“You okay?” Mason asks, I hadn’t even realized he had gotten here. Brea’s next to him with her arm wrapped around his.
“I’ll go talk to her,” Brea says, reassuringly.
“It’ll be okay, man,” Mason says, loud enough for only me to hear as he claps me on the back.
I wanted to believe him, I really did. The only thing I could think about though was the look on her face as she told me no.
As much as I’ve told myself to stay away from her, the thought of her feeling the same hits me harder than I ever expected. I’m starting to think things will never be okay with Halle and me again.
Seven
Halle
“I’ll have what she’s having!” Brea shouts over the music, as she slides onto the barstool next to me.
“Hey.” She smiles, bumping shoulders with me.
I look over at her, giving her the smile that matches the look I imagine I have on my face.
“Why so gloomy, pretty girl?”
“I just never expected it would be so hard to see him again. I’ve spent all this time wishing I could see him, wishing he were home. Now that he’s here, I’m reminded of how much everything has changed between us. It almost makes me wish he weren’t here again. At least I didn’t have to worry about it being thrown in my face over and over, ya know?”
Things weren’t always so easy for her and Mason. If there is anyone who can relate to how I’m feeling, it’s her. Despite them being best friends before they started dating, there was a time when she felt like his past was thrown in her face too.
“Oh, I know alright,” she says, as the bartender sets the shot glass in front of her and fills it with Jack Daniel’s.
“I’ll have another,” I mutter. I need to call it quits after this one. Drowning my sorrows in liquor won’t do me any good. If anything, it’ll loosen the seal I have on my lips, which only gets me in trouble.
We toss them back together, as I slide the empty glass across the bar to where Danny stands.
“I understand why Kinsley planned this trip. It’s perfect for Callum and Ellie, but I hate the idea of spending the weekend with Graham in the city he took off to when life got too hard for him. So hard he decided I wasn’t worth the effort anymore, so he was going to throw in the towel on us too.”
Getting it off my chest to someone feels good. Therapeutic almost. I’ve been putting on a smile for everyone around me. They have enough of their own shit. The last thing I need to do is burden them with my baggage from five years ago.
“It was hard enough thinking about who he was with and what he was doing when he was in Chicago. Now he’s back here, looking like a damn G.I. Joe, throwing it in my face how sexy he looks. I can only imagine all the women he had throwing themselves at him.”
Groaning, I rub my hand over my forehead. That last shot was probably not a good idea.
“Is that really what you’re worried about?” she asks.
Rolling my head to the side, I see the smile she’s working to cover. Narrowing my eyes at her, I imagine as if I’m shooting daggers at her right now.
“There’s nothing funny about being sexually frustrated. Not all of us get to live with our smoking hot boyfriends, Brea. You have the freshly fucked glow about you, so don’t look at me like you find my misery funny.”
The smile falls from her face, knowing I just called her out. I throw my head back laughing.
“It wasn’t like that, you know,” she says, as my laughs stop.
I’m not sure if she’s talking about her and Mason, or Graham.
“What do you mean?”
“Graham. It wasn’t like that. Well, not entirely. There were women who noticed him, but it’s hard not to.”
Yeah, not at all what I wanted to hear.
“He wasn’t interested. I never quite understood why he was so closed off and never giving them the time of day. Not until I met you.”
Looking down at the solid oak of the bar, I clasp my hands together and twirl my thumbs in circles around each other.
“He meant everything to me. Everything. Until he wasn’t anymore. Until he was gone, and he took my heart with him.”
Tears fill my eyes, but I do my best to blink them away. Now is not the time to get all emotional. Not when he’s standing ten feet away from me.
“Sorry,” I mumble to Brea. “I just need to stop thinking about it.”
“I understand,” she says, running her arm over my shoulder, wrapping me in a side hug.
“I think this trip might actually be good for you. It’s my old stomping grounds. I’m almost positive we will be hitting up Velvet, the nightclub we worked at.”
Brea flashes the same smirk was wearing before, only this time I know she’s up to something. She has this devious look on her face, like she’s plotting something, and I want in on it.
“We will get all dressed up for the night out. It will be the perfect opportunity to remind him just what he’s been missing.”
Spinning on the barstool, I turn so I’m facing her. Glancing out onto the dance floor, my eyes wander over the crowd of people before they fall back on our group of friends. It doesn’t take long before my eyes find Graham’s.
Maybe it’s the whiskey or maybe it’s the feel of his eyes on me, but I can feel a warmth pass over me. His jaw is set, his face serious. He’s rocking the perfect amount of facial hair and I can’t help but remember how it felt against my skin.
I know he’s wondering what we’re talking about, but even more, he wants me to cool it on the drinking.
I want nothing more than to cross this bar and wrap my body around him. I don’t want to wait until Chicago. I want to remind him of what he’s been missing now.
Turning back to the bar, I wave Danny over and ask him to pour me a water.
“Geez, the tension between you two is enough to set this place on fire.”
I want to laugh at my own misery again. It was always like that between us.
The level of passion we felt when we were together was so intense, it was scorching.
My face heats as the memories come flooding back, remembering the last night we were together.
Even after all this time, I still remember the look in his eyes as he picked me up, wrapping my legs around him. I loved the way he would grab my waist and hold me to him, tossing me around however he wanted.
I always felt safe in his arms. I knew Graham would never let anything happen to me.
The scent of his cologne hits me first, just as the heat of his body radiates at my back, forcing my back straight as I glance over my shoulder.
Danny sets a glass down in front of me, tossing some ice in along with it.
“You should slow down a little bit, don’t you think?”
I knew he was watching me from across the bar, which is exactly why I wanted that second shot. It would drive him crazy, and that’s exactly what I wanted.
“It’s a good thing you don’t have to worry about me anymore. Ain’t that right, G?”
Throwing back the nickname our friends would use was like a smack in the face. I knew it, and I know he knew it too.
I never called him by his nickname in all our time together. Babe or handsome, yes. Never G.
“I’ll give you two a minute,” Brea says, as she slides off the barstool. She gives me a tense smile. I know without turning my head to face Graham that the comment did more than sting a little.
No, if I had to guess he’s ready to toss me over his shoulder and march out of the building. Or at least, that’s what the Graham I knew all those years ago would do.
I loved to push his buttons because I knew exactly how he would punish me for it.
Danny hits the button, filling the rest of the glass up with water. I know Graham is seeing this, too.
Taking a sip of water, it feels good as it slides down my throat. With the glass in hand, I turn back in my seat and focus my attention on him.
“Is it hot in here?” I ask, running the edg
e of the glass along the column of my neck. The sweat from the glass leaves a trail of water in its wake.
Graham’s eyes follow the line of moisture from where it drips down my neck. I can feel his eyes blaze into me, as his body moves in closer bumping into where my legs sit crossed between us.
“Or is it just me?”
He presses in closer to me, urging me to uncross my legs and I do.
I come up to just below his chin from where I sit on the barstool.
Giving him access, he takes another step closer to me, but still holds himself back from touching me.
The heat, the tension radiating off us, causes my temperature to spike.
“I think it’s just you,” Graham says, running the palm of his hand from my knee up my thigh. Just the slightest bit of contact from him leaves my body eager, seeking out more from him.
The combination of his rough skin against mine causes goose pimples to rise over my skin, causing the muscles in my leg to shake.
“Graham,” I sigh, my eyes closing as I tilt my head down, watching as his hand wraps around the side of my leg, gripping me tightly.
“Oh, I’m back to being Graham now?”
My eyes dart up to him, as his narrow at me.
I don’t know what to say, as I hold the glass up to my mouth taking another drink. My tongue darts out, running along the edge of my lip.
It’s starting to get to him, his chest heaves with every forced breath he takes.
He mutters something about me being a pain in the ass as he releases his grip on my thigh, running it over his face.
“Promise me you won’t try to drive home tonight.”
That was not at all what I expected him to say, especially given the way he was just looking at me. His reaction to our close proximity.
I’m not sure if I’m more surprised or hurt. By the look on his face staring back at me, I’m guessing he’s picking up on it too.
“Will you let me take you home?”
“Awfully forward of you, don’t you think? Just assuming after all this time, I’d let you take me home.”
The thought of him coming home with me tonight leaves my mouth dry with want. Even thinking about it now makes me feel desperate to say yes. More than him just driving me home, I want more time with him. More of having him close.
Even if it won’t lead to the more that I am hoping for, I can’t help but want anything with Graham.
When Graham left five years ago, to say I was a wreck would be an understatement. We’d have our share of arguments, what couple doesn’t though, right?
I knew this was different though. I knew when Graham told me he was leaving, there was going to be no going back. I think there was a part of me that thought, or maybe hoped is the better word, he would realize he was wrong and made the biggest mistake of his life. No matter what life threw at us, we’d weather the storm together.
With each day that passed where I didn’t hear from him, it was another reminder that the future I hoped for us grew further and further away.
Him being here now, having the chance to be near him again, despite knowing he could hurt me again, I want to say yes. I want to give in and soak up whatever I time I have with him.
Which is exactly why I don’t.
“I’m fully capable of making sure I get home on my own. I’ve been doing it for the past five years without your concern. You don’t have to take care of me, G.”
There’s a subtle tic in his jaw and I know I’ve succeeded at getting under his skin.
Sliding off the barstool, I put my feet on the floor. He doesn’t move to take a step back, but his eyes follow mine as I step in closer to him.
I stare up at him, feeling the warmth of his body and the feel of his breath feather over my cheek. I want to reach up and pull him close to me, to press my lips against his again. I want to know if he tastes as good as I remember.
I move to step around him, but before I’m able to get far, his hand wraps around the span of my hip.
“Halle,” he breathes, leaning in closer to me.
It’s loud in here, but I swear over the sound of the music I can hear my heart beating. I wonder for a moment if he can hear it too.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers.
I close my eyes and try to gain some semblance of control, trying to avoid the tears forming in my eyes and once again hoping they don’t fall.
“I know I hurt you.” His voice breaks, as he lets out a deep breath. Neither of us move though. Neither of us try to break this connection between us. “I understand you’re still angry. I deserve it. I deserve for you to be angry with me. I just hope you know I’d give anything to take your pain away. I’m so damn sorry.”
With that, he turns and walks back to where our friends stand on the other side of the bar. His movements are confident, which are nothing like how I am feeling right now.
No, I feel like I’m on the edge of crumbling.
As much as I want to stay here, to celebrate Ellie and Callum with the rest of my friends, I just want to leave. I want to go home, nurse my wounds, and prepare to spend the weekend with our friends in Chicago.
But I don’t. Instead, I muster up every bit of strength I have in me, I follow along behind him to our friends. I’ll lick my wounds in peace tomorrow, with a pint of Ben and Jerry’s and a glass of rosé.
Tonight, I’m going to forget the ache in my heart I’ve carried for Graham Shaw and focus on being there for my friends.
Eight
Graham
I know I shouldn’t let her get to me the way she does, but I can’t help it. I’ve never been able to control the emotions she evokes in me, even after all these years.
The rest of the night goes by painfully slow. Halle spends most of the night laughing with the girls, while I try to do my best to keep my eyes off her. I thought after my apology, maybe it would ease the tension between us, but it seems like it’s only done the opposite.
She doesn’t look my way for the rest of the night.
A little while later, after I step away to use the restroom, I feel the pang in my chest when I return to find Halle missing.
“Halle left,” Kinsley says, as if picking up on my question. “She told us to tell you goodbye.”
She gives me a forced smile. Deciding to call it a night, too, I make my way around the table saying goodbye to my friends. Callum and Ellie are wrapped around each other on the dance floor. I don’t want to ruin their moment, so I ask Mason to tell his brother bye for me and I’ll see them next weekend when we take the trip to Chicago.
Kinsley stops me before I can make a beeline out the door.
“G, I don’t know what’s going on between you two. She won’t talk to me about it, but I know she’s torn apart seeing you again. She may not say it, but I know she’s thinking about how things used to be.”
I think about it too. When I was eighteen years old, she was everything to me. She was all I could see. She was like a ray of sunshine into my life. I would’ve done anything for her.
I will continue to do anything for her to make her happy. I don’t deserve her, her light, her goodness. I don’t deserve Halle, I never have.
“Nothing’s going on between us. I just wanted to make sure she got home okay.”
Kinsley’s laugh pulls my attention away from where my eyes are focused on the door, where she went. It’s loud and full, nearly causing her to fold her body in half letting it out.
“What’s so funny?”
“You! You’re so clueless. Nothing is going on? Are you serious?”
I want to say “yes, I’m serious” but she’s right. I’m a fool if I think we could be in the same town and know nothing would happen between us.
“I don’t deserve her, Kins. I don’t. Everything’s so fucked up.”
“You do deserve each other. Just promise me you won’t hurt her again or so help me, Graham Shaw,” she sighs, pointing her two fingers at her eyes and back to me. She squints her eyes, trying to
intimidate me.
“I never wanted to hurt her. I’d rather rip my own heart out than do anything to hurt her. Please tell me you know that.”
Kinsley drops her hand, as the sadness returns to her face. Leaving Arbor Creek was never about wanting to hurt her but protecting her from me. She made me do reckless things to be near her and I’d never want the recklessness to lead to her being hurt.
Saying goodbye to Kinsley, I wave to my friends before heading toward the back door I entered through earlier that night. Stepping outside, I’m hit with the cool breeze. The sun has long since gone down and the heat from earlier in the day has settled into a cool air without the sunshine beating down on me.
Walking across the parking lot, the sound of the gravel crunches beneath my feet as I hit the lock on my truck. The sound of the alarm beeps, just as I hear the soft whimpers in the distance.
“It’s okay, Halle. It’s okay.” I hear whispered, causing my entire body to tense.
The sound of her muffled words has me on high alert, searching around me for the source of her cries.
“Halle, is that you?” My voice is firm, loud.
“Graham?” she asks. Her eyes blink beneath the dim light in the parking lot. They are full, with tears streaming down her face.
I want to stop and just stare in awe at her beauty, but I remind myself she has been crying. Despite what I just got done telling Kinsley, nothing is going on and I would never hurt her; I can’t deny whatever is hurting her now I want to be the one to be there for her. I want to be the one who holds her, comforts her.
Jogging across the parking lot, I approach her and pull her car door open. Crouching down next to her, I put my hand on her knee.
“What’s wrong?”
Her eyes are cast downward, taking in my hand wrapped around her knee.
“What have you been getting into?” she asks, her voice quivering, lighting a match inside me. It’s like a switch flipped from good to evil. “Graham, what did you do?”
Until I Found You: A Second Chance Standalone Romance (Heart's Compass Book 3) Page 5
