Siren's Song

by Alexi Raymond

  “Yes, you did. But I followed her to work this morning, all on my own.” Gabe laughed at how desperate he sounded.

  “You did what?” Ti’s mouth dropped open. “God, Gabe, tell me you at least talked to her and didn’t just, like, stand in the bushes touching yourself.”

  “Of course I talked to her! And anyway, it’s not like she saw me touch myself!”

  Ti smirked and punched him in the arm. “She’s pretty hot, huh?”

  “Dude. I didn’t touch myself. But, man, she’s something different. Definitely doesn’t fall in the cookie cutter category of girls that usually beg to hang out. I stalked this girl, Ti. What the hell is wrong with me?” Gabe shook his head, running his hands nervously through his hair. “All right, let’s do this before we call the other guys over, okay?”

  Gabe read through the words slowly, letting Ti feel the beat he had mentally inserted, and watched his friend nod along, hitting his drums every so often. Ti rubbed at his chin. “It’s kind of like…romantic Alice Cooper…Does that even make sense?”

  Gabe stopped working through the song and stared at him. “No, dude, it does not make sense at all.”

  “Your lyrics are nicer, and the melody is lighter, but I’m definitely feeling a Cooper beat.” Ti tapped on his drums, his foot lightly hitting the hammer to the bass.

  “Whatever you need to think as long as it makes the song work. Do you think we can try it out at one of the bars?” Gabe rubbed at his stomach nervously. He didn’t want to debut a song at the Street Fest. Even loyal fans don’t know songs that haven’t come out yet. No reaction from the crowd was not good. “Call Burke and Troy. Tell them to come work on it with us, and if they like it, we’ll have Burke call his buddy’s bar. They always let us play.” Like that, Gabe was ready and eager to perform again.

  Chapter 6

  Victoria knew her sudden connection to the band was more than coincidence. The administrator must have been pressuring the guys to get out and spread their name through fan interaction. Her stomach wound tight at the thought. With effort, Victoria fought the negativity. She allowed herself to hope, against common sense, the recent events were linked between herself and Gabe alone. She’d always felt linked to him. The way he created whole novels in the lyrics he wrote, inspired by his life, spoke to her in ways she could never illustrate herself.

  Banshee Exodus hadn’t had a new song out in a couple of years—a slow death to their fans. The local bars encouraged them to play, knowing their talent was high quality, and the guys would cover top forty songs. But their original work was what really kept Victoria and many others loyal to them. It was what helped her find strength to deal with real life, encouraged her good moods, and soothed her when she was upset.

  It was hard to imagine a time when she was upset that she didn’t turn to BE for help.

  Trying to get some attention from Todd a few months back, she’d toughened herself up to the lyrics and set out to have a serious conversation with him. He’d looked up at her, his average brown hair cut in the same style every other guy’s was, light brown eyes showing no emotion even while she finished tearfully telling him how upset she was that they seemed to be stuck in a rut.

  “Of course we’re comfortable. We’ve been together for three years. There’s nothing wrong with that. I mean, do you think your grandma still gets ravaged? No, she’s comfortable! That’s how it is when you love someone.”

  But Victoria needed to be ravaged. She wanted to know what it was like not to have to ask for sex, not to have to guiltily attract another man’s eyes for her own man to realize she was in the room. Just getting attention would have him enraged like it had earlier that morning with Gabe.

  What is wrong with me? For the millionth time, the thought floated around her head. Todd was gone. And he was an asshole. She needed to discount everything he’d ever said to her. Technically, he was easy to dismiss. It was her own mind that had started clinging to his ideas.

  Get yourself out of this mood. Turning on her playlist, Victoria sat cross-legged on her bed and sang her heart out with Gabe’s vocals. The melody, visualizing the lyrics, imagining what it felt like to feel all the things he sang about, all of it together formed the lifeline she needed to pull herself together. When she could finally see light at the end of the tunnel that was her life, Victoria lay in bed thinking of the past few roller-coaster days.

  Meeting Gabe and Ti, talking more with WriterGuy. How easy it had been to fall in step with Gabe as they strolled together. His eyes had searched her face, looking for something or nothing, she couldn’t be sure. She had walked on air into the restaurant. Sure, it had been hard to do the right thing and keep walking, but what if she hadn’t? Would he have kissed her? Her heartbeat quickened with the thought of his light pink lips brought down on hers, his chest close enough she could feel him against her.

  Todd’s side of the bed was empty, no dip where his body usually was. No lingering scent. The only remembrance of all her nights of rejection stayed in her memory, and those memories were already being replaced with the feelings she felt in moments around Gabe. She let her mind take over in crazy fantasies; Gabe pointing her out in a crowd, singing to her, demanding to see her backstage. And she was single, so she could go to him.

  In her mind, his kisses would start tentatively, cautious and slow. Lying in bed, Victoria ran her hands over her body, touching parts of herself long neglected—parts she wished Gabe would fill. And in her mind, this night he would. She wiggled her hips slowly, shrugging off her underwear. Careful not to think too much on it lest she might realize what she was doing and feel some sort of embarrassment. She didn’t want to stop. She wanted the image of curly blond hair and light blue eyes. Her body ached, egging her on, and it was easy to imagine it was his hands knowing exactly what she needed to feel.

  A million different surroundings flashed through her mind. A train, a table, a bed, the restaurant, her old home growing up, right there in her bed. The only thing that mattered was the image that stayed the same in all of those locations. She imagined Gabe’s knee spreading hers as she plays coy and tries to resist. His hands would slide over her breasts and pull at hard nipples. When he let go of her, it would only be to lean over on his forearms and twist his fingers into her hair. He could take a deep breath near her ear, and its tickle against sensitive skin would form an O on her lips, and the desire for him to be close grows intense. There would be no such thing as too much with him.

  She imagined Gabe sliding one hand under her jaw, causing her to inhale sharply. He then removes it only to gently slide his hands against the contours of her hips. Burning in her very soul aches, cheers him to his final destination inside of her. His lips would settle on one peaked nipple, biting lightly and sucking in turn as his hands roam farther and farther down her body.

  God, she wanted this from him. She takes his hesitation as an unspoken question, permission to go further. And then he stops waiting. Goose bumps form where his index finger traces where her underwear should have been. Calluses from years of guitar playing slide across sensitive skin until they slip under the imaginary line and delicately learn her.

  Slowly, Gabe rubs her sex back and forth. She shifts to welcome more of him. His mouth would crash hard on hers at the same time he plummeted one finger into her. Victoria found herself breathing heavily as he pulls out of her to trace quick circles on her clit. She is undoubtedly desired, his passion pouring into her. Involuntarily, her body arches with pleasure. Before she can beg to have him inside of her, he enters her again. One finger and then two, leaving her panting and dizzy. Her hips tip toward him, and he pulls out his fingers, cruelly tracing circles again, making her close to delirium. Gabe’s mouth finds her begging him not to stop, silencing her pleas against eager lips. She breathed sharp and fast against his imagined hot lips and cool breath.

  Hair on her neck stood up at the thought of Gabe’s hushed whisper, “I want you.” With one finger still massaging her sex, Victoria sucked in a dee
p breath and fell over the edge of her own enjoyment.

  She lay still for several moments, the only movement being her chest rising and falling heavily. The awareness of how easily his image worked to move her, how quickly the thought of him brought her to the edge, sailing over without hesitation. If only he could make her feel it in real life. If only dreams came true.

  Chapter 7

  Morning found Gabe anxiously waiting around the chat room, hoping to see SongSiren. He remained logged in but stirred around the room, straightening it and hanging up his laundry. The whole time he picked things up, he thought of his siren, his summer storm. He wondered what her hair smelled like, what it felt like. He wanted to know if she slept on her stomach or her back. Gabe threw guitar picks he’d found lying around onto his dresser and refreshed the computer. Still nothing.

  His desire to see her again grew so strong, so rapidly, for a moment he considered going to the restaurant again. Don’t be a stalker. Gabe murmured lyrics to himself as he continued to pace the room. She talks in her sleep; it means so much to me. It’s not fair, I know it’s wrong, this path of lies we’ve started on. He stopped pacing, hooked his feet under his bed, and started doing crunches. He’d stay busy if it killed him. After crunching until a ball of fire knotted in his already formed six-pack, the sound he was waiting for finally chimed. Gabe jumped up and in one leap made it to the computer desk. She was there. It was late morning, almost lunch. Gabe gave her time to get oriented. Or so he told the voice in his head telling him not to seem overly anxious. That voice was nicer than the others, worrying him that she’d be fully aware of his presence and still not try to talk to him. Tightness wound in his chest from lack of oxygen. Waiting might kill him.

  SongSiren would like to enter a private chat, would you like to accept?

  God, yes. He wanted to accept anything she’d give him.

  WriterGuy: Hey there!

  SongSiren: Hey yourself! How are your lyrics coming?

  We’ll see in a few minutes, Muse. Gabe watched her icon and her words, careful not to say anything that would let on to who he was. It was the kind of thing he needed to tell her in person, even though he knew it should have been done already.

  WriterGuy: They’re coming, slow but sure. How about yours?

  SongSiren: I just need the voice to sing them with.

  WriterGuy: You okay?

  SongSiren: Terrified. But it’s all in my head. It’s scary to be on my own, but I have a lot more options now. The freedom feels good.

  Gabe glared at the screen as if his protectiveness could be felt from there. He wanted to tell her it would be okay, she could come over and talk or even to be held if that’s what she needed. He’d settle for being a friend right now, but the thought of her scared and alone clawed at him. Gabe remained quiet as he thought over what he could say and how. He couldn’t offer real comfort through the Internet, but having her over would show who he was, and with all she was going through, who was he to throw her for this loop? No, he’d have to break it to her slowly.

  SongSiren: Sorry, I don’t mean to unload on you lately! Just nice to have someone to “talk” to. Weird, huh?

  WriterGuy: No, it’s cool. This guy isn’t a threat to you, is he?

  SongSiren: Oh gosh, no. He left easily when I ended it. Took the day off to pack him up, blasting my BE CD to keep my feet moving!

  WriterGuy: All right, if I can do anything, let me know!

  SongSiren: Thanks, stranger. Talk to you later.

  *

  Victoria watched the screen, stared until her eyes blurred and tears fell over her lashes. She picked up another box and carried it into the bedroom. It was awkward to feel so deeply connected to someone she’d never really met, but she was beyond grateful for his friendship.

  Todd had technically lived at his mom’s while they dated but had quite a collection of his things at her place. She placed the shirts, boxers, and shorts carefully into a large napkin box she’d taken from work. Grabbing another box, Victoria went to the bathroom for his toothbrush, deodorant, and shower gels. She continued from room to room, picking up his things and packing them away. A pile sat by the door, the walls emptier and the shelves noticeably lacking. She’d made sure to take all of his DVD collection and CDs, careful to not leave anything behind. This break had taken long enough to happen. She didn’t want him coming back for anything, especially if he picked a day she was feeling weak.

  When she could get rid of his physical voice in her life, she could work on taking it out of her head too. Maybe then she’d feel worth more than a dollar. Hell, having him gone for a few days had helped. One last text would seal the deal. Stuff’s ready for you to pick up.

  Twenty minutes of spacing out to the television made the click of the door unlocking louder in her head than the show playing in front of her. Startled at who would enter her home, and how, Victoria jumped from the couch and spun to face the door. To her disbelief, Todd walked in without hesitation. He’d never even responded to her message, so it was more than unnerving to realize he still had his key and felt comfortable enough to waltz in. Victoria turned to face him, afraid to find fury on his features or maybe even hurt. But it wasn’t there. He looked around and finally noticed the stack of boxes by the door.

  “You’re really doing this?” he questioned quietly.

  “I don’t want to hurt you.” A tear slipped from her eye as she spoke. “But I don’t want to hurt anymore, either.”

  Todd remained frozen in place, staring quietly at the neatly stacked boxes. “You can’t be serious. This is just a ploy, right? Some psychological trick so I’ll do the dishes or spend more money on you.”

  Victoria faced him. His words registered a new anger in her. He really didn’t get it. It wasn’t money or dishes she had been starved for; she had wanted him. “I can’t. It’s not a trick. Todd, I don’t want to hurt you. But I can’t do this. It’s been over for so long now, and I keep waiting. I wait and wait, I try to tell you what I need but you…you don’t get it. I’m so sorry. When I said we were over a few days ago, I meant it, we’re over.”

  “Are you kidding me, Victoria? All the years together, all the nights you begged for it?” Todd’s voice boomed off the walls.

  “Yeah, I did. I begged you.” Victoria shook her head in disbelief and sorrow. Long bangs slipped out of their holdings in her ponytail and fell into her eyes. She pushed them away, just like she was doing to him. “I shouldn’t have to beg you to touch me.” Shame flushed her cheeks. She had slept with him before declaring them broken up, a sort of last ditch effort to see if she could salvage their relationship. It was a mistake, something she never should have done.

  Todd slammed his fist against the counter. “So, what? You whoring it up? Is that why I saw you with that guy?” Accusation stung the marrow in her bones.

  Victoria’s jaw dropped. “I can’t believe you’re acting like this. Todd, I’ve never been unfaithful. Ever. And we’re over.”

  His fingers moved harsh and quick around his key ring, fast enough that she almost didn’t see his apartment key whip between them and slide clean over the kitchen table to the floor.

  “Three years, Victoria. You’re throwing away three years.”

  She wanted to assure him she’d been fully invested in the first two. Considering it was the second time he’d thrown something from his key ring at her in the last week, she reconsidered. Instead, she stayed quiet, staring at the floor until she heard him kick something solid before throwing his boxes into the hall and slamming the apartment door.

  For the first time since she’d moved in, Victoria sat on her couch in silence, alone and without any of his things filling her space. Pressure filled behind her eyes, her mind’s way of telling her it was time to cry, but there weren’t any tears trying to escape. Maybe the pressure still slamming into her were tears wanting to come out in happiness for her new freedom. As if she were a visitor to some strange place now being called home, she rose from the couch and s
talked through the apartment. Dishes slid into new places in cabinets, dust was cleaned up from the entertainment center that was now mostly void of decoration. Her life was changing, a positive change that she needed badly. More positive change couldn’t hurt, right? With her favorite jeans and confidence-inducing tank, Victoria grabbed her purse and left.

  * * * *

  With cheerful waves and calls of greeting, she walked off-duty right through the restaurant and into the kitchen. While waiting for Sarah to come in from a table, she put together a turkey club sandwich. Her teeth bit into soft bread, fresh meat, and squirts of mayo clinging to crispy bacon. The savory taste closed her eyes. Second fresh thing of my new life. And it’s delicious. Huh. Maybe I am hormonal. Since when did a sandwich count as a monumental time in your life? When Sarah finally pushed her way through the door, Victoria straightened up, a small smile on her face. The dance tune Sarah had been humming stopped abruptly.

  “Did you? Like, for good?” Sarah’s voice was quiet and full of disbelief. Victoria nodded, and quicker than Victoria thought she could move, Sarah pulled her into a bear hug. Victoria choked out a laugh.

  “I’m okay. It’s just a change. And, you know, it happened days ago really. Today I packed him up and got my key back. His stuff is gone and everything.” It was the truth, Victoria was okay. Her only tears now would be for fear of the future; the unknown.

  Sarah released her. “So, girls’ night? What do you want to do?”

  Victoria smiled. “Not tonight, but how about Saturday?”

  “Saturday, nine o’clock. I’ll pick you up. We’re going to Rock Bottom.”

  Victoria hugged her again. “Thank you.” It was all she could say, all that fit the moment. Things were changing for her, but at least the one positive from her old life was still around and had her back.