Distorted Love

by T. L Smith

  “Who’s your guest, son?”

  Livia looks over my shoulder to where my father is standing behind me. Stepping out of the way so she can see him, she answers for me.

  “Livia, sir. Ryken and I have a date tonight, but he seems to have forgotten.”

  “Ryken forgot?” I hear the tone of his voice. He knows one thing I never ever do is forget. My memory is as sharp as my father’s. Probably better.

  “Maybe Ryken should invite you in. I just ordered.”

  Livia looks at me with a smile wide on her face. I feel my father walk away leaving us both standing there. She steps closer, so her hand touches my hip.

  “I’ll forgive you, just don’t do it again.” She pushes past me, so she’s inside the house. Taking a deep breath, I shut the door, then walk with her to the sitting area. My father’s already seated with Quinn at the table on his computer. Our maid walks out, setting all the food on the table, then walks away quietly. Livia isn’t shy and takes a seat without asking. Sitting next to her, Quinn shuts the laptop and leans back in his seat as he watches us.

  “You were at the party the other night?” Livia says to Quinn.

  My father’s eyes turn to him. “You were?”

  Quinn nods his head, leaning in to pick up a bread roll, which he then starts to pick at it as we watch and wait. “I went to check on Ryken. See if he had any new material coming our way for business.”

  “Oh... the clubs. I bet you’re excited to actually go into them in a few months?” Livia says, not knowing the real reason.

  “Sure.”

  Quinn looks at me, my father looks to Quinn.

  “Did you see anyone interesting?” my father asks Quinn.

  Quinn’s eyes fall to me.

  Saskia. That’s who he’s thinking about.

  “No.”

  Now I owe him a debt, and he will collect. He’s just proved his point by lying to my father.

  “Livia, was it?” my father asks. Reaching for the food, she answers him with a nod. “Tell me, does your school get many scholarship students?”

  She nods her head eagerly. “My cousin’s a scholarship student. Her mother doesn’t care for her. All she has is my family.”

  “Who’s your cousin?” Quinn asks. “Maybe I know her?”

  Livia shakes her head. “Saskia. You wouldn’t know her. She doesn’t really have many friends.”

  “She was at the party, right? Little blonde?” Quinn questions and I want to kick him. My father’s listening intently, looking back and forth between us.

  “Yeah, that would be her. She didn’t stay long.” Quinn sits back smirking, looking at me. He’s now worked out who she is—thanks to Livia.

  “You know her, son?”

  I shake my head, standing from the table, grabbing for Livia’s hand and pulling her up with me. “No. I have to take Livia home.”

  She goes to speak but instead offers a wave of her hand as I pull her out of the house. The minute I shut the door behind us she pushes her body onto me, her lips coming to mine as she takes what she wants. It’s one thing with Livia, she doesn’t send mixed signals, what you see is what you get. I let her kiss me, her lips locking on mine demanding access, and I give her a taste before I pull away taking a step back.

  “Don’t show up to my house unexpectedly again, Livia.”

  Her green eyes turn soft. Her confidence disappears. “You didn’t show.”

  Scrubbing my hand through my hair, I nod to her. “Did you think maybe there was a reason for that?”

  Livia shakes her head, a tear falling free down her cheek. “You don’t want me here?” I lean in and wipe it away, she doesn’t move, letting me.

  “You shouldn’t come. Don’t come here again, Livia. Next time wait for me to call.”

  “We had a thing.”

  I shake my head. “No! You had a thing. I was confused. Look, Livia, I like you. But I don’t move that fast. I’m not Nate. Stop trying to push yourself onto me.”

  Livia’s hand starts playing with her dress, twirling it in her hand. “I’ve never been rejected before,” she says with honesty. I’m guessing she’s never gone after someone she knew didn’t already like her.

  “I’m not rejecting you, Livia. I’m saying move slower. It’s not a race.”

  She nods. “I can deal with that.” Turning, she walks to her car, pulling the door open. “It isn’t because of her, is it?”

  “Who?”

  She drops her head to the side. “Never mind.” Livia gets in, starts the car, and drives away. Turning around once she’s gone, my father’s standing on the steps.

  “Who is she, son?” I raise an eyebrow at him, he just met her. “Not her. The cousin.”

  Shaking my head, I notice Quinn standing behind him shaking his head. Making sure I know not to not tell him any more than he already knows.

  “A girl that goes to my school. Students are off limits, Father. You know that.”

  Father lifts his chin to me. “Are you telling me that? Or asking.”

  “I’m telling you, stay away from my school and my friends.”

  “Her funeral’s this Friday. Make sure you dress properly.” He turns and steps back inside, leaving me on the front porch.

  Quinn looks to me then walks away without a word.

  LIVIA ASKED IF SHE could come with me today, but I told her no. This isn’t something I want her to attend. This was something I had to do by myself.

  My father stands next to me dressed in all black, my mother’s family stands to the right of me. My auntie tries to hold back her tears as they get ready to entomb her. We all stand in silence. My grandmother reaches down and drops a flower on the coffin and we all follow suit, my father doing it last. Turning, I walk off without him, only to be stopped by my auntie. Her hands circle around my shoulders as she squeezes me tight against her chest. My grandmother does the same when I’m free, then she pulls me back to grab hold of my face.

  “You should come home. Your mother would have wanted that.”

  “She would have, she missed you terribly,” my auntie joins in.

  “He stays here. Where he belongs,” my father steps up next to me and says with authority. He breaks my grandmother’s hold on my face as she drops her hands to square her body off with my father. None of them like him. Most of them know what he does. But won’t take it any further, because despite it all, he’s all I have apart from her...

  “Don’t you turn him into you. The world doesn’t need another Anthony Lord. One is more than enough.”

  My father turns to look at me through his sunglasses, then back to my grandmother. “He’s already me. You’re just to blind to see it. You see her in him, but I see me.” His cell starts ringing. He answers it with a curt “yes” and steps away.

  Turning back, my grandmother’s shaking her head. “You are her, and you know it. Please don’t let him corrupt you. Come home whenever you want, the door’s always open to you, my boy.”

  “You’re not staying?”

  They look at each other then both shake their heads.

  “We don’t want to be here... in this town... with him.” Their eyes fall behind me to where I know Father’s talking on his cell phone. You’ll never hear what he’s discussing, but I know he’s there without looking.

  Kissing my cheek, they both leave. Leaving me standing a short distance from where she is... in the ground.

  “They left. That was fast.” His cell slides into his pocket, and my eyes avert back to where she’s buried. I don’t want to leave her.

  “They didn’t want to be around you a second longer than is absolutely necessary.”

  Father smirks at my words. “It’s not like I could sell their asses. No one would pay. I’d have to give them away or maybe pay for them to be taken.” He laughs, and it’s dark and unnerving. Shaking my head, I walk to my car. He says my name once, and I ignore him, driving straight to the one place I know I shouldn’t. But as I pull up and see her sitting on the d
irt, her mocha eyes lifting to mine, I know this was definitely the right choice. Saskia’s sitting in the dirt playing with a little boy. She stands to brush the dirt away from her bottom when she sees me. Getting out of the car I walk toward her, her eyes leave mine to look down at the child then back to me.

  “Ryken.” She says my name like she can breathe life back into me. Who has that power? “Why are you here?”

  Shaking my head, I don’t even know. “I kind of just drove here...” I say, looking around.

  She wipes at her ass again, then leans down to the child. “I’ll play later, okay? Go back home and have some lunch.”

  The little boy nods his head smiling big at her. Then runs off to the trailer not far from hers. Her hands wipe again—she does this when she’s self-conscious, this much I’ve worked out. I wonder why, though? She’s prettier than any other girl I’ve ever seen. It’s not just in her Barbie doll features, which let’s be honest, are perfect. It’s everything. Especially those eyes.

  “You need to stop that.”

  Her nose scrunches at my words. She wipes at her face brushing her hair away, then her hands pause before she goes to wipe her hands on her legs.

  “You have something...” I point to my nose, then step forward and touch hers, wiping the dirt away from her nose. Her breath hitches and she shakes her head at me.

  “Do you need something?”

  My hand drops back next to me. “Just some company.”

  Saskia nods her head then steps back and turns to sit on her step. I walk next to her, sitting so our thighs touch. Not on purpose.

  “Was today the day?” Her eyes roam me and I like it. She continues with, “All black,” and she waves to my clothes.

  I unbutton the top button while she waits for me to answer. “It was.”

  “I’m sorry. You must miss her.” Her thigh rubs mine as she bounces her leg. My hand touches my ring that my mother gave me, the one with the emerald diamond set in the white gold. It’s meant to mean success in love and life. I wonder if I should have given it to her instead of the other way around.

  “Yeah,” is all I can manage to say, my voice raspy. Her shorts are short, her legs exposed. It’s occupying my mind. Keeping it away from other things. She’s a great distraction.

  “Do you want to do something?”

  “Like what?”

  She stands to sever the connection of our legs. “You want to forget, right?”

  I nod my head, and she smiles, looking me up and down. “Maybe not so much dressed the way you are, but I’m sure we can fix that.” She starts walking behind her trailer then into the trees in her bare feet, and I follow idly behind her. She stops at a waterhole, where a rope is dangling from a tree, and I watch in fascination as she removes her shirt and climbs it. She has a swimming top on, plus her shorts. Saskia’s smile is enormous. She whistles loudly as she holds onto the rope swinging from the tree, and then she takes off somersaulting into the water. I watch and wait for her to come up for air. Her blonde hair falls out of her face, and she’s smiling, so fucking brightly I can’t take my eyes off of her.

  CONFESSION #2

  “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It’s been one week since my last confession.”

  Hands clenched and eyes down. I wait to see how the words will leave my mouth now I’m in the confessional.

  The priest is waiting, so he can offer me penance. What a fool.

  “Today I fell further down the rabbit hole I wasn’t invited into. Today I fell in love. But let me tell you something, Father, I’m not sure if I should kill the person I love.”

  The priest makes a small movement, where he’s safe behind his latticed compartment.

  Nothing follows my words.

  Silence.

  Before the priest can think of something to say, I leave without absolution.

  Chapter 8

  Saskia

  He’s watching me, those demons hidden and that black suit riveted to his body.

  “Take it off and get in. You’ll love it.”

  It’s hot. So I know he must be sweating.

  “There could be crocodiles in there. Fuck that.”

  I laugh at him. “You’re safe, nothing’s eaten me yet. So get in.”

  He shrugs his shoulders then starts to remove his jacket, followed by his shirt. As the buttons come undone, my breathing becomes hard and fast. His shirt drops to the ground, and his perfectly tanned and toned skin is on full display. He touches the hem of his trousers then pulls them down, so all he has on is a pair of boxer briefs.

  I have to go under the water because I can’t watch him any longer. Taking a deep breath and closing my eyes, I go under. He says my name just before I do, but that doesn’t stop me. When I come back up, he’s got the rope in his hands and is watching me with that perfect body of his on display.

  “Just jump?” I nod my head, unsure if I can even form any more words while watching his form.

  “Speechless Saskia?” He’s smiling at me. He knows his near nakedness is making me uncomfortable. Why did I have to choose here? It was close and easy, that’s why. I like to come here and try to jump and twist as high as I can. The adrenaline, I love it when it kicks in.

  ‘Jump,’ I scream in my head, and he does it. He swings out, almost the height I get up to, then lets go, falling into the water. He comes up for air, and there’s only a few inches between us. I tread water, watching him.

  “You come here a lot?”

  I nod my head. “Among other places.”

  He floats onto his back, looking up to the sky. The sun is high but hidden behind all the trees. It’s the most perfect place.

  “I shouldn’t be here.”

  “In this place?” I ask him, confused.

  He drops under the water then comes back up for air. His hair slicked back from the water, his eyes ever so dark.

  “With you.”

  That hurts, more than it should.

  “You should leave then.”

  “I want to, I really fucking do. I shouldn’t be around you. It’s too dangerous.”

  This time it’s my turn to go under then come back up for air. When I do, he’s closer to me, his face inches from mine making me lose my breath, which is weird considering I can breathe now.

  “I really shouldn’t fucking be here, Barbie.”

  I don’t blink, my eyes somehow don’t move. They stay locked on him, and I do nothing as he reaches forward, his lips coming toward mine.

  Wanting to pull away and actually doing it are two different things. A small part wants me to draw away, the other is screaming with nerves. His lips full and lush touch mine, and my breath, stealing his own breath into mine. It fills my lungs as I manage to move my lips against his. We tread water, but I feel his hand come on my hip, steadying me in place as he takes control of the kiss while he takes control of me. He doesn’t disappoint. If kissing’s like this for everyone, why doesn’t everyone kiss all day every day?

  His kiss is like something out of those magical books that you read in school.

  How the prince steals the heart of the princess with just one kiss.

  He could steal my heart with his lips alone.

  Brushing his tongue against mine, I moan into his mouth. He pulls away, pushing himself back in the water, and my eyes open in time to see the expression on his face.

  Anguish.

  Distress.

  Pain.

  Did I cause him pain?

  Was I a shit kisser?

  Why would he pull away like that?

  “We can’t do that.”

  His voice is full of lies.

  Ryken did that.

  He kissed me.

  I would never act on what I want. I’m not even sure it is what I want. It’s as if he’s opened up a part of me I didn’t know existed. Ones I’m not really sure I can keep locked away. I want more of that. Way, way more of it.

  “Was I bad?”

  He looks at me and shakes his head,
laughing. His hand rubs through his perfect wet hair pushing it back, making his bicep bulge with the movement, his lips pulling into a thin line. The same ones that kissed me mere seconds ago.

  “No. Fuck no. You... nope.” He turns looking toward the bank. “You’ll be the fucking death of me, that’s why we can’t do that again.” He swims toward the edge of the water, and I quickly try to catch up to him. Before he leaves, I touch his shoulder, stopping him. He pauses, not turning around. My hands start moving, running ever so slowly along his shoulder, down his back to his other shoulder. His skin is so perfect and so tanned.

  “Stop it, Barbie. Fucking stop it. Or I’ll take you right here.”

  My hand pauses on him, then moves again. It’s a choice I don’t really think about as I move my hand, knowing what’s to come. Or will it?

  He moves fast, turning and lifting me in one fell swoop. My legs go around his waist. My heart beats loudly and slams against my chest and onto his chest. His hands gripping my ass, his fingers digging into my flesh. Then his mouth comes back to mine, and my hands trail him. My heart returns to beating not slamming, and this time I kiss him the way he kissed me to begin with—with lips and tongue. He kisses me like he can’t get enough of me, and I kiss him like I can’t find my breath, and the only way to find it again is to kiss it from him. He moves, walking while he holds me until we’re both out of the water, and he lays me down so my back hits the cold ground, the dirt hits my skin. Ryken hovers over me while I stay hooked on him.

  “Barbie... Barbie... whatever shall I do with you?”

  I want to tell him to kiss me some more. That is until I feel him press between my legs and a very welcome sensation comes over me.

  Desire.

  For him.

  His lips trail my neck, and he licks a path to my ear then bites it. Pulling my lobe between his teeth while I push my body as close to him as possible.

  “What about Livia.” I regret the words the minute they leave my mouth. He pulls away from me so our bodies aren’t touching and my feet finally hit the ground. Sitting up so I can see him clearly, I suddenly feel... dirty. He ignores me and starts pulling on his shirt, followed by his trousers. Then he turns to look at me. I’m still in the same spot on the ground, watching him, waiting for a reply. Or for him to tell me it doesn’t matter. That they aren’t a thing. “You’re leaving?”