looked down at my feet. I breathed in slowly and let it out in one, long breath.

  Don’t be a baby, Ally. You had to know it wasn’t going to be him.

  “Sorry. Is this a bad time?” Jake asked.

  A bad time? Was he kidding? What the hell was he even doing here? The last time I’d spoken to him I’d taken off on my bike near tears. What about that encounter screamed, “How about you crash my birthday party?”

  “No! Of course not!” my mother said brightly. I wondered how she was going to explain our random outburst to Gray later. And why was she being so nice to Jake? But then, I hadn’t told her about the prom thing. I’d just acted like going with Marshall as friends was all I’d ever wanted, because the truth was too humiliating. “Come on in, Jake.”

  Jake’s face was all hopeful. Like, for a second he forgot to act cool. And I kind of liked that. He was wearing a light blue crew-neck sweater and jeans, looking way too handsome for words. There was a small, wrapped box in his hand with a yellow bow on it.

  “Actually, I can’t stay,” he said. “I remembered it was your birthday, and I . . .” He looked down at the present, then thrust it at me awkwardly. “Here.”

  I took the gift in both hands, at a loss.

  “Well? Open it!” Annie said.

  “It’s okay if you want to wait,” Jake said.

  Of course that made me want to open it right away. I yanked the paper off, and inside was a maroon velvet box. Maybe he was trying to bribe me with diamond earrings. Get me to forgive him by dropping his father’s cash on jewels. He was a Crestie, after all. I pried the box open, planning all the witty, sarcastic things I would say when I shoved the contents back in his face.

  My jaw dropped. Nestled inside the box was my championship ring. The one I should have been awarded my freshman year. It had a burgundy stone in the middle with ORCHARD HILL HIGH SCHOOL etched in an oval around it. One side was decorated with a tiny basketball with my first name stamped above it. The other side had the year and the inscription JV CHAMPS.

  “Ohmigod,” I breathed.

  “What is it?” Quinn asked, standing on her toes to try to see.

  Gray was filming over my shoulder. I shrugged away from him, toward Jake. “It’s my championship ring,” I said. “Where did you get this?”

  “They still had it in the sports supply closet,” he said with a shrug. “It’s no big deal.”

  But his face was all blotchy, and I could tell he was trying not to smile over his job well done. I dislodged the ring from the slot and put it on. It fit perfectly. My chest filled with ten thousand different emotions. He’d remembered. That conversation we’d had all those months ago. He’d remembered, and he’d found my ring for me.

  “Jake, this is—”

  “It’s nothing,” he said. “You should have had it then. I just . . . got it to you.” He looked around at my hovering guests and ducked his head toward mine. “Can I talk to you for a sec? Alone?”

  My heart pounded in my ears. “Um, sure.” I looked at my mom. “I’ll be right back.”

  We went outside. He held the door open and everything. I was trying to figure out what I was supposed to say, when he just started talking.

  “I’m sorry. About the prom,” he said, looking at his feet. “I shouldn’t have asked that girl.”

  “It’s okay,” I heard myself say. It wasn’t okay, but it was one of those moments where it felt like it was, because this moment was so good.

  “Did you . . . I mean, are you . . . with Marshall Moss?” he asked awkwardly.

  I scoffed, toying with my ring. “Marshall? No. We just went as friends.”

  His eyebrows shot up. “Really?”

  “Really.” I was grinning from ear to ear.

  “So, then . . . you wouldn’t want to . . . I mean, would you maybe want to, I don’t know, go to the movies or something?” he asked.

  Somehow my grin widened. I knew he was thinking about that day in the car when I’d been talking about actually going out in public. “A movie would be cool.”

  “Yeah?” he said hopefully. Happily.

  His smile was huge. My heart was floating.

  “Yeah.”

  He reached out and took my hand. “Happy birthday, Ally.”

  “Yeah,” I said. “I think it kind of is.”

  june

  Okay, what the hell am I gonna get Shannen for her birthday? Doesn’t she have, like, everything?

  Do you think Jake Graydon is going to take

  Ally Ryan to the party?

  Wait, what? Are those two a thing now?

  Uh, yeah! Didn’t you hear? They totally went to see

  the new Christian Bale on Saturday night.

  Unbelievable. A Norm snagged the unsnaggable Crestie.

  Whatever. Ally Ryan’s reascension was inevitable.

  Why?

  Because. She’s Ally Ryan.

  ally

  The Monday morning after my first official date with Jake, I basically air wal
ked into school. He’d held my hand throughout the entire movie, even when his arm went dead on the armrest. (He spent ten minutes afterward surreptitiously trying to shake out the pins and needles.) I figured that when the movie was over he’d drive us right up to the lake again, but he didn’t. We grabbed some ice cream at Scoops and walked around town for a while, and then he’d driven me home and kissed me at the door.

  Which was so delicious it just made me wish we had gone up to the lake. But there was time for that. We were together now. And we both had our licenses. We could go to the lake whenever we wanted. A thrill went through my body at the very thought. Me and Jake. Together.

  I was still grinning when I came around the corner into my locker hallway, but my smile quickly died. Shannen and Chloe were waiting for me.

  Okay. This meant one of two things. Either they had heard about my date with Jake and were here to tell me to back off, get a life, and find a Norm boyfriend. Or they’d heard about my date with Jake and were here to surrender. I honestly didn’t know which it would be, but I lifted my chin and walked right by them, pretending not to care.

  “Here to invite me to another nonexistent party?” I asked, turning my back to them as I spun my lock.

  “Sort of,” Shannen said.

  “Not exactly,” Chloe corrected.

  “Here.”

  Shannen shoved a thick square black envelope in front of my face. It was tied with a silver grosgrain bow. Intriguing.

  “What’s that?” I asked, popping open my locker.

  “It’s an invitation to my birthday party,” she said.

  “It’s a party, but we promise it exists,” Chloe said, moving into my line of sight by leaning back against the locker next to mine. She plucked the envelope from Shannen’s hand and held it out to me. “And we also promise it’s being held exactly where the invitation says it’s being held.”

  My stupid heart all but stopped. An invitation to Shannen’s birthday was huge. Her mom threw the sickest parties this side of Manhattan, and Shannen only ever invited her one hundred closest friends. The parties were so legendary, she’d had to have bouncers outside the country club for her thirteenth and had hired more for her fourteenth after some sixth graders had managed to sneak in through a kitchen window. People cried over not getting invited to Shannen’s birthday. They had their moms call her mom and beg.