Believing Again (Finding Your Place Book 3)

by Rebecca Barber

  “Oh, okay.” My voice wavered. I didn’t want him to leave. I don’t know why I didn’t, the realisation shook me to my soul. “Thanks for—”

  “Any time.” He cut me off with a dismissive wave. As he pulled open the door, I couldn’t stop myself. “What’s your name?”

  The cheeky grin that consumed his face reached his eyes. I felt my cheeks burn under the scrutiny of his stare. He covered the distance between us and thrust his hand out. Placing my sweaty palm in his, he winked. He fucking winked. My underwear quickly became soaked. My traitorous body reacted to him in the most basic way. Really, he was lucky I didn’t push him down on the desk and ride him into the night.

  “I’m Nathan. But my friends call me Nate.”

  “Are we friends then?”

  “We could be.”

  He let go and vanished out the door before I had a chance to regather my scattered thoughts. This was crazy. It had been too long, obviously. All it took was someone showing me a little bit of compassion, a little bit of attention, and I was a goner. At least now I had his name. A name to put with the X-rated dreams I’d undoubtedly be having for the foreseeable future. A name to go with the ideas I’d be sharing with my battery operated boyfriend later tonight.

  Chapter 6

  Nate

  I had to get out of there. What the fuck possessed me to follow her into that office, I’ll never know. It was the dumbest thing I’d done in a long time. She was as hot as hell and she had no clue. The fact she was completely oblivious to the way most of the guys watched her delectable derriere move around the bar made her even sexier, if that was at all possible. But even though she looked delicious, she didn’t deserve to be felt up like that. Drunk or not, that was no excuse. It was the one thing about this town I despised. Twice in a month I’d seen women be subjected to drunken idiots who thought they deserved something. Twice in a month I’d had to step in. And I knew myself well enough to know I’d do it again in a heartbeat. It was what was right. It was what was going to get me smacked in the head one day. Possibly very soon.

  Climbing onto my bike, I felt my stomach churn. I was starving. I’d never gotten my food and now I wasn’t going to. Taking off down the road, I headed for the shops. Maybe a greasy burger from the local takeaway would fill the hole. I really needed to learn to cook. There was only so much toast and baked beans anyone could eat. Going out every night wasn’t an option, either. People were starting to recognise me. The people I didn’t want noticing.

  After a month in town, I was now somewhat of a local celebrity. Not only was I the shiny new toy, but I was a very single new toy. In the short time I’d been here I’d already collected eight phone numbers and turned down four invites for dinner. As much as the thought of a home cooked meal appealed, spending the evening with one of the town’s single mothers didn’t. Not at all. The last thing I needed in my life was to become someone’s step-parent. Kids weren’t in my future. Not today. Not ever.

  Parking next to the door, I recognised the police wagon there and pulled off my helmet, hanging it on the handle bars. Inside it was deserted except for the guy in the corner, his head buried in the paper. After placing my order, I slumped into the plastic covered chair, recounting the evening. I definitely hadn’t planned on it turning out like that.

  “Long day?” The deep voice brought me out of my own head.

  Glancing over I saw the officer, dressed casually, fold his paper and put it away. The way he was staring at me was intimidating, but knowing he was the local law enforcement, I assumed he probably looked at everyone like this. It wasn’t just me. “Long life.” I shrugged.

  “Been there.”

  A silence hung between us and I found myself deep in thought. I had no intention of disclosing my life story to anyone in this town. That was something I left behind. Deliberately. The more distance I put between me and my past, the easier my future would be. Or at least that’s what I wished for.

  “How are you settling in? Everyone treating you okay?”

  I snorted. I hadn’t had any problems, well, not really. Not unless you call having women throwing themselves at you a problem. The issues I’d encountered weren’t directed at me, I’d just put myself in the middle of them. No, they were local issues.

  “Yeah, getting there. It’s been interesting.”

  “Interesting?”

  “Yeah, let’s go with interesting.”

  He nodded his acceptance but there was a wariness in his eyes. I wasn’t sure he quite believed me, but then again he didn’t know me. “You moved into the old Ward place on Campbell Street, didn’t you?”

  “The white house?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Yeah, it’s all mine.”

  “Bet it’s a lot of work?”

  “You have no idea.” I sighed wearily. Just talking about it made me tired and ache in places I didn’t know it was possible to ache.

  When I’d arrived I had three days to get in and get my shit sorted before I started school. Then life became exhausting. Each day I got up, and went for a run before heading to work. Each day I finished up in my classroom after five, despite the kids bolting for the door just after three each afternoon. I used the time to get sorted. Put together my program, hang artwork, and generally just sort shit out. The teacher I’d replaced had retired, and it appeared as though everything she left was older than I was. Each and every day I was surrounded by twenty-three laughing nine-year-olds. They were keen to learn and even keener to cause mischief. It was never a dull moment, that’s for sure. It was when I got home though, life got even more chaotic.

  I’d started rebuilding my house. Half of the rooms, I’d just left empty and closed the doors. For now I’d focused on the rooms I needed. The bathroom, the kitchen, the living room, and my bedroom. It was a bigger project than I’d ever wanted, but now it was my own problem. It was both a blessing and a curse.

  “You doing all the work yourself?”

  I’d forgotten where I was. Somehow I’d got caught up in my head and lost where I was and what was going on around me. “Pretty much. It’s a lot harder than I thought, but at the same time, I’m really enjoying doing something with my hands. If that makes sense at all.”

  “Yeah, it does. If you need a hand, don’t be a stranger.” That caught me off guard. I’d met him twice and here he was offering to help. And manual labour to boot. This definitely wasn’t normal. I must have looked at him with confusion. “It’s just the way things are done around here. What are your plans for the rest of the night?”

  “Nothing exciting. Just grabbing dinner and heading home.”

  “Why don’t you bring your food to my place? We can kick back and have a beer.”

  His offer shocked me. It was the first attempt at a friendship I’d had since arriving here. I’d be an idiot to turn it down.

  “Derek!” a voice called out.

  He moved towards the counter and scooped up the wrapped packages. As he stepped towards the door, he called out, “You know where the police station is?”

  I nodded.

  “I’m the house next door. You’ll see the car out the front. Grab your food and come on over. I’ll dig out a couple of cold ones.”

  “Sounds good,” I lied.

  It wasn’t that I wanted to live a friendless, lonely life, but the truth was I didn’t want to get close to anyone, either. Getting close meant opening up. Opening up meant revealing secrets. Revealing secrets meant the truth coming out, something I wasn’t sure I would ever be ready to deal with. I certainly wasn’t yet. Not wanting to be an asshole, or at least keep hidden the asshole I really was, I collected my burger and headed out the door.

  Two hours later I was feeling fantastic! Derek and I were having a great night. After scarfing down the greasy burger and chips, I’d kicked back with a few cold ones. And in those few hours I’d gotten a glimpse into Derek’s life. He’d grown up here and knew everyone and everything. Basically he was the complete opposite of me. He’d bee
n able to give me some very interesting insights into the town and its people. When I mentioned some of the issues I’d been having, Derek had just laughed, like it was the most hilarious thing he’d ever heard.

  “Surely you’re loving all that attention.”

  “Hell no!” I protested as I drained the last from my beer.

  “Come on, Nate. They’re not that bad.”

  “Not that bad?”

  “They can’t be. Can they?”

  His face was a mask of amusement and disbelief. “Let’s just say, be very thankful you aren’t the shiny new boy in town.”

  “Need another?”

  “Thanks.”

  Derek headed inside to get more beer and leant back in the chair. We’d been sitting outside on the patio enjoying the breeze that had come through earlier, cooling everything off. Derek seemed to be a cool guy. Laid back, takes no bullshit. A straight shooter. My sort of guy.

  “Here you go.”

  Derek handed me another beer and I cracked the cap. The moment I went to take a sip, the bottle was snatched from my fingers, “Thank fuck! I need a drink!”

  Before I knew what was happening, a body dropped into the seat beside me and a pair of boots landed with a thunk on the table in front of me as my drink vanished.

  “Josie!” Derek admonished. “You just stole Nate’s drink. Do you even know him?”

  I chuckled.

  “Yes,” she replied, her voice laced with sarcasm. She glanced over at me and winked. The witchy woman winked at me and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t do things to me. Things it shouldn’t.

  I couldn’t contain the grin that tugged at my lips. This chick was all types of sassy. And that ass in those jeans, well, I knew that was something I’d definitely be thinking about later on tonight when I was alone.

  “Where’s Mia?” I heard her ask, snapping me out of my X-rated fantasy.

  “In bed. She had a headache so crashed out early.”

  “Sounds like she had the right idea. I might do the same,” Josie announced before slamming the empty beer bottle down on the table and rising to her feet.

  A moment later she was gone. She was a bit like a hurricane, that one. Stride in, turn the world on its head, and leave before you really had a chance to know what hit you. I shook off the thought and chased it away. The last thing I needed to do right now was get caught up in women. I’d had enough of that to last me a lifetime. I couldn’t imagine ever going there again. Not the relationship route, anyway. And for some reason, I don’t think Derek would look too kindly on me starting something fun and casual with Josie.

  “Josie’s not mine.” Derek’s firm voice cut through the silence.

  “What?”

  “Josie. She isn’t with me…”

  “I never thought…”

  “Yeah, you did. I’m engaged to her sister, Mia. Josie moved here a couple of months ago and needed a place to crash and some help. She’s been here ever since. Damn, she’s like a little sister to me.”

  “I didn’t…”

  Derek chuckled as he leant back in his chair and tucked his hands behind his head. He had a smug smirk on his face and part of me wanted to wipe it off. Presumptive asshole. “You mightn’t have said it in words, but your body sure as shit did.”

  I didn’t know what to do or what to say. I’ll admit I did check out her sweet ass as she sashayed through the door, but I thought I’d been more discreet than that. I wanted to tell Derek he was wrong. Shithead wasn’t though.

  Glancing at my watch, I saw it was nearing midnight and I had a full day tomorrow. Tomorrow I was going to attack the gutters. After the rainstorm in the middle of the week, I needed to get up there and check them out. I’d taken a quick look and they were so full of leaves and sticks and shit, I knew it was going to take me all weekend to get them cleaned out. It had to be done though…unfortunately.

  “I’m gonna head.”

  “Yeah, it’s getting late.”

  Silently we walked through the house, towards my bike. I didn’t want to fire it up. It was loud. One of the things I loved most about the machine was the sound it made when it roared to life. Tonight though, I found myself wanting to walk it away from the house. I didn’t want to wake anyone. I didn’t need to be that jerk.

  “Th-thanks for this,” I stuttered. I couldn’t believe I stuttered. I felt like a nervous juvenile. It was bullshit.

  “Any time, man.”

  Grabbing the handle bars, I turned the bike around and headed out onto the street. I was throwing my leg over the seat, when I heard Derek call out behind me.

  “Wait up!” I watched as he jogged down the drive and stood in front of me. “Next weekend a bunch of us are heading out to the river water-skiing if the weather holds. If you’re interested it should be a good day.”

  “Hey, sounds awesome.”

  Anything other than maintenance and cleaning sounded awesome at this point. I’d been at it every day for over a month and needed a break. But every time I sat down to relax for even a second I saw something else that needed doing. And one five minute job turned into two five minute jobs and before I knew it I was exhausted and bleeding.

  “Going out Saturday. If you’re interested let me know and we’ll set it up.”

  “Thanks, Derek. I mean for…” I thrust my hand out between us, hoping he’d shake my hand and it would convey all the words I wasn’t saying. Words weren’t my thing. Especially not to another guy.

  “All good!” He took my hand and clamped his free hand on my shoulder. “I can only imagine what it’s like being the new guy in town.”

  “I don’t think you can.” I laughed. I laughed hard. Derek had no idea. People he’d probably known his whole life, people he knew acted one way, well, with a new guy in town, they didn’t act like that. “See ya next weekend.”

  I fired up the bike, yanked on my helmet, and waved before I pulled onto the asphalt and headed home to my cold, lonely bed.

  Chapter 7

  Josie

  Mia was the most annoying sister in the world. Stuffing the pillow over my head, I prayed she’d shut up her early morning chatter and laughter and just shut the fuck up so I could sleep. Grabbing my phone, I checked the time. It was barely seven on a Saturday morning and she was already bouncing around making a racket. God, I needed my own place.

  “Come on, Jos! Time to get up. We’re making pancakes out here!” Her voice was so sickeningly sweet that it grated on every single one of my nerves.

  “Too early,” I mumbled back from beneath the pillow.

  Silence settled, and stupidly I thought for a second I’d actually won. I hadn’t expected to. I never did. I should have known better. It was my own fault, really. Without warning, the blankets were ripped away from me, exposing my legs to the cool morning air.

  “What the—” I sat up, spluttering.

  Standing in the doorway, grinning like Cheshire cats, was Mia, her arms full of Matilda, and Zoe, holding my sheet. Throwing my pillow at them, I cursed low enough that they didn’t catch it. The last thing I needed was Matilda learning bad habits. Well, any more bad habits.

  Sitting up, I attempted to finger comb my hair into some sort of order. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Mia set Matilda down on the floor. “Why don’t you go give Mummy a cuddle?”

  I had barely a breath before Matilda flung herself into my arms. I really needed to talk to her about doing that. One day she’d run and jump, just assuming someone would catch her, and they wouldn’t be ready. And as much as I hoped it wouldn’t happen, I knew it would. With my luck the way it was, it would probably be me who let her fall.

  “Good morning, Munchkin!” I kissed her hair and she smiled up at me with wide eyes. I’d made a lot of mistakes over the years, and I hadn’t always been a perfect mother, but when I looked down into Matilda’s innocent, brown eyes, it was hard to see her as anything other than a miracle. My miracle. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to give her the world. I knew it. Mia knew
it. And although she was too young to understand, I hoped Matilda knew it as well. I shifted her so she was sitting on my lap. “Were you a good girl for Aunty Mia last night?” Although I asked Matilda, I stole a glance over her head and looked at Mia.

  “She was a perfect angel. We had dinner and watched The Lion King, didn’t we, Matilda? And silly Uncle Derek kept trying to make all the animal noises.”

  I snorted. I could just picture it, really. Derek would have been crawling around the room on all fours pretending to be a lion or an elephant, doing whatever he could to make Matilda smile. I couldn’t have chosen better Godparents for my baby girl. They loved her just as much as I did.

  “She’s adorable, Josie,” Zoe gushed from the door frame.

  “She has her days. Trust me. When did you arrive, anyway? Derek didn’t say you were here last night…”

  “He doesn’t know.”

  I raised a curious eyebrow. Derek was Zoe’s best friend. I didn’t have the details, but I knew they’d been through some pretty heavy shit together. “How?”

  “I got here about twenty minutes ago. Mia invited me for the weekend. We thought it would be more fun not to tell Derek and well…just see how he reacted.”

  “He’s still in bed,” Mia explained. She must have been reading my mind again. “Matilda, why don’t you come help Aunty Zoe and Aunty Mia make pancakes for breakfast before you go spend the day with Jenna?”

  Matilda’s face lit up like a Christmas tree as she squirmed from my lap and wobbled her way across to where they waited for her.

  “Yep!” Zoe scooped her up and set her on her shoulders. Matilda squealed with delight as they vanished from view.

  There’s no way I could do this on my own. They mightn’t understand it, and I’d never say it aloud, but coming to live with Mia and Derek was the best thing that ever happened to me. And one day, I don’t know when, and I don’t know how, I’d figure out a way to repay them for everything they’d done for me. For us.

  “Why don’t you get cleaned up and come join us for breakfast? You’re not going to want to miss seeing Derek when he figures out Zoe’s here.” Mia suggested.