Disarmed by Love

by Gail Chianese

  Her heart broke into another thousand pieces and scattered. But what would happen next time? She couldn’t lock her son in a tower and keep him safe. Not anymore than she could Dante, although she wanted to.

  Her chest ached, her eyes burned and itched from the tears and what little ice cream she’d gotten down churned and rolled in her stomach.

  The tears refused to stop. She couldn’t breathe through her nose and it hurt to take a breath. A vise gripped her forehead, squeezing, tighter and tighter. She took a deep breath, forcing air into her lungs, then expelled it slow and easy.

  She repeated the steps over and over, forcing herself to calm down.

  There was no point in dwelling on what if: what if Dylan had been sitting on the driver’s side, if they’d been hit at a higher rate of speed, if they’d been in her little car, if she’d lost her baby boy or Dante. As she’d said to Dante and he’d repeated her words back to her, she had to focus on the here and now, not the forces of the world out of her control. It didn’t mean that she wouldn’t worry every time her son was out of her sight, or when he got in a car. It came with the job of being a mom. It came with loving someone.

  She’d worry about Dante, too. As much as she’d tried to tell herself it was too soon, today’s accident proved the opposite. Sometimes the heart knows, even if she wasn’t fully ready to admit to her feelings. Maybe someday soon, but not tonight.

  A noise from the other room caught her attention, fully bringing her back to the moment. She dried her eyes and tiptoed into Dylan’s room. He was lying on his back, staring at the glowing stars.

  “Did you know that Orion is the most recognized constellation and you can see it all over the world?”

  “I did.” She crawled into bed next to him and wrapped her arms around her son. “Why are you awake? Do you hurt? Are you sick?”

  “No, I’m fine. Why were you crying?” He snuggled in and laid his head on her shoulder.

  “Do you know what an adrenaline crash is?” she asked, stroking his fine hair.

  “Is that like when you get tired after you run a race?”

  “Sort of. When something exciting or scary happens, your body releases certain chemicals to help you handle what’s going on and gives you energy. After everything is over your body stops putting out those chemicals and sometimes you get sleepy or you cry while your body readjusts.”

  “Were you scared today?”

  “Until I saw you, I was terrified.” She kissed the top of his head and fought the fresh wave of tears.

  “Dante told you we were okay.”

  “It’s a mom thing. We have to see with our own eyes to believe.”

  “Were you worried about Dante too?”

  “Yes.”

  “Me, too. He seemed sad in the car.”

  She stopped stroking his hair, caught off guard by the comment. “In what way, baby?”

  “I don’t know. He looked sad and when I asked him a question he didn’t answer. Kind of like you do after you and Dad fight. Did you and Dante fight?”

  “No, baby. Maybe he just didn’t hear you from the back seat.” Had Dante had one of his zoning out episodes in the car? She hadn’t even thought of asking him before they left if things were better in that area. A fresh layer of guilt washed over her. She’d put her son at risk.

  “Good. I like Dante and I like my stars he put up.”

  Chapter 16

  “Hey, I was thinking the three of us could escape this weekend. Head over to the Poconos to the Great Wolf Lodge?” Dante stirred his “Angry Pork” and offered up a taste.

  “Mm, that’s good,” Fee said absently as she processed his suggestion.

  “Do they have a pool?” Dylan asked from where he was building an intricate Lego submarine in the living room.

  “Ace, the whole place is a water park. They’ve got a wave pool, water slides, hot tubs—”

  “Yeah, but is there a place I can practice my swimming?” Dylan sat back and looked at the two of them over the top of his model. “Time is ticking, people. The race is two and half weeks away. I can’t slack off now.”

  Who was this kid and what had he done with her son? Before this summer, Dylan had never been much into sports of any kind. Sure, he’d goof around in the backyard with the twins and a football once in a while, but mostly she had to pry him away from his book. Not that she would complain.

  Dante stroked his chin. “You know what they do have is a lazy river and you can swim great, big laps in that.”

  “Yes!” Dylan pumped his little arm in the air. “Can we, Mom? It’s my weekend home and we haven’t gone anywhere all summer.”

  She wanted to say yes, even she could use a break and it sounded like fun. Well, the hot tub sounded like fun and maybe the lazy river. The verdict on water slides would remain out until she saw them. She’d have to ask someone to cover for her Saturday at the studio. Shouldn’t be a problem. But there was another item that they should have talked about before bringing it up in front of Dylan: sleeping arrangements.

  Yeah, her ten-year-old knew they were dating, he did not know they were sleeping together, nor did she feel comfortable sharing a bed with Dylan in the next room.

  “Umm, let me check my work schedule.” She looked pleadingly at Dante, willing him to read her mind.

  “Aw, come on, Mom. You’re always working.”

  True.

  She bit down on her lip. She needed to talk to Dante in private. Maybe she could send Dylan out to check the mail?

  “They have these cool theme suites, like the wolf den. Dylan and I can take the bunk beds and you can have the big bed all to yourself. Come on, Fee, it’ll be fun.”

  Problem solved. “Okay. When do we leave?”

  “Yes!” Her son gave another fist pump in the air. “Wait until I tell Billy. He’s going to be so jealous.”

  Dante tilted his head, brows raised and mouthed, “One more?”

  She gave a slight nod.

  “Hey, Ace. Do you want to see if Billy can go with us?”

  “Really?” Dylan raced over to hug them both. “Can I go ask now?”

  “Sure. Tell his mom I’ll be up to talk later.”

  Fiona laughed as her son raced out the door, leaving it hanging open. “You just made his summer, but you might have said something to me first. I wasn’t sure how we were going to work the sleeping arrangements and I’m not—”

  He kissed her. Took her into his arms and kissed her again when she tried to speak. “You’re right, I should have. Are you okay with the trip? I didn’t think. Someone at work mentioned it and I thought, hey, looks like fun.”

  She bit her lip again. “What if they don’t have any rooms available this weekend?”

  “I did think of that and have one on reserve. I need to call before eight to confirm or cancel. And don’t worry, I wasn’t planning on us sharing a bed. As much as I would love to, this is not the weekend for that.” He nibbled on her neck paying extra attention to the sensitive spot below her ear.

  “What is it time for?” It was getting hard to concentrate on words and Dylan would be back any moment. They should stop. His hands slipped down her back, where Dante cupped her butt and lifted her onto the counter. His mouth devoured hers. And both had forgot whatever she’d been asking.

  Someone cleared their throat. She looked up. Sal. Great. Glaring as usual, jaw clamped shut, and looking more pissed off than she’d ever seen him. And that was saying something.

  “Fiona, we need to talk,” Sal said. “Alone.”

  “Sal, what are you doing here?”

  Sneakers pounding on the steps alerted her Dylan was on his way back. She jumped off the counter and walked to the door. I really should have closed that after he left.

  Dylan slid to a halt. “Dad, guess what? Dante is taking me, mom and Billy to a water park this w
eekend.” The kid hopped up and down with excitement.

  “That’s great, son. Right now I need to talk to your mom, alone. How about you go play in your room and I’ll come talk to you after. See how you’re doing?”

  Dylan stopped jumping and looked up quizzically. “I’m fine. Do you want to see my Lego submarine I’m building?”

  “Maybe later.” Sal’s voice was terse and he didn’t bother making eye contact with their son. On the contrary, he couldn’t pull his gaze away from Dante and the scowl said everything Fiona needed to hear.

  Dante flipped the switch on the stove to low and kissed her on the temple. “Ace, why don’t you show me that constellation you were reading about the other day?”

  Dylan looked from his dad to her and hesitated, before turning away, feet dragging and led Dante into his room. She waited until she heard the door click.

  “What are you even doing here, Salvador?”

  “In case you forgot, my son was in a car accident.”

  “No, I haven’t forgotten. I’m the one who told you this morning about it. I also assured you he was fine, as did Dylan when he got on the phone.”

  He crossed his arms and stepped inside, so close she had to crane her neck back to see his face. A total jerk move because she knew he was trying to show he was the man and had the power.

  “Please, do come in.”

  “I didn’t think you want the neighbors hearing what we have to discuss.”

  “Which is precisely nothing.”

  He turned to close the door and she took advantage to move out of his space and give her neck a break. “Whatever you needed to discuss could have been done over the phone. This showing up without notice whenever the whim strikes has to end, Sal. I love that you’re part of Dylan’s life, but you need to respect boundaries.”

  “Afraid I’ll see or find out something you’d rather I didn’t?” She hated the smug tone in his voice, as if she should be ashamed that she had a life. Like he didn’t kiss Mia in front of Dylan.

  “I have nothing to hide. Besides, what goes on in my life has nothing to do with you.”

  “It does if it affects our son.”

  She spun around and walked into the kitchen to grab a glass and fill it with water. The world around her went red at his insinuation.

  “I’ve no idea what you’re talking about.”

  “Really? Do you think making out with your boyfriend on the kitchen counter in front of Dylan and God knows who else is proper behavior for a mother?”

  “I wasn’t…” She threw up her hands. “Never mind. Again, what I do isn’t your business.” If she didn’t get her temper under control she’d likely toss the water in his face. Quickly she drank the liquid and set the glass down. She couldn’t afford to replace any more dishes either. “Just say whatever you came to say, talk to your son, and leave.”

  “Fine. You said Torres was driving last night when the accident took place?”

  “Yes.”

  “Did you know he has issues?”

  “Issues? What does that even mean?”

  “It means he’d damaged goods, Fiona. I’ve been asking around, because I care about who our son is around. He got careless and got blown up or something in the sandbox. The dude’s got PTSD and was put on desk duty because they can’t trust him to do his job. They’re afraid he’s going to screw up again, or flashback and someone else will get hurt. And someone did… my son.”

  “You are such a pompous, judgmental jerk.”

  Fudge, fudge, fuckity fudge. How did he find out about Dante’s accident? The two of them didn’t talk about it around Dylan and she knew her mom didn’t know. The only other person Sal knew who had met Dante was Risa and she would rather die than divulge information to the enemy.

  “Tell me I’m wrong, Fiona.”

  “You’re wrong, Sal.” Mostly. Her head pounded and she just wanted him to leave and let her get back to her evening with the two men she loved. “Do you just assume that everyone who spends time in the Middle East has issues?”

  He snorted in reply and rolled his eyes. “I asked around. Your boy has a reputation. It wasn’t that hard to get information on him. They don’t bench a guy like him for no reason and give him some shit duty station like teaching for nothing.”

  It didn’t surprise her that he found someone who knew Dante. The navy was pretty tight knit and even though the bases were an hour apart, people went back and forth. Plus, there were only so many duty stations. Stay in long enough and a person was bound to run into someone they knew from one place at a new assignment.

  “He doesn’t have PTSD, Sal. You do know that even if he did, it doesn’t mean he’d hurt someone. Most people with PTSD just want to be left alone, they don’t all have flashbacks that make them see the enemy everywhere they go and try to shoot up malls and stuff. I would expect someone who is active duty to know that.”

  A few extreme cases didn’t represent the whole. Why couldn’t people understand?

  “You can’t say he’s not a danger, Fiona. Look what happened last night. Our son could have been killed.”

  As if she needed Sal to remind her. She’d had nightmares every time she’d closed her eyes last night.

  “It was an accident, Sal. It could happen to anyone. Now, you’ve come and yelled and shown that you’re a concerned father. Is there anything else, because, quite frankly you’re giving me a headache.”

  “Yeah, you need to dump Torres. Either you get him out of our son’s life or I file for full custody and cite you as an unfit mother and charge you with child endangerment.”

  “Get out!” She shoved him toward the door. “Get out of my house now. You don’t get to tell me what to do or who I can see. You gave up that right when you left me for your barmaid or whatever the heck she was. And don’t show up here again unless it’s for your scheduled visit. Out,” she yelled one more time before he finally turned and left.

  Her whole body shook with rage. How dare he order her around like some ninny head who didn’t have a brain. She’d had it with him. For the past two years since he’d returned to New England and decided to be a father to Dylan, she’d tried her best to get along with him. She tried to be flexible, understandable, and above all never say anything negative about Sal in front of Dylan. She’d rearranged plans, made excuses, and wasted countless hours waiting for him. Everything she could think of to make things easy and stress-free for her son.

  Did she pitch a fit when Sal announced he wasn’t picking Dylan up because he was going on his honeymoon? To a woman she’d met exactly one time? No. She’d congratulated him and made up an excuse to spare her son’s feeling. The son who hadn’t even been invited to the wedding.

  She’d put up with Sal’s snide comments and rude behavior toward her and her best friend. She’d done everything in her power to keep the peace, to be one of the parents who were friends with her ex for the sake of her child.

  Well, that was over now.

  Somewhere, somehow, she’d find the money to hire a lawyer and fight him if he filed and if he didn’t, she’d still hire a lawyer to file a formal visitation schedule and maybe make it so that only Mia picked up and dropped off Dylan.

  She flipped the lock on the front door before she turned and slipped into her bedroom to splash cold water on her face and pulse points. Maybe take a minute or two to meditate and dispel any negative energy flowing of her. She may be done playing nice with her ex, she had no intention of dragging Dante or Dylan into this mess.

  * * * *

  They had given up on pretending they couldn’t hear the fight going on in the other room. Dylan sat next to Dante on the floor leaning against the bed. Neither breathed when Rossi gave Fiona his ultimatum until the door clicked and silence filled the air.

  “I hate him,” Dylan whispered.

  Dante slid an arm around the kid’s sh
oulder. “No, you don’t.”

  “She’s going to go in her room and cry now. She thinks I don’t know that she does that, but I do.”

  “Don’t worry about your mom. She’s one tough fireball. She’ll be okay, and you can’t hate your dad for trying to do what he feels is best for you, Ace.”

  “He wants you to go away,” Dylan whispered even softer.

  “I heard that part.” He let out a deep breath.

  “I don’t want you to leave.” He rubbed his arm across his nose, sucked in the tears breaking through. “You make my mom smile and she laughs more when you’re here.”

  “That’s good to know. But sometimes adults have to put what they want aside for what’s best for their kid.”

  “You make me laugh, too. And I like how I can talk to you about anything and you don’t tune me out. My dad does that. And I like when you call me Ace.”

  Dante hugged Dylan closer. “I like being with you guys, too. Tell you what. I’m not going to worry about what your dad said out there and you shouldn’t either. The accident scared him, scared all of us, and he was blowing off steam. You know letting his emotions out. Give him a couple days to calm down and he’ll forget he said any of that.”

  “Hope so. I like going to my dad’s sometimes. Mia’s fun, but I don’t want to live with them.”

  “Yeah, I get it. Come on.” Dante stood, ignoring the snap, crackle and aches coming from his joints. “Let’s go eat dinner.”

  “I’m not hungry. I think I’ll stay in here and read.”

  Dante didn’t blame him one bit. His appetite had disappeared, too. He gave Dylan a nod and let him know when he was ready the food would be there. He’d just closed the door when Fiona walked out of her room.

  “Where’s Dylan? We should eat before it gets too late.” She started for her son’s room.

  Dante put a soft hand on her arm. “He’s more in the mood to read right now. Probably best to give him some time, right?”