Believing Again (Finding Your Place Book 3)

by Rebecca Barber

  “Sounds good.” I stumbled from the bed. “Mia!” I called out before she to disappeared.

  “Yeah?”

  “How do you do it?”

  “Do what?”

  “Be friends with Zoe like that? I mean, knowing Derek loves her the way he does…”

  “I know what you’re asking, Josie, I really do. But what Derek and Zoe have, I could never come between that. I wouldn’t want to. They may not be blood related, but they are as close to brother and sister as you can imagine. Closer than even us.”

  “That’s pretty close.”

  “Yeah, it is. Wait until you see them together. You’ll understand.”

  Mia had this smile on her face I didn’t understand, but what I thought, what I felt, didn’t matter. As long as Mia was okay with it and happy, my opinions and feelings meant squat. She deserved it after everything she’d been through. Everything she was still going through. Hell, if anyone deserved their happily ever after, it was Mia.

  “Okay then.”

  “I love you for worrying about me, but you don’t need to. Not about this,” Mia assured me as she wrapped me in her arms.

  I kissed the top of her head and pulled away. Now I was up, I needed a shower and coffee. “Get cleaned up. And hurry! Pancakes are cooking!”

  Digging through my drawers, I found a pair of cut off denim shorts and a navy tank top. The day was barely started and already it was stifling. “Don’t forget your swimmers!” Mia sung from the hallway.

  I heard Matilda giggle and got myself moving. Mia was right, I didn’t want to miss this. Dragging my ass into the bathroom, I stepped under the spray of the shower and got organised.

  Ten minutes later, I slumped into the chair at the dining room table as Mia set a mug of steaming coffee in front of me. She knew me too well. Since Matilda had been born, coffee had become an essential part of my diet. Without it, some days I barely functioned. It was an addiction I knew I should kick, but I couldn’t bring myself to. I’d cut back to five cups a day, but when I’d tried to go lower, I didn’t function.

  Taking a sip, it tasted strong and bitter, and I loved it. “Mmmm.”

  “For your own safety, do not, I repeat, do not come between that girl and her coffee!” a deep voice rumbled.

  Glancing up over the rim I saw Derek standing in the doorway wearing nothing but a pair of low riding grey sleep pants and a grin. He stretched his arms high above his head, his fingers catching on the frame, and stretched his back, displaying perfectly every single indention of his muscles. I barely contained the moan.

  “Seriously! Would you put a shirt on at least?” Zoe’s voice cut through and Derek’s eyes snapped open.

  Just as Mia predicted, I didn’t want to miss this.

  “Zoe?”

  “Hey Derek!”

  Zoe set the plate piled high with pancakes and crispy bacon down on the table in front of me, and the smell made my stomach grumble. Dinner last night had been half a roast beef sandwich, and now I was famished, but I couldn’t drag my eyes away from the scene in front of me.

  Derek’s arms dropped to his side and his eyes darted around the room as he struggled to catch up. “What-what are you doing here? Are you okay? What’s wrong?” He fired out the questions a million miles an hour and I understood what Mia meant. She had nothing to worry about. Derek didn’t even see Zoe like that. When he looked at Mia, in the moments he didn’t think I saw, he looked like he was ready to devour her. He always found ways of touching her, whether it was as simple as holding her hand while we watched TV or standing behind her in line, with his hands resting on her hips. With Zoe it was different. Very different.

  “Breathe, Derek. I’m fine,” Zoe assured him as she moved towards him. Before I knew it she was wrapped in his protective arms, her head settled on his chest.

  “What the hell are you doing here?”

  “Mia invited me.”

  “Mia?” his voice was low raspy.

  “Zoe’s coming water-skiing with us today. She’s here for the weekend. For a visit. Thought she could use a break from work, and you know how much she loves Matilda…”

  “Tilda!” Matilda called out her own name. Everyone paused and looked at my daughter, who was perched in her high chair making a mess. Zoe’d given her a pancake, and I don’t know how much had actually made it in her mouth, but there was bits of it spread as far as Matilda could reach. But she was having a great time, and that’s all that mattered. And she was quiet, a miracle in itself, really.

  “Just Matilda, hey?”

  “And you, you big boof head. You know I missed you,” Zoe admitted as embarrassment flushed her cheeks.

  “I missed you too, Pip…Zoe.” Derek hugged her tight again before letting her go. “So, pancakes and bacon, hey?”

  “Yep!”

  “Sweet.”

  After a few moments we were all sitting around stuffing our faces on possibly the fluffiest pancakes I’d ever eaten. Damn, Zoe could cook. I wondered if she’d consider moving in permanently. I could get used to waking up to a breakfast like this every morning. Well, my hips and ass would hate me, but they already did.

  “So, when are we leaving?”

  “’Bout two hours?” Derek replied between mouthfuls. “Jenna is taking care of Munchkin today, so you can relax and have a good time, Josie.”

  “I do have a good time. I don’t need Jenna to take Matilda. I can stay here with her and we can go to the park and feed the ducks…”

  “Nope! Not happening.” Mia declared.

  “But…”

  “Nope. No buts. Jenna is looking forward to spending time with the troublemaker here and you, my dear sister, are going to sit back and relax and have a good time.” There was no way I was going to get Mia to change her mind. She was stubborn like that. She didn’t understand my reluctance to go, and that was my fault. I hadn’t told her. Now, I was paying the price of keeping my secrets. You’d think I’d have learnt by now that there wasn’t anything I couldn’t say to Mia. Turns out, I was dumber than that.

  “Fine!” I huffed as I poured myself another coffee. If I was going to have to go through with this, I’d need the extra caffeine to fortify myself.

  ***

  I shook my towel and laid it on the grass, watching for ant nests before I did. I’d found a shady spot along the bank of the winding river where I could still see everything, but I wouldn’t melt under the sun’s scorching heat. After applying a thick layer of sticky sunscreen to my face, I laid back and closed my eyes. Mia was right. I needed a break. As much as I loved my daughter, and as much as I appreciated everything Mia and Derek did to help me, being a single mum was tough. It’s one thing they didn’t tell me in the prenatal classes. Or maybe they did and I arrogantly thought I’d be the one who was different. The exception to the rule. I wasn’t.

  I heard shuffling about next to me and didn’t move a muscle. It was just Zoe and Mia fussing. From the moment we’d come to a halt in the dirt parking lot, we’d all jumped from Derek’s truck and carried our stuff down. And if I thought for a moment hauling a toddler’s crap back and forth was a pain in the ass, then Mia was in a class all on her own. That girl had brought everything but the kitchen sink. The sun was beaming down on us, even in the shade of the old gum tree. I could feel the sweat beading on my skin and trickling down between my boobs, yet for some reason, Mia brought everyone jeans and a jumper. Just in case it turned cold. Hell, right now I was praying for a snow storm.

  “Josie!” I heard my name called and couldn’t hide the groan. If they wanted me to come out and relax, well, couldn’t they just leave me alone and let me be? At least for five minutes.

  Forcing myself to sit up, I pushed my sunglasses up onto the top of my head and looked around. “Yeah.” It came out uninterested and unenthusiastic.

  “Did you grab the cooler from the truck?”

  Rolling my eyes, I sighed heavily. Seriously. Could they not see it leaning against the tree? “Yep! It’s over th
ere.” I pointed out where it was and rolled my shoulders. I don’t know why they were aching, but there was a stiffness there I couldn’t shake. I needed a massage and I needed one bad. Too bad in this tiny town that was one thing they were missing. A decent day spa.

  “Oh, okay. I think it would be better over here by the table,” Mia fussed.

  Ignoring her, I slipped my sunglasses back on and settled back on my towel, grabbing my E-reader from the bag. For twenty minutes I was lost in another world and it was perfect. Everything I needed. Quiet, peaceful, and I was left in peace.

  “Holy shit! Where’d all the man candy come from?” Zoe squeaked.

  I shouldn’t have. I hated myself for it. I couldn’t help it. I looked up.

  Sure enough there was enough man candy on display to give even a diabetic a toothache.

  There were eight sweaty guys, well, I guessed it was sweat the way their perfectly sculptured bodies glistened in the sunlight, manoeuvring the boat into the river. All wore board shorts, baseball caps, and sunglasses. And all looked delicious. I felt my already heated body burn. Damn, I hated being like this. Horny and lonely were not a good combination. Especially when there was no hope on the horizon of the itch being scratched. And there was only so much a battery operated boyfriend could do.

  “Hey Josie?” Mia called out, forcing my gaze from the bronzed bodies in front of me.

  “Yeah?”

  Something came flying through the air at me and I reached up and barely caught it. A white cloth napkin. “You need to wipe your mouth. You’re drooling.”

  Zoe and Mia fell about in a fit of laughter. Bitches! If they weren’t right, I would have forced myself to come up with some snarky comment, but instead I wiped my face and sucked in a deep breath, willing my pounding heart to slow down.

  Unable to stop myself, I took another glace. Well, it was supposed to be a glance, but once my eyes landed on a tanned back with some kind of dark inked tattoo across the wide expanse of shoulders, my gaze seemed stuck. I had no idea who he was or where he’d come from, but damn, he was yummy. My mouth watered at the sight and I no longer cared that Mia and Zoe were sitting right there judging me. Judge away. It wasn’t like I was ever going to do anything about it. But fuck me, I could look even if I couldn’t touch.

  “Who’s the new guy?” an annoyingly high pitched voice I didn’t recognise asked, dragging my attention from the deliciousness in the water.

  Turning around, I saw we’d been joined by two other women. One looked like Barbie. Her almost white blonde hair looked like it wouldn’t move if gale force winds decided to make an appearance. She had more makeup caked on her face than I owned, and the pink floral sundress she wore barely covered her ass. Her friend was more normal looking in a pair of knee length cargo shorts and tank top, with her red mane pulled back in a high ponytail. At least she looked like she knew where she was going.

  “Josie, Zoe, have you met Julia and Payton?”

  “No,” I answered, and it came out as a grumble. I wasn’t trying to be rude, it just happened. I hated new people. They were so…so…new.

  “Payton is relatively new to town. She’s only been here about six months and owns the bakery. She is a genius when it comes to custard tarts!”

  “And you know not to get between Mia and a custard tart!” Payton added.

  “You’re telling me. She once put chewing gum in my hair because I bumped her when she was holding one and it fell in the dirt. The worst part was, when Mum found out, I was the one in trouble for making Mia cry. She didn’t even care that I had to have a chunk of hair chopped out to get the purple gum out.”

  “Are you still bitching about that?” Mia sighed, squatting down and grabbing a bottle of water from the cooler.

  “I lost a chunk of my hair!”

  “I lost my custard tart!”

  “Girls!” Zoe reprimanded. “It was years ago. Time to move on.”

  “Yeah,” Mia added. I wish I had something I could throw at her. Anything to wipe the smugness from her face. She was my best friend, my sister, my confidant. The one person in the world I could tell my secrets to and know that without a doubt, they’d never be repeated. But right now, right now I wanted to strangle the life out of her skinny neck.

  Noticing sets of eyes firmly fixed on me, I gave up the fight. It wasn’t worth it. It’d been years ago. Time to get over it. We’d both lived another lifetime since then.

  “And Julia here, she works part time with Derek. She takes care of all the paperwork and admin stuff. Basically she is the one that keeps the station running. Do not tell Derek I said that.” Mia pointed directly at me.

  “Don’t tell Derek what?”

  “Shit!” Mia spun around, slack jawed. She’d been sprung.

  I watched with delight as Mia slowly turned and came face to face with her fiancé. His face was an incredible combination of arrogance and amusement. Mia attempted to step backwards, but Derek was quicker, grabbing her and pulling her against him. “Don’t tell Derek what, Mia?” his voice was gravelly and deep.

  “Nothing, darling,” she denied, fluttering her eyelashes at him.

  He sucked in a deep breath. “Mia…why don’t I believe you?”

  “Trust issues?” I suggested.

  I hadn’t meant to say anything. I should have kept my mouth shut. I knew it the moment I said it, but I couldn’t help myself. It was too easy. Derek was so much fun to get all riled up. Especially when he was on edge, and Mia, my tiny pixie sister, had to try and calm him back down. Watching the big bad cop being tamed by Tinkerbell. Priceless.

  Derek turned to me. “So Josie, whatcha doing?”

  “Enjoying the view?”

  “The view, hey?”

  “Yep. It’s gorgeous.”

  “Sure it is.” Derek winked at me, dropped a kiss on Mia’s cheek, and grabbed a couple of water bottles from the cooler before making his way back down the hill where the others were waiting for him.

  It was almost as if we all had the same thought at the same moment. As soon as he’d moved out of hearing distance, the giggles started. I laughed so hard my sides ached and I was seriously worried if I didn’t get myself under control soon I’d have a bigger, more embarrassing problem on my hands. Since giving birth to Matilda, my bladder control was nothing like it used to be, and the idea of peeing myself wasn’t just an obscure possibility, but a very real concern.

  Down below us, I heard the rev of the engine as the boat started up. A few piled in, Derek behind the wheel, and a moment later they were off. From our viewpoint we could hear the cheering and their unique brand of encouragement echoing across the vastness. Other than the hum of the engine and the deep throaty laughter, it was silent and peaceful.

  Ignoring the world again, I turned my attention back to my book. My latest book boyfriend was calling. At least he was everything I wanted. Sweet, sexy, and as alpha as they came. Until recently I’d never been into that sort of guy, the dominating, bossy, arrogant persona with a heart of gold buried underneath, but now, now I couldn’t get enough of them. If only they existed in real life. With a heavy sigh, I laid back.

  “Josie! Josie! Wake up!”

  Forcing my eyelids open was harder than I thought. I hadn’t meant to fall asleep, it just kinda happened. I was warm and comfortable and it was just too easy. And the dream. Let’s just say, I hoped Mia woke me before she heard me moaning. The image of that perfect back and tattoo I was dying to trace with my tongue lingered in my mind longer than it should have.

  “What?” I groaned as I forced myself upright.

  The moment I did I regretted crashing. The ache in my shoulders was now amplified and every single piece of my body was in agony. Note to self—sleeping on the ground is not the best idea.

  “Come on! We’re going to go down and cool off for a bit.”

  Mia was practically bouncing where she stood. She loved this sort of shit. Me, I’d prefer to fade in the background and just be left alone. Alone and quiet, tha
t was my dream life.

  “Great! Have a good time. I’ll stay here and mind the stuff,” I dodged as I found my feet and wandered over to the table. Snagging a grape, I bit into it and was instantly ravenous. Grabbing the bunch, I headed back towards my towel, but I was accosted on both sides. With an arm wrapped around each of mine, Zoe and Mia frogmarched me to the water’s edge.

  Shooting Mia the dirtiest look I had in my arsenal, I noticed she’d stripped off down to her bikini. There was nothing of her, the bitch. She had the smallest, perkiest boobs known to man, and her stomach was as flat as a board. The way her red string bikini sat made it look like it was made for her. And on my other side, Zoe with her long brown hair, wore a navy bikini covered with fat white spots and a towel draped around her hips. She too looked like she’d just stepped from the pages of a magazine. She was every guy’s wet dream. All curves and attitude.

  Up ahead I spied Payton and Julia and wanted to throw up. Julia, true to Barbie’s style, sported what I think was supposed to be a pink string bikini, but it looked about two sizes too small. The triangles which should have been covering her over-sized, over-inflated boobs barely covered her nipples. In all honesty, I was preparing myself for a nip-slip at any moment. And Payton, Payton just made me want to sit her down and force feed her, her own damn pastries. A baker should not look like that. Her tankini and short board shorts looked perfect. She didn’t look like she was trying, and I think that’s what pissed me off the most. For me to look half decent it took a hell of a lot of effort, and Payton, well, she looked stunning. And it looked effortless.

  “Well, ladies, we going in?” Zoe asked as she kicked off her thongs, dropped her towel, and strode confidently towards the water.

  “Have fun!” I encouraged, stepping backwards and plonking my fat ass on the sand. There was no way I was stripping down to my bathing suit. Not now. Not after seeing the others in theirs. I already hated my fat ass and thunder thighs, I didn’t need to display them so others would be sick too.