My Safe Place

by Steph Poe

  "Please take me home." I return my stare to the windshield.

  "Okay." He starts the engine. I quietly give him my address, too quietly because he has to ask me to repeat myself.

  The drive to my house is quiet. Cal even left the radio turned off. All that I hear is the hum of the engine, and find that it's comforting to me. I start to feel better and more confident in my ability to talk to Cal. He deserves to know the truth and if he can't accept me, then that will have to be it. I'll have to accept his rejection and move on with my life. I've been alone for three years and can handle being alone again.

  He pulls into my driveway and parks the car. Before he can get out of the car, I find my voice again. "Will you come in with me? I can make us some tea." I glance over at him and catch a small twitch of his lips.

  "Yea, I'd love some tea." He unfastens his seatbelt and steps out of the car, walking around to open my door for me. I let him take my hand and help me out of my seat.

  I lead him to the front door and unlock it. Tubbs is right there waiting for me.

  "Hi, buddy." I lean down and grab his head in both my hands and let him greet me with his kisses. "This is my friend, Cal. Be nice to him, Tubbs." I stand up and let Tubbs walk over to Cal and investigate. He isn't barking at him, so I feel pretty good about that. Tubbs is a great judge of character.

  Cal bends down and pets him. Before I know it, Tubbs is sprawled out on his back letting Cal rub his belly. "Nice to meet you, Tubbs. You like that, buddy?" He continues scratching and Tubbs's legs and tail wag in appreciation.

  "Well, you've definitely won him over. He loves his belly scratched. I'm gonna go make us some tea. Is peppermint okay?" I ask, as I make my way into the kitchen.

  "Yea, that's great." Cal and Tubbs are still bonding as I start heating the water. I grab two mugs from the shelf and two bags of peppermint tea. I feel his presence before I even turn around.

  "Do you take sugar or milk in your tea?" I ask without turning around.

  "Neither, thank you." I hear him move to grab one of the stools that sit up to my breakfast bar area. I finish preparing our tea and bring both mugs over, setting them on the counter. He's watching me intently while I pull up the stool right next to his and take a seat.

  We sip our tea in silence, and I know he's waiting for me to speak. I grab the string of the teabag, playing with the tag on the end of it, stalling, while I plan my words carefully.

  "It happened three years ago," my voice barely a whisper as I begin my story, staring intently down at my tea. "I was in a relationship with this guy for almost a year. I loved him and trusted him. I wasn't sure, but I even thought we might end up getting married someday." I scoff at that statement, hating to remember that I once even considered marrying him. Cal is watching me, patiently waiting for me to continue.

  "He wanted to try something new...in the bedroom." I hesitate a moment. Cal places his hand over mine in a supportive gesture. I smile up at him, grateful for his touch. Looking back into my tea, I continue. "He wanted to tie me up and do other...things." I take a deep breath, trying to keep my emotions in check. Cal gives my hand a reassuring squeeze. "I agreed to let him tie me to the bed. I agreed to let him...whip me." I hang my head in shame and fight back the sobs threatening to escape. As hard as this is, I have to finish.

  "I wanted to make him happy. I wasn't entirely comfortable with it, but I trusted him not to hurt me." I stop and take in a deep breath. "I was all right until he had all of my limbs tied to the bed posts. I felt vulnerable, but not just that. I felt...fear. Everything inside of me was telling me it was not right. I asked him to untie me, but he wouldn't listen. He told me I was fine." I close my eyes and shudder, remembering the feeling of being tied to that bed.

  "I started yelling at him to stop, to untie me. I told him I didn't want to do it anymore, that it was all a mistake." I squeeze my eyes shut tighter. "He didn't listen to me. The bastard didn't listen to me!" The tears are flowing down into my tea, and Cal grabs me and pulls me onto his lap and holds me tight.

  "Shh. It's all right, baby. I've got you." I grab onto his shirt and let my tears escape and my sobs come out. I let it all out. I'm giving my burdens and hurts to him and he's holding me, taking the weight from me. His strong shoulders engulf my body in a fortress of protection and solace. I never want to leave his arms.

  I want him to know everything, so I need to finish. I sniffle and wipe my tears on my sleeve before sitting up and looking him right in those comforting eyes. "He whipped me with a belt a couple of times, and...then he...forced himself on me. He...raped me while I was telling him to stop. He wouldn't stop. He didn't stop, Cal." His eyes become filled with rage and his lips are pursed tightly together for a moment before he carries me over to the couch.

  He keeps me folded in his lap and lets me cry into his shirt. I cry for a long time, until my eyes are burning. Cal holds me and comforts me, running his fingers gently through my hair and kissing the top of my head every now and again. Tubbs even jumps on the couch, forcing his head between Cal and me, and rests it on my lap. My hand robotically lands on Tubbs's head and I begin to gently stroke his golden fur.

  I'm waiting for Cal to speak, knowing that his reaction is everything. His reaction will tell me if he accepts me, damaged as I may be.

  He places his finger under my chin and brings it up so he can look into my eyes before he speaks. His voice is soft and careful. "It's not your fault, Lake. Not at all your fault." He slowly brings his lips to mine and gives me the most gentle kiss. I breathe a sigh of relief. He said exactly what I needed to hear. I've blamed myself for what happened for so long.

  "Thank you for saying that," I whisper and avert my eyes down to my lap again. He grabs my chin again and he stares intently into my eyes, reaching down into my soul.

  "It. Was. Not. Your. Fault. At. All," he emphasizes each word. "I'm not just saying that. Whoever this bastard is who did this to you isn't a real man. He's nothing. You trusted him and he took advantage of you. Please tell me you pressed charges."

  I bite my lower lip and draw my gaze away from him. "No, I didn't. I was afraid no one would believe me since I agreed to be tied up. He told me no one would believe me." I can't even look at Cal, I feel so ashamed for the coward I was. "I broke it off with him and promised that if he left me alone that I'd forget about what happened. He agreed and I haven't seen him since."

  I raise my eyes to look at Cal, who is enraged. I look down to see his fist clenched in a tight ball. I can tell he's trying to remain calm, although it looks like he wants to murder someone.

  "Cal, really, it's —"

  "No, Lake. Do not say it's okay. Do not fucking say that it's okay. He hurt you. He deserves to be punished." His body stiffens with tension. "What's his name, Lake?" He glares at me. That look alone frightens me.

  "It doesn't matter." I shake my head.

  "I want to find this bastard and teach him a lesson. He's gotten away with it for three fucking years." His body shakes with anger beneath me.

  "Cal, please stop. I just want to forget that it ever happened." I'm pleading with him now. "Please, I confided in you and it was really hard for me. Can I just deal with that right now?"

  I grab both his hands in mine and watch his eyes. They soften a little and his shoulders relax as he takes a deep breath. "Okay. I know it took a lot for you to tell me all of that. I'll drop it, for now. But there is no way he should get away with this."

  "I know, I know." I lean back into his chest and he wraps his arms around me tightly. I've never felt as comfortable as I do when I'm in my new safe place—his arms.

  Chapter 9

  When I wake up, I'm wrapped in strong arms and feel more content than I have in awhile. Safe and warm with the wonderful, woodsy smell of Cal invading my nostrils is how I'd like to wake up every day. My face is nuzzled in his neck, feeling his stubble lightly scratching my face. I stroke up and down his neck with my nose, inhaling as I do. His scent alone makes me feel safe.

>   Cal's arms squeeze me tight against his body. "Good morning," he whispers in my ear as he nibbles my ear lobe. Good morning? Have I slept all night on the couch wrapped in Cal's arms?

  "Oh shit. What time is it? I need to get to work!" I shoot out of his embrace and am about to dart into my bathroom when his arms pull me back to him.

  "It's early, only six. You have plenty of time to get to work." I lean in closer to him and resume my earlier position. "Thanks for staying with me all night. You didn't have to do that."

  He kisses my forehead. "There's nowhere else I'd rather be."

  There's a question I had been meaning to ask him since last night. "Cal?"

  "Yes?"

  "What are you gonna do with the land? Are you going to sell it?"

  "I considered that. But when it came time to put it up for sale, I couldn't do it. It was like the moment I bought the land, it was already theirs. I'd feel wrong selling it." He rubs his hand up and down my arm and goosebumps form.

  "What about building a house for yourself? Have you considered that?" I ask curiously.

  "I have. It hasn't felt like the right time." He doesn't elaborate. I feel like there's more of a reason behind that statement but I don't inquire further.

  I release myself from his arms, although I'd rather stay wrapped in them all day. I stand up and turn to face him. "If you need to go home and get yourself ready for work, I can have Ashton take me to the office."

  He stands up and wraps those lovely arms around my waist. "I want to take you to work, after we have breakfast together." He brings his hand to cup my chin and tenderly kisses me. That sweet kiss makes my insides come alive with need for him. I grab a hold of his hair, pull him closer to me, and deepen the kiss.

  I stop for just a second to say, "I need to shower." Then his hand is grabbing the back of my thigh and guiding my leg up around his waist. I take the hint and jump onto him, wrapping both my legs tightly around his waist while our kiss grows more needy. I feel his hardness against me and it makes me quiver.

  "Let me help you shower," he whispers seductively in between kisses. He carries me into my bathroom, never breaking our kiss. He sets me down atop my vanity before finally breaking the kiss and turning away to start the shower. Facing me once again, he pulls his shirt over his head and stalks towards me, his eyes burning a hole through me.

  I take the opportunity to study his stunning physique. I've never been with a man so fit and muscular before. He really takes care of his body and I get to indulge in it. Every line defining each pec, each ab muscle is like a perfect detail carved in stone. He has just the right amount of dark chest hair across his chest, extending to a thin trail pointing like an arrow down into his pants.

  He catches me staring. "See something you like, baby?"

  "I want to taste you." I surprise myself with those bold words, but it's true. I want nothing more than to run my tongue over that lovely chest. He comes over to stand in front of me, placing his hands on my knees to spread my legs open so he's in between them. He lifts my shirt, guiding it over my head before taking off my bra.

  "I want to taste you first, baby." Those husky words fill me with desire. He helps me out of my pants, but he leaves my panties on and scoots me so I'm sitting on the edge of the vanity. Then he kneels down in front of me and uses his finger to slide my panties to the side before plunging his tongue inside of me.

  My head involuntarily rolls back on my neck and I scream out my pleasure. He keeps thrusting his tongue in my opening while using his thumb to rub my clit. I've never felt anything like this. This man really knows how to please me. No one has ever made me feel this wanton and needy with lust. I grab both my breasts and they feel heavy in my hands.

  I look down at Cal and his eyes are dark and staring right into mine. He has me entranced and I can't look away. He removes his tongue for just a second to say, "Come on my face. I want to taste your sweetness." Those sexy words are all I need to send me right over the edge into a shattering orgasm. I'm throbbing and moving my hips all over his face and he doesn't stop until I've ridden out my full orgasm. He uses the soft touch of his fingers to bring me down from my high slowly.

  He gets off of his knees and brings his mouth to mine and kisses me eagerly, letting me taste myself on his tongue. He pulls my legs around his waist and carries me over to the shower, setting me down on my feet. He unbuttons his jeans and lets them slide down his legs before stepping out of them. I watch intently as he removes his boxers and that big, beautiful cock springs up.

  He steps into the shower with me. I immediately get onto my knees because now it's my turn to taste him. He moves towards me and with one hand gripped around himself, he guides his cock to my lips and rubs the tip on my upper lip, then the lower waiting for me to open for him. I obey and open, allowing him to enter. I softly run my tongue on the underside and then I begin to suck. I take him down as far as I can. I can taste him on my tongue and I swallow. I keep working him until I feel his body tightening. I rub his balls and feel them tighten and I know he's going to come. I suck harder until he's exploding inside of my mouth. I take him hard and swallow every bit.

  He pulls out of me and I rise to my feet and attack his mouth with fierce kissing once again. I can't get enough of him. I won't ever get enough of him.

  Cal pulls away, bringing his hand up to softly caress my cheek. "I like tasting you, pretty girl." Then he leans in again and gently brushes his lips against mine.

  *****

  I arrive at my office feeling at peace. I have no idea what my relationship with Cal is. We haven't discussed any specifics. I'm afraid that if we put a label on it, that things will change. We had a pleasant morning together. After our shower, I made him breakfast. He kissed me goodbye when he dropped me off at work.

  It was nice. Normal.

  It was normal in the beginning with Chris, too. As much as I want to trust Cal, I can't help worrying about the underlying fear of being taken advantage of. I don't want to punish Cal for another man's mistake but it doesn't make me less scared, not yet anyway.

  "Good morning!" Brynna calls excitedly to me.

  "Hey, you're in a great mood." I smile at her.

  "I have great news!" She stands up and hands me a magazine. "Indy Magazine wants to do a feature on Lake Maxwell Events! The editor called this morning and wants to speak with you as soon as possible." She comes around her desk to hug me.

  "Seriously? Oh, wow. That is great news!" I hug her back warmly.

  "Here is the editor's information." She hands me a yellow sticky note.

  "Thanks, Bryn!" I take the note, staring at it in disbelief and walk to my office.

  This is an amazing opportunity for me. My business will be featured in the #1 rated local magazine? Add this to my incredible morning and I'm floating on a cloud. I pass Ashton's desk, but she isn't there. My office door is closed, so I open it and walk inside to find Ashton waiting for me.

  "Hey, Ash." She's sitting in a chair, facing away from me. She doesn't turn around to greet me. I walk around her chair to face her. Her face is red and she's been crying. I wrap my arms around her immediately. "What's the matter?"

  She sniffles and wipes at her eyes. She doesn't respond right away because she's choking back a sob. "I'm sorry. I'm ruining your exciting news. I'm such a baby." She looks ashamed and stares at the tissue currently being shredded in her hands.

  "Ash, don't be sorry. You're more important than my news. Tell me what's going on." I push back a lock of brown hair that was stuck to her face.

  "It's stupid, really. I'm probably being ridiculous." She dabs at her eyes with the torn tissue. I reach over to my desk and grab her a fresh one. "Well, you know I've been seeing Matt." I nod at her. "We still haven't had sex. I don't think he wants to."

  "I'm sure that's not it, Ash." A strange thought crosses my mind, ridiculous as it may be. "Is he a virgin?" I'm reminded of that Steve Carrell movie.

  She laughs for a moment before her face turns serious, li
ke she really hadn't considered that a possibility. Then she looks up at me. "There's no way. He's thirty. Is anyone ever a virgin at thirty?" She seriously looks confused. "He is so hot. There is no way he's a virgin." As if hotness automatically means virginity is lost before age thirty.

  I shrug my shoulders, but then remember our conversation on Monday. "Wait, didn't you tell me you guys spent Saturday night together?" My brows furrow in question.

  "We did, but we just cuddled. I tried to put the moves on him, but he wouldn't take it any further."

  "Have you tried talking to him about it?" I ask.

  "No. I'm kind of afraid of what he'll say." She looks sheepish.

  "Come on, Ash. What's the worst he could say? That he can't sleep with you because he lost his penis in a freak accident? Or maybe he has three balls and he's embarrassed." I frown at her.

  She chuckles at my pitiful attempt at humor. "You're right. I just need to talk to him. God, I'm just so used to guys wanting to get with me on the first date, that I'm freaking out when one is actually a gentleman." She pulls me in for another hug. "Thanks for the pep talk."

  "You have dated some assholes, Ash. And besides, you've only known him for a week. Give it some time." I return her hug and then pull her away from me so I can look at her. "Now can we please talk about our exciting news? Indy Magazine wants to do a feature on us!"

  "I am so happy for you, Lake!" She gives me another quick hug.

  "Hey, it's not just me. I couldn't run this place without you guys. This is great news for all of us." I walk around to sit in my desk chair and fire up my laptop, sticking the note on my desk. "Alright, I need to call the editor."

  "Ok, I'll leave you to it. Want to grab lunch today?"

  "Yea, sounds good." Ashton walks out, happier than a few minutes ago. I smile, grateful that I could help improve her mood.

  I read the name on the post it. Tom Harris, editor of Indy Magazine. I smile and reflect on my business. I love what I do and have worked hard to make it a success. It feels so good to be recognized in my community. Without hesitation, I dial the number.