Dastardly Deeds

by Evans, Ilsa

  ‘What happened to your tour?’

  Deb grimaced. ‘We think April’s son cancelled her trip from Rome. Unfortunately, she’d made all the bookings for us so they’ve gone also.’

  ‘Damn. So you’ve lost your payments?’

  ‘Not sure, but insurance will take care of it. In the meantime we’ve had to scramble to rebook everything. It was too late for these ones. Love the hat, Nell.’

  ‘I’m sure her son didn’t mean anything by it.’ Phoebe ducked forward. ‘Just one of those things. Must have been so hard for him. The grief and all.’

  ‘He didn’t seem all that grief-stricken.’ Deb gave me a look that underscored her comment. ‘And he certainly moved quick with the cancellations.’

  I twisted around and could see Donald and Scott farther down the bus. Enid, opposite, appeared to have connected their presence with the change in our plans and was now tersely explaining why she was not happy. The two men looked a little stunned.

  The road to the ancient city of Troy threaded through bucolic farmland. Occasionally a stocky couple could be seen tending crops, their clothing earth-toned and the women wearing kerchiefs. They looked like they had stepped straight out of a painting. Ali, the tour guide, kept up a running patter about the countryside. Apart from some interesting information about the local university, which was named 18th March University after a famous battle, a lot of his conversation seemed to involve olives. My handbag was raided by Quinn, the muffins vanishing before we had even begun the climb towards Troy. Soon afterwards we trundled into a car park that was dominated by a large wooden horse with an undersized head. We tumbled out of the bus and immediately separated as half the group headed towards the horse and the other half admired a heavily pregnant cat that was sunning itself on the asphalt.

  Quinn and Griffin Russo had already disappeared inside the horse by the time I got there. I could hear their laughter echoing from within and minutes later their heads were poking out from a window high on the horse’s back.

  ‘So picture this.’ Donald stopped by me, peering upwards. ‘You’ve been under siege for years when suddenly your enemy vanishes and instead a massive wooden horse appears outside the city gates. Your first response is to fling them open and, instead of just going to have a look, drag the whole thing inside the city. You’d have to assume they weren’t all that bright.’

  I grinned, a little surprised. I hadn’t taken him for a particularly chatty guy. ‘Maybe they were trying for that year’s Darwin Award.’

  ‘I blame Brad Pitt,’ said Petra, joining us.

  Enid, who was passing with her brother, stopped to nod. ‘Yes, but no. It was really that female with the fat lips. Wasn’t much he could do when she threw herself all over him. Tramp.’

  Uncle Jim looked embarrassed. He peered around for Yen.

  Petra turned her laugh into a cough. ‘Wrong movie. I was talking about Troy.’

  ‘Anyway—’ I was frowning ‘—that’s ridiculous. Angelina Jolie wasn’t the one who was married. I don’t care if she stripped off and wrapped herself around him like a belt, he could have said no. Men don’t get a free ride just because they’re men.’

  ‘Except when they do,’ said Petra.

  ‘What’s up?’ asked Darcy cheerfully. He was holding hands with Tessa.

  I gave him a disgusted look and turned on my heel. As I left, I could hear Donald asking Petra if it was something he’d said.

  Ali and Lew had just finished organising our entry so I waited with them until everybody had finished either climbing the horse or admiring it.

  Ruby looked at me anxiously. ‘What’s wrong?’

  ‘Nothing.’

  ‘Is it something Dad did?’

  I smiled reassuringly and shook my head. I was touched by her concern, and her intuition, but this did not involve her.

  We followed Ali around the corner onto a paved walkway that was flanked by the crumbled walls of Troy. He immediately launched into a practised spiel, although much of it seemed to be about construction rather than mythology. I paused to read the signs that were planted along the walkway, giving context to the roughly two thousand years of history that surrounded us.

  ‘You’ve got to loosen up,’ said Petra, falling into step beside me. ‘I mean, what she said was daft, but you’ve got to stop taking everything personally.’

  ‘Easy for you to say.’

  Petra frowned at me. ‘And you’ve also got to stop acting like you’re the only person who’s ever been cheated on. I’ve been cheated on, and I’ve also been the cheater. So actually I’ve got more experience than you.’

  ‘Who did you cheat on? When?’

  She shrugged. ‘Doesn’t matter. The point is that cheating might be selfish and mean-spirited, but it’s also a pretty clear indication that the relationship isn’t working – even if one person isn’t quite aware of that yet.’

  I stopped. ‘Are you saying I was stupid?’

  ‘What? No! How the hell did you get that?’

  ‘You’re saying I should have known. That I wasn’t paying attention.’

  She closed her eyes for a moment. ‘God, you’re infuriating sometimes!’

  ‘Are you two arguing?’ Yen had dropped back from the main group. ‘If so, stop it. You’re lagging behind. What are you arguing about?’

  ‘Nothing,’ said Petra. She strode off, joining up with Deb at the rear.

  Yen turned her attention to me. ‘What were you arguing about?’

  ‘Oh, just long-term plans for you. Like who inherits you when you’re incompetent. Things like that.’

  She raised an eyebrow. ‘No need to fight then. You’re the winner. I’m moving into that spare room at the top of your stairs.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Got you, hey?’ Her eyes gleamed. ‘Don’t play games with an expert, missy.’

  I could feel my heart start up again. It felt unsteady. Elderly woman gives daughter cardiac arrest. It was only a matter of time, say relatives grimly.

  ‘Now, I need to ask you a favour. Enid’s driving me batty. I want you to take her to dinner tonight so that Jim and I can have some time to ourselves.’

  I frowned. ‘Is this another joke?’

  ‘Certainly not. We’re going to see a show. Come on, we’re being left behind.’

  I followed her towards the main group, a little stunned. I barely knew Enid Hurley, having only met her a few times before this trip. Even apart from her opinions on infidelity, she wasn’t exactly cruise-ship dinner companion material. Perhaps I could palm her off on to Petra as payback. I came up behind Ruby, who was taking photos with her new camera. This reminded me that I still hadn’t spoken to her about what was going on. Perhaps my proximity also reminded her, because she immediately sidled away with her camera raised, as if wanting to get a better angle. It was rather smoothly done.

  ‘I didn’t mean to put my foot in it before,’ said Donald, beside me.

  ‘Not at all. It was just Enid, hitting a raw spot.’

  ‘Yeah, seems to be a bit—’ He broke off, staring at my hat pensively. His eyes widened. ‘I’ve got it. You’re the woman from the Colosseum.’

  I flushed. ‘Yes. Sorry about that. I was embarrassed to be caught eavesdropping.’

  ‘I knew I’d seen you before.’ He looked more pleased than annoyed. ‘I never forget a face. You speak French.’

  ‘Ah, not so much. Sorry.’

  ‘Don’t worry about it.’ He waved a hand dismissively, and then paused. ‘So Deb tells me Darcy is your ex? That must be awkward.’

  ‘A little.’

  He pushed his glasses back, gazing towards Ali, who was now holding forth on sediment. ‘Hmm. You didn’t have a current partner to bring with you then?’

  I looked at him with surprise. Maybe he wasn’t gay after all.

  ‘Some of these pathways are shocking,’ complained Lyn Russo as she joined us. She looked pale. ‘An accident waiting to happen. They really need to even them out.’

/>   I glanced down at her platform sandals. ‘Umm …’

  ‘It’s antiquity!’ Donald had recoiled. ‘Older than Christ!’

  ‘Yep, that’s pretty old.’ Lyn looked even less impressed. ‘And definitely time for an upgrade. If they leave it like this, someone’ll fall and kill themselves. It’s—’ She stopped abruptly and then put a hand on Donald’s arm. ‘I am so sorry! How unthoughtful of me!’

  He stared at her hand with distaste. ‘Ah, um …’

  ‘I am so sorry,’ said Lyn again, clearly mortified. She began to move away. ‘Me and my mouth! I’m always putting my foot in it!’

  ‘All the more reason to wear sensible shoes,’ commented Yen as she passed by. ‘Idiot woman. Nell, have you noticed what your daughter’s doing?’

  I followed her pointing finger towards the remains of a small amphitheatre that swelled off the side of the walkway. Quinn and Griffin Russo were there, sitting on the top tier, deep in conversation. They didn’t seem to be doing any harm, although this opinion was clearly not shared by Darcy, who was watching them narrowly. Tessa was trying to distract him.

  I turned back to Donald. ‘Lyn’s not the brightest but she does mean well.’ I paused. ‘It must be hard, though – continuing with the whole cruise, I mean, after what happened.’

  He grimaced. ‘Yeah. We nearly didn’t. But she would have loved all this.’ He gazed around. We were standing beside a small cliff, where the weedy earth dipped towards a plateau of chalky-grey foundations.

  ‘Was she a history buff?’

  He shrugged. ‘Do you need to be a history buff to be impressed here?’

  ‘No. Not at all.’

  ‘She’d have given that Lyn what for, though.’ He transferred his gaze to where the woman in question stood with one hand on a thousand-year-old wall as she lifted a foot to examine her platform sandal. ‘Met her in Rome and wasn’t much impressed. April had no patience for fools. And she didn’t have much tact either.’

  ‘Oh?’ It occurred to me that he didn’t have a great store of tact either. For all he knew, Lyn and I were friends, or even relations.

  ‘Yeah. Actually, she could be a bit of a bitch.’

  ‘Who’s a bitch?’ asked Petra. Scott, Deb and Phoebe had come up with her. ‘Are you talking about me?’

  ‘No, our friend. April. I was just saying she called a spade a spade.’

  ‘Don!’ Phoebe looked shocked, but also oddly delighted. ‘You can’t call someone a bitch when they only just … you know.’

  ‘Too soon?’

  ‘It’s true though,’ said Scott. He seemed quieter today, less beer and skittles. ‘Loved the woman, but she could be a little passive-aggressive at times.’

  ‘You two seem to be getting on well,’ said Deb, raising an eyebrow at me.

  I shrugged. There wasn’t much to say to that.

  ‘Come along, everyone!’ Ali was waving his arms enthusiastically. ‘Now we continue! Keep up! Keep up!’

  Phoebe giggled at his enthusiasm. It was an odd sound from a woman with grey hair. She was wearing her usual layers, along with a chiffon scarf tied around her head. She looked like a tree that had been draped with material. Ali had already started striding along the path so we hurried to catch up. Around the bend was an amazing view of the valley as it cascaded in folds towards farmland. The carcass of the ancient city traversed the hillside. It was part of the landscape, interwoven with lush foliage. It was amazing.

  The day continued slowly, almost respectfully. Petra made a very conditional apology, which actually wasn’t much of an apology at all, but I chose to take it that way. After lunch, Ali left us to wander the site by ourselves. Lyn Russo stayed at the cafe, her feet up on a chair. It was a wonderfully immersive way to finish off the tour. By mid-afternoon we were strolling back into the square, happily replete. A few dogs lay in sleepy mounds on the asphalt, shaded by the wooden horse. I felt like joining them.

  The bus trip back down to Canakkale was quiet, apart from the damply whistling snores of Enid Hurley. A paper bag was passed around to collect gratuities for Ali and the bus driver, with much confusion around currency conversion. Lew made a little speech expressing our appreciation before thrusting the bag into Ali’s hands. It was like a cheery drug deal.

  Michael Russo was already at the dock when we pulled up, loading Lyn’s and Griffin’s luggage into the boot of a glossy four-wheel drive. He enjoyed a mixed reception from his family, with Lyn wrapping herself around him like a limpet and Griffin nodding in his father’s general direction before sliding into the back seat. He didn’t look particularly happy, but then neither did Quinn.

  The rest of us bid them farewell as we tumbled tiredly off the bus. Cruise staff stood beside a table which held a large urn of fruit punch, but not many people were stopping to partake. Instead we headed straight onto the ship, parting in the foyer with an arrangement to meet by the pool deck in half an hour for drinks.

  I was still determined to use the stairs at all times, although the reality was a little dampening. I stood with one hand on the balustrade as Quinn and Ruby passed me at a run, laughing. Apparently they were going to race the entire distance. Youth really was wasted on the young. I began to follow but was halted by an agitated voice on the other side of the partition. It was a male, on a phone, and it sounded like he was begging somebody not to leave him. You can’t give up now. You’ll be throwing away everything we’ve got. We can get through this. I thought I recognised the voice so I moved a few steps around to the edge of the partition. There was a luggage trolley parked there. Just stay strong, I’ll be back soon. Something twigged. I turned to stare at the trolley, tuning the rest of the conversation out. There were four suitcases, and one of them was purple. A sparkly lemon-shaped tag dangled from the handle.

  I gaped at the trolley for a few long minutes. Then I tugged my mobile from my bag and logged into the ship’s internet. I found the photo on Facebook and held the phone up, comparing the two. They were the same. Donald rounded the corner, coming to an abrupt halt when he saw me. We stared at each other in surprise.

  ‘Nell. Um, what are you doing?’

  ‘I think I recognise that case,’ I said truthfully, nodding at the sparkly tag. I dropped the phone into my bag and turned my attention to him. He looked pale. ‘I didn’t mean to listen in. Ah, is everything okay?’

  ‘Sure,’ he said slowly. ‘Although you do seem to make a habit of … never mind.’

  I flushed, but decided it wasn’t worth trying to explain myself further. My explanation didn’t make much sense anyway, not even to me. Instead I smiled as I nodded towards the mobile in his hand. ‘Better be careful. You should have that on airplane mode. It’ll cost you a fortune.’

  ‘I have a special plan.’

  ‘Good to hear.’ I tried to inject a little humour into my voice. ‘I love special plans. Everyone should have one.’

  ‘Yes. Okay, then. Um, see you later.’

  The man really was as flat as a tack. I gave a distracted wave and went back to gazing at the suitcase. The lemon sparkled cheerfully. It was more suitable for a thirteen-year-old girl than the companion of a nearly fifty-year-old man. But I knew that he preferred women closer to his own age. I pictured a muttony type, with short skirts and chandelier earrings. I took a deep breath. Whoever and whatever she was, it seemed that she, and Ashley Armistead, had arrived.

  Chapter 6

  Don’t think your readers haven’t noticed that you’re not getting as many columns as you used to. I’ve calculated the ages of the replacement writers and they’re all significantly younger. That’s blatant ageism and NOT ON. I’ve started a petition on change.org and rest assured that I’ll be disseminating it far and wide.

  It took a little longer than half an hour to sort myself out. Helen might have launched a thousand ships but Troy hadn’t done a great deal for me, appearance-wise. I wanted to compare at least somewhat favourably with Ashley’s new companion. By the time I got up to the pool deck, Petra had
settled into a padded bench seat by the railing. Opposite her were Deb and Tessa Sheridan. I paused for a moment, and then sat down beside my sister.

  ‘You look nice,’ said Petra, examining my silky orange shift. ‘What’s the occasion?’

  ‘Oh, I thought I might stay here till dinner then go straight to the restaurant.’

  She didn’t look convinced. ‘I see.’

  ‘How did you like Troy?’ asked Tessa brightly.

  ‘Very nice.’

  A waiter materialised with a tray so I ordered a scotch and Coke. A light breeze was skimming across the pool. I draped my paisley wrap around my shoulders and scanned the area. There were quite a few people here, but most were gathered around the bar. I could see Donald and Scott over there, as well as the Ab Fab group.

  ‘So you’re with us for Gallipoli tomorrow as well?’ Petra asked Deb.

  She nodded. ‘Yep. And to be honest, I’m sort of relieved. I mean, I love those guys, but it’s also nice to mix it up a bit.’

  ‘Have you spoken to April’s son about the cancellations?’

  ‘No point. He’ll just say it was an accident. Personally, I’m a little more cynical. Maybe that’s why they were estranged.’

  The waiter returned with my drink and I smiled gratefully before turning back to Deb. ‘I thought they were estranged because he sided with his father.’

  ‘Marvin was quite fond of money as well.’ Deb held up her hand, running her thumb across her fingers. ‘He really stiffed her when they broke up.’

  ‘His name should have been a red flag,’ commented Petra. ‘Marvin. Good lord.’

  ‘Poor April,’ said Tessa. ‘What a terrible thing for her to go through.’

  I looked at her quizzically. Did she feel the same when Darcy had pushed for the sale of our family home last year? The home she was now living in?

  Deb cleared her throat. ‘Well, anyway. Insurance will cover it for us.’

  ‘Is that Darcy over there talking to that blonde?’ asked Petra, pointing. We all peered in that direction. ‘No, my mistake. Just some other middle-aged guy.’