Believing Again (Finding Your Place Book 3)

by Rebecca Barber

  I don’t know how long we stood there being complete idiots and really, I didn’t care. It felt unbelievable to just be uninhibited. I couldn’t help but feel a little strange though when it occurred to me how I was acting with a relative stranger. Sure, Nate seemed like a good guy, and he was acting as dumb as I was, but I didn’t know him. Not really. Although I found that I really wanted to.

  My stomach gurgled loudly, alerting me it was time to eat. Due to my all-consuming nerves all day, I’d skipped meals, barely pausing long enough to gulp down three cups of coffee.

  Grabbing my hand, Nate led me back towards the bike, “Let’s get you fed before I start to look like dinner.”

  “You do look delicious.” As soon as I heard myself say the words my face burned. Clamping my hands over my mouth I willed the words back in. At the very least, I hoped and prayed Nate hadn’t heard them. Risking a look over at him was my greatest mistake. He’d heard me. Every. Single. Word.

  When his mouth fell open, I quickly cut him off. I couldn’t bear to hear his smartass comment. I was already completely humiliated. There was no need for him to add to it. “Don’t. Please. Just this once, just leave it be.”

  His mouth closed to a panty-wetting smirk but he remained silent as he handed me my helmet and settled his ass back on the bike.

  I didn’t know where it had come from. Okay, that wasn’t entirely true. I knew exactly where it’d come from. The one place it shouldn’t have. Reality. The honest to God truth was I thought Nate was delicious. The memory of his tanned shoulders, dripping wet with that tattoo I was dying to trace with the tip of my tongue was going to be the death of me. Nate did something to me I didn’t want him to. With a simple look or even the most innocent of touches my whole body tingled. I needed to get this shit under control, stat, or I was going to end up in all sorts of trouble.

  “Coming?”

  The first answer that sprang to mind was ‘yes, please’ but thankfully this time I managed to think before I spoke. “Yep,” I answered politely as I slipped on behind him and pressed up against him. All I could do now was hold on and hope he couldn’t feel my hard, pointed nipples poking him in the back.

  With the sky now dark, splattered with a thousand tiny stars, the air had turned chilly. My fingers froze where they interlocked around Nate’s stomach but the rest of my body, the parts pressed up against him, felt like they were on fire. With lava flowing through my veins, it seemed like nothing I did would cool it. The seam on my jeans was causing the friction I craved, but it just wasn’t enough to give me any relief. Shifting my ass on the seat seemed to relieve the pressure, if only temporarily.

  I don’t know if Nate felt my discomfort or if he was struggling with his own, at least I hoped he was feeling at least an ounce of what I was enduring, but suddenly he propelled the bike faster. Feeling the force, I tightened my grip and rested my head between his shoulder blades. I didn’t need to look around. I didn’t need to worry about where we were going or what was happening. Everything other than Nate’s hard body faded away in a blur.

  It could have been a minute later or it could have been an hour, I had no idea, but when we pulled into the dark, gravel parking lot, and Nate halted the bike, I was afraid to get off. Not get off, but climb off the back of his bike. All I wanted to do was get off. I was so on edge I was tempted to march myself through the front door of the pub, directly into the bathrooms, and handle the problem myself. Unwrapping my arms from Nate, he climbed off first before turning his attention back to me. When he removed his helmet, his mussed up hair and dark eyes made me groan. This date had to end soon. It had to. If it didn’t, there was more than a hundred percent chance I’d self-combust.

  “Everything okay?”

  He held out his hand to help me off. He was being such a damn gentleman he was killing me. I didn’t want a gentleman right now. I wanted him to bend me over his bike and take what he wanted. What I wanted. What I needed. What I was embarrassingly close to begging for.

  Dropping my hand in his, I brought my leg across the seat and found my feet. My jelly legs beneath me shook as my weight settled on them. I’d like to blame being new to riding a bike for my balance issues, however I wasn’t convinced it wasn’t entirely because of the way Nate was looking at me. He looked at me like I was an ice cream cone he was dying to lick.

  Slowly I unbuckled my helmet and pulled it from my head, untangling the braid that caught in the catch as I did. I couldn’t bring myself to look up into his face. Instead, I focused on my feet as I shifted back and forth.

  Without a word, Nate’s fingers found my chin, raising it up until I was looking him straight in the eye. His once chocolate eyes were almost black, and hooded with what I hoped was lust. Or maybe that was just mine reflecting. Without a word, he stepped towards me and into my personal space, never once breaking our gaze. I could feel his breath on my face, warming my cheeks. “I feel it too,” he whispered breathlessly before crushing his lips over mine and stealing a toe-curling kiss.

  It was the sort of kiss I’d spent too many hours dreaming about. Hard. Passionate. Fiery. And everything I needed. He took as good as he gave. When his hand splayed against the small of my back, bringing my body tight against his, I could feel the truth. He was hot and hard and heavy against my stomach and I had never felt sexier. I wasn’t standing out there alone. At least not with this.

  I heard the moan and I couldn’t be certain if it came from me or from Nate. Maybe it was me. It probably was. The moment my lips parted, his tongue darted in my mouth and began caressing mine. He tasted exquisite. Like mint and man. I never wanted to stop.

  When the first cold rain drop hit my forehead, I pulled back. Reluctantly. Gasping for air, I took another step, needing a moment to get my breathing back under control and my heart from bursting through my ribcage. Damn, the man could kiss! Lifting my finger to my swollen lips, I couldn’t tear my eyes from him. He looked edible, and I was fucking starving!

  I don’t know if it was a minute or a month while we stood there, steps apart, our gazes undeniably locked together. “We should get out of this rain,” Nate suggested, stretching his hand out in front of him.

  Part of me didn’t want to take it. It was too damn dangerous. He was too dangerous. I couldn’t trust my traitorous body in his presence, that much was clear. The other part of me was desperate for the connection again. Some kind of contact. Any type of contact. Without a word, I dropped my hand in his, and instantly the current zipping through me was almost enough to make me stumble. More than almost. If it hadn’t have been from Nate’s firm grip I would have landed on my ass in the mud puddle I tried delicately to step over.

  Fifteen minutes later I was sitting in the back of a booth in the quiet country pub, digging into my chicken parmigiana and chips. I usually didn’t eat like this…like I hadn’t seen food in a month and wasn’t entirely sure when I would again. It was almost as if I was shovelling it in as fast as I could. Absolutely nothing lady-like about me tonight. With a mouthful of food, I dropped my knife and fork on my plate with a clatter and leant back, taking the time to admire the man in front of me. He was doing exactly the same thing. Wildly stuffing food in his mouth, barely pausing to taste it. When Nate glanced up and caught me staring, he winked before poking another chip in. I don’t know why it turned me on, but I found myself wiggling in my seat.

  Grabbing another chip, I bit off the end and glanced around. It was exactly what you’d expect from an old, small town country pub. Photos of yesteryear lined the walls. Plaques proclaiming winners of local football and bowling competitions. A poster advertising cigarettes that I was willing to bet was older than me. The ugly green carpet was faded and worn, the huge timber bar dented and aged. This place looked it’s age but it wasn’t dirty. Despite the dated decor, it was clean and tidy and obviously loved. Over in the corner, by the lone pool table, a couple of guys stood around shooting the shit. One lent on the pool cue while the other took a hearty swig of his beer. By the way h
e was rocking on his feet, I’d say it wasn’t the first one he’d had tonight.

  “Was your dinner any good?” Nate asked, bringing my attention back to him.

  “Yeah, it was. Yours?”

  “Steak was cooked to perfection.”

  “That’s good. Most places can’t do a steak right.”

  “Well, here is definitely not one of them.”

  “Good to know.”

  “For?”

  “Next time.”

  He smirked at me. A mischievous, devilish smirk that made me realise the mistake I’d made. It seemed like all I did these days was put my foot in my mouth and say the wrong thing. Over and over and over again. I didn’t need his help in getting into any more embarrassing situations. I could find my own way there. Fuck, I was like the Pied Piper. I could lead anyone to Humiliation Central. I was the freaking mayor of Humiliationville.

  “I didn’t mean—” I began to backtrack, but he silenced me with his hand.

  “I’ll bring you here any time you want, Josie.”

  “Oh.”

  “Yeah. Oh.”

  Holy. Shit.

  That’s it. I was done. So fucking done. There was something about Nate. I’ll admit I may have watched him for months keeping my distance, but I never thought we’d end up here. I didn’t want to date. I didn’t want a man in my life. Well, other than Derek, of course. But Nate, Nate had trouble written all over him. Quickly, and without him even realising it, he was breaking through my defences. Defences that had taken a long time and a lot of tears to build up.

  “So Josie…twenty questions?”

  “Twenty? Seems like a lot. How ’bout five?”

  “Five’s not enough. Ten?”

  “How ’bout five now and five next time?”

  “So there’ll be a next time?” He looked hopeful. He was cocky and slightly arrogant, but somehow he pulled it off and made it look sexy as hell.

  But I couldn’t make this easy for him. If he wanted to get to know me, the real me, then he’d get it. The sassy, bitchy, cynical me. “Depends on your answers.”

  “Okay.”

  “Okay.”

  We shook hands on our agreement before he pulled back, settled himself against the worn vinyl seats, and folded his arms across his wide chest. For a long moment we just stared at each other, daring the other to go first. I wouldn’t break. I wouldn’t lose. Not this one. There was too much riding on it.

  The silence that hung between us wasn’t uncomfortable, more like challenging. The silent dare that hung in the air was intriguing. I wasn’t going to break. I didn’t want to go first. I’d have the last word. It was the only way I could do this.

  “Well?”

  “Ladies before gentleman.”

  I shook my head at him and a smile tugged at the corner of his lips. The moment his tongue darted out, wetting his lips, I had to clench my thighs together to stop myself from leaping over the table and rubbing myself against him like a bitch in heat. The all too recent memory of what that tongue tasted like was torture.

  “Okay then. First kiss. When and who?”

  Okay. I was not expecting that. “I was seven. Phillip Maddox. He was the best handball player in my class.” Taking a long gulp of my drink, I could see the amusement in his face and I knew it was only a reflection of my own.

  “So, that’s your thing then.”

  “What’s my thing?”

  “Athletes.”

  “Is that what you think?” It came out bitterly, and harsher than I’d intended. If there was one sure thing to get my back up, to piss me off more than anything else, it was judgment. Judgment for me was the root of all evil. I’d dealt with it all over the world. More than once I’d been labelled the dumb Aussie or the girl who spread her legs easily. And each and every time it happened, it cut a little deeper and hurt a little more. None more so than my own parents.

  “Whoa!”

  “What?”

  “Touched a nerve there, didn’t I?”

  “Sorry.”

  “Don’t be. I shouldn’t have snapped.”

  “Wanna tell me why you did?”

  He seemed to genuinely care. It kinda knocked me off my axis for a moment. “Another time?”

  “Sounds good.”

  We finished our meal in strained silence before Nate suggested we head out. When we rose from the table, Nate stretched his hand out, and without thinking, I dropped mine in his. I was fine, I had everything under control right up until the moment he fired up the engine of the bike and I threw my leg over. A minute later, with the inky black sky overhead, we flew down the highway away from the pub and away from all of my heavy thoughts. Even the steady sprinkling of rain didn’t faze me. I was too caught up in the moment.

  I wasn’t paying attention. I should have been. I know that, but I wasn’t. So when we pulled into Nate’s driveway, I was caught off guard. He pulled the bike right up to the edge of the veranda before killing the engine and jumping off.

  “Come on. Let’s get you dry.”

  Yanking off my helmet, I handed it over and Nate dropped it on the wicker chair before shooing me inside. It was my worst mistake yet. The moment I stepped over the threshold of Nate’s home I was surrounded by him. Everything screamed masculinity and Nate. Clean, simple, and uncluttered. Beige and leather and more electronic gadgets than I’d ever seen.

  Noticing the puddle of water pooling at my feet, I felt bad dripping on his floor. I shrugged out of my wet jacket. “Do you have a towel?”

  Spinning around, I caught Nate’s hungry gaze locked on me. Not on my eyes. They were fixed. On my chest. His eyes were black, and his jaw firmly set. He swallowed deeply.

  Before I had a chance to think or pause for a breath, I threw myself into Nate’s arms, grateful for his quick thinking and not dropping me on my frozen ass. Slamming my lips over Nate’s, I let everything other than the feel of his lips against mine fade away. Pressing my body even closer to his, there wasn’t a breath of air between us. I felt his tongue trace the seam of my lips, and with a moan, I opened willingly. I was suddenly ravenous, and it was a hunger only Nate could satisfy.

  While our tongues duelled, my fingers strained to gain purchase on the zipper of his leather jacket. The jacket I’d had more than one dirty thought about while we’d ridden through the night. Now I had my hands on it I wasn’t about to let go.

  When Nate’s huge hands found my ass, I rubbed myself against him. I was so damn hot and horny I barely noticed my wet jeans and frozen fingers until they brushed against the warmth of Nate’s abs and he pulled back with a gasp.

  He may have put distance between us, but he didn’t loosen his grip. With one hand cupping my jaw, he rubbed his thumb over my cheek leaving me even more flustered. The moment he wrapped his hand around my braid, giving it a good tug to expose my throat, I heard a moan. Or maybe a groan. Whichever it was, it didn’t matter. When he pressed wet, open mouthed kisses up and down my neck, my legs buckled beneath me. If Nate’s grip hadn’t been as tight I would have slumped to the floor.

  “Josie…” His voice was breathy and laced with arousal.

  I dropped my hands from his shoulders and shied away. I couldn’t bear the rejection in his eyes. It’d break me.

  Stepping back, Nate shuffled his feet. “Want a drink?”

  “S-sure.”

  Fuck no, I didn’t want a drink. I wanted him to throw me down on the floor and make me scream. I wanted him to spread me across the dining room table until I begged him to stop. I wanted him puffing and panting and pleading as he teetered on the edge. I wanted the taste of him on my tongue. More than anything, I wanted him to want me.

  The same way I wanted him.

  I went to follow him into the kitchen, but my shaky legs were having trouble co-operating. Until this moment I hadn’t realised how sore they were. How much my thighs ached. How they quivered when I tried to put any weight on them. This wasn’t normal. Or at least, it wasn’t normal for me.

&nb
sp; “N-Nate?”

  “Yeah?” His head was buried in the fridge.

  I knew he was supposed to be getting us a drink, but the insecure part of me, which in this moment was ninety-nine percent of me, was telling me that he was hiding. Hiding from me. I hated the feeling. “My legs—”

  “Oh shit!”

  I wobbled again, almost falling flat on my face, and I would have if not for Nate’s quick thinking and strong, warm arms. Seconds later my ass was perched on his kitchen bench, my hands tangled in his hair, his fingers digging into my hips as he thrust his tongue deep inside my mouth. My boobs ached. They were heavy, and my nipples were so tight as they fought to break through the constraints of my lace bra. Squashing them against his chest provided some relief, but barely a second of it. I needed more. Grabbing at the hem of his shirt, I fisted it as he bit down on my collarbone before soothing it with his tongue. My blood boiled and I gasped.

  I wriggled forward on the bench, widening my legs. Nate pressed himself against me putting the delicious pressure exactly where I needed it. I couldn’t take it a minute longer. Nate stepped back as I propelled myself forward. Right now I knew I’d follow him anywhere. Sliding off the counter, I sank to my knees.

  With all the strength I had, I looked up through my eyelashes and caught the surprise etched in his face. When I reached up, I noticed my fingers trembled as I smoothed my hand over the impressive bulge straining his jeans. Giving him a squeeze, I heard him puff out a breath as his eyes glazed over. I’d never like giving head. In fact, oral sex did absolutely nothing for me. Yet for some reason I’ll never understand, I wanted to do this.

  Licking my lips, I popped the button on his jeans as Nate’s hand found my braids. “Josie…you don’t have to…” he panted.

  He was giving me an out. One I had no intention of taking.

  I didn’t answer. Instead, I dragged down his zipper, hearing his breath catch. Feeling emboldened, I yanked his pants down, moaning when they hit the floor with a wet thud. There he was, standing there wearing a pair of tight navy briefs hugging his impressive thighs. The man was all muscle. Every. Impressive. Inch. And by the looks of the surprise hiding inside his briefs, there were so many inches to savour.